Side By Side

Disclaimer: I would say it's not my fault this chapter is so damn late, but... my fifth grade teacher taught me that there are no excuses. -bows-

WARNING: I'm actually dead, and writing this as a zombie. Really. Because I was threatened that if I didn't update by the end of June I'd be killed, and, wow, look at the date! My dedication to you guys is so great that I can rise from the dead to write more. I just... can't seem to update at a decent rate.

Songs: "The (Shipped) Gold Standard" by Fall Out Boy, "Only Fools Rush In" by Elvis Presley, "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan (Izumi's song)

I believe I've gotten all of five chapters done over the course of an entire year. I'd say you're allowed to kill me for my lamentable work ethic but really, I already feel like killing myself... and if I died you wouldn't get any more updates... but I'm already dead (see the warning)...
Ah, screw this. Just go read the chapter.

PS I haven't spellchecked this. That's what I get for rushing...

Chapter Twenty-Four
In Which Ed Angsts... Again (But Other Stuff Happens Too)

It was already Friday the twenty-second of March, nine days before they boarded the flight to return to Germany, and Ed didn't know anything about Envy at all. Well, he knew enough for them to have conversations - Envy did karate, hated school, loved music, was starting a band, had a pregnant sister Sloth and creepy brother Greed, liked shopping, loved candy - but nothing... permanent, really. Nothing that could sustain a long-distance relationship that spanned, well, nearly eight thousand miles. They had known each other for three months, for heaven's sake. There was no way a three month acquaintanceship and a one and a half month relationship could sustain that kind of stress.

Ed had never believed in true love, really. Who were the chick flicks kidding? No two people could stay together forever. It wasn't possible.

But that was his rational, scientist brain speaking. He wanted to believe that he and Envy could last, even though Ed was going back to Germany soon (too soon), and Envy would be remaining in Japan. Even though his stay in Japan had actually taught Ed more about the friends he had back home, and how they really were his friends. Even though Envy seemed dead set on starting some sort of career as a brilliant musician and would probably have fans from which he could take his pick.

I'm being irrational, Ed thought, though he wasn't sure if it was his hope or his denial of true love that was irrational. And anyway, it doesn't matter. I'll be leaving no matter what. But it was his choice whether he wanted to keep 'dating' Envy - however that would work - after he left Japan.

Well, his choice and Envy's, but...

The halls were emptying rapidly. Ed had been standing outside his classroom, lost in thought, but now he realized he probably should get inside. Hastily, he shouldered his bag and stepped through the door.

"Roy," Envy was saying as at the back of the room, apparently oblivious to Ed's entry. He was speaking in a low, desperate tone of voice. "We're going to have to reschedule the whole thing. I mean, if he's in the demo there's no way that there will be time for him to finish and get changed and he can't miss - oh, hey, Edo!" Cutting himself off with a warning squeeze to Roy's forearm, Envy grinned up at the blonde. "What's up?"

"What's the problem?" Ed asked curiously.

Roy opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by Envy, who shoved his shoulder. "Nothing, no problem!" he said brightly. "Just working out some extra details for the festival, haha. It's going to be great! Our band's act is the right after the karate demonstration, halfway across the park, which is lame, isn't it? So you're going to hurry and get changed to be able to see us." His smile faded. "You will come to see us, right?"

"...Of course," Edward replied, slightly nonplussed. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

Envy's happiness and relief was almost painful. He even blushed a little. "Oh, that's... that's great. I mean, it's really nervewracking -"

"What's nervewracking?" Roy asked, hitting Envy in the shoulder. ("Ow!") "You're not the one proposing marriage."

Ed blinked. "Proposing marriage?" If it wasn't Envy, could it be Roy that was planning the proposal? Maybe to Riza. He wasn't sure the legal age of marriage in Japan but it was probably somewhere around sixteen and they were both older than that...

"Oh, er, that is..." the dark-haired teenager began, seeming to realize for the first time that he had said a little too much. "I mean..."

"It's a surprise!" Envy said brightly. "Just... just stick around for the last song, why don't you?"

"Of course," Ed said again. "I already said I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Especially the last song, right?"

"Er... especially the last song."

Envy looked relieved once more. "That's great," he said, with heartfelt happiness. And then Marcoh-sensei stood up and began to take roll, and all three turned back to face the front of the room. The conversation was forgotten, at least for the moment.

---

"So what are you guys planning at the festival?" Ed asked as they settled down at the table for lunch. He was curious, and had never been able to pass up the chance for new information. Al had once told him he had a 'mind like a steel trap', to which Ed had replied he had a steel brain in addition to a steel arm and leg. They had laughed - painfully.

