After a bit of tweaking and smoothing out, here's chapter ten, as I have promised you. And it's longer than the last one. IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND! Okay, not it's not, but at least it's over four thousand words.
I hope you all will like it.

Song is Vanessa Carlton's “Unsung” (I seem to like her, since this is the second time I'm taking lyrics from one of her songs)

Things are goin' crazy and I'm not sure who to blame
Everything is changing and I do not feel the same
I'm slippin' through the cracks of floors I thought that were strong
I'm tryin' to find a place where I can feel like I belong

I had stared at the door long after Tomohito had left, numbly repeating his last sentence.

“You still know that I asked to be engaged to you?”

The nurse had come to bring lunch, but I had told her I didn't feel like eating. Already knowing my stubbornness she had not questioned it and had simply turned to leave. I had called out to her, inquiring if Tomohito were still there. She had told me he had left the hospital and would most likely be back tomorrow, as usual. I had thanked her.

Whether I had felt relief or disappointment I hadn't been able to tell.

Engaged

I still had been unable to grasp it in its entity up until then, but now I had started to remember. With the door unlocked each little piece gradually fell into place to form the picture of that afternoon.

I had been at home for little more than two weeks after making my degree as a computer scientist. Father had held a celebration in honour of his only child graduating from the Todai. I had not been particularly fond of the idea, but he had said his associates expected another party soon, so he might as do it for me. I had not argued any more and had slipped out as soon as it was possible.

Officially it had been a celebration in honour of my accomplishments, to me it had been the funeral service for my freedom.

Father and Tomohito had been away on a business trip only returning the day before when Father called me to him in his study. I had assumed I would be given a talk how I should enter the family business now. Knowing my father he would already have a position in mind where, no doubt, he could have me supervised totally to make sure I would do things his way and no other.

I had yet to tell him that plans for my future might include a lot but working in the family corporation certainly wasn't among them. To be exact I wanted to be a professional racer. Whenever I had been home on holidays during the years of studying, I had practised on the circuit, and when I had talked with my old trainer the week before he had said that if I wished, I could try and go professional, I had more potential than anyone on his team. Now was as good a moment as any I figured, entering my father's study.

“Sit down Haruka, I have some important things to discuss with you.” His tone was businesslike, as expected.

A small sigh crept past my lips as I flopped down in a chair ungraciously. The dad I remembered from my childhood would have said 'We have to talk'; now it was 'I have'. He did not even consider that I might have had plans of my own.

“As you know Tomohito has been working with us full-time ever since he finished his studies two years ago and he has proved himself to be highly capable on more than one occasion.”

I nodded. This was nothing new. It was impossible to fail hearing the stories of their latest coup when father proclaimed them loudly at dinner.

“Another benefit of Tomohito is that he already knows all of my important business partners and they all took to him as far as I could see.” He made a dramatic pause. “Therefore I decided to promote Tomohito to junior partner.”

Looking at my father I wondered why he had called me, just to tell me that. Did he expect me to be upset, to stamp my foot and claim my inheritance? Why should I? Why should father assume anything the like. I had never expressed much interest in his beloved furniture firm, nor did I intend to do so now. Tomohito was better suited for this by far.

“That's nice for Tomohito that you reward him for his efforts.” On a whim I decided to bring up my own plans. “Because you know I was thinking of.”

“I'm glad you support this decision.” He interrupted as if he had not even heard my last sentence, or rather he chose to ignore what I had to say. “Your encouragement will help him greatly in his new position.”

These words caught my attention. Why should my approval be of any help to Tomohito? Suddenly I sat upright in my chair. “What do you mean by that Father?”

“You will be engaged to Tomohito.”

I was so stupefied, I didn't even interject immediately. Father went on with his monologue. “This the most simple and the best solution for all parties involved; my company stays in the family, it gets a competent leader and the boy gets a gratification.”

There was an unmistakeable hint of pride in his voice for his cleverness of coming up with this idea. I couldn't believe it. “You can't just decide about my future like that without asking me about my plans or what I had in mind!” Having recovered from my initial shock, I jumped up and starting shouting. “What if I already have someone I'm going out with back in Tokyo?”

“As if.” Father scoffed. “You never showed much interest in romance and if you had had a serious relationship you should have brought him home after your graduation to present him to your father. So I see nothing barring you from marrying Tomohito.”

