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Anakin tried to bury his feelings to keep his thoughts to himself but it was of little success. His progress with is brother reached a new plateau and this too did little to help his mindset as it left him feeling he was failing in this as well. The nightmares didn’t return, but neither did rest and soon hours were spent once more roaming the halls as he struggled with his emotions. He was furious at the fact she had used him—for that was how it felt—and ashamed of himself for blaming her for it. He was even more ashamed of himself for touching the dark side and almost killing the doctor who had helped her. He couldn’t deny the truth of the old man’s words and every time he thought of them the emperor would succumb to his tears. Palpatine might have been right when he said that he was a failure as both a Sith Lord and a Jedi Knight, but in Anakin’s mind his greatest failure was at being a father and a husband. He couldn’t blame her for wanting to keep him from fathering another child, but he just couldn’t understand why she felt the need to sleep with him only to toss him aside by morning.
Anakin tried to explain this to Kei hoping his friend who was in a similar but far less complicated situation with Edeja might have answers. But the young prince had none to give and could only suggest that perhaps Dormé’s actions were a mistake she later regretted. It still didn’t explain the lies. But he had unwittingly lied to her as well and broken promises. Needless to say, after going over the entire situation over and over again, with each passing night, the feelings of bitterness only grew worse along with guilt and shame. He had no idea how to mend things, or if she even wanted to mend them. However, as the fallen Jedi found himself wandering the halls, he caught sight of a familiar form and felt the Force signature that confirmed what he knew to be true.
It would seem Dormé was as about restless as he was and had taken to roaming the nearby gardens. Taking this to be a sign, Anakin quietly approached and paused at the sight of Dormé. She looked so fragile and frail to him and Anakin found much of his anger slipping away to sorrow once more. He was hesitant to speak to her as the reminder of her actions made him feel so small and ugly.
Dormé was still in the gown she wore that day as she hadn’t even bothered to try going to sleep. Her thoughts were weighted with all the things she needed to say and all the things she dreaded to speak of. She thought the gardens would be a way to clear her head or at least make her sleepy. Dormé sat on the ground at the edge of a small pool of water, a fountain normally splashed in the distance, but was turned off at night. She had her knees pulled to her chest as her fingers played with a naceae flower while resting her head on her arm. She was trying to preoccupy herself, though it was of little use. She heard the rustling of the grass as the sound of boots crushing them slowly approached. It took her a moment, in her exhausted state, to register this and look up. Even though she was very confused and unsure of their relationship, Dormé couldn’t deny a sense of relief at seeing him again. ‘We’re probably the only ones on Coruscant who can’t sleep,’ she said softly, turning her attentions back to the naceae.
Her relief, though subtle, was noted and though he didn’t know what to make of it, Anakin couldn’t deny that it mirrored his own. Her words brought a hint of a weak smile to his lips that soon faded as he couldn’t bring himself to pretend he was in a better mood than he really was. In truth, he was just too tired to care anymore and too frustrated to even attempt to hide the fact he didn’t care. ‘Maybe we should go inside. It isn’t exactly balmy weather now,’ he softly suggested knowing that the conversation he knew they were about to have might be a long one as well.
Dormé missed his brief smile as her attentions were on the naceae, but at his words, she looked up at him again and nodded. ‘All right,’ she replied. Her first instinct was to stretch out a hand to him for Anakin to help her to her feet, but such a gesture that used to be so commonplace might be misinterpreted and there was enough of that standing between them already. She also knew if she did so and he did not take her hand, she would be incredibly heartbroken and she didn’t want to take the chance. Instead, she made an effort to rise without help in order to follow him back indoors in silence.
Her reply was simple and to the point and for that Anakin was grateful, but as she rose to her feet, instincts took over and Anakin offered a hand. She didn’t seem to want his help—or so it appeared and with a heavy heart he withdrew his hand before he had a chance to properly take hers. ‘...right...’ he murmured avoiding her gaze now as he mistook her simple actions as a sign of judgment.
This time his look and action did not go unnoticed and she felt guilty over this, though she was only trying to protect her heart. She sighed, following him indoors as she struggled with her own tears.
Once they returned indoors Anakin wished they were outdoors again. At least it was dark there and in the darkness he could hide a little of his vulnerability. But it was too late for such things and while he was dressed for a cool evening Dormé’s gown was hardly suitable for the chilly night air. Had he a cloak he would have offered it to her at the time, but he wasn’t expecting to head outside in the first place. ‘Is it all right if we talked somewhere?’ he cautiously asked feeling as though they were both made of glass, that all it would take was one wrong word to break them both.
She wrapped her arms around herself, only feeling cold once they were inside. The last thing she thought she wanted was to talk, but her heart told her otherwise. She was close but not too close to him as she found a nearby room and entered. Dormé used all of her already exhausted willpower to look up into his eyes, feeling as though he were going to exact judgement on her for what passed.
Anakin silently followed her to a nearby room and quietly entered. As much as he dreaded the conversation to come Anakin knew it was time to end the games and the fronts once and for all. But it wasn’t easy and with a tired sigh he studied her sadly. ‘...I know I’m hardly deserving of your respect, Dormé, but...was that really necessary?’ he weakly asked knowing she would understand what he was referring too. ‘Or more exactly, if you were so afraid I would impregnate you—up to and even to the point of taking medicine to—’ he glanced away as he forced his thoughts clear as of the sorrow and anger the thought encouraged. ‘Why would even consider sleeping with me? I mean, it’s obvious you see me as more of a monster now than a man, so why all of this?’ he asked desperately.
Dormé felt like she was a teenager being reprimanded by her mistress, even though she was nearly thirty. He wasn’t yelling, in fact his voice was weak and sorrowful. It tore her heart and simultaneously assaulted her with guilt she deserved. She glanced away just as he did. ‘I—’ she began, but her voice caught. Finding it incredibly dry, she swallowed. ‘I didn’t mean—I wasn’t—I was confused and I thought you left the bed because you were disappointed we hadn’t—so I—and I wasn’t thinking about things clearly...I shouldn’t have but I did and then when I realised what I did, I—well I panicked—’ she finally gasped out.