Envy's head shot up. "Can't tell you, chibi!" he said brightly. “But it’s definitely gonna knock your socks off.”

“Or maybe your pants,” Roy interjected, smirking. “Though after what we have planned you’ll probably take them off willingly -”

Both Ed and Envy turned bright red, and Envy shoved Roy so hard he nearly fell off the bench. “Shut up!” he said. “Seriously, Edo, I’d tell you but it’s top secret.” He smiled at Ed, then turned back to his food. “And anyway, you’ll find out soon enough.”

Edward sighed. It had been worth a try... He poked at his rice moodily, resing a chin on his hand, and stared at Envy. The long-haired teenager was staring past Ed across the cafeteria, his brow furrowed slightly like he was thinking hard. A few strands of greenish hair hung into his violet eyes and colored them vulnerable. His face was perfect, Ed thought, and then shook his head and looked away, taking another bite of food. It didn’t matter.

He held onto that thought throughout his afternoon classes, and before he knew it, school had ended and he was waiting outside, marveling at the greenery that had sprung up in the past few weeks. The grass around the school was rapidly greening up, and flowers were beginning to sprout and poke through the layer of combined slush, ice, and fresh snow. Soon they'd be blooming. Soon any relic of winter would be gone. Soon he'd be gone.

"It's just as hard on my part, believe me," someone said behind him, and Ed jumped around. Envy was standing there, hugging his bookbag to his chest with a painful smile. "I can read your mind, Edo."

Ed wanted to hug him. He wrapped an arm around Envy's shoulder and Envy sighed a little and leaned into his touch. "I can't hang out with you after school right now, either," he said. "I mean, I really want to, like really really want to, but I have to practice. Okay?"

The blonde nodded reluctantly. "Okay," he said, tightening his arm a little. Envy smiled. "But you owe me. We're spending the weekend together, no matter what."

Envy's smile grew. "No matter what," he agreed. "We can take the train and go into town and then go to lunch and hang out at Sloth's house and watch movies..." His face suddenly fell. "Look, Edo, I know I'm not spending as much time with you as I should. I should... should be spending every minute with you, because that's all we have. I should..." Ed's hand was on his shoulder and he covered it with his fingers. "I should make the most of this before you have to go..." His voice was a whisper.

"Hey, hey," Edward said, jostling Envy a bit. "Don't talk like that. I know you have to practice with your band and everything, for the surprise -" he permitted himself a smile "- and it's really important to you. And if it's really important to you, than it's important to me, too. And it's cool. I know whatever you're planning, it's going to be awesome, especially if you spend this much time practicing. Right?"

Envy gave him a shaky grin. "Right," he agreed. "But still..."

"Nuh-uh, don't even go there," Ed said quickly. "If you spend all the time we have regretting what you're doing, you won't have any fun. So you are going to smile, and you are going to go with Roy -" he pointed to an impatient-looking Roy Mustang, who was leaning against his car and giving the two of them a bored look "- and you will practice and you will do your best. And then we'll get together this weekend and we'll have a great time." He met Envy's eyes. "Right?"

"Right," Envy repeated firmly. He straightened, and gave Ed a quick, chaste kiss. "Thanks, chibi."

Ed smiled after him, and waved as Envy got into the car with Roy and Ling and drove away. Then he slumped, and looked around for Al and Winry. This... this sucked. If only he could convince himself of what he had just told Envy.

---

"Okay, Ed," Winry said brightly, barging into his room with barely an 'if you please'. Edward startled and looked up guiltily from his chemistry homework, where he found he had been doodling a heart. "It's time for you to stop moping around and put a smile on your face!" She punctuated her words with an exaggerated gesture, stretching out her lips with her fingers in a parody of a grin.

Ed blinked. "...What?"

"Come on, come on..." Winry bounced over to his desk and nudged him several times in his automail shoulder. "We have a surprise for you. Me and Granny Pinako, I mean, and Al too, I guess, but he doesn't really have anything to do with it..." She grinned at him.

"Um..." Edward still had absolutely no idea what was going on. "That's nice?"

Winry smacked him. "It's more than nice! We should be saints; we've been working on this ever since you got here and Granny Pinako saw -" She cut herself off and smacked Ed again. He winced. "Hurry, it's in Granny's workshop in the garage. You'll love it, I promise."

"Right," Ed replied, getting to his feet and rubbing his sadly abused forehead. Maybe if it's a way that I could stay with Envy without screwing one or both of us over... But thinking like that was going to get him nowhere. He strode forward. "What is it?"

