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I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things I’ve
already endured
And I want to show you
Show you all the things that this life
has in store for you
And I’ll always love you
The way that a father should love his
daughter
‘We have located your daughter,’ Vader recalled an officer informing him. Anakin would never forget that day for as long as he lived. Those simple words echoed in his mind, filling his heart with the first rays of hope since he first learn his angel was going to have a baby. How quickly everything had fallen apart and Vader was loathed to think about it even now. The memory of Padmé’s death was still fresh in his mind as was the belief that their baby was lost. Even now he could still remember sound of his wife’s laughter, how she teased him for suggesting they were having a girl when she was so certain they were going to have a boy.
‘It’s a mother’s intuition,’ she had teased him gently.
He just smiled and let his fingers dance over her swollen belly, enjoying the gentle life that grew within her. He had always wanted children and the thought of it becoming a reality was almost too good to be true. In the end it was, or so he believed, until that fateful day when word reached him that Naboo security was trying to hide the fact the former queen was pregnant. Deep in mourning over the loss of his family, Vader initially didn’t want to hear the news and proceeded to kill two of his officers for attempting to tell. It was only when the third messenger told him that they had located his daughter that Anakin found the control to keep from murdering the man on the spot.
Even after hearing the news, the Sith Lord was hesitant and didn’t want to believe what he was told. But to his immense joy, through many complications, threats, and death, Vader finally found what he sought. Despite his fears for the worse the facts proved that he was indeed a father. Though the details of her transference to Alderaan remained shrouded in mystery, Anakin knew that his old mentor played a role. Even now, the thought made his blood boil.
Knowing his rage would do little now but tear open old wounds, Anakin focused his attentions on finding the finest bounty hunters he could get his hands onto. It bore mixed results but in the end one was chosen and had only been recently sent to collect his little princess, as his attempts to publicly reclaim her had been refused by his master. Sidious was sceptical that Leia really was his daughter and was more of the mindset that they had more important things to do than child mind and raise a baby. They could collect her when she was older was the most viable, yet utterly unacceptable, answer given by the elder Sith Lord. Furious at his Master’s lack of understanding, Anakin as always took things into his own hands and was now waiting to see the results.
After putting out advertisements and interviewing, Dormé began to think there was nothing available to her and nearly consigned to return to the factories in Uriash where she spent most of her childhood creating textiles for the affluent. Thankfully, the Queen of Alderaan requested an interview with her and soon she was on a transport to the planet.
Soon it became clear that her duties, thankfully, would have nothing to do with the political arena. She had in fact been employed to care for the queen’s offspring, an infant girl named Leia. Though Dormé’s knowledge of younglings was minimal, she took to the girl and having always secretly wanted children, found it came naturally to her.
As weeks turned into months, Princess Leia’s primary caretaker got to know the other handmaidens and servants in the palace. There were a few that gossiped quite heavily and though Dormé rarely paid mind to it, couldn’t help but overhear certain things. She heard that the queen hadn’t been able to have children for many years, she also heard things about the Jedi and the war, things about a rebellion against the Empire, and that Prince Bail’s affections for the queen surpassed the queen’s for him. Much of this was filtered into the back of her head, for she was so consumed with the passing of her mistress and the guilt at having not been there to die in her stead.
In time for the princess’s first introduction to Alderaanian society, there were rumours of bounty hunters trying to kidnap her and the security in the princess’s wing was increased three times. Dormé was asked to sleep in her chambers, rather than in her own room and she had no qualms with this direct order from the queen. Leia had rapidly become Dormé’s life. It was as though she thought of the princess as a reincarnation of her beloved mistress. There was no mistaking the similarities in the infants features: her facial structure, her dark hair and eyes…yet part of Dormé also wished the princess was her own daughter.
Barely a month old, Leia cried a lot and Dormé had a hard time finding out ways to calm her, to usher her back in the world of dreams. It was as though she only had nightmares. Had Dormé known the child was Force sensitive, she would have realised the effect the household had on the little one, how all the stress and ill thoughts made her miserable. It seemed the only time she was peaceful was when she was isolated in her bedchamber with Dormé singing to her and this is what occupied the bulk of Dormé’s time.
On the evening the day after the princess’s introduction to the people of Alderaan, a bounty hunter was spotted in the capital city. However, it was only a diversion. The true bounty hunter had already scoped out the palace under the guise of being a diplomat the day before. Now within the palace and on the elite wing, he stole past guards and security holos, stealthily making his way to the secret passageway leading into the princess’s bedchamber.
Leia was asleep in the crib while Dormé dosed on the couch nearby. However, she awoke sensing mal-intent and cried loudly.
Dormé jumped up, grabbing her sword to attack the intruder.
The bounty hunter shot at the sword, causing Dormé to lose her grip on it, though deflecting blaster bolts which scorched the wall.
