|I'll Let You Live
Author: WritingMonkey PM
Set a year after graduation. Brooke gets a letter from Peyton telling her to come back to Tree Hill, that she is leaving. Breyton, I suck at summaries, just humor me and read it.Rated: Fiction T - English - Brooke D. & Peyton S. - Chapters: 13 - Words: 36,329 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 05-16-07 - Published: 04-13-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3488107
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
AN: Okay, so...final chapter! This is the end, my friends, I hope all who have read this have liked it and again I would like to thank all of you who have been reading and reviewing, I have appreciated them so much. On that note, I gove you the finale.
-The Unfinished Symphony-
A week later Brooke sat next to the hospital bed as Peyton lay in a coma, bruised and broken. Miraculously, she had walked away from the accident with a minor cut on her forehead, some bruising, and a sore body.
Peyton on the other hand wasn't so lucky. She had taken on the full force of the truck. Her left arm, ribs, hip, leg, all were broken, some more severely than others. There was a lot of internal bleeding upon impact as well as head trauma, the severity unknown. She had a huge gash on the side of her head from windshield breaking apart, she had not once regained consciousness since the accident.
Brooke had been by her side from the moment she was out of surgery. Never leaving unless it absolutely necessary, and even then not for more than a few minutes. Her Peyton, her best friend, her girlfriend, her world, her everything, was lying there, in that hospital, slipping away from her. And there was nothing she could do about.
Just then, the heart rate monitor spiked slightly and some machine made a few beeping noised catching the brunette's attention. Moving in closer to the blonde she squeezed the girl's hand and looked over her in such intensity and love she thought she might die when all of a sudden, Peyton opened her eyes.
"Oh my God! Peyton, Peyt you're awake! Jesus I've been so scared, I though I was going to lose you."
"Shh. Brooke, you're going to be okay. I'll always be with you."
"Don't you dare talk like that. Why would you say something like that, Peyton, you've been in a coma, and now you're awake, so you're going to be just fine, alright, you're going to be okay. Remember, we're supposed to have our happy ending."
Brooke was breaking down in tears. The way Peyton was speaking, the finality, the calm in her voice, it was scaring her, like she knew something Brooke didn't.
"Brooke, hey, look at me. Listen to me, I love you, so much. And I am so sorry I have to leave you, but I will always be in your heart, I will always be with you. You've made me so happy, just remember that, it was always you Brooke, it was always you."
"NO! No Peyton. Damn it don't do this to me, don't say those things. Please, Peyton don't leave, I need you, please, I love you!"
"You're going to be just fine, good bye Brooke, I love you."
The heart rate monitor flat lined. Peyton gave Brooke's hand one last squeeze, she gave her one last small smile, and then she was gone. Peyton Sawyer died in the arms of her best friend, her girlfriend, the love of her life, her Brooke. And everything went black.
She woke up with a start, shaking slightly, covered in a cold sweat. For a few moments she didn't know what was going on, her head was throbbing, her chest hurt, her heart hurt. Flashes, images, scenes quickly played out in her head at such lightening speed. As quickly as they came, they were gone again. Had it all been a dream? She couldn't remember, her mind was getting hazy.
"Must have been one hell of a dream."
The blonde got out of bed and went to take a shower, washing away all remnants of sleep, and the dream.
Later in the morning Peyton was sitting at her computer, thinking over what she had told Brooke the previous night. She hated herself for what she did, what she said. She was so confused, how could she have done that, and again? Except, that was the thing, something didn't feel right, yes, she felt for him, for Lucas, but she was slowly realizing, maybe it wasn't like that, maybe she was getting her wires crossed. As she was still trying to sort out her thoughts, she heard Brooke enter the room, she hadn't come home the night before.
"I had this horrible dream last night. You see I dreamt that my best friend said she had feelings for my boyfriend. Oh no, wait, that wasn't a dream."
"Brooke, I'm sorry, I didn't wish for this…"
She was about to say something else but then images started flashing through her mind. It was the dream, everything seemed so real, it hurt so much. Putting a hand up to her chest Peyton realized, with a sudden shock, everything.
"I can't believe this is happening again. He's on the God damned door Peyton!"