Anakin looked at her in confusion and hurt as he shook his head in disbelief. ‘Why did you lie to me? Why didn’t you tell me this from the start? And then to go behind my back to ensure that I hadn’t impregnated you because you were afraid I was going to—’ his voice caught in his throat then as he began to pace.
‘I didn’t know what was going on I knew you were hiding something when you left so quickly but I never imagined—I believed you had your reasons, I figured you didn’t feel that the time was right to discuss things but I—’ he gave another sigh as he shook his head.
Dormé shook her head as the tears she struggled against began to fall. ‘Yes, I was afraid, all right? I didn’t know what to do, but I didn’t think it was fair to a child—to have a child under these circumstances, not with things as they are—’
His eyes wavered at her words and inwardly the fallen Jedi cursed the tears collecting in his eyes once more. ‘You were afraid? Maybe you should have thought about that before you invited yourself in. What did you really expect from me? One minute you want to be near me, the next your telling me to back off, the next you’re wanting to make love to me, only to turn around and avoid me like nothing ever happened,’ he demanded in pained agitation.
Dormé didn’t deny what she did. She knew she was wrong. She knew it had been a mistake and that she was at fault. She took his judgement fairly, not even feeling the tears streaming down her cheeks.
‘I’m trying to change Dormé, I know my words hold no weight but I am training and I am taking this very seriously. I’m not perfect but I am improving,’ he admitted quietly
Her tears ran freely now. She heard it before. ‘You said you would take care of it before. You promised me you would. How did you expect me to react? How can I believe you now? How can I possibly trust you this time? How do I know you’re not going to—’ She was shaking from anxiety only increased by her exhaustion.
‘And while I understand why did what you did—I can’t blame you for it I—’ he furrowed his brow, now wanting to admit his actions in the med labs. ‘It presented quite a test for me. I passed as one would say, barely, but I passed’ he admitted quietly. ‘If you want or need proof that is something.’
He spoke of test and this added to her anxiety. What has he done? Her eyes widened. ‘What test?’
Dormé’s anxiety couldn’t be ignored, neither could her tears or her words. He had broken her heart one too many times and now the time for words was over. Bowing his head Anakin bit his lip as he drew in a shaky breath. ‘I—it wasn’t a test, I just...The doctor told me about everything and I lost my temper with him.’
She couldn’t stop her hands from shaking. ‘I can’t believe he told you,’ she whispered, bowing her head and cursing softly.
‘He believed I already knew,’ he murmured. ‘I was so furious and hurt over it all I almost killed him. I didn’t though, I stopped myself,’ Anakin admitted quietly. ‘I caught myself before I lost control and left...’ he said softly.
Dormé was absolutely furious. ‘And this is supposed to impress me?! Why couldn’t you stop yourself before?—stop yourself from nearly killing Runa—from nearly causing me to lose Laic—for Aené and the rest—’ She couldn’t continue, clutching her stomach with one hand, her head with the other as she succumbed to sobs.
Looking away, it was his turn to curse as now the unshed tears began to spill. If there was anything that could break him, bringing up the matter of their children was it. ‘Force damn it, Dormé I’m not trying to impress you! I’m just trying to iquichan tend to my problem with the dark side! You asked for proof and I’ve given you an example!’ he snapped back in pained tones feel as though she had gutted him with her words.
All around them, the furniture began to shake and skitter about though moving of a strange accord as chairs and a table slid in front of Anakin making for an wanted barricade. Around him, small objects floated about making wide circles completing the chaotic mess that surround him now. Though this wasn’t intentional, Anakin, in his distress, began to touch the light side. With the ancient pertaining to the light side’s use for defence only still fresh in his mind his thoughts took to manifesting the need to defend itself in a literal sense.
It seemed the more he tried to convince her he was really in the process of changing this time, the less she believed him. As though proving her doubts and fears were drastically becoming reality, the furniture began to shake and tremble as much as she was trembling. She had no idea that this was a light side defensive tactic, or that it wasn’t in any way meant to harm her. Dormé would have jumped to his defence, to say that no, he wasn’t weak and that if he was lost then she was lost with him, that they were in it together, whatever the cost. But she was panicking and breathing so hard her chest ached.
But Anakin was too distracted by his sorrow and shame to register his surroundings as he closed his eyes and ran a shaky hand through his hair. ‘I couldn’t stop myself before because I was too lost and too weak to do it. There, I said it. That is what you want me to say, is it not? I am still weak and yes, I am lost, but only because I’m missing the most important parts of me, but I have no one to blame for that but myself! But what you did was not only unnecessary, it hurt!’ he hissed through clenched teeth as he struggled not to break down further in front of her.
He hissed at her in a way that would normally piss her off and make her want to strike him, if not with her hand than with a blunt object, but right now, she thought he had the potential to kill her, despite whatever nonsense he previously spouted about not being able to do harm to those he loved. He already had, so many times. Who was to say he wouldn’t do it again? She had never been scared of him, never in her life, not like this.
Anakin could feel Dormé’s fear and for the first time he realized it wasn’t for the protection of their children, but of what he could do to her. Though he knew without question he would never purposely hurt her, Anakin knew she had no reason to believe this, not after what he had done. But knowing she feared for her life, that she truly believed he could—would even—kill her broke his heart and with it his need to keep up his guard was promptly forgotten.
She slowly backed up towards the nearest door, which inevitably was not an exit at all, but a door to an adjoining room. ‘Are you going to just kill me now then with your dark side powers? Just unleash all iquichan urugal on me?’
