I really wish I could just write whenever I wanted to, and write well, at that. Unfortunately that isn’t the case, and I don’t have much talent, it seems, to begin with.

There, there baby it’s just text book stuff.

It’s in the A. B. C of growing up.

Just Smile, 15. Enjoy

-

The coffee never seemed to be strong enough. Another morning, another day to face, and still not enough will and motive to continue the routine with a head held high. He walks down the hallway and kicks the door open with so much force his original intent to wake up his son is lost for the noise does the job for him.

“What the hell? Dad? Everything alright?”

He merely grunts in response and walks over to the bed and flops down, still in a semi sleep induce state he runs his hands over his face an groans before falling backwards. He thinks the ceiling is a nice thing to watch for awhile, nothing at all so great compared to the home he left behind, and the warmth of the body next to him, its’ shifting and uncomfortable form, so undesirable compared to the one he was lacking and in wanting.

“I miss your mom.”

“That’s great to know, want to know what I miss?” The younger male drawls while tossing the sheets to the side in order to get up and off the now overly occupied bed.

“Not really…”

“I miss when you use to take showers, and actually smell like you have a family and a job.”

The father is silent for awhile but soon after he looks to his son with a disconcerting look of disapproval. “You know, I always thought we taught you how to respect your elders.”

“Since when did you start considering yourself old?”

“It seems like I’ve aged years and years ever since… ever since…” he stops, the idea of which to utter seemingly too distasteful to utter. “Anyway, get ready for school. You’re going to be late. You were out all night, with one of the girl’s you picked up from your job again?”

“Today is Sunday, and I wasn’t even out yesterday, I had to clean up your mess, remember? You drove the car right into the mailbox.”

“Oh, right…Shit, my head hurts.”

“It’s because you drank yourself to a stupor, and you puked in the bathroom until I think you were near complete dehydration.” Said in a matter of fact tone, he waved his hand immediately after signaling he was done with the discussion of last night’s events. “I’m going to make breakfast, I assume you only want Coffee?”

Another grunt.

“Right, I’ll get to it then.” Turning to leave, he was only stopped by his father’s shriek of a plea for him to halt his movements.

“Talis! Wait, wait…I never even told you, why I’ve been drinking so much…lately.”

Quirking an eyebrow, the boy renters the room fully and proceeds to lean on the wall, propping himself up with his hands folded over his chest. “Do I even want to know?” The man nodded slowly and with obvious effort and while sighing, Talis pushed himself off the wall and went over to put his father in the proper sitting position. “Well? Spit out already.”

“I talked to your sister recently,” Eyes widened. “earlier in the week, your mother wasn’t in the house so she picked up the phone. She really had a mouth full to say to me…” Interested now, Talis placed his hands firmly on his father’s shoulders to gather his full attention and force him to elaborate. He had been curious and sick with concern since he hadn’t heard from his Callie for awhile, maybe now he will start to get some answers. “I guess… all that we’ve done really hasn’t had a point to it, huh?”

“What did she say???” Derek, starting to sober up from his hangover turned to look at Talis’ frantic urgency with such sternness that Talis actually recoiled a bit. “I just… want to know what she could have said to have caused you to become like this.”

“She just…she’s just not my little girl anymore.” Raising off the bed, it was obvious that he wanted to say more and that he wasn’t disclosing the true information to his son, but Talis didn’t push the subject, he would find a way to get the information one way or another.

“Well, I’m going to go back to my room and sleep off this headache, don’t wander too far.”

He merely nodded while watching his father warily leave his room, quickly he ran into the kitchen to prepare his food and the coffee for his father, upon giving it to him, or more so placing it on his father’s nightstand, he tip-toed out of his father’s room and rushed quickly to his cell phone, dialing a familiar number he would have thought he had forgotten a long time ago, it took two rings before a woman’s voice came on.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is Sammy there?”

“Why yes, may I ask who’s calling?”

“Tell him it’s an old friend.”

