|Hogwarts Host Club
Author: The Violent Tomboy PM
semiAU. Hogwarts will never be quite the same with these seven incredibly handsome transfer students from Ouran who plan on setting up a new, rather unique club. Randomness, plotlessness, and just plain general silliness break out.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 10,659 - Reviews: 330 - Favs: 293 - Follows: 205 - Updated: 04-04-09 - Published: 04-02-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3471521
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
In an endless expanse of nothingness, where there was only whiteness as far as one could see, a tall, teenage girl wearing glasses was sitting at a desk, typing away at a computer. She looked up, grinned, and promptly broke the fourth wall like it didn't even exist.
"Hiya! I'm The Violent Tomboy, and this is the inside of my head. And the only reason it's empty in here is because I shoved all my thoughts in that door over there so they wouldn't get it the way," she said cheerfully, pointing to the wooden door behind her.
"So anyways, I'm the writer of Hogwarts Host Club and the bringer of bad news, 'cause this is the last chapter of this fanfiction."
She paused and drummed her fingers on her desk.
"And now that I've given you time to voice the cries of disbelief and horror that I can't hear, in order to ease your pain, I bring you the Host Club, cosplaying as shinigami from Bleach!" The Tomboy announced, flourishing her arms towards the seven people that materialized out of nowhere next to her, each dressed in black robes with swords by their sides. Tamaki had on the captain's white cape while Kyouya had on the lieutenant's armband. The lieutenant in question took out his clipboard and began to write. The Tomboy scratched her head.
"Just like Nanao..." she muttered. Facing back towards the audience, she continued, "So anyways, I'm pretty much over with this story, but I thought it would be cruel to leave it off where it was. Harry did get a makeover..."
"His hair grew back out the next day!" Kaoru said indignantly.
"After all the hard work I put into it!" Hikaru added. Kaoru flinched, delicately placing his hand over his mouth.
"Oh, Hikaru, don't you mean our hard work?"
Hikaru promptly swept his twin in his arms, resting his head on top of his.
"Oh, Kaoru, forgive me for forgetting about you!"
A background of roses swept behind them. The Violent Tomboy blinked.
"Yup, there's something definitely wrong with my imagination."
"Continuing on, there's a couple things I wanted to add on to this story but won't really be able to write on. I did want to mention everybody's bloodlines, everybody being a pureblood except Tamaki and Haruhi, Tamaki being a half-blood due to his mother being a Muggle and does Haruhi count as being Muggle-born if her dad's a Muggle and her mom a Muggle-born too?"
"Does blood really matter at all?" Haruhi asked before adjusting her shinigami robes.
"Well, I wanted to add it in somewhere, it would've been interesting," The Tomboy answered her. "Other things I wanted to include were your friendship with Luna Lovegood, some classes, the Hitachiiin twins meeting the Weasley twins, and of course, this story taking place in the sixth year, the Death Eater siege on Hogwarts."
"It was a tough battle for the good guys, but lucky for them, Kyouya was in the building!" she said cheerfully, flicking a thumb towards lieutenant.
"I called my private police force."
"And as we all probably know, the time it takes to say an incantation is longer than the time it takes to pull a trigger," The Tomboy chimed.
"And the time it takes to pull a trigger is longer than the time it takes for Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai to take down a dozen Death Eaters," Hikaru added.
"Me and Takeshi took them down good!" Honey said happily, hugging Usa-chan closer to him. Mori grunted in reply.
"Yeah, pretty much the reason why I didn't add that in as an actual chapter was 'cause Dumbledore still dies and stuff and that's depressing," The Tomboy said. "I suck at angst."
"How the heck are you ever going to write that original fantasy of yours if you can't write anything but random humor?" Kaoru butt in. "You'll never get published."
"Shut up! I'm still working on developing the characters!" The Tomboy shot back, shaking a fist. "Give me time!"
She blinked when Hikaru was suddenly over her shoulder, taking a look at her computer screen. "They sound like Mary Sues."
The Violent Tomboy screamed as she desperately tried to cover the screen with her hands. "I said I'm still developing them!"
"Now Hikaru! Kaoru! Stop harassing the author!" Tamaki commanded.
"Yes taichou!" the two saluted. The Tomboy lay her head on her keyboard.
"God, I can't win inside my own head."
Recollecting herself, The Tomboy went to her own fanfiction profile and clicked on the Favorites list.
"Continuing, I know I haven't update in like forever but I really wanted to wrap this up. I'm hoping to start on some more serious stuff in the future, and I'm trying to write up some Furuba fics. I know a lot of you out there like a good casual crack fic as much as me, so check out my Favorites list for more funny Ouran and Harry Potter stories. I mean individually, not crossovers," The Tomboy said. "I personally recommend Almost a Squib by BajaB, a story which shows what Harry's life and adventures would've been like if he had on magic but common sense instead. And it's amazing to see how much easier his life would've been."
"HEY!" Tamaki's voice rang shrilly in her ear, causing her to shriek and flinch in shock. "Why are the only romance stories in your Ouran favorites are ones where Kyouya is with my darling daughter!"
The Tomboy shrugged. "Well, most fanfiction on this site are utter crap and the few Ouran romances that I find to be well-written just happen to be ones where Haruhi's paired up with Kyouya."
Tamaki bawled out. The Tomboy stuck her fingers in her ears and attempted to make her voice heard over his.
"I HAD A LOT OF FUN WITH THIS STORY! THANKS FOR STICKING WITH IT FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG! HAVE A NICE LIFE!"
No serious, it is.