‘Don’t—’ Dormé protested, leaping in front of the bounty hunter.
‘Out of the way,’ the bounty hunter hissed, pushing her away from the cradle.
‘No—’ Dormé tried to wrestle with the bounty hunter.
He kicked and shoved her, his boot colliding with her midsection in a blow that did more than just knock the wind from her. It felt as though she broke a hip bone.
‘Why are you doing this?’ she gasped out, struggling to her feet once more, while reaching for her blade.
‘Vader’s paying me a lot of money for retrieving his child,’ he said, grabbing the baby.
His child? Despite the pain, Dormé couldn’t help recalling the truth of the queen’s inability to have children. Could she have stooped so low as to steal a child? ‘You won’t escape without my help,’ Dormé informed him before he had a chance to leave the room.
‘What are you talking about?!’
Rushed footsteps echoed in the hallways, quickly approaching the princess’s room.
‘They’re coming.’
‘Why should I believe you.’
‘I go where the child goes. I don’t care where, but you’re taking me with you.’
‘Lady Dormé?! Is everything all right in there?’
Footsteps echoed in the secret passageway that the bounty hunter originally took to enter the chamber. He looked frantically around, while Leia wailed.
‘You can’t take care of her without my help,’ Dormé insisted. ‘At least until we get to this Vader person, all right?’
Without options, the bounty hunter finally gave in. ‘Fine, I don’t care.’
Dormé showed him to another secret passageway and fought against the pain as she ran to his ship at the highest speed she could manage. She knew she had to make sure Leia remained safe. It was the only thing keeping what little of her soul was left alive.
As the bounty hunter powered up the ship, he gave her the baby and Dormé fell into a restless unconsciousness with the infant in her arms, unaware she had been bleeding for quite some time.
The bounty hunter motioned for the Sith Lord to join him to the ship.
Anakin rushed forward, hoping to finally see Leia. What he hadn’t expected to see what a pool of blood collecting at his feet that came from a series of crimson rivers leading to a heavily wounded young woman holding a baby tightly wrapped in a blanket. His eyes widen in horror as he believed the blood to have come from the baby, for the blanket was soaked and was no longer the pastel blue, but crimson.
Panic flooded his thoughts and instincts took over as he grabbed the man by the throat and immediately broke his neck in a fit of sorrow and rage. But before his mind had a chance to register that Leia was anything but dead, the bounty hunter’s body was falling to the ground lifeless. It was also only then that he could hear Leia’s ear-piercing cry, having awoken far from home in a very dark and cold place.
If panic had etched his thoughts before, it had long since turned to elation and then fear. He knew nothing of babies and had no idea how to stop his daughter from crying, nevermind how to tend wounds.
One of his officers swiftly called a medic and promptly approached the Sith Lord to inform him what he had done.
Still too stunned by the turn of events and the fact his daughter was possibly dying, Vader could only nod weakly in reply.
The medics were quick to arrive and the Sith Lord learnt that the blood belonged to the young woman, not his daughter. Another sigh of relief would have been given if his mask permitted it. At the doctor’s insistence, Vader had the petite woman taken away to the medlab as well as his daughter. Following them closely, Anakin struggled to make sense of his thoughts and the rush of emotions. He didn’t care what had happened to the handmaiden, despite the fact he knew he should care. In reality, she would be his only link and guide when it came to matters pertaining to Leia. His concern for his daughter on the other hand was another entirely and he was soon driving the head doctor mad with questions about her condition. To his relief and joy, Leia was all right. As Anakin studied his sleeping daughter in one of the rooms, his eyes couldn’t help but drift to the next where surgeons and med droids worked feverishly on the wounded young woman.
The medics were quick to assess the handmaiden’s condition, finding that the woman had been about two months pregnant. Due to the fracturing of her hip bone, she lost the baby. They swiftly sought to stop her bleeding and repair her broken hip, which had been made worse by her run to the bounty hunter’s ship.
A medical droid informed her that the baby was resting nearby and in perfect health.
Releasing a heavy sigh, Dormé closed her eyes, thanking the gods the princess was all right and near. The bounty hunter hadn’t forced them apart. However, the droid went on to inform her about her current state. Dormé didn’t believe the machine. ‘Why would you say such a thing?!’ she gasped, appalled that it would lie to her like this.
Not caring about the human’s emotional reaction, the droid just affirmed its findings once more to which Dormé balked in horror. Two months... There had been so many times she hadn’t used protection of any kind over the years and she hadn’t ever gotten pregnant. She knew it had to have been after her mistress’s death when she was grieving and trying to find something to keep her alive inside. She didn’t know who the father had been and frankly didn’t care. But the baby, her baby, her own baby...