The woman seemed hesitant on the line but gave in after a little bit with a small okay before calling out for her son with a loud yell, tumbling down some stairs were heard and a thanks on the part of the boy followed after before he came on the receiving end inquiring as to who was calling him.

“Guess who.” Talis whispered threatening and Sammy took a moment before replying with a small ‘whoa, that’s kind of freaky man.” Laughing, Talis caught himself seconds after, careful not to wake his father up who most likely passed out again. “Hey, I need to ask you something.”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“What happened between Callie and my father? He’s being drinking himself silly lately and I haven’t heard from my sister which greatly worries me. I know nothing serious has happened because you would have called me, I have no doubt, but why hasn’t she called?”

“I don’t really know, T.” He had to be careful not to say his name, Talis knew, for fear that maybe his mother would hear of them talking from Sammy’s mother, woman of their age gossip a great deal and they couldn’t risk it. “we actually came up with a new… game plan, if you know what I mean, and she was so eager to tell you, I can’t imagine why she hadn’t told you already. I’m really sorry I can’t be of more help, I wish I didn’t have to go now but my mother is giving me the stare down and I know she’s going to ask what this conversation is all about the minute I get off. I’m sorry, if it helps, I haven’t seen her in awhile, either, I think I’ll stop by today just to see what’s going on. Stay strong, hope to see you soon.”

The line goes dead and Talis stares on and on for awhile before tossing the phone on his bed angrily.

He wasn’t going to wait anymore.

Without thinking he takes the money he’s saved up, his coat and heads out the door.

Derek watches from the window the entire time with a frown marring his features.

-

I'll be there for you when the sky falls down

-XxXxX-

You better be there Callie, can you hear me? You better be there, I need you- I need to find you, I can’t stand this any longer…

I'll be there for you when no one's around

Oh Talis, how I miss you, can you even hear me? Feel this immense pain… my heart’s thumping, can you feel the pounding?

I'll be there for you when there's no way out and you're down

...and you frown

Feethisbeat

I know life won't go your way

She runs, she doesn’t know where she’s going.
and you never know what to say

He runs, he knows exactly where he’s going.
when you have nothing left

And the whole world? The whole world doesn’t have a slightest clue.
I'll still love you more

But it still turns.

It’s for you.

I'll be there for you through your deepest fears
I'll be there for you 'till the smoke clears
I'll be there for you when you see no end and your friends
are all gone

It’s because of you.

I'll be there for you when nothing can go wrong
I'll be there for you when you sing a joyful song
I'll be there for you when your smile lights the room
and your gloom is all gone

Can’t you see that I need you?!

I know life won't go your way
and you never know what to say
when you have nothing left
I'll still love you more

His hands are a little shaky as he dials and it rings and rings, there is no response so he wanders, he doesn’t know how he got here, everything is blurred and a couple of hours have passed, he breathes in the cold December air and calmly waits, for he’ll wait forever for her, as she would for him, he knows it, he knows it- he tells himself that he knows this.

He isn’t surprised when the snow is sloshed under harsh footsteps desperate and unsteady and he looks up slowly to find her, inhaling and exhaling heavily, mad-eyed, shocked struck, probably not even fully aware of where she was and how she got to be there. It’s hesitant at first and he is merely paralyzed at how she’s changed in a few minor and major ways in appearance, his twin half but she gets that hand to reach his cold, red face, and she sinks into him, his now outstretched arms and their muffle cries of their names are not even relevant as their souls yearning for one another come crashing upon another in a desperate attempt to reconnect.

How could she ever doubt it?

But even now, she feels as though she’s betraying him,

And even now, he feels…

Disconnected.

“Callie, Callie… I love you, my Callasandra, speak to me, pick up your face-show it to me, show me your eyes, eyes that are of my own shade and color, my own intense emotion, my mirrored image- tell me you love me, just as much, tell me this is real, let me feel you, hold you, kiss-” and there it is, that feeling as he succumbs to the need of having her in his arms and their bodies pressed one another and their lips in unison sends those exhilarating sparks throughout their bodies once more and they cave into one another, falling upon the snow in a heap of merriment, their laughter droning out the rest of the world.