Seeing the blonde Brooke momentarily was worried, she hadn't said anything else and she looked to be in some pain, but her anger was overtaking her. She didn't even know why she was so angry, because she was truthful in what she had said the previous night, she didn't miss Lucas that much, she had been falling out of love with him for a long time.
As she grabbed her red dress for the wedding and was about to gather her bag, Peyton began to speak again. Her words came out in a voice almost sounding unlike her own, soft, careful, fearful. She was so scared.
"I woke up this morning, so scared. I was shaking, I had this dream, it was so vivid, I could swear it happened."
Normally Brooke wouldn't stick around to hear what she had to say, but there was just something about the way Peyton was talking, the way she stood, so guarded, so fragile, that made her wait, just a little longer, to hear out the blonde.
"What woke me up, I died. I died Brooke, and we had just gotten back to us, we were happy, I was still so sick, but we were going to have our happy ending, you promised, I was supposed to be okay. But I knew I was going to die, I was okay with it, I still didn't want to leave you alone though, that was the hardest part."
"Peyton…I don't even know…what's the point of this, I'm still going to leave…"
"You don't get it, it took us over a year to figure it out, and then I was sick, we lost so much time Brooke, so much time, and even if I do die young like that, I don't want to lose all that time."
By this time Peyton was crying, on the edge of hysterical, she wasn't making any sense to Brooke, and she knew it, but she didn't know any other way to explain it.
"I lied! I didn't mean what I said. I don't even know why I said it, because I honestly don't feel that way. I don't want you to leave, to not speak to me again for over a year, for me to fall back into drugs, to be dependent on cocaine, to get so sick, to die! When I said I still have feelings for Lucas, I don't. I mean he's like a brother more than anything else, he's my friend. This feeling, in my heart, that feels like it's going to strangle me if I don't get this out, get this right before everything else happens, I finally know what it is. It is love, but not for some boy, not for anyone except the only one – you. Don't you get it Brooke, it's always been you, you're the one who's always been there for me, with me, you're the one who would do anything to cheer me up after my mom died, who was there after Ellie, who was my friend above anything else. Even when we drifted over these last couple years, you still tried. You are the one I love. You. I am in love with you. And I can't believe I was so stupid, I was so confused!"
Brooke was so confused, it seemed like this confession came directly out of left field, she didn't know how to react to it. For minutes, while Peyton continued to cry, still clutching her chest, the brunette remained silent.
"But if that was all a dream, then none of it was really real. But what I feel is, I know that. So I get that means that you probably don't feel the same, or anywhere near, and I know you are so mad at me, because all I seem to be able to do anymore is hurt you, hurt everyone. So after the wedding, I'm not going to do it anymore. I promise, you won't have to worry about me anymore, because I'm going to fix it, I won't hurt you anymore."
Still stunned beyond belief, Brooke said nothing, just tried to absorb all she had heard, as she picked up her bag, and walked out the door, left Peyton.
The blonde fell to her knees struggling to breathe as she continued to cry. After several minutes she was beginning to calm down. A half hour later she began to get ready for the wedding, she wouldn't let Haley down, not on her big day. This was one of the last good things she thought she could do for her friends, hopefully she could get through the day without hurting anyone.
As Brooke was walking around before the ceremony, she spotted Rachel and buddied up with her when she saw Peyton coming their way. Peyton barely acknowledged them, didn't even seem to register if either girl had said anything, gave a small smile and continued on her way. The rest of the day, she didn't say a thing to anyone, just smiled politely and left as soon as the reception was over.
Now Brooke was starting to worry. She didn't want to believe Peyton, but for some reason she couldn't help but feel she had really told her the truth. What was frustrating her more was the fact that she wanted to be angry at her, she thought it would be so much easier, than to feel what she had been trying to deny for so long. She hadn't seen Peyton much after Nathan and Haley's wedding ceremony, she was barely around at the reception, no one had heard from her, or seemed to be too concerned about the blonde as she was.
Peyton was at home, staring at the wall. It was passed the time when she had been notified of the crash in her dream, so she hoped maybe that too was something that didn't become a reality. A few minutes later she received a text from Haley saying the couple was safely on the plane and thanking her for helping with the wedding. It was a small relief, maybe the future she had dreamed wouldn't play out like it had, though even if she got a fraction of the good she did, she kind of wished it would.