“He's been like a brother to me. Do you know how wrong it would feel marrying him?” I cringed at the mental image of us in a passionate embrace. A particularly sick joke. I was aware that it would sound stupid in my fathers ears but it was the first thing springing to my mind. The words had bolted out of my mouth before I could stop them. Father reacted predictably.

“Nonsense Haruka, you're not blood-related, so there's no problem. The decision is made. It is for the best for the family therefore you should accept it without protest.”

The so-called discussion was an utter and it made my blood boil.

“What gives you the right to decide over my future like that?” I exploded. “This is my life! My life which I won't go spending as a wife all alone in a big house day in day out like mother. I' ll do my own thing, become a racer or whatever but surely not a trophy-wife!”

Father now too raised his voice in his way of keeping the dominance of the argument on his side. “Use your brain for a moment to think before you complain about your mother's lifestyle. A lifestyle which let her husband go his way, earning the money enabling you take up such foolish and useless hobbies as racing.” He said it with utter contempt. “You ought to be a grateful daughter, eager on paying back those efforts to your family.”

Pay-back my ass! He was handling his family the same way he handled his business partners. A favour here, an advice there, all so he could ask it back with interest later; to be in control. Swiftly I took the few steps over to father's desk. I stood directly in front of him, arms resting on the polished surface of his desk, I leaned forward to be on eye-level with him. “Don't try to guilt-trip me! Your money couldn't buy me the things I yearned for the most when I was a child.” I hissed. “Since I was ten years old you've been making choices for me, to make me fit into a form I am not. I won't go along any more.”

Father's voice was getting louder. “Haruka, I have to repeat myself: the decision is made. I have settled an appointment with our lawyer to set up the formalities for the engagement in three days.”

I gaped at the level of my father's impudence. “You can't!” I cried, slamming my fist on the table. “I'm not own of your employees you can push around at will!”

“No, you are my daughter, you should be happy to assist your father instead of being ordered!” Father pushed his chair back and stood up too. “You've played the part of the spoiled child long enough Haruka, it's time you're being grateful!” He fixed me with a menacing stare. “Tomohito is a decent man and you will take him.”

“You can't force me into this!” I yelled. “You're not as powerful as you'd like to be.” I was stirring up a hornets' nest by telling this to my father's face, but I had decided I would not be intimidated by him. Father slapped my face. “This is your last chance to be sensible and agree Haruka.” He hissed.

I stumbled one step backwards, glaring at him. Through all the countless times father and I had shouted at each, he had never stooped so low to resort to violence. That was it, I was done here.

Turning around on my heels I strode towards the door.

“Haruka! I do not tolerate this behaviour!” he screamed, not fazed in the least by what he had just done.”

“Neither do I!” I yelled over my shoulder.

“Come back here! At once!”

He could scream his lungs out if he pleased, but I would not turn, all I wanted was to get out of this house as fast as possible, this fortress of my father. His slap had pierced me beneath the purely physical pain. I was fed up with my father deciding my life for me; forbidding karate, forcing me into those private lessons, picking my high school for me and the list would continue, but this marriage would only happen over my dead body. I slammed the door of his study shut behind me.

How to handle it yet I did not know, only that I had to get out. I ran down the corridors to the entrance hall. The air in there was suffocating me, I needed fresh air, feel the wind on my face. Maybe it would blow my head clear.

Heedless of the cold and wet February weather I raced out of the house, only stopping briefly to pick up my helmet and jacket along the way to the garage. The engine came to live beneath me with a roar and I was on the road.

I had no particular destination in mind, anything would have been fine as long as I got out there, away from my father.

I was taking the quickest way out of Nagoya, the slow city traffic added up to my frustration. I wanted to vent my anger, not pile up more on every red traffic light.

It was only when I left the houses behind and saw the first trees passing by, when the wind blowing against me felt a bit fresher. I sped up, reducing the landscape at my sides to a blur of grey sky and brown, still bare trees. It felt so good. The road to the coast was empty and wind tugging at my clothes made me feel liberated, for it wasn't able to bind me, I could out race it. So it did not try but caressed my as I raced by.

The more the needle of the speedometer pointed up the calmer my feelings got. Finally I could breathe freely again, the contracting feeling in my chest faded.