“Talis, Tally, Tally, Tally, my love, my brother, my only one, how I’ve missed you. I can’t believe you are here!!” She throws herself on him, laps her leg around his floored lower torso, her left arm reaches across to drape itself upon his chest. “I’ve waited for you, I felt you coming, I didn’t know what to do… so many things had happened, so many… I’ve missed you, this simply cannot be real, please, do not lie to me, for if I find you here one minute and gone the next, I will truly die.”

He looks at her, he’s always been looking at her, but this time he sees her, sees the inner turmoil.

This isn’t the same Callie he has always known.

“Tell me what has happened, Callie, something has changed, I can feel it, just as though it was my own internal infliction, I can feel it- please, tell me how I can bring a smile back to your face.”

And slowly a smile breaks out and she laughs, with tears in her eyes and clings to him, without saying another word, just thinking, just knowing- you make me happy, the very thought of you, the feel of you, the knowledge of you makes me happy Talis, when will you ever truly understand? I am not worthy enough for you. I am surely not worthy of this love you have for me…

“Come, Talis, we are going to get caught. Or worst. Sick. Let’s get up and go find a place to relax and gather warmth, I have so much to tell you, I spoke with Dad-”

“I know, that’s why I came.”

And the wind brushed her skin with kisses of tingling laughter, it held her secret there too, and they were smiling at her, in that teasing kind of way.

They knew her happy reunion was fated to never last long.

-

They entered a coffee house together. One that they had never entered before, and within the cloaks of their winter outfits, subtly took seats in the corner hoping to never be approached as they discussed the soon to be clashing storm of events.

“Callie, I can tell something is troubling you- it must concern us, and Dad… and please, please tell me what worries you so much Callasandra, I came all this way to see a face stricken with joy but all I have his grief written out amongst your beautiful, delicate features…”

“Talis. You don’t know how much I love you, but I do know that, whatever I feel for you…your feelings for me are an infinite amount more. This I am certain of.”

Quickly whipping his face side to side in protest he wasn’t able to utter a syllable due to the rise of a delicate index finger, hushing in such a idyllic tone. They ignore the waiter who was coming towards them, whom smartly, decides to do an about face. “What we have been doing… I can’t help but think- isn’t love supposed to be freeing, not confining? Isn’t love supposed to put you and your lover on a pedestal against the world, and aren’t the obstacles supposed to appear minimal in the battle with you by my side? Why is it that every corner I turn there is another, harder obstacle to overcome, Tally? Why? Why is it that Gods themselves seem to be telling us to turn back now, because if I don’t we won’t ever and as a result be doomed forever which a world against us?”

“Callie… what are you saying?” Frantic hands grip hold of each other and he nervously rubs his thumb on the space of flesh between her right thumb and index finger. “Do you want to end this? No one ever told us It would be easy Callie- No one ever told us what love is supposed to be- it just is Callie! Can’t you just accept this feeling as the only sign and meaning we need and reason to continue? To continue what we have?? I can’t stand the thought of-”

“Talis. Stop.” Shifted eyes. “Lower your voice, you’re drawing looks.” Separated hands. “Maybe coming here wasn’t such a good idea, maybe this meeting was too soon, Maybe-”

“Oh, would you stop it?!” Chair pushed back. Startled eyes jump upward to follow the now standing figure, regarding its presence wearily. “What has come over you Callie? Is it Sammy? It is, isn’t it?! Isn’t it?!” His last question hindered power caused through the crack in the voice, a breaking of the soul, the threatening of tears to befall upon all of them, a storm is indeed already here, and the clash has merely begun.

“Talis… no…” She is hesitant, she stands, she reaches out and is slapped back from her efforts by a hand much harsh than she last remembered. “Talis, stop this nonsense, let’s talk reasonably, please- try to see my perspective, try to the see the world’s perspective, Talis, Tally, please-understand for me that I need to just, I don’t know- I don’t know, remember? Remember the love and the reasoning-”

He laughs cruelly and she stops, for once, truly scared of her brother.

