Oh my GOD. I’m so sorry. This… this… I don’t even know. I really, really don’t. It sort of… goodness, I can’t even explain. I’ll just skip to the warnings. Insert mad blushing.

(However I do find it hard just where to classify this as filters go… Naruto and Sasuke? Naruto and Sakura? Sasuke and Sakura? Oh, decisions.)

Warnings: masturbation, pervert!Naruto and pervert!Sasuke, threesome

Disclaimer: I’m fairly certain that it’s quite obvious.

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Sakura was not a pervert. She just wasn’t. She refused to even consider the possibility that she may have even a trace of pervert in her pervertless blood.

That said, however, Sakura did have a guilty pleasure of self pleasure.

It wasn’t quite her fault, honestly; she had been the victim of naughty dreams as she traveled the rocky coast known as puberty, and eventually the broken, blurry images of tongues and thighs that roused her from her sleep became too much for her: she awoke one specific night with her hand in her panties.

Things had gotten quite heated from there.

Sakura had never thought much of it; in fact, the only time she even thought about it at all was when she was half-asleep, in an almost trancelike state, slowly rubbing circles on herself and brushing at her nipples after a particularly risqué dream. During the daytime she never much thought of her evening “escapades.” Any significance or meaning they may have had was viewed as nonsense; they were just fantasies, pleasure sessions, relieving of tension, nothing more. Nothing to concern herself with, anyway.

Nothing that is, until the night she awoke hot and sticky, her bedroll covers clinging to her damp body, which was begging her for release, all while she was in a small inn room on the middle of the floor, secure between the bedrolls of her two teammates.

Oh, she’d tried very hard to ignore the ache in her lower regions, thought of ghastly surgeries she’d had to perform in the past and of Tsunade’s temper whilst the Hokage was inebriated and of Ino’s obnoxious taunt of “Forehead Girl!”, but none of it had worked and after many attempts at dispelling her hormones, Sakura gave up. She flung the covers aside, relishing the cool air on her boiling skin, thrust one hand into her shirt and the other into her panties, and wasted no time in satisfying her body’s desperate pleas.

When she’d finished, she took a few deep breaths and allowed the relaxation to flow over her. Just as she was content enough to snuggle back into her covers and turn over to sleep, the room became awash in light and Sakura was the victim of curious peering from the faces of her two teammates.

“Sakura-chan?” Naruto asked, a tinge of mischief in his voice.

“… what?” she asked, fearful, blushing very hard, harder than her two teammates were at the moment, quite unknown to her.

“Oh, nothing…” Naruto continued, tone laced with mocking. “You were just making some… noises before, and I was wondering if you were alright.”

“I…” Sakura’s voice faltered, and panicked, she turned her head to look at Sasuke for some kind of help. He offered none, only looked at her with a delicate eyebrow raised, expecting an answer from her just as much as Naruto, only getting less of a kick out of her nervousness.

“I’m fine,” Sakura finally finished lamely, feeling quite embarrassed. How was she supposed to know that apparently she was a moaner? It’s not as if she was able to pick up on that while in the act, seeing as her mind was too focused on other things…

“Are you sure?” Naruto teased, leaning over her deviously. Sakura made a small “eep!” noise and scooted back, only to bump into Sasuke; she was trapped.

“I’m sure,” she mumbled, unable to keep her voice from wavering.

“Really…” Naruto grinned, before leaning over and kissing her very, very hard, so hard that her former state of relaxation all but vanished and left her aching again, an ache that was quickly becoming more insistent.

“I said I’m fine!” she just about shrieked once Naruto had finished, a new sweat having broken out gloriously upon her body.

“That’s good,” Naruto nodded, “but you know, if you aren’t, we’re always willing to ‘help you out.’” He winked.

“What…” she began, but quickly faltered.

“That was hot, Sakura-chan,” Naruto whispered in a deathly irresistible voice into her ear, the hot breath making her feel quite faint. “Even this asshole agrees,” Naruto chirped, gesturing to Sasuke, “even though he hasn’t said anything.”

“What am I supposed to say, idiot? You’ve been doing all the talking.”

“Well how about we all just stop talking then?” Sakura choked out, very uncomfortable and yet somehow exhilarated.

“You always came up with good plans,” Naruto replied to her. “Let’s follow it.”

And with that, the plan was followed, though not quite how Sakura expected. Naruto was kept quiet as his mouth was occupied with kissing its way down her chest and down between her legs, and Sasuke was forced to refrain from making insults at Naruto as his mouth kept itself busy with Sakura’s mouth and neck and back.

And Sakura, well, she was too far gone to say anything anyway.

After a short bit of time, after the sweat had drenched her nightshirt to the point where it was no longer able to be worn, after she had realized herself with incredulity that yes, she was a moaner, Sakura decided that as gross as mouths were (and as a medical ninja, oh, she had learned her fair share about mouths and the germs within them), they could prove to be amazingly wonderful tools when applied expertly to certain areas of her body.

And after the sensation had built and built within her, after she had almost bit her lip clean through from the tension, after she had cried out from coming so deliciously between the warm bodies of her teammates, Sakura let herself melt, and like a puddle of jelly, she fell into Naruto and Sasuke’s arms, once again gorgeously sated.

“Don’t get so comfy, Sakura-chan,” Naruto finally chided her, breath still ghosting hot nothings over her skin and sending chills down her spine. “The fun’s only beginning.”

She looked at him bewildered, before looking behind her shoulder to face Sasuke. Who was smirking. No surprise.

“For once,” Sasuke slowly drawled as his hands came around her and touched her chest fondling her so perfectly she felt she might faint, “the idiot’s right.”

The next morning, after all the ravishing was finished, Sakura reflected and realized with horror that, yes, she was… well… a pervert.

But as Naruto started a pillow fight with Sasuke and the two proceeded to roll around quite enjoyably before her perverted eyes, Sakura decided that she was just fine with that.