Disclaimer: I do not own Hair.

Author's Notes: 1) I wrote this story three years ago, but when I recently looked over it I was not happy with the writing, so I decided to rewrite it.

2) This story is in Claude's point-of-view.

3) I couldn't find any information on Hud's fiancée's name, so I used the actress' name.

WARNING: This fic includes major spoilers for Hair. I recommend you watch the play/movie before you read any further.

Thank you Le Epster and HappyHippie for your reviews of the original text.

It's all my fault. I should've never let him go. I should've never let him take my place. I knew something wasn't right when he showed up. I felt there was something wrong when I switched clothes. It worked out so well, if only I listened to what my gut told me instead of my selfish desires to see Shelia again. Yeah, that's the reason I left. For her. I sacrificed my best friend to score some time with her. If I remained strong to my intuitions, he'd still be alive.

Rows of white monuments each with the name inscribed. It's only the name. I look through the rows and see his name upon the rock. It reads George Berger when it should read mine. I'm the one who deserves to be in that grave not him.

It's not fair. Berger was the kindest person I ever met. He befriended me on that Autumn day. I was new to the area, came all the way from Oklahoma. Lots of people like the Fall, but I'm not too fond of it. From where I come from I realized Autumn is the warning of death. That should've been the first everything was not going to be alright.

I came to New York because I was supposed to be going into the army in a few days. I was drafted. Daddy said it's a real honor to serve your country. Ever since I could walk I heard the stories he told me about World War II and Grandpa's stories of World War I. Even as a little boy I wanted to be a hero like them. It's how I was raised; a man should be willing to give his life to defend his nation. This nation that is devoted to freedom. A man given rights and without men to protect those rights we could easily lose them. I agreed with him. I heard the stories of how many died, but I was proud.

I arrived two days before I needed to show up at the office. I walked through the park looking for something to do. I just had a nice breakfast at a nearby diner. It's nowhere as good as Mom's, I soon realized how much I'd miss her home cooked meals. That's when I accidentally met Berger.

There was this man. He was a strange man, tall and buff with shaggy, brown hair. Mom wouldn't have approved of his dirty clothing or long hair. She always believed a gentleman should keep himself well groomed. But this strange man had a good philosophy. He believed in love above all things. He believed all people should have freedom and no one should kill for any reason. I later found out he burned his draft ticket because he didn't feel it was morally right to take another human's life under any conditions, even in self-defense. If there was any person who didn't deserve to go into the war, it was him.

I remember the first day I met him. I was passing through a park watching these young people dance. Their dancing was provocative. But they all seemed to be at peace with themselves. I've heard of these strange people who believed in peace, love, and happiness. I was warned to stay clear of them. When I heard I thought they sounded ridiculous, but when I actually looked at them, they didn't seem so weird. They just had different beliefs than my family.

I was distracted by the sound of horses. If there was something I knew about it was horses. My daddy and uncle bred horses. I had my first riding lesson when I was three. Riding by on horses were three lovely ladies, one whose beauty drifted my heart away. I'll never forget her golden hair blowing in the wind, those eyes staring back at me. She turned from me. Her and her friends reminded me a lot of the Harrison family back home. They were one of the big, richest families in the county. The three daughters, all beauties, believed they only deserved the best. Catherine, the youngest of the sisters, who I thought was the prettiest, was nice enough to talk to me during school. Granted I was helping her with her assignments. Still at prom she asked another who was better off than me. There I was staring at a woman so much like Catherine, only prettier.

Out of nowhere came a group of four begging me for change. When I asked why I should give them money the one who would end up becoming my best friend told me the woman was pregnant. I looked over at her. She smiled without any shame. I won't deny when I first met them I didn't think too highly of this group. I didn't even believe she was pregnant at first. She did nothing to convince me otherwise, but my heart gave in and I gave them some spare change. Later that afternoon I saw the four of them running after a horse. They shouted for someone to catch the horse. I dropped my bag and jumped on the dashing horse. I took control of the horse and calmed him down. While on the horse I thought I would use this chance to woo the gorgeous woman. I rode up next to the group and showed off my equestrian skills. Sometime when I turned my back she disappeared.

