|This Is How the Cullens Do It
Author: ladyenterprise PM
This story started out as a celebration of my 50th review...now it's completely evolved into something totally different! Just a buch of fluffy humor about Bella, the Cullens, and some of our favorite holidays...Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,811 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 08-15-08 - Published: 04-17-07 - id: 3494466
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I don't own it, okay? I don't own Alice or Edward or Jasper or Bella or Esme or Carlisle or the clearing or Baseball or Twilight or New Moon or Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. But I do own the idea(s) for the very slow and painful death of one Jacob Black!
Brrring! Brrring! Brrring!
I jumped at the sound of the phone. Who could be calling at seven in the morning?
"Hello?" I asked groggily as I answered the phone.
"Bella?" I should have known.
"What is it, Alice?" Leave it to Alice to wake me up at seven during the summer. She didn't have to sleep. I did.
"I was wondering if you were doing anything for the Fourth of July?"
Charlie hadn't mentioned anything, but I was sure he was probably going fishing.
"I don't think so, Alice, why?" She probably had some insanely large party planned. Or something like that.
"Well, we're all going to play baseball in the clearing and I was wondering if you might want to come? Esme's dying to make this recipe she found in some magazine."
It would be fun to do something with the Cullens…but I couldn't ever forget the only other time I'd been to their "baseball field." A vampire who was very different from the Cullens had nearly killed me. Not really a great selling point.
Alice interpreted the meaning of my silence and reassured me, "It's okay, Bella. I would have seen it if anything was going to happen. I promise you'll be perfectly safe."
"Well," I hesitated, "alright. If you're absolutely positive that it's safe." I wasn't going to take any chances.
"I am." She paused a little and then squealed, "Oh my gosh, Bella! I'm so excited! So, we'll pick you up on Wednesday at around nine?" I rolled my eyes. She was probably doing the hyperactive bouncing thing too.
"Sure Alice. I have to ask Charlie though."
"He'll say yes. I saw it." One of the positive things about having a psychic best friend.
"Okay then, I'll see you Wednesday." I was actually looking forward to this.
"Oh, by the way, Edward's at the door." She said before hanging up. Sure enough, as soon as I'd put the phone down, I heard a knock on the door. I smiled. You are amazing, Alice.
"Oh, Bella, you're going to love the outfit that I got you for today."
I was in the car with Alice on the way to the Cullens' house and, apparently, I was going to be subjected to yet another makeover. When was I ever going to realize that going anywhere constituted a makeover in Alice's book? This shouldn't have come as a surprise to me, but it had.
"Alice, do I really have to do this? I mean, I'm just going to watch you guys play baseball. It's not something I really need to look pretty for."
"But Bella! It's not even a dress this time! And besides," she grinned evilly, "Edward will love it."
"Really?" I asked, instantly interested.
"Yes." She answered, grinning with the victory she knew was hers.
"Fine then. You can play Barbie with me."
"Thank you so much, Bella! You know I love it when we do this." She was bouncing again before we reached the house.
"Yeah," I muttered, "I bet you do enjoy every moment of my torture."
"Oh, come on, Bella!" She said, bouncing out of the car and blurring around to yank me out too. "You know it's not that bad. Besides, Edward always loves the things I do to you."
"Which you know perfectly well is the only reason I agree in the first place. That and if I didn't, you'd pull some freaky vampire thing on me and duct tape me to a chair or something." We were now making our way up the stairs at a human pace—my human pace—that I knew frustrated her to no end.
"No," she said, "Not duct tape. It leaves this weird residue that takes forever to get off. I'd definitely use something less messy."
"Alice!" I screeched turning to her on the stairs, "I was just kidding! I didn't think you actually would have tied me to a chair!"
Suddenly, her face was darker, a menacing look on her model's features. "Bella, Bella, Bella. When will you ever learn? I spent almost a week putting this outfit together. There's no way I'm going to let you get away in a pair of raggedy sweatpants a t-shirt from last year's book drive." With those words, she lifted me over her tiny shoulder and took off toward her bathroom.
"Now," she said, once I was settled in the chair that stood in front of the huge wall-length mirror in her bathroom, "I'm keeping it simple today, so you can't put up a huge fuss like you usually do, okay? Just a few curls and some foundation."
"Fine." I sighed, resigning myself to her control.
Okay, so even if the pixie had lied about what she was going to do, I had to admit it looked pretty good. Well, at least compared to what she'd been known to do in the past.
My dark hair hung in glossy waves, slightly shorter than where it had been when I'd walked in, and my face was a neutral color. She'd applied foundation, not only to my face, but to my eyelids also, and, somehow, it made them stand out more than if she'd done them up in something the color of an eggplant.
"Thanks, Alice." I thanked her grudgingly, knowing she'd take the small gesture as an invitation to do me up again.
She squealed (of course), and said "Now for the clothes! Don't worry," She said as I flinched, "I stayed with the simple theme. Stay there." She dashed out and was back before the door had time to shut.