“Remember the love and the reasoning, eh?” He moves to an erect position and the strands of hair that fell upon his eyes cover his eyes for a moment. A trickle of clear liquid slide down his right cheek and she has the strongest urge to jump to him, hold him, and kiss the salty tears away. “Fine.” He looks at her dead in the eyes now, staring straight forward. Her body is cold but they are getting so warm. The tension is emitting such an intensity, two customers already made their leave and one has gone to talk to the manager. He briskly moves from the table-

“So now you’re falling in love-”

She grips hold of him, tight and desperate. ((“Ta-”)) “Let me go now-”

zzzzz--Static-zzzz-

“This feeling is tearing me up.”

He looks at her, spins on her, causing her to lose her balance and runs out the door. Once she gets her footing, she runs after, shouting his name no longer caring about what audience it would bring. Rounding a corner, further down a street, one more corner, and they are in some remote location neither of them happened before even in their curious adolescence.

“Don’t do this to me Callasandra.”

“Talis…please! Hear me out!” The snow is falling in flurries now, and it blurs the vision of her twin brother. “I love you! You! Only you! I’m sorry- I’m sorry, so sorry I’m the weaker one! I’m sorry that I’m letting the world beat me but without you all this time, I don’t know! I couldn’t take it any longer- something in me broke, something in me snapped away and disappeared, but seeing you… Oh, Tally… seeing you rekindled it and the array of emotions and the ignition of fire within my bones again- I didn’t know what to make of it. I know we are twins, but to realize how true the saying of “being each others halves” in this one precise moment overcame me- and gave me fear, Tally, fear- fear that I couldn’t ever live without you, and how can anyone live happily knowing that, in the end, I would have to live without you, or you without me, some time, in the future for it‘s not forever, or now- even in these last most crucifying time being torn away from you, how can I survive this again? I can’t, simply I can’t- Oh, Tally!”

She runs to embrace him behind, almost losing her footing in the process, he huffs when she squeezes too tight and their cold breaths mingle in the air for but a moment and he closes his eyes in serenity for a moment, relishing in the feel of his twin sister’s being wrapped around his torso, replaying certain words she said-love, fear, life, forever-and he half turns to peer down at her. Although being twins, he is taller than her by some inches and he, when completing the full turn, takes her into his arms and breathes her in, he whispers-

“ I love you, I love you so much Callie. I’ve lost you once and I can’t bear it once more, I really don’t think I could live on without you right here in my arms… I-”

“Shhh… there, there Talis.” She looks up at him and gives him a chaste kiss, one that leaves him lingering for more. Smiling, she quirks her head to the side cutely and closing her eyes softly, she whispers to the wind. “Let’s go now.”

“Where to?” He says after a moment’s pause.

“Anywhere.”

They stay there for awhile before he bows his into the crook of her neck.

-

She isn’t surprised by the knock on the door. She was actually expecting it, which is why she took her sweet leisurely time in applying perfume, and curling her front side bangs. A little eye shadow, cover up- take away the bags from staying up endlessly at night reminiscing, she looks like she’s 20 again.

Coyly, she answers at the doorbell. “Who is it?” When no one answers she responds with a twist of her heel, walking away with the loud clicking of her heels to make her point. “I won’t open the door without a proper response. Good day!”

“Open up, Case.”

She sighs, she actually shakes a little for the low octave of his voice brings chills through her body. Slowly, and steadily, she walks to the door, hand on doornob, she presses her forehead against the frame and relishes on these last moments of sanity.

Opened, the light of the outside stuns her briefly before she intakes the man she lain with for so many consecutive years. The man who held her hand during the proposal, through the ceremony, through the birth and she smiles serenely at the knowledge that this is real- and it’s happening. “Derek.” she sighs wistfully, her arms open outstretched, awaiting an embrace.

“We have to find them.”