Even when the clouds above gave way to the load they seemed to have carried all day, I didn't reduce my speed. After all, it was only water. Nor was it the first time I had ridden the bike on wet asphalt. I would not return home for as little reason as bad weather.

It was ironic, I thought as I drove along the road overlooking the sea. As I child my father had adored me and let me do as I pleased since I was his little princess and only child. But my father was obsessed with being in control. His air of authority which I had admired so much as a child was enforced by his will to be in charge, of almost everything as it seemed to me. And woe to anyone who dared to go against his will.

He had expected me to fit myself in his ways automatically as I got older, but I didn't. From the beginning I had been a free spirit. My young mind could not see why I should do ballet classes when I preferred playing outside.

So, the older I grew the more he realised that I was not developing in the fair and obedient doll he had hoped me to be and it made father angry. Asking his permission to join the karate club in middle school was only the last straw, bringing him to the conclusion he had to pull the brakes to my ways. He had thought he had been to lax with me before so I would have to get all those special classes to make up what I obviously lacked in education, in my father's eyes.

But the more he tried to force his ideas on me, the more I resented them. That was how we began to drift apart. And after the first years I even stopped wishing father would miraculously re-transform into the gently caring dad I remembered and had longed for.

Now he was once again trying to put me in line, calling in the years of freedom I had been granted in Tokyo. Yet now matter what, I would not comply this time. I was an adult, with my own life which I would not give up to marry a guy I didn't not love.

Never.

These were my last thoughts before the lights of an oncoming van had me momentarily blinded. Of course it had to be in a street turn. Though I could not see much, I acted on instinct throttling the bike, leaning to my right in order to avoid possible collision. It should not have been a problem. But something must have gone wrong, happened to quick; maybe I pulled the brakes to sharp, maybe I leaned right to fast, I couldn't tell. All I knew is, that suddenly the bike lost its balance, slipping away underneath me on the wet road. There was the eerie screeching sound of metal grinding against metal as the machine broke through the guardrail and into the shrubbery with too much speed. I was flung out of the saddle and then I only saw the grey sky for a moment while the rain drops rolled down my visor. Then the thick blackness I would soon recognise enveloped me in a gentle embrace to take the memories away.

For a while at least. Forgetting didn't solve my problems and now that I had remembered them I had had to deal with them, despite still having no solution. All I had known for sure, was that I would never set my seal under any marriage papers. Today I would not have been able to do anything, with Tomohito having left already and father never coming. Therefore I had thrown myself into training my muscles with Kyoko, to keep my mind busy. Which had worked, to a degree.

The revelations my mind had presented me with had constantly lingered in the back of my head all day long.

Engaged

The word had still rung in my ear, an ominous bell ringing in the beginning of something. I had tossed around in my bed unable to drift into sleep easily, although I had exercised as much as Kyoko had allowed me. Tomorrow, when Tomohito came back, I would have to talk to him, trying to somehow sort this out. It had been the first time in my life I had been afraid to see him.

At noon the following day Tomohito had been back, like clockwork, but instead of simply entering as he had done all the days before, he had knocked. When he had entered upon my call, he had sat down on the chair at my bedside as usual. And then we had stared at one another in silence.

“So, uhm, I’ve brought you a newspaper.” He had finally said and had awkwardly fumbled the folded paper out of his bag. “Do you want to read it or…”

“Or shall we talk about yesterday?” I had finished his sentence for him. I had felt heavy as if my whole body and not only my leg had been in a cast, but there was no use in avoiding the matter.

Tomohito put the paper on the bedside cabinet, sighing. “Yes. Then first of all, let me apologize Haruka. From your reaction I could see that you really didn’t remember. And I’m also sorry for keeping Asami-san out, but I did what I thought best.”

“Apology accepted.” I had told him, not that I had not been disgruntled any more about the Asami part, but his remorse had been genuine, as far as I had been able to tell. “However I’m still not your responsibility. I am my own person and I’m liable for what I’ll do with my life.”

“I knew you would say something along those lines” Tomohito grinned wryly. “Believe me Haruka, I didn’t mean for you to learn about it like that. I specifically asked Kazuya-san to let me propose to you before he would say anything to you.”