"Here." She handed me two bags from well-known designers, "Don't look at them until I'm gone, okay? I want the full reaction when you're actually in the clothes." And she was gone before I could even think of voicing my protest.
I sighed again, thinking of Edward's reaction to the other outfits Alice had forced me into, and opened the first bag.
Not too bad, I thought, pulling off my sweatpants and stepping into the dark jeans that had filled the bag. Surprisingly, I loved them. They weren't at all itchy or tight, the way normal jeans were the first time you wore them. One point for Alice.
I took a deep breath before I moved to the second bag, almost not believing my eyes when I saw what it contained. No, not a skimpy tank top or something elaborate and complicated, just a white camisole and a red polo.
And Alice scores the winning goal. I thought as I pulled on first the camisole, and then the polo, turning to see the ensemble in the mirror. It covered me well and I didn't look breathtakingly beautiful, as I was sure Rosalie would, but I looked like me. Just Bella Swan, the police chief's daughter, out to support her country. And for the first time in a while, I felt like I could stand by Edward's side, just being myself, and feel like I belonged there. Yes, I was just Bella Swan. But I sure looked good doing it.
"Alice!" I called, smiling at myself in the mirror. "Alice!"
"Right here." She said from right behind me.
"Oh!" I jumped, my eyes going wide as I spun around to face her. "Um, thanks. For the outfit. I really like it." The smile I'd worn before she'd scared the life out of me gradually began to return as I spoke.
"Good." She smiled, "It's time to go, everyone's waiting out front."
We met everyone outside on the lawn, standing beside Emmett's colossal Jeep.
My eyes searched for the one person they existed to see, and I found him leaning against the passenger door, his eyes also trained on me. I smiled a wide smile and walked to his side.
"You're not running?" I asked him before he could obliterate my mind with a simple look.
"Carlisle and Esme are. Emmett wanted to get 'all the kids' together. God knows what he's planning but who am I to object?"
"You can't hear him?" I tapped a finger to his temple.
"He's blocking me by making up a perverted version of 'Handlebars,' complete with visuals. "
I winced in sympathy, wrapping my arm around his waist and resting my head below his shoulder, "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault." He said as Alice bounced over trailing Jasper behind her. She waited patiently by the door until he got there to open the door for her—the handle was at least two feet above her reach. He also picked her up and sat her in the seat, though I was sure she could have made the jump herself. "Your turn." Edward whispered in my ear before lifting me up effortlessly and placing me in the seat behind Jasper, and leaping in himself to settle beside me. Emmett already sat in the driver's seat, Rosalie beside him riding shotgun. They were talking quietly and I saw small smiles on both of their faces.
"So, I don't believe I've told you how beautiful you look." Edward whispered in my ear as Emmett started the Jeep and began to drive down the winding driveway.
"No." I told him back, blushing at the emotion behind his voice. "But you're looking pretty good yourself." It was true, even though he was only wearing a navy t-shirt and a pair of jeans.
He grinned a crooked smile and planted a light kiss just below my ear before pulling my head to lean on his chest again, to which I gladly complied.
"Before we begin our journey—" Emmett began, before Alice cut him off.
"I wouldn't call it a journey Emmett. It's more like a short trip."
"Fine." He said, "Before we begin our short trip, I would like to clarify a few rules."
"Rules?" Jasper asked, "What exactly are we going to be doing, Emmett?"
"You'll find out when everyone else does, Jasper. Okay. So the rules. You have to go along with everything, no protesting." He shot a glance at me in the rearview mirror, "No uses of powers to manipulate any outcomes." This time, the glances were for Edward, Alice, and Jasper, "And finally, nothing leaves the Jeep. Does everyone agree?" I stole a glance at Edward, verifying with him that Emmett wasn't going to make me twirl my underwear around my head or something ridiculous like that. He nodded and we both agreed to the terms, as did everyone else.
"Okay then." Emmett said "Let's begin."
An hour later, I jumped out of the Jeep with every intention to never enter it again.
Emmett had forced us to play what was probably the most embarrassing game of I have never that existed on the planet. Each round had been themed, the themes ranging from animals to lingerie. Every time someone said something that you'd done, you had to tell the story. Unfortunately, over the years, I'd done my fair share of things, mostly on accident, but I'd still had to tell the stories.
"You okay?" Edward asked, picking me up from where I'd remained sprawled on the ground.
"I have never," I started, murder in my eyes, "wanted to kill someone more than I want to kill your demonic brother at this instant." He chuckled and began leading me through the forest toward the baseball field.
"Don't worry," he said, "I'll help you when the time comes. However, I believe that Esme will be severely disappointed if you don't get to eat before you commit your first felony."
Of course, I hadn't been the only one humiliated. Edward, Jasper, Alice, and even Rosalie had been forced to tell stories they probably didn't even want to think about ever again. They'd each had a few, but the most embarrassing by far had been the one Edward had told about walking into Alice's closet and somehow falling into the lingerie section and getting himself tangled in it. How someone as graceful as one of the Cullens, especially Edward, could fall was beyond me, but it had happened.