Opening his eyes, Anakin registered what he had inadvertently done and was quick to use the Force to draw back his unexpected barricade. Despite his wish to ease her fears, all Anakin had succeeded in doing was encourage them. He shook his head as tears streamed down his face. Never could he have ever imagined that he would ever feel so vulnerable or broken as he did in those moments. ‘I’m not using the dark side, Dormé, I’m not trying to hurt you! Oh Force, what can I do to make you believe me?’ he pleaded desperately as he attempted to near her. ‘Please, I know don’t believe me. I don’t blame you for not believing me, but ask Obi-Wan! He will tell you I’ve changed! He’ll tell you that I’m serious about putting the dark side behind me,’ Anakin continued in pleading tones, feeling now as though everything was hanging by a thread.
She palmed the door while still facing him and once it parted, she turned to quickly depart, only finding herself in a dining room most often used for the servants. Seeing she had no way out and feeling as though the whole palace was caving in on her, Dormé clutched the end of the table, her body shaking as she cried.
Anakin could only watch in silence as Dormé tried desperately to escape him. Though part of him knew that going after her would only further encourage her to run, Anakin couldn’t stop himself. He desperately wanted her to believe him or at the very least speak to Obi-Wan, whom Anakin knew could confirm his words. Things had already gotten so out of control that he wasn’t even certain that there was any hope for them left at all.
‘I want to believe you...so badly...’ she admitted, shaking her head and staring at the table she clutched so tightly her knuckles were turning white.
Approaching with caution, as though fearing Dormé would run again, he caught her words and stopped mid-step. Bowing his head, he closed his eyes, drawing in a shaky breath as he fiddled with his utility belt furiously. ‘Speak to Obi-Wan. He will tell you. I know you don’t trust me, but he doesn’t lie. You know that. It’s not his nature. Ask him and he will tell you the truth about me, about my progress,’ Anakin said weakly struggling to contain his emotions but failing miserably.
Sniffling and wiping her eyes with her hand, Dormé faced him, shaking her head. ‘I don’t want to speak with Obi-Wan,’ she said plainly. ‘He doesn’t need to be involved with this—’ she said, pointing between the two of them. ‘He’s already done so much for us...’
Dormé pulled herself together much better than Anakin could have ever done and in silence, he watched with baited breath feeling as though the very air from his lungs would be stolen should she depart now. Facing him she admitted that she didn’t want to speak to his brother to confirm his words and Anakin felt his heart drop. But Dormé wasn’t finished and soon hope began to flicker in his eyes once more.
She sighed and his eyes wavered as he studied her intently, bracing himself for the words he feared and dreaded.
‘I have to let go of things—I know I do. I’m willing to work on that just as you are working on dark side matters. Will you be able to forgive me for all I’ve done to you too?—to not let the past get in the way—even if it is more recent?’
Anakin was only silent for a moment before he nodded in reply. He knew the moment she said she needed to let it go he had already forgiven her. ‘I already have,’ he said softly as he silently wiped away his own tears. He wanted to draw near to her to hold her hand, but Anakin didn’t dare risk it. Things were just too fragile for such a chance.
The fact he had already forgiven her made her heart feel as though it had started to beat again. It felt as though blood was pumping through her once more and her body that was so cold was warming up again.
‘All I want is to work things out between us, Dormé. I know it won’t be easy, nothing that’s worth fighting for ever is, but tending to my dark side struggles means I will earn the right to return to you and our children, then I will do whatever is necessary,’ he said in quiet conviction.
His words brought fresh tears to her eyes, but she did not shed them. Dormé struggled as he did not to draw nearer and make some sort of contact. Though she was no longer confused and would work on letting go and trusting him again, it was hard. After what she did to him most recently, even though he forgave her, she felt she had no right to touch him or hold him. But she realised, that it didn’t mean she couldn’t speak. ‘I do too. Anakin...’ Her voice cracked as she tried once more to speak. ‘...I love you...’
Swallowing hard he opened his mouth to speak but the words at first didn’t come. Just being able to speak what weighed on his heart for so long was almost too overwhelming to accomplish. ‘I never thought...I’d ever hear you say those words to me again...’ he began in a hoarse whisper as a single tear slipped down his cheek as a hint of a smile crept into his pained features. ‘...I love you so much...’ he admitted quietly ‘...I always have...’
It was heartbreaking to know he didn’t think he would hear her say she loved him ever again. She couldn’t help letting her tears escape as she stepped closer to him. His words resonated deep within her as her heart reached for him.
He could feel a shift through the Force and through it Anakin could see Dormé’s signature move and twist as though attempting to reach out to him. Stunned, he could only watch for a moment as this wasn’t something he believed a non sensitive could experience or even an untrained user of the Force for that matter. It was a powerful gesture, one he couldn’t help but wonder if Dormé was even aware of. Nevertheless, it was deeply moving to witness and it was something he’d never forget for as long as he lived.
‘I never stopped loving you, Anakin,’ she admitted, though her voice strained to remain even. ‘I never will.’
Anakin’s heart swelled as he gingerly took the chance to reach out and brush her cheek with the back of his hand. ‘How I’ve missed this,’ he whispered referring to the fact they were finally being open with each other.
Dormé was unaware that anything remotely touching her own Force signature was shifting or changing as she stepped closer as he did. She closed her eyes, a mark of trust, as he touched her cheek with the back of his hand.
‘How I’ve missed you,’ he admitted softly.
Dormé reached up with her right hand to hold his. She turned her head slightly to kiss the back of his hand. ‘I’ve missed you so much,’ she murmured, ‘...so much.’
Anakin bowed his head, feeling so unworthy of this kindness. Her words gave him courage and from it, he shyly drew closer as he hesitantly slipped his left hand to her side. Holding it there for a moment as though silently requesting her permission, he studied her with shy hope. He wanted to embrace her, but was frightened to do so, feeling that he didn’t deserve this either, though he was unable to resist.
All hope Dormé thought had disappeared long ago returned to her. As he tentatively slipped an arm to her waist, she could resist no longer. Dormé slowly used her free hand to place a hand around his waist, drawing closer to rest her body against his. She exhaled.