Looking terrifyingly enthusiastic, Winry escorted him downstairs and into Pinako's cluttered workshop, where a small vat of flesh-colored liquid was steaming gently. Ed took a step back, eyes wide. "What the hell is that?" he asked with revulsion.

Winry glared at him. Apparently she had expected him to be ecstatic upon seeing the pot of... of... "Skin," she said succinctly. "Your skin."

"My what?!" Ed yelled, jumping back.

"A covering for your automail," Pinako explained, apparently amused by Ed's shock. "It looks like skin. Less questions, less awkwardness..." She shrugged. "I could tell when you got here that you hated how it stood out, so I thought this would help."

Ed looked at it. "What will you do?"

"First," Pinako said, "We'll need to make a plaster cast of your automail arm and leg, make a mold of that, and then coat it with this synthetic rubber complex and let it dry. It comes out looking very realistic. We can even match your skin tone." She crossed her arms and watched him.

Edward took a hesitant step forward and peered into the container. It smelled like rubber and looked highly dangerous. But if he wore something like this, he'd be able to hide his automail. People wouldn't stare at him if he ever wore short-sleeved shirts, and they wouldn't ask awkward questions if he took off his gloves. He wouldn't have to always hide himself...

But, he realized, he didn't have to hide himself in the first place. There was nothing stopping him from wearing short sleeves except what other people thought. And...

And Envy hadn't cared, he remembered. It hadn't mattered to Envy when he found out; in fact, he had barely commented. He had just accepted it as a normal fact of Ed's existence. And he liked him anyway.

Ed bit his lip and thought hard. Did it matter - really matter - if people stared? Would it change his life for the better if he hid his automail, hid what made him different? What was wrong with being different in the first place? Why was he so worried about what other people thought?

Envy hadn't cared. And he had friends - he had Envy, Ling, Winry, Roy in Japan; Russell, Heiderich, Alphonse in Germany. It wasn't as if they'd just ditch him because he was different in such a... such a superficial way. And hiding his automail so permanently was like... denying a part of who he was. Sure, the loss of his arm and leg were painful - excruciatingly painful memories - but without them, he wouldn't be who he was today. By denying them, it was like... denying himself.

How corny, Ed thought, scoffing a little at himself. But it was true.

"Actually..." he said slowly, looking nervously between Winry and Pinako. "I-I appreciate everything you've done for me and that you made this in the first place, but... I'm going to have to decline." He stared at his feet. He was wearing socks at the moment, but he knew one foot was metal and impervious to the cold, while the other one was flesh and fragile and all too human. "I... I decided that it's best I don't because it's like... it's like hiding who I am. And I can't do that." He was blushing, he knew it, and hoped Winry and Pinako didn't hate him too much for his decision, especially after all the time they had spent working on this.

There was silence in the room, and Ed finally dared to look up. "I'm really sorry," he said. He felt horrible - but now he knew there was no way he could accept their offer.

Pinako's creased face broke out into a smile. "Don't be," she said in her gravelly voice, and Ed blinked in shock. "I appreciate your honesty. And your courage. Not many people would have made the same choice..."

"But all that work!" Ed protested. He was unable to accept the fact that Pinako could have just let it go - shouldn't she be at least a little mad?

But her smile grew wider. "Don't worry about it. You know how many customers would want this, and pay for it too?" She chuckled. "It's fine. Go back to your homework."

Winry trailed him back upstairs and into his room. "I can't believe you did that," she sighed. "And we were so ready to make a mold and everything..." She flopped down onto his bed and sighed. "But I guess I can see where you're coming from, you being damnably upright and honorable and..." A pause. "German."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Ed asked, bristling. She was taking all his noble posturing and making him a laughingstock! Sort of. "Why aren't you bugging Al? Thought you guys were best friends or something."

She shrugged. "He's studying for a test tomorrow. It's going to be really hard. I don't want to bug him."

"So you're bugging me instead..." Ed muttered.

"Don't be a grouch," Winry said. She looked at him with limpid blue eyes. "After all, this is distracting you from Envy, right? You worrywart. You think too much; just let it go. You're leaving in nearly a week, everyone knows. Just make the most of what you have! You're not going to change the future by moping around... and you're not going to get better grades, either." She paused for a breath and then laughed. "Who am I kidding; I don't even know what I'm saying."

But Ed knew. He knew all too well.

---

With the spring festival coming up in only a few days (four now; Ed was counting), Izumi was working them extra hard in an effort to make them 'shape up' for their demonstration. This meant working their asses off during class and even spending half an hour after to make sure everything was synchronized and correct. Ed's part was rather boring, he would freely admit - being one of the lowest ranked performers, he was near the back and in charge of simple moves.