Soon, we arrived at the large clearing to find everyone in their positions, waiting for Edward. He left me with Esme before he jogged to his position in the outfield.
"Are you hungry, Bella?" She asked, gesturing to a large picnic basket resting on the rock where we were sitting.
"Starving." I smiled back, "I haven't eaten since breakfast."
"Oh, dear, did that daughter of mine forget to feed you? Well, we shouldn't have any of this. Eat, eat!" She'd laid in front of me a few Tupperware containers. One held macaroni salad, another a chicken salad sandwich, and another had a few slices of juicy pink watermelon.
"Esme, you didn't have to do this for me. I would have been fine with just some crackers and cheese or something." Despite my protests, I was already opening the container that held the macaroni salad—my favorite Fourth of July meal.
"No, no, Bella. It was my pleasure. I've always wanted to try cooking, and now I see that I was not a complete failure at it." Her face broke into a soft smile.
"It's very good Esme, not that I expected anything less. You're all very good at everything you try." She smiled again, turning her attention to the field where some squabble was occurring over whether or not Emmett had made it to the base before Edward had caught the ball. Esme called it—Emmett had been safe—and the game continued.
It was very like the last time I'd been here—the score fluctuated constantly and there were little disagreements over trivial things, always solved, of course, by Esme's watchful eye. The thunder also boomed eerily, echoing off the mountains and traveling toward the town, and it never rained on the clearing—a perfect repeat of the previous time, minus the bloodthirsty tracker.
Finally, the game ended at the end of the ninth inning—Edward's team had won. They cheerfully shook hands with Carlisle, Rosalie, and Emmett, congratulating each other on the good game, and Edward ran over to me, picking me up and twirling me around with a goofy grin on his face.
"Good game!" I told him breathlessly after he kissed me lightly. The silly grin was still on his face as he thanked me and sat down with me on his lap. "What's up with the grin, mister?" I asked, tracing his perfect lips with the tip of my finger.
He shrugged, "I just haven't had a chance to really let go recently. That was really fun." I beamed back at him.
"I'm glad you had such a good time. What are we doing now?" I asked, noticing for the first time that it was getting dark, and that Emmett, Carlisle, and Rosalie were all missing. "Where is everyone?"
"You'll see." Was his cryptic answer. He laid back and set me off to his side, but so that I was still in contact with him, and we stared up at the clouds, eerily illuminated from behind by the moon.
"You know, they're actually kind of pretty." I said.
"Not as pretty as you." He said and I turned to see him looking only at me. His finger reached up to brush a curl out of my face and then made a path down my cheek to brush lightly along my slightly parted lips.
The loud noise had startled me so much that I'd literally jolted forward and been poked in the nose by Edward's rock-hard finger. "Ow!"I screamed, covering the spot and then checking to see if it was bleeding. It wasn't, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell.
"A little warning might have been called for, Emmett!" Edward yelled over my shoulder as he pried my fingers away from my nose and began to examine it. "It doesn't look that bad. Does it hurt?" I nodded, "Do we need to leave?" I shook my head. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah." I gasped out. "I'll be okay. What was that?"
"Fireworks." He said with a smile.
"Really?" I asked, "Charlie said they didn't usually get them in Forks because of all the rain and everything but…wow."
"We don't usually get them either, but Emmett really wanted to try this year, so we bought some and…he's a little overexcited."
"Understandable." I smiled, fireworks had always been something I loved,
"Is it okay now?" Emmett's voice called from somewhere across the field.
"Yes!" Alice hollered back, "Just shoot the stupid things off so we can go home!"
"Alice doesn't like fireworks?" I asked, turning to look up at the sky as the beautiful balloons of sparks burst above my head.
"No," Edward replied, "Jasper doesn't. The noises remind him of gunshots. The war was really a terrorizing time for him. He doesn't like to remember it." Sure enough, as I turned my head, Jasper was sitting up with his head in his lap, arms wrapped around himself, and Alice was rubbing a small hand across his back as she stared up at the wonder above.
"Too bad. They're really good." I turned back to the sky, watching until the very end, where Emmett somehow set off about five at the same time and created a giant explosion that managed to look like a tie-dye effect.
"Wow." I said, standing up and stretching. "Those were probably the best fireworks I've ever seen. Good job Emmett!"
"Thanks!" he said, walking over to where the rest of us had been sitting. "I wasn't sure I'd be able to pull the last one off, but it looked really cool, didn't it?"
"Yeah." I said with a smile, and then a yawn. I hadn't realized how late it had gotten.
"Bedtime for the human." Edward said, pulling me up on his back, and taking off. Somewhere along the way, I fell asleep, the lulling movement of his body soothing me into a restful dream.
So sorry everyone! Ugh, I know I always promise to update, but I just never seem to manage it, do I? Well, I worked hard to get this out today, for all of you to read!
Okay, so to make up for being such a lazy, terrible author, I have decided to ask you all some questions to get to know you better. And NOT just ones about the story.
So….What's everyone's favorite song?
Easy enough, right? Good. I hope to get some answers. Also, go check out my profile, I just updated it with new info and a new poll!