Everything about that moment felt so entirely fragile and so delicate that Anakin was certain he would completely fall apart the minute he felt her arm slip around his waist. He thought much the same of her upon hearing her exhale. She felt so small to him, so frail and though it was painful enough to witness it through his eyes just holding her and feeling the subtle form of her bones through her gown forced him to blink away new tears. It is behind us now. Now we can start to mend things again, he thought to himself as he too gave a shaky sigh. It was as though he had been holding his breath the entire time and only now was permitted to breathe.
Whatever barriers that were once between them were no longer there, at least not that she could tell. She breathed his name, though slightly muffled into his chest. She felt like she was home again after being away for years.
Just hearing her speak his name was too wondrous for words, nevermind feeling her in his arms again. Gently he rubbed her back, while his other hand slipped to her long hair. Closing his eyes, he breathed her in deeply as he gave her a gentle squeeze, feeling as though she was breathing life into him once more.
On this day, Anakin found himself with a bit of free time in the evening and having desperately missed Dormé, he sent a message asking if she’d be interested in spending the evening with him. Still uncertain about what lines could and couldn’t be crossed Anakin suggested they visit the water gardens on the eastern side of the planet and perhaps have dinner there. It was a reclusive place as it catered to only royalty or wealthy dignitaries but upon this occasion Anakin decided if she agreed to it he’d have the entire gardens closed so only they could enjoy it in peace. While he wasn’t a fan of large bodies of water he knew his empress was and thus couldn’t think of a better way for her to spend the evening with him.
Anakin did his best to keep updated on the situation surrounding the politics of their empire. In reality, he was more interested in learning how things were going with Dormé and how she was managing in his absence. He hoped she wasn’t working too hard and was looking forward to returning to his full time duties so at the very least he would share the responsibilities instead of leaving it all on her. He also was desperately looking forward to the day when he could be with his family again. But he still had work to do and much training to complete despite his ever improving progress. Nevertheless the notes exchanged between them made the absence more bearable. He always looked forward to receiving Dormé’s notes and would often spent much time reading them over multiple times imagining that she was there speaking to him in person. But on this particular day he received word that she was definitely interesting in joining him for a date and immediately Anakin’s heart soared. Though he had much training ahead of him as well as other duties his mind was entirely elsewhere as he figured out the details of their outing, let alone what he was to wear.
The young emperor eagerly prepared for his evening out with his empress. Having made arrangements to close the water gardens for a private evening with his wife and having their favourite meals ordered in preparation for their arrival, Anakin went about the task of grooming himself and ensuring he was in his best attire before departing to meet Dormé. He was nervous, to say the least, but excited leaving him feeling as he did when he first laid eyes on her all those years ago. The thought of being in her presence again was wondrous to say the very least.
Today, she received a message early in the day and upon reading it, in the middle of a meeting, she giggled and quickly replied to it, which interrupted an important dignitary. They were far from pleased by her behaviour, but Dormé didn’t notice. The rest of the day, she thought of what she would wear and fantasized about spending time with her husband instead of heavy, weightier and far more pressing matters of state.
The day went by far too slowly for Dormé’s liking but soon enough, she sent everyone away, save for the girls that would help her dress for the evening. The elderly handmaiden was already set taking care of Runa while Laic was spending time with his uncle, which he was overtly excited about. Finally she was ready and even though she ought to walk, she couldn’t help walking very swiftly down the hallway where she would meet her husband. She had no idea what exactly was in store for the evening and didn’t really care, for, in her mind, it had been too long since she last saw Anakin and heard his voice, let alone was able to hold his hand.
As she spotted him, she didn’t slow down as she raced over to meet him. She felt like she was a teenager again, meeting up with her prince boyfriend much to her fellow handmaidens’ jealousy.
Anakin was swift to meet up with Dormé and was soon racing over to her. The sight of her took his breath away as she was like a goddess taken mortal form in his eyes. Once she was within reach he shyly placed his hands lightly on either side of her arms as he took in her beauty with a wide-eyed look of smitten awe. ‘Force, how I’ve missed you,’ he breathed before adding in equally wistful tones, ‘You look so lovely…utter perfection,’ he murmured before registering his hands on her arms to which he shyly withdrew.
Dormé was tempted to throw her arms around his neck, but as they close the distance, she also refrained, remembering her actions from before and not wanting to remind him of it. Her hands went to his shoulders instead and she blushed at his compliment. ‘And you,’ she said, ‘although I must admit I was expecting the traditional royal garb, you remember the old uniform you had to wear?’
Anakin’s cheeks warmed to her simple gesture and her words though he couldn’t help but laugh at the memory of hideous royal garb his parents would force him into. ‘That ugly thing? I wish I didn’t remember! Although I don’t think I’ve ever seen you laugh so hard at the sight of me as you did when I had to go all out and wear that stupid cape,’ he remarked with a wry grin.
‘You mean that dress?’ Dormé said, cackling at the memory.
Anakin winced at the memory, ‘Force, that thing was hideous! I can’t believe I had to wear that and in front of everyone no less,’ he groaned as he shook his head.
His eyes were soon dancing with mischief as he guided her to The Tempest. ‘I hope you like this place; I’ve heard so many good things about it. Apparently, they just finished building it over a month ago. I had it closed so we can enjoy the gardens alone and in peace. It’s filled with waterfalls, streams and lagoons—not sure what a lagoon is but it’s supposed to be really pretty,’ he rambled.
‘I can’t wait to see it,’ she said softly, smiling at him. Dormé could tell that he had something up his sleeve as they departed for his old ship, The Tempest. It brought back so many found memories that it was easy forget about many things.
His cheeks warmed as her realized that he had been babbling. ‘Sorry, it’s been awhile since we last talked...and well,’ he shrugged sheepishly.
‘Does this ship still have autopilot?’ she said, though she was partially joking as she recalled the time he rescued her, only to be rescued in turn, the pair of them beaten and bruised, Anakin having lost his hand, and neither of them caring for they were young and in love and soon to be husband and wife...