I was greeted by the four. Their names were George Berger, Jeannie, Hud, and Woof. In the short time I knew them, we had some fun. They were mellow people. That night I had a conversation with Berger. He asked me why I wanted to kill. I was confused until he explained the army. I told him the truth of how I wanted to serve my country. We had a disagreement, but by the end of the night I came to realize he had some good points, points I never thought of before. Even if it was defense, he thought there were more peaceful ways to settle our differences. I don't know if it was because I was talking to someone so different from myself, but I found myself listening more to what he had to say. I don't know when it was I fell asleep, but the last thing I remembered was Berger telling me that everyone should have a choice in what they wanted to do.

The next day Berger found out Shelia was having a fancy party and invited me to go. I was reluctant, but he wanted me to have a good time before I went over to Vietnam. He told me once I went over I'd never be the same again. If only he knew what fate would do to him. At the party Berger told Shelia how I felt about her. Shelia's mother was appalled and that's when Berger came up with the ridiculous idea to dance on the table. We ended up getting put in prison. I had the money to pay the fines, but Berger persuaded me to give him the money so he could get the rest of us out. I had my doubts, but Berger came through for us. Jeanie told me whenever Berger made a promise, he would do whatever necessary to keep that promise.

I saw Shelia later that day at a rally. I fell more in love with Shelia each time I saw her. She turned out to be a very nice girl. I was surprised when she went swimming with us that night. He offended Shelia which angered me. That's when I told him just how ridiculous I thought he was. That's when he ridiculed my idea of going into the army and told me how horrible the war was. He told me he wasn't going to be a part of anything that kills. I left that night without a parting word to him. I now wish I hadn't left on angry terms.

It was a normal day and I was on the base waiting. The basic training was over and we now awaited the news to go overseas. I was scared, nervous, and even a little excited. The waiting was the worst. I didn't think anything could be worse than that not knowing feeling. A sergeant entered and ordered me out of the camp. I was surprised to see the man I yelled at a few months ago standing there in front of me. He even cut his hair to pull off the role. Berger told me that everyone was waiting in the desert for me to meet them. I was so selfish. I just had to see Shelia one last time. Sure I wanted to see the others, but Shelia was the top person on my mind. I told him I was not allowed to leave the base because they were constantly doing checks and we were going to be called into action anytime. Berger came up with the idea to pretend to be me while I left for a little while. I felt something bad would happen. There was a voice telling me not to go through with this lunatic plan. But my heart wanted to see Shelia. My lust over the blonde gave me enough motivation to go through with the plan.

The whole time I drove to the location that feeling increased. I knew I was going to get caught. This worked out too well. The guards didn't even check my papers. I arrived to be greeted by the friends I am ashamed to admit I forgotten. The only one who never left my mind was that beautiful woman standing in the midst of the crowd. I walked over to her. I enjoyed a good meal with the group. Hud told me Cheryl, a woman I never met, who he introduced as his fiancée, cooked it. I told her how good it was and she replied with a smile. It had been months since I had food made with love. After lunch I told them of all the horrific things I went through in training. Jeanie was in tears by the end of it. Shelia put her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. She then whispered in my ear that everything would be okay. I followed her over to a secluded area. Jeanie's laugh was the last thing I heard before Shelia kissed me. It was only supposed to be a little while, but I was enjoying myself with the beautiful Shelia that I lost track of time. I never should've left that base!

I said a quick goodbye to my friends. I kissed Shelia one last time, never again expecting to see or feel her again. Shelia kept strong for my sake, but I could see she wanted to cry. I got in the car and headed back to the base. In the rearview mirror I saw Cheryl and Jeanie comforting Shelia. I kept my eyes on the road to remove her face from my mind.

I drove up to where I was supposed to meet with Berger; we planned the same routine as earlier: meet up and switch back. I had a strange feeling when driving over there, but I thought it was just nerves again. I passed through the gates and the guard waved at me. Something about his face was very grave. My chest felt a severe sting. I took a deep breath and told myself it would be okay. I hadn't been caught yet. Still the plan was going so well I knew somewhere something was going to go wrong. I just knew when I called Berger out a superior was going to catch us. I would be reprimanded or dishonorably discharged and Berger probably sent to jail. He's a good man, someone I didn't deserve as my friend. I just wanted to say goodbye to him before I was sent over.