The more Tomohito had said, the more I had to face that this engagement had not been some crazy notion my father had thought up. I had not liked to see Tomohito being so actively involved in it. I had not wanted to think that the initiative had lain on him.

Before Tomohito had been able to continue I had interjected. “Yeah, because you knew father does what other people ask of him, he’s always so considerate and only out to please others.” I had doubted the irony in my voice could have been any thicker. “I would have never thought you’d be so careless not to ask the girl you want to marry first instead of her father.”

I had clung to the hope that Tomohito would prove my fear wrong and put the blame for the stupid idea onto my father.

“No I’m not, but you’re father is old-fashioned. I wanted to ask him for your hand in marriage ahead of proposing to you so that he would not be displeased. I wanted you to hear it from me.” At this point his voice had become a little more quiet. “You know Haruka, I wanted your answer, not only the approval of your father.” Tomohito's cheeks turned a pale shade of pink. “I love you. I have loved you for quite some time now.”

I had averted my eyes, I had not wanted to see this. I had not wanted to hear this.

“Why did you have to say that?” I had mumbled.

“What?” It must have taken him a lot of courage to make a confession.

“Why did you have to say that? Why must you ruin everything?” I had cried.

I had felt as lost as Tomohito had looked. I had wanted to put all the blame for this whole engagement affair on my father, on his aspiration to keep the company in the family, to meddle even after his retirement. I had wanted to be mad at my father and my father alone, for those were feelings I had been already used to. Tomohito's words the day before had had me afraid of how deeply involved he had been but I had clung to the hope, that it would turn out to be some sort of misunderstanding, that he would not tell me he'd love me. Now I had certainty beyond doubt. Tentatively he had reached for my hand and I had let him.

“I don't understand Haruka.”

“You're my friend, hell, you're like an older brother to me!” Speaking the words to his face had been harder than I would have imagined. “I could never fall for you Tomohito. Never. Don't go destroying our friendship with such stupidities.”

My pleading tone had probably been salt into his wound. Slowly Tomohito had let go of my hand. His shoulders had sacked, his eyes had been downcast. Not once in all the years we had known each other had he looked so vulnerable, so hurt. A small part of me had regretted that my feelings for him did not go beyond brotherly affection. Once again I had turned my eyes away from this sight.

I had almost expected to feel the same anger towards Tomohito as I had felt towards my father, but there was no anger welling up; only a small sense of betrayal and sadness. He had mustered the courage to give me his heart yet all I could to was hand the gift back unopened.

“Deep down I have always feared your answer to be like this and I had thought I braced myself. It pains all the same.” Tomohito had murmured.

The minutes had passed in silence as we both had tried to cope with it.

“Haruka, if you don't want me I won't force you. I hope you know that.” he finally had said.

“I know” I had replied. And I had been relieved.

"That's good then." Tomohito had sighed. "It's not easy keeping a balance between you and your father, you're both equally obstinate. He would have never allowed me to marry his daughter if he had thought himself ignored in making the decision and I'm pretty sure that you would have refused on principle if your father informed you that you were to be engaged even if you loved me."

"Maybe."

"I hoped it might work out this way. At least I couldn't come up with a better possible solution, but I am sorry it all turned out this way. I will talk with Kazuya-san and tell him that I won't insist on this if it goes against your will."

We had lapsed into silence again. What more had there been to be said?

“Well, guess I have to work my way up in the company like everybody else instead of marrying the director's daughter.” Tomohito had said, a lopsided grin accompanying his words. He was tackling the situation with humour. I had thought that this may not have been the worst idea.

“Oh, I am so sorry you have to dirty your hands.” I had chimed in.

“It's harder that way, but also more challenging. I'll simply prove myself.”

We both had know that talking about it more and in earnest would help neither of us, it would only have ended up hurting ourselves and each other. Tomohito had needed to resolve this on his own just as I had had to come to terms with the altered relationship between us. It would have been delusional to think we might go back as if nothing had ever happened.

“I am sorry Tomohito.” I had meant it.

He had sighed. “It's okay. It can't be helped.” He had gotten up from the chair. “I should go now, my lunch break's almost over. Do your best at your physiotherapy.”

It would take some time.

We had parted with a smile, a bit forced, and then, when Tomohito had reached the door, he had turned round once more. “I'll tell Asami to come visit you tomorrow.”