The old ship that was now quite advanced due to his engineering and constant upgrades Anakin chuckled at her question as he helped her into the cockpit before joining her. ‘Naturally,’ he remarked with a wink before adding. ‘Its not quite as fun a piloting the ship yourself, but it definitely beats dealing iwth unexpected crash landings,’ he teased recalling the first time he tried to take Dormé out on a journey.
Though he only offered a hand to help her inside, she lamented having to let it go as he set about preparing the ship for take off. ‘I think you’re the only one I would trust to fly without a droid,’ she remarked, though she too remembered their first adventure.
Her words touched him and shyly, he looked over to her and gave a humbled smile. ‘You’re a far better pilot then you give yourself credit for too you know,’ he admitted shyly.
Dormé shook her head, grinning. ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about! I’m awful at machinery, let alone piloting a ship. I’m always afraid I’ll hit the wrong button and crash...or the ship will explode or something... I would never fly on my own, only with you there to make sure I don’t mess up,’ she admitted, her cheeks pink from embarrassment.
Anakin raised a brow to Dormé’s words as he shook his head. ‘You’re just being hard on yourself! Believe me, you’re much better at it then you think. Remember the first time you flew? You barely even needed my help! You’re a natural. You just need more confidence, that’s all,’ he said encouraging tones that didn’t belie the pride he felt in her skills.
But in time the gardens came into sight and Anakin was pleased to see that it was even more beautiful than he imagined it would be. Though bracing himself to face his fears once more he was more concerned that Dormé would be able to relax and enjoy herself. He hoped that the recent past wouldn’t haunt her and that she’d be able to unwind despite delicacy of their situation. Landing the ship he silently help her out of it and was promptly greeted by the owner of the gardens who informed him that everything was ready as planned.
She took Anakin’s arm as they walked. When the owner greeted them, she nodded her head slightly in acknowledgement and expressed her polite gratitude at the lengths they went to in preparation for their visit.
Feeling her arm linked in his, the emperor couldn’t resist a smile feeling once more complete in ways he hadn’t felt in so long. To the owners words Anakin politely thanked him though at the empress’s gratitude the elderly gentleman blushed obviously honoured by her kind words. Once inside, Anakin drew in a sharp breath as he immediately forced is thoughts to clear. The floor was much like the glass floors that decorated Dormé’s room years ago. Only this time, it didn’t just cover the regions that had a stream running through it, rather it covered the entire area as beneath their feet fish and creatures of all sorts swam peacefully. Waterfalls decorated the building as well and acted as pillars filling the room with the soft sound of water bubbling and dancing. Glancing to Dormé the former Sith Lord smiled shyly, hoping this beautiful place suited her. ‘If it wasn’t for you by my side, I can tell you right now, I’d be run out of here in a blind panic,’ he semi-teased.
Dormé gasped at the sight. ‘Oh it’s gorgeous!’ she sighed.
Anakin gave a nervous sigh of relief. Though he was most pleased to see that Dormé enjoyed the decor and the atmosphere, he couldn’t deny the fact he was quite terrified of the fact they were walking on glass. That, and the fact there were many disturbing looking sea creatures swimming beneath their feet, eyeing them as though they were to become their next meal.
She chuckled at his remark. ‘You don’t give yourself enough credit,’ she said, giving his cheek a kiss without second thought. She was soon distracted once more to pay it any mind.
‘I’m glad you like it. I knew the moment I heard about this place that it would be perfect for you,’ he admitted with a shy smile that soon grew sheepish as she kissed his cheek which promptly warmed afterward. Fortunately he was far too distracted with his fears and making a good impression to feel awkward over her kiss.
‘Oh Anakin, look!’ she said, pointing at the waterfall and then at the sea creatures dashing underneath them.
Anakin felt a shiver run down his spine as he weakly nodded while repeatedly reminding himself that he was here because of Dormé. Do it for her, Do it for her. Do it for her, he chanted to himself repeatedly as he followed her through out the mazes of waterfalls, ponds and the glass lake beneath their feet. Focusing on his mantra, Anakin reminded himself that in the middle of this nightmare would be a table set for two with all the finest meals he knew they both enjoyed. Though he doubted he would be able to eat much, just the thought of knowing it was resting on a small wooden veranda was enough to keep him focused. However, it didn’t stop him from practically clinging to Dormé’s arm.
Had Dormé not been so enchanted with this place, she would have noticed how Anakin began gripping her arm in return, out of nerves. However, once they made their way to the veranda and the ‘safety’ of the wooden flooring, she felt his grip. She didn’t say anything though, merely used her other hand to stroke his hand as if that would ease his tension. Though the table was set for the two of them to sit across from each other, Dormé slid her chair over a little so that she was closer to her husband, while still being able to look at him without turning her head very much, She said it was to have a better view of the scenery though it was also to be within arms reach of his hand.
Her presence eased a little of the fears and between that an d the wooden floor he hoped it would be enough distraction to keep his panic under control. Her explanation brought a smile to his lips as he was pleased that she was enjoying the gardens. Her happiness made swallowing his fears well worth it.
The food was very good, but she noticed Anakin wasn’t eating very much. She thought conversation might take his mind off his fears, so she reminisced about the times when they were dating when she had no idea what many food items were.
Despite his wish to enjoy the date with his wife, Anakin was unable to get over his fears. All around him, it seemed to stare back at him like an unseeing threat and it made it hard to eat as he felt so tense. But Dormé knew this as well and was soon drawing him out of shell by speaking of the past which brought a smile to his features as he chuckled recalling his first attempts in the kitchen with her.
‘Force I’m still surprised you ever let me help you cook after that!’ he said between laughter as he recalled the disaster that was his attempt at cooking. It wasn’t long before he was reminiscing over other comical moments shared with her and soon his fears were briefly forgotten as he was happily distracted by the stimulating conversation shared.