The remaining dull ache in her now healed hip was nothing compared to the pain she felt over the loss of this little one she hadn’t even known about. Overwhelmed from the events of the day, Dormé didn’t hear anything the droid said about needing to rest and recover. She stumbled over to the glass where she could see Leia resting in the next room and it was then she succumbed to her sorrow. Leia could have had a friend to play with, she thought. Leia could have been a surrogate older sister.
‘There is something else you should know, sir,’ the med droid stated in its usual calm tones.
Vader frowned as he folded his arms. ‘If it’s about Leia—’
‘No, sir, it’s about the child’s mistress and her pregnancy,’ the med droid continued.
Anakin looked blankly at the droid.
‘We did everything we could but we were unable to save the baby,’ it concluded.
Vader furrowed his brow in confusion. ‘Why are you telling me this?’
‘It is standard medical procedure,’ was the only reply given.
Anakin snorted and rolled his eyes. ‘That’s nice. Just because I’m Leia’s father doesn’t mean I’m the father of her child as well. It isn’t my problem. I don’t even know the woman,’ he said in annoyance before thinking about his own situation and of the possible father who had just lost their child. Frowning, he returned his attentions to the droid as he quickly ordered. ‘Don’t tell the father, whoever he is. I think that is something he will need to hear from her personally.’
The droid stared at Vader briefly before continuing in its clipped tones, ‘The pregnancy was terminated in its early stages with the mother unaware of her condition. The father, I theorize, is unaware.’
‘Then it’s best he doesn’t ever learn of it. If that fool woman has any sense in her head she won’t tell him either,’ Anakin snapped as in a rare moment he couldn’t help but feel pity for the mysterious father and the loss he had unwittingly experienced. However, this brought back too many memories and soon the Sith Lord was departing to the room where his daughter was kept in the hopes of clinging onto the present so as to ignore the pain of the past.
Fresh tears came to her eyes as she held Leia, but out of gratitude that wherever they were, they were together. Though still weak from the loss of blood and with the pain returning from the medicine wearing off, Dormé was content with the little one in her arms.
Leia’s mouth was partially opening and Dormé listened to her as she breathed. It was as though the little one had the ability to return purpose to her. ‘I’m sorry you won’t have a friend to play with,’ Dormé whispered to her.
Approaching the medlab, the Sith Lord found his thoughts growing nervous and antsy. He wanted so desperately to see his daughter, to hold her and comfort her in what way he could. But as the Sith Lord approached the room where Leia was being kept, he soon found another had already taken the task of tending to his daughter.
In silence, he watched as the petite woman held the young princess in her arms as though she were the baby’s mother instead of the senator who died at his hands. The memory brought tears to his eyes and for a moment in time, he was grateful for the mask that hid the emotions he wished he could just erase. Blinking them away quickly, Anakin watched them for a moment through the glass before silently entering the room.
Sensing a darkness approaching, Leia’s rest was disturbed and she fidgeting making unappreciative grumbles as she awoke.
Dormé looked up from the infant in her arms, protective of her. She didn’t know who the masked man was or what he was doing there. She didn’t think he was a doctor, more likely another bounty hunter and this angered her more than made her fearful, especially after knowing it was a bounty hunter who had caused her miscarriage.
Leia made every effort with her uncooperative limbs to move away from the scary person and when she because frustrated, she cried, trying to tell her mother to get them away.
Anakin studied the young woman with curiosity in mind. He was appreciative of the fact she bore no hint of fear towards him. While most would cower at the sight of him, this rather fragile and exhausted looking figure was hardly daunted. In fact, she seemed downright annoyed that he was here. While this was amusing it was also a bit unnerving for reasons he couldn’t say. It was as though she knew something about Anakin and that she was holding it over his head. In this case, it was the small bundle of life that was crying and expressing her concerns in Dormé’s arms.
‘It’s OK, I won’t let them hurt you,’ Dormé whispered to Leia as the man watched her. Realising she was in no position to inflict harm on anyone let alone in a condition to protect them, Dormé stood her ground. ‘What planet is this? Who are you?’
At the small woman’s questions, Vader folded his arms and raised a brow beneath his mask. ‘If you don’t know who I am, then you’re an even bigger fool than I thought,’ he stated smoothly, feeling a tinge of insult at the fact he hadn’t been recognised. At the same time, there was a sense of relief at the fact that the reasons she wasn’t intimidated was because she didn’t know him.
With this towering figure of a man, whom she assumed was another bounty hunter, calling her a fool, Dormé’s fury only increased. How dare he call her a fool! But before she had a chance to tell him he was scaring Leia, he told her his identity.
‘I am known as Darth Vader and the little one in your arms is my daughter.’
‘Oh,’ Dormé replied, only now having slight difficulty finding her voice.
However, Leia had no trouble with her pipes as she continued protesting loudly wanting the evil to go away.
