Author: random smilie PM
Imagine you wake up the next morning and realise it wasn't just your worst nightmare. A figment of your imagination. I magine its all true. Imagine you've just seen your best mate try to commit suicide. angsty,happyish ending.Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst - James P. & Lily Evans P. - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,898 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 04-04-07 - Published: 03-29-07 - id: 3465866
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The best state of mind, Lily thought as she gulped down the Firewhisky, is when you're drunk. The floating feeling, almost like she was flying. She looked up at the stars. Twinkling. They looked too happy.
"Why are you so happy?" she asked them. They only twinkled down at her. She frowned.
"That's not fair. You should be answering me!"
They sparkled and shone, mocking her with their joy.
"Answer me dammit!" she yelled suddenly.
"Why are you so fucking happy? I almost killed someone, and you're happy? Do you even care?" she screamed, the bottle of Firewhisky lying empty at her side and she stormed at the skies.
She broke into sobs. James hadn't even looked at her. Hadn't given her a chance to say sorry. Hadn't accepted her apology.
She was sorry. She was so sorry that she wouldn't mind standing on that ledge, and plunging down to Earth herself. She lent on the stone ledge and looked down.
Funny, there was no black berry bush waiting for her at the bottom of the fall. Maybe that was a sign.
A sign that the world wanted her to die.
She looked to the stars. They still shone. The stars didn't care. The heavens didn't care.
No one cared.
Perhaps that was because she never cared for anyone.
She treated everyone with sneering indifference. Sure she saved Snape and other weak students from bullies, but did she do that because she cared about them, or because she cared for her image?
Lily looked at herself in shock. She was a monster. All those times she had called James a monster, said he made her sick. She made herself sick. She shuddered.
James deserved to live. Thats why he did.
Lily didn't deserve to live. That's why she probably wouldn't.
As she stood on the ledge, bracing herself, she realised tears were pouring down her cheeks. Didn't Sirius say James was smiling when he jumped?
Perhaps that was because he jumping for the people he loved, not himself. He was happy
Perhaps she was crying because she was feeling sorry for herself. She was dying to make herself happy. She wasn't happy.
She was selfish. A monster. She didn't deserve to live.
As she braced herself, she heard a voice behind her say,
She spun around, and lost her balance. She closed her eyes shut, and was happy for a moment. If this was how it was going to end, at least someone had tried to stop her. That meaned someone cared, didn't it?
But she didn't fall. She didn't topple. An arm wound quickly around her waist and pulled her foward. She gulped. She had been so close, yet someone had saved her. Someone wanted her to live. She looked up, into the hazel eyes of James Potter.
The angry eyes of James Potter. He let go of her quickly, and hissed at her quivering figure,
"What the fuck were you thinking?"
She collapsed to the floor. He swore.
"Answer me, dammit!"
How odd, she had told the stars the very same thing. They hadn't answered her. How very angry she had been that they hadn't answered her.
He shook his head.
"That's not what I was looking for. I know you're sorry. Why did you want to jump?"
Lily looked up at him, hurt in her eyes. She thought no one cared about her.
"No one cared about me."
He laughed hollowly.
"You are so fucked up, you know that? You wanna know why no one but me cared about you? Because you don't give a damn about anyone else."
She had accepted that fact. She would change that fact.
"And you know what hurts more than being hated?"
She shook her head.
'"Being hated by the person you love."
She swallowed, throat parched and dry. He had told her so many times, he loved her. Love. As in past tense.
"You'd think I'd hate you right now, wouldn't you? That I didn't care for you anymore."
Lily let a lone tear slip down her cheek. She wouldn't cry. She would take everything he said, and change herself. For the better. And when he was ready, he would forgive her.
"But I still do."
She looked up in shock.
He noddded, and for the first time since he jumped from the Astronomy Tower, he smiled. A genuine smile.
"Come on, let's get you cleaned up." he said to her, holding a hand out. She laughed, a watery, relieved laugh. He had forgiven her. She took his hand, and he hauled her up. It was then, as she fell into his arms and looked up into his eyes when it happened.
There, on top of the Astronomy Tower, slightly drunk, with a tear stained face, mascara running and ahir tangled and wild, Lily Evans fell in love.
And she realised something.
The best state of mind wasn't when you were drunk.
It was when you were in love.
A/N Aww. Finally, I finished a chapter that didn't have a morbid ending. Isn't it great?
This can be a finish if you want. Or I can continue it, and make them actually get together. It was too fast if they kissed in this chapter. Once again, it's up to you. Sorry if the end was too sappy. smiles sheepishly
Whaddya expect? I'm romantic at heart.
So, review! Reviews make the world go round!