Dormé laughed aloud at the memories, recalling just how awful some of his creations were and how they had to renovate the kitchen afterwards. ‘It could have been worse. At least the rest of the palace didn’t go up in flames,’ she teased.
Anakin winced to the memory though he was laughing as he could still recall how panicked he was when his creation caught fire. ‘Force, I honestly thought the stove was going to blow up!’ he admitted recalling how he tried to rush Dormé out of there believing there would be nothing left of the kitchen save a hole in the wall.
Her thoughts turned to another time he prepared a meal that looked edible. ‘I didn’t feel so bad after finding out that it wasn’t an unknown dish,’ she remarked, grinning. ‘It just was supposed to look more like this...’ Dormé pointed to a dish between them.
Anakin blushed crimson as she brought up the creature or so it appeared to him once it was baked. ‘Yeah that was an...experience,’ he admitted as he shook his head chuckling. ‘Thankfully you always knew how to fix the mess or at least distract me into making something more within my range of skills,’ he added with an amused grin.
He seemed to relax a little more and soon their meal concluded with a light dessert. It was something she didn’t eat very often, as it was very rich, but she enjoyed having a few bites. ‘I think we ought to have shared one,’ she said, noticing he didn’t finish his either.
As their meal drew to a close, Anakin found himself far too full to really partake of the desert though he had a few bites just because it was something he enjoyed—though not nearly as much as Dormé’s conundrum. At her remark the young emperor gave a lopsided grin as he nodded. ‘My eyes were too big for our stomachs it would seem,’ he admitted before rising to his feet and offering her a hand. As much as he was terrified about being in the gardens he knew this was something Dormé would enjoy immensely. And with her near distracting him by both her presence and the conversation Anakin was certain he’d manage.
‘Don’t suppose you’d be up for a walk? If the sights aren’t beautiful enough there’s always watching me attempting to keep a calm front to provide entertainment,’ he said with a wink and a grin marking that despite his fears he was up for the walk as well.
Dormé nodded and eagerly took her husband’s hand so they could explore the gardens together. Despite the gorgeous scenery, Dormé couldn’t help looking more at Anakin than anything else. As it grew darker, the way the light reflected off the pools and fountains of water, cascading over his features was far more captivating than the sea creatures moving below. In fact, she found it ethereal and provocative. Dormé could only hope she was just as alluring in this light. She felt younger in this place, and at the same time, twice her age in spirit. It was as though the past grievances were drifting into oblivion and the future was a clean slate.
Feeling her calloused hand slipping into his own Anakin felt his thoughts shifting to the very first time he held her hand. Even now he could still recall how wonderful it felt to feel fingers so much like his own intertwined in his palm. How perfect her petite palm fit into his and how it just felt right. A wistful smile crept into his features to the memory. Despite his fears, Anakin couldn’t deny that there was something about this place that was almost otherworldly. As his eyes continued to study his empress Anakin found himself realizing it wasn’t the gardens that was ethereal it was Dormé. She looked so at peace here, so calm and relaxed as though these gardens were her home, her domain. Everything about this place seemed to be paying homage to her, as though she were a goddess and this was her temple.
Even the setting sun it seemed was bowing to her beauty casting light shadows against her porcelain skin. The lights now illuminating from the waters and the fountains too, added a soft glow to everything around them, completing the aura of peaceful harmony. But none of this was noticed on Anakin whose eyes were entirely focussed on the woman who was holding his hand. Dormé looked radiant to say the least and had things not been so fragile between them, Anakin knew he wouldn’t be able to resist basking in her presence right then and there; fears or no fears. However, he was aware of how delicate things were and was ever mindful to respect the space between them and keep his less than proper thoughts to himself. However as they reached a cobbled bench that overlooked the gardens Anakin gave Dormé’s hand a squeeze as he studied her with intense but loving eyes. It felt like an eternity since they had been so in tune with each other that words just weren’t necessary. As Dormé’s amber eyes studied him intently, Anakin readily returned her gaze feeling as though their very souls were intermingling and communicating the silent language that only they understood.
It was as though she was studying him for the first time, but without reserve or shyness of her youth, when she was but a handmaiden and he, a prince. She saw the hints of wrinkles around his eyes, his scar over one of them, his disorderly dark-blonde hair that would soon need a trim. She felt his calloused hand, fitting perfectly with her own.
Approaching the bench, their feet were in step as they sat down. Dormé offered him a smile as he squeezed her hand. It was hard to imagine that they had been married for over eleven years, known each other for sixteen, for it did not feel that long. For over half her life, Anakin had been in hers. She couldn’t imagine, nor did she want to imagine, life without him. She was incredibly grateful for this chance to mend things with him, to finally let go of the past heartaches and start anew. Now, looking into his blue orbs, she felt as though no time had passed since she first looked deeply into them. Though she was not sensitive to the Force, she couldn’t deny she felt something that allowed her to acknowledge their souls communicating in a language above spoken words.
At the sight of Dormé’s smile, Anakin gave a shy one of his own. She looked so perfectly beautiful and so perfectly at peace in that moment that it was so hard not to reach out to touch her cheek and to gently kiss her lips. Anakin didn’t dare as everything was so perfect, yet so fragile, leaving him with the impression that unless the moment was right the evening would be entirely ruined because of it. As he studied his wife, his closest confident and beloved Anakin was reminded of all the struggles they had been through over the years, how together they faced each one and became stronger for it, how one’s weakness was the other’s strength leaving them ever ready and able to help each other during their struggles and trials. Anakin couldn’t remember how many times Dormé had come through for him, whether he deserved it or not. Dormé was always there and because of her Anakin was able to face challenges he never thought he’d ever be victorious over. She knew exactly what his very soul needed, whether he was aware of it or not, just as she knew him better than he knew himself. Without her the emperor knew he would not survive for she completed him in ways he couldn’t hope to explain and was the one who breathed life into his once empty soul. Without her, Anakin knew he was nothing.