Later that night, Brooke found herself walking through the familiar door of her best friend. She wasn't sure what she was going to say, what she wanted to hear, but she had spent hours thinking, so many thoughts going through her mind. The only thing she knew she had to do, needed to do, was talk to Peyton.
Peyton was sitting up in bed, she turned to look at Brooke, a little surprised to see her, but remained silent as the brunette entered and took a tentative seat on the edge of the bed.
"What do you mean when you said that you wouldn't hurt me anymore, you said you'd fix it, that I wouldn't have to worry about you anymore, that you won't do 'it' anymore? I don't understand, what did you mean?"
Deciding to go with the flow and just answer whatever asked, Peyton answered.
"I'll leave. I'll leave you alone and everyone else, I can't hurt you anymore if I'm gone."
"But I don't want you to leave. How…in your dream, how did you die?"
"Car accident. We were on our way to my doctor's, I was driving, another car smashed into us, my side. You were fine, just a scratch. I was in a coma for a week, woke up, died."
Brooke was somewhat confused, even more so with all of this new information, but it was just a dream, right? The tone of Peyton's answers thought, so monotonous, disaffected, it only increased her worry.
"What were you sick with?"
"An…An…I don't know…it's all fading more and more. I don't remember all what happened anymore, like earlier. It was some kind of disease, not cancer though, which I would expect, do expect. The doctor wasn't sure how I got it, I may have been the reason, with all the drugs, but it could have been before that. Um…I was pretty sick, and it made me kind of emotionally unstable a little. I forget why you came back, I think I was going to leave…but you were the only one who convinced me to get healthy, you were saving me."
She was slowly coming back to herself, speaking more like the normal Peyton, but still retreated within herself somewhat.
"Peyton…did you mean it?"
"Yes, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said I felt that way about Lucas, I meant you, but I don't expect you to feel like that, and all that time, maybe, maybe now you at least won't spend it hating me, and away from your home. Because you really do belong here and I don't want you to leave Tree Hill because of me."
"I'm not leaving, neither are you P. Sawyer. We're going to get through this. I…what I said last night, about not missing him, it is how I feel. I haven't been in love with Lucas for a long time. The reason why I got so mad was because I was jealous, because I know I don't have feelings for him anymore. For a long time, I don't even know how to explain it Peyton, but I know I've loved you forever, and I've been in love with you for a little while now, I just didn't want to admit it, because I didn't know what it meant, and it scared me."
Leaning back against the head board of her bed, Peyton let out a sigh and stared at Brooke for a good minute before speaking.
"What does this mean?"
"Well, it means that neither of us are in love with Lucas for starters. It means that we're not fighting anymore, that I'm coming back home, here. And it means that I love you Peyton Sawyer, and whatever happens in the future, I'll be there, we'll make it through, together, because I don't ever want to leave you. Whatever happens, Peyt, I'll be right there with you."
"So far, the only thing that I remember happening from my dream that has come true, was our argument this morning. But what if I fall back into drugs, what if I do get sick, what if we get in that car and I die? I'd just be hurting you again, and I can't take that, the look in your eyes, I've hurt you so much already, I don't want to hurt you anymore."
"It doesn't matter. I won't let you use again, and if you do, I'll help you kick it. If you get sick, I'll help you get better. And I will do everything I can to protect you from dying, but even if I can't do that, then at least I'll have had the time I did with the person I love the most. And it would hurt me so much more if I couldn't be with you. Just these past few hours, being away from you, hurt so much. I need you, need to be with you. I can't promise that we won't hurt each other from time to time, but we always work it out. We always come back to each other, because that's who we are Peyton. So just forget about that dream, because we'll rewrite it, we'll fix it before it can happen, and we will get that happily ever after, I promise."
"I missed you, so much Brooke. I'm glad you're back."
"Me too. And Peyton?"
"I love you."
Brooke moved up the bed and wrapped Peyton up in her arms. She gave her a kiss on her forehead as they lay together in bed, holding on so tight.
"I love you too, Brooke."