On the other hand, Envy and Roy, as some of the highest ranking students in the adult class, were near the front, and had considerably flashier moves in ther choreography. For example, at one point Roy was supposed to break a stack of ten boards with a single axe kick. And break two bricks simultaneously with his hands. Envy refused to break things, with the excuse that his hands would get callused and ugly, but had nothing against doing a form demonstration with the sword.

It was almost kinda cheesy - like something you'd find in a Chinese kung-fu movie - that their demonstrations were all set to music. Ed learned to execute a downblock at one point in the fast-paced, driving song, a high sidekick at another. He was set to drill with the other lower belts. Their movements would provide background to the black belts' demonstrations. There would probably be lights on the stage, too; pyrotechnics and things like that. Although her karate school might not be the wealthiest one around, Izumi-sensei certainly didn't skimp when it came to her demos.

Ed gave a small groan as he slipped out of his gi top and into a t-shirt. His shoulders were sore from the exercise and they would probably be even more so tomorrow - but that was good, it meant he was getting the exercise he needed! He slipped out of the crowded room to join Envy and Roy, who had both changed quite a bit earlier (Ed had been discussing the usage of various techniques with Izumi, which had held him up a little). The pair were chatting with Martel, whose black wrist brace looked out of place on her graceful form.

"It's actually a good thing that I can't do the demonstration this year," she was saying. "I'm not used to big parts like the one Izumi-sensei says I was gonna have. And I still didn't know the routine... So I guess, in a way I'm pretty lucky!" She tapped her brace and grinned.

Envy opened his mouth to reply but broke off when he saw Ed. He grinned at the blonde, and Edward smiled back. The weekend had been great - Ed had actually convinced Pinako (well, it had been Winry who had needed most of the persuasion) to allow him to sleep over at Sloth's currently vacant apartment (she was staying with her mother for a while, apparently) with Envy. They had watched movies and talked and stayed up late and Ed had tried his hardest not to think of how soon he was leaving.

He greeted Envy with a kiss on the cheek, but addressed the sinewy blonde. "It's good to see you, Martel."

She glanced between him and Envy with a raised eyebrow, but replied with, "You too. I hope you don't mind having to do the demonstration now that I'm out. It would have probably been cooler - and easier - just to watch."

Ed rotated his sore shoulders. "I'm getting exercise," he said and grinned. "That makes it all okay."

"Are you kidding?" Envy asked. "I hate exercise!"

Roy elbowed him. "Coming from the one who used to show up at karate four days a week?"

Envy stuck his tongue out at the dark-haired teenager. "Shut up, you showed up five days."

"Come now, children," Martel said, and Ed laughed at the identical looks of consternation she received. "If I'm not mistaken, tonight's the night that we get together for dinner! I dragged myself all the way out here to get together with you dumbasses - and Paninya," she said, nodding at the younger girl that had just bounced over to join them, "and your bickering is not going to stop that. Come on." She grabbed Roy and Paninya by their wrists and began towing them outside. After a moment, Ed and Envy followed.

Envy slipped his fingers into Ed's hand as soon as they exited the dojo. Ed's automail hand, and Ed wasn't wearing gloves for once, and it was shiny and metal and cold. Ed looked down. He couldn't feel a thing. "Don't you mind?" he asked Envy, staring at his hand. He had already refused Pinako's offer of the synthetic skin but now he was wondering if he should be regretting it. It had seemed so clean cut at the time, and now he was making an effort not to hide his automail, but still...

"Mind what?" Envy asked, smiling at him and bringing up Ed's metal hand to kiss the cold steel fingers. "I don't even know what you're talking about."

Ahaha that was cute, wasn't it? Anyway, once again I apologize for the lamentable update rate and (maybe) the lamentable quality of this chapter. I figured I'd finish it as soon as possible because I'm going on vacation, um, Thursday next week I believe. YAY BEACH! But yeah, I'm going to try and update faster... I don't know how many times I've said that but I mean it this time... Argh. Stupid Cupid has been eating my mind; it's linked in my profile and you should go read it. Things are happening.

Also, this is the second to last chapter, if all goes as planned~! Aren't you excited? If I'm lucky enough to get 18 reviews between now and the time I put up the next chapter, my 500th reviewer will get a oneshot of their choice; details to be discussed if/when it happens.

And finally, I've been thinking of a new fanfiction idea... but I need to figure some things out first, the most important of which being: Why would two people hate each other? And not for romantic reasons. Has there ever been someone you just can't stand? And why? What did they think about you? Reviews and help on this question will be much appreciated.