They created this empire together. Dormé was confident that they would fix it together and make it better than it ever was before. When no one else believed the depth of their feelings and devotion, when people ridiculed and denied her true affections, he was there to support her and defend her honour. During the worst times when the universe seemed to be conspiring against them as they struggled to have children, when their little princess was taken from them, he was just as destroyed as she was. The joys of every reunion when they were parted for one reason or another was shared just as Laic and Runa were blessings to them. But most importantly, he was, and always had been, hers. He was her courage, her strength, her best friend, and dearest love. With eyes slowly closing, she leant closer to him with the intention of kissing him as she had not kissed before in a very long time.
Filled with humble pride and love, the emperor unwittingly leant in closer as his eyes fell to her lips before closing just before they touched. The kiss was gentle and like everything about this evening perfect but fragile. In it held both his love and joy just as it held his sorrow over the time they had lost because of his weakness and the desperate desire to repair hte damage done. Though it was not passionate in a physical sense of the word it was powerful in its own right. As in this kiss the past Anakin felt as though the past was finally being allowed to slip away so that the future with all of its hope could finally begin. His hand once in hers gently slipped to her petite waist while the other fondled the loose strands of hair that was part of her updo. Twirling and twisting it between his fingers Anakin continued to softly kiss Dormé’s lips feeling as though this kiss was like a healing balm to his wounded and tattered soul.
Dormé’s arms wrapped around her husband’s neck, drawing him closer as this gentle kiss filled the holes left by the dark side’s wounds. For a moment, everything seemed right in the universe, which consisted only of them. She didn’t have to tell him how much she missed this connection. Kissing like this was something they rarely, of ever, engaged in, though over the coming years, it would be something practised and perfected to becoming one of the most sensual activities they took part in.
Anakin would never forget this moment for as long as he lived. There was something so entirely satisfying and so complete about the kisses shared. Yet at the same time it left him longing for more, as there was so much held within it that words could never truly expressed. It wasn’t like anything he had experienced before and it was something he was only too happy to experience again.
As their lengthy kisses drew to a close, Dormé smiled softly at him, studying his eyes once again, expressing how much she enjoyed kissing him. ‘Do you remember the first time we kissed?’ she asked, only then noticing the night blooming flowers growing nearby.
As they paused from their kisses Anakin found himself studying Dormé as a gentle smile crept into his features. Her eyes said all that needed to be said and it filled his heart with such humble joy. Just being able to this again without the hidden walls and the unseeing distance was wondrous on so many levels. Her question caused his smile to turn into a sheepish grin as he chuckled. ‘Oh Force, how could I forget? I have never been so nervous in my life! I had spent so much time trying to think of a way to kiss you without getting slapped, nevermind trying to figure how to ask you to be my girlfriend,’ he said before bursting into laughter.
Dormé blushed as he mentioned him asking her to be his girlfriend, thinking of her complete misunderstanding of Basic. ‘At least my Basic has improved since then,’ she said sheepishly.
Anakin just shook his head as he grinned ‘It’s my fault I took it all wrong, I was so insecure about everything when it came to us,’ he said as his cheeks warmed. ‘You know, I wore those marks you gave me as though they were medals of honour,’ he admitted sheepishly.
‘Oh I felt so awful for those wounds!’ she cried, shaking her head as he admitted to bearing them with pride. ‘I didn’t half believe when other people said that about you—bragging about them, ishtab,’ she said, playfully hitting him.
As he spoke of his battle wounds Anakin grinned impishly. ‘I wanted everyone to know whether they liked it or not,’ he said before pretending to wince as Dormé playfully hit him. ‘You should have seen the look on Kei’s face when I told him! I thought he was going to faint from fear right then and there!’ Anakin said between laughter.
Dormé was incredibly amused by this, feeling as though it were only yesterday. She wrapped her arms around his waist, tilting her head to the side as she grinned. ‘Thankfully the need for me to give you battle wounds has lessened over the years,’ she teased lightly.
Anakin tightened his embrace slightly as Dormé slipped her arms around his own. At her gentle teasing he couldn’t resist a wink as he grinned in reply. ‘Force, if I haven’t figured it out by now, I’m in serious trouble!’
She kissed his cheek, thinking of other pleasant times which did not involve giving or receiving battle wounds.
Her kiss caused him to grow more serious as he gently touched her cheek and jaw. His eyes softened and for a moment he could only watch her in silence just enjoying her presence and the memories they encouraged. ‘It feels like only yesterday when I first laid eyes on you,’ he murmured wistfully thinking that it was about then that he knew she’d one day steal his heart.
Though Anakin’s tone was serious, she couldn’t help chuckling at the memory. ‘Oh yes, me training and making a fool of myself...exhausted, frustrated, and all sweaty, what an impression!’ Though slightly embarrassed and amused at the memory of the first time she saw the Jedi Prince, Dormé enjoyed the way he looked at her and the feel of his calloused fingers against her skin.
Anakin furrowed his brow at her memories as he gave a wistful sigh. ‘You were wonderful. The way you stood up to Saché was amazing. Even if she put you in your place the fact you weren’t intimidated by her big mouth immediately caught my attention. You were so fiery and beautiful that it took all my willpower not to walk on over to your side and steal you away. Luckily for me,’ he purred with an impish smile. ‘I was given the chance later on,’ he concluded before letting his hand slip back to her hair.
‘I can still remember getting caught for daydreaming about you instead of meditating,’ he said with a chuckle. ‘Looking back, I’m almost embarrassed to think of what it was I was I used to daydream about. It was so childish to say the least. No kissing, exploring your body, no sex—though that I did later on. Just me holding your hand while running my fingers through your hair with the other,’ he said with a sheepish smile.
Dormé blushed to his admission, remembering the dreams she used to have about him. ‘After the first night you spoke to me, I sometimes felt as though your hand was still in mine, long after you parted.’
Anakin’s eyes widened at Dormé’s admittance as another slow smile crept into his features. ‘That happened to you too? I know there were times I’d look at my hand thinking I’d find yours in it but of course I didn’t, but I used to imagine it was.’