‘Well, if you’re Vader, then go ahead and take off that silly mask and greet your daughter properly. You’re scaring her half to death with that thing on.’
Between his daughters weeping and Dormé’s snap reply, the Sith Lord felt his patience wearing thin. ‘Don’t you think I would take off my mask if I could?’ he growled before glancing away as in reality every ounce of him was dying to see his daughter with his own eyes. ‘They say that Leia is fine and can leave the medlabs. I’ve been told you are not. If I am to make proper introductions to my daughter, you’ll either have to come with me to my chambers or have another who can handle a baby join me,’ Vader snapped as he really didn’t want to admit he was too scared to even hold Leia, nevermind take her back to his quarters.
‘I am not leaving her,’ Dormé sniffed in response to the towering form of Vader. She didn’t care about her own health or safety, so long as she wasn’t separated from Leia. With the upset baby in her arms, without hesitation, she took a step towards him, rubbing Leia’s back.
Vader nodded slightly in reply as he turned away with the obvious intent of leading her to his personal quarters. ‘Very well, this way then,’ he simply replied unable now to ignore the hint of admiration felt at her actions. Though he didn’t care that she had only a short time ago lost her own child, Anakin could tell she was quite weakened and was pleased that even now she placed duty over her own personal needs. Leading her to his chambers, which was thankfully near, the Sith Lord couldn’t ignore Leia’s weeping and felt guilty for it. He could only imagine the child’s fear at being moved around so much and was grateful that he had taken the risk to have a nursery set up for her in his chambers. Until he saw the baby in the unconscious form of the handmaiden’s arms, Anakin wasn’t entirely certain his discovery that his child survival was real or just another lost hope.
As they entered his private chambers, Anakin realized another complication had risen. The handmaiden would need a place for rest and at this time, he had none save a few empty guest rooms used for visiting dignitaries he had to tolerate upon his master’s command. Those were quite far away from the nursery and should Leia need her, then it would be a problem indeed. He didn’t speak of this however to the handmaiden until he led her to the nursery. ‘You are Leia’s protector and guardian, are you not?’ he stated rather than asked.
It wasn’t until they were in the hallways that Dormé’s pain hit her fully, but she made no complaints as she followed Vader. Once they entered his chambers and then the nursery, he stopped and spoke to her. Dormé winced slightly from ceasing movement, but nodded to his rhetorical question.
‘I will have chambers designed for your use right away as my daughter may need your presence at any time and the guest wing is too far away for my liking. ‘Until then, I will have one of the side rooms re-arranged to be your temporary living quarters,’ Anakin concluded in cool but polite tones.
Living quarters meant this would be more than a few days, at least that’s what it seemed to Dormé. She was very pleased with this and relief washed over her. She wouldn’t put Leia in the crib until she had calmed down. And as much as her own body needed rest, she would not even sit down until she was given permission. She didn’t want to make any mistakes that would cost her this position. Poor Leia still wasn’t doing any better and Dormé kissed her cheeks, which seemed to help, at least temporarily as her cries were more sniffles now than ear-piercing shrieks.
Vader was so distracted by his own thoughts that he didn’t even register the young woman’s pain until he was speaking over Leia’s tears. Her relief was evident as well and wasn’t missed as he realized the reason for this was that she would be near his little princess. A hint of a smile etched onto his lips at the thought. A more perfect nanny, he couldn’t have found if he tried. But then reminded of her pain once more, he decided it was best she did rest, lest her wounds cause her to falter in her duties. ‘You should rest. There is a couch in the next room if you want to lay down. I will have one of the med droids come and tend to you further,’ he stated before beginning to remove the outer layers of his helmet. It had yet to occur to him that he still didn’t know her name.
Vader seemed to care more about Leia than her adoptive mother, Queen Breha. While Prince Bail had been attentive, the queen often had him off-planet, usually Coruscant for political duties, so Dormé was left as primary caretaker, but now it would seem that she would be able to share the responsibility. Dormé watched as the father began removing his armour, finding he was far younger than she had expected. ‘Shall I leave her with you then, my lord?’ she asked, unaware that he was second-in-command of the empire or a Sith.
Anakin froze at Dormé’s suggestion and felt his heart jump into his throat. As much as he longed to hold Leia he was unfamiliar with such things and didn’t dare chance it.
When their eyes met, Dormé’s own held his gaze, finding something familiar about his blue eyes that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She had seen him before; she was absolutely certain. Eyes like that were not easily forgotten.
Her eyes were just like hers and yet not at all. There was a fire in them that Padmé never had and an edge that marked she had seen much more than most in her short lifetime. This was strangely intriguing, but distracting as well and soon Anakin glanced away as he shook his head slightly. ‘I...I think it would best if you, placed Leia in her cot,’ he admitted quietly not wanting to explain his lack of experience with babies or the