He brushes past her.

Staring, blinking for awhile as she tries to comprehend, the harsh wind that’s picked up snaps her back to reality, and eyes glowering, she’s furious.

“Why, dear husband of mine, hello to you too.”

He doesn’t look at her, and instead demolishes the rooms within the house during his search for the two bodies that lead him here. “You’re not going to find them in the kiddy drawer.” She drones.

“They aren’t here.”

“Oh, really? My God. We should do something.” He pauses during the process of looking under a rug and stares straight at the floor for a moment before becoming rigid and directing his attention at some miscellaneous picture on the wall. It was of the family four years ago.

Disturbed, she taps her foot for awhile hoping to gather his attention but when he coughs and tries to excuse himself she yells his name [[Der-ek!]] and runs to occupy the space in front of him.

“Ca-sey!” It was more of a reflex than an action made by his own choice but the names are said nonetheless and now he’s blushing and stammering.

“Why won’t you look at me?…” and there is such sheer, absolute anguish in her voice that causes him to resign and peer at her with the signs of regret. “Why won’t you look at your wife?”

“Casey… don’t say it like that. We have to find the children, before it’s too late.”

“No. We have to find ourselves before it’s too late, Derek.” He snaps up and questions open mouthed without uttering a word before being cut off. “Has this really destroyed our marriage? Are we such horrible parents, that we caused our twins, our children to love one another, because we set the precedent? Is this why you won’t look at me- because you doubt who we once were and who we are, and how we came to be, and where we are from? Are you in any way, possibly thinking, that maybe, maybe after all this time of being sure, that this was a mistake, and now we are paying the ultimate price? Because so help me God Derek Venturi if you even think that for a second, I will castrate you.”

“Whoa-”

“I’m not finished!” Her shriek shocks him still and he subconsciously places his finger in his ears to clear out the ringing- his posture is that of a slacker high school boy, leaning on his weight on one propped leg and hers is of an uptight, intellectual, scolding high school girl, her hands stern on her hips, a reprimanding feature on her face. They are brought back, in those few moments, to when they were, simply them.

She realizes this and laughs softly at first, before bursting out, trying to hold her gut in front of the very, very confused male in front of her.

“Casey? Are you… alright, hun?”

“I can’t believe it! Look at us! Look at what we’ve been reduced too!” He looks around befuddled but goes with it anyway and shrugs. “Listen, Derek. You are not getting rid of me now. Do you know what happens to middle age woman whose husbands bail out on them?”

“…what?”

“They die. They’re appearance falters, physically and within the social circles. She’s left decrepit and without true substance, without anything firm holding her up. No one will look at her without pity, and there’s no chance to start a new romance-”

“Hey, are you seeing someone??”

She stares.

“Anyway. I can not stand social suicide. I mean- I know we aren’t the most well liked in the community- but I rather not be the woman with twenty-nine cats in a shoe because she can’t find one more to make thirty, the perfect number!”

“…Casey. You’re scaring me.”

“I think I’m scaring myself a little to be honest.” She frowns before clapping her fingers together. “I know! I’ll get one of them pregnant. Oh, but then there might be four or more kittens, and then that would be pass thirty…” She wanders off into the kitchen and Derek is left to look after her, he glances at his watch, wandering about his children for a brief moment before pinning his eyes back to the retreating form of his wife.

“Alright, Casey- I’m going to uh, go look for the kids now. SO! You continue pondering about your kitties, and shoes, or whatever. I’ll call you if you find anything.” After not hearing anything for awhile, he goes into the kitchen to look for her and finds her missing.

“What the hell.” Following out the other way he walks through the house, calling her name until he happens upon their bedroom.

“Casey…?”

Close your eyes.

“What the-” and everything goes dark as a silk ribbon, gentle and tight goes over his eyes and is tied neatly behind his head. “Casey, whatever it is you are up to, we have no time for this, we have to…” She kisses him to quiet and he complies. Leading him gently to the bed, she kicks the door close.

-