‘I fantasized about running away with you on your starship, though I hadn’t ever been on one... When you invited me to take a trip, you have no idea how nervous I was, but once we were together, I forgot about being nervous, if that makes any sense...’
He fell silent then as Dormé continued, her words meant so much to him and it touched him deeply to think that his presence helped calm her. But then she was much the same for him when it came to anything pertaining to water or swimming. He nodded in understanding to her words as he gave her a loving smile. ‘It’s like me whenever I swim with you,’ he said shyly.
It was hard to believe, but even now upon reflection, she couldn’t say she was ever uneasy around him in those early years. Everything always seemed easier when he was around. With him, she felt more like herself...and safe...something she had not felt with anyone else before.
‘That was one of things that drew me to you,’ he continued quietly, ‘whenever you were near I no longer felt the need to be something I wasn’t. I could be myself and you never judged me for it,’ he concluded gently before his eyes once more fell to her lips as they leaned in to share another kiss that spoke volumes without a word shared.
When their gentle kiss concluded, Dormé hugged him, so glad to be able to feel him close and not worrying about things past.
Anakin returned Dormé’s embrace as he closed his eyes as he nuzzled her neck.
She kissed his cheek, his neck, nearing his ear as she whispered words of love to him in her native tongue.
Feeling Dormé’s lips against his face and throat, Anakin felt as though his heart was going to burst from joy. Though he didn’t understand her words, Anakin could feel her emotions through the Force and that alone was enough. Soon his fingers were once more in her hair as he too spoke what weighed on his heart in Huttese.
His reply in Huttese was not understood linguistically, but Dormé’s heart understood and she smiled softly, stroking his cheek and gazing into his blue eyes. ‘Thank you for this evening,’ she said, her voice low and intense. ‘I hope there are many days like this to come. I know whatever happens, we shall face them together, stronger, and unwavering.’
As they drew back slightly Anakin studied her amber eyes with silent intensity. Growing shy at her words, Anakin remained silent as his hand slipped to her cheek. A hint of a smile crept into his features as his eyes said all that he could not truly say. ‘With you by my side, anything is possible,’ he murmured in gentle sincerity.
The gentle murmur was rewarded with another kiss.
Though he didn’t understand her words his spirit knew and that was enough for him and it wasn’t long before he was sharing another delicate but powerful kiss with his dearest beloved. While the night was drawing to a close Anakin was hopeful for the future and was already looking forward to many more nights like this even if it would be some time before he would have earned the right to return home to his family once more.
It was terribly hard parting ways with her husband at the end of the night, but it was still too soon to invite him home. He had more training to do, but it was not long before he was able to come home.
Dormé felt bad for Laic who was still quite wary around his daddy, but was able to persuade him to at least look him in the eye. Runa was far more receptive and very pleased to see him home. That night, she fell asleep, feeling as though she hadn’t truly rested until now.
Anakin’s return home wasn’t without its memories and awkward moments. Their son’s hesitance and guarded mannerisms wasn’t missed on the emperor who decided it was best to respect Laic’s need for space. It was his hope that in time their son would gradually grow comfortable around him once more. Runa on the other hand was more than happy to see daddy home again and readily accepted him. On this particular night Anakin stirred from his rest to the sound of Runa’s voice and her fear that hung about in the Force like an unspoken thought. Feeling Dormé shifting from his arms Anakin soon sat up as he peered over Dormé’s shoulder and furrowed his brow in concern for their daughter.
Runa cried out, ‘Ama!’ In her little nightgown, clutching her stuffy, she padded into her parents’ room, tears streaming down her cheeks as she went over to her mother’s side of the bed. ‘Ama!’
Roused from sleep, Dormé blinked her eyes open. ‘What is it, baby?’ she asked softly with concern.
‘I had a bad dream...but I don’t remember what it was.’
As Runa wiped her eyes with her hand, Dormé sat up and finished the job with kisses.
‘Would like to rest with Ama and Daddy for a bit?’ Anakin offered gently sensing Runa’s fear and wanting to ease it in anyway he could.
Runa nodded to Daddy’s idea and climbed onto the bed, over Ama and under the duvet. She rested her head on Daddy’s pillow.
Anakin shifted slightly so as to make room for their daughter who was more than happy to rest with her parents. Instinctively, he began to play with Runa’s hair, feeling so grateful to be able to do this again, to be a father to their children, to be a husband to his wife.
Dormé rubbed Runa’s small back as she reclined once more next to her.
‘You’re safe now,’ he murmured to her. ‘Ama and Daddy will make sure no more bad dreams bother you so you can sleep again,’ he said gently as his eyes drifted to Dormé as he gave her a loving smile.
She caught Anakin’s glance and returned his loving smile.
Runa’s wide blue eyes slowly closed and her grip on her stuffy loosened as she soon fell back asleep.
Though this wasn’t the first time Runa had a bad dream and needed comfort, it was the first time Anakin was there to offer support and Dormé’s heart melted, incredibly thankful for this and to be a witness to it.
Anakin continued to play with their daughter’s hair, finding peace in this simple gesture and warmth at the sight of their little one drifting off to sleep. Once the little princess had fallen asleep, Anakin slipped his hand to Dormé’s cheek as he offered another smile.
Dormé contented herself listening to Runa’s breathing, something she found herself doing quite often, even when Laic was born. It was hard to believe that they created this life together, this whole other little person and here she was resting between them.
‘It’s the little things like this that I used to miss so much,’ he murmured softly. ‘I’m so glad that I can finally experience them again, thank you,’ he concluded gently.
She smiled softly at him. ‘We’ve missed you too,’ she murmured.
Anakin’s eyes shone with unshed tears. Never in his life was he more appreciative of his family and at the chance to be with them as he was in that moment and it showed. But despite his wish to remain steadfast and watch over their daughter, it wasn’t long before he was drifting into a peaceful sleep filled with dreams of many more nights of such moments as this one.
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