I parked the car and headed for my building. I don't know why I was so nervous. All I had to do was call him out. I'm sure sooner or later the other men will catch on. Maybe they already know Berger isn't me. We don't look a thing alike. Still, I don't think the other men would tell. Very few of them even want to be there. We all have this mentality of brothers, do what we'd want the others to do for us. I just hope none of the officers realize that Berger is not me. So few of the ones who do the checks even know us personally.

I walked up to the building. I got this overwhelming feeling of nausea. It sounded silent, too silent. I know the men aren't supposed to be loud. Even so, we talked to keep our nerves under control. The doorknob felt too cold. In a place like Nevada, in the day nothing's cold. When I opened the door and saw all the beds made, I knew what happened. I ran out into the streets looking everywhere for the soldiers. Sure, I would have to explain myself to the officers, but it was much better than having Berger lose his life. I ran all through the base looking for my happy-go-lucky friend, but couldn't find him. I called his name several times, but got no response. I saw the airplane fly overhead and fell down on my knees. Right there I lost it. I lost the best friend I ever had.

Weeks later I received word that Berger died. I found out from another who was in his battalion that Berger wouldn't even take up his weapon and was killed within two hours of arrival. I knew he'd never kill anyone. That's why he never should've went. He should've never even stepped foot in my base. He should've never left the country. I shouldn't have listened to him. Maybe if I would've snuck in the trunk like he asked, he'd still be alive. But no, I had to be so self-centered. My excuse: they will know I'm gone. Berger, why did you do that? Why did you have to be so kind to me? A good man who gave his life so I wouldn't get in any trouble.

I visit his grave at least twice a week, but it doesn't rid the pain. I stare down at his grave marker knowing that my name should be written there, not his. I'll never forgive myself. Never!

I don't deserve a friend like Berger. He gave his own life for me to have a brief two hours of happiness. It was supposed to be my last two hours of fun before death took me. I hate myself! I hate me just as much as I hate Berger's nothing-bad-will-happen attitude. I hate that I ever laid eyes on Shelia. I just hate myself so much. I wish I never met him. If I never met that idiot, he'd still be here. He'd still be dancing around enjoying his life.

The rest of the group and I went to a rally celebrating the end of the war. That should've been Berger in front of the white house cheering along with everyone else. That man with a smile that welcomed everyone should be here in my place. Why is laying dead, his skin eaten away by scavengers somewhere while I am allowed to stand here?

I know no amount of tears will bring him back. Hud and Sheila tried to convince me that Berger wouldn't want me wasting my life fretting over what happened to him, but I can't help it. They told me again and again he wanted to do this. That he knew the risks when he took my place. But in my heart I don't think he did. He thought he'd just stand in my place while they called out my name. He'd answer them and when I returned he could go back to his life. Now he doesn't even have a life to come back to. I'm the reason he died. I'm a murderer. I killed him. It's all my fault.

Jeannie and Woof named their baby George, after him. It pains me to know that kid will grow up never knowing the man he's named for. Shelia and I are going to marry in two months. I don't know how I'm going to tell our kids that my selfishness is the reason they are denied the best godfather they could ever have.

Everyday I wake up hoping to find out this was all a bad dream and Berger asleep in his house a couple streets down from me. He would wake up around lunchtime and come over to help himself to whatever Shelia cooked. Or even to find myself waking up on the base knowing Berger is dancing somewhere on the other side of the country. Each morning I can't help but wake with the guilt of how I lived and he died.

I'm sorry, George. I don't expect your forgiveness and I won't ask for it. I just want you to know I've never been sorrier about anything in my life. You should know you're a good friend and I don't deserve a friend like you. You showed me how to appreciate life and be accepting of everyone. I wish I could take everything back. Everyone misses you. If it wasn't for me no one would be forced to miss you. The wrong person was taken and there's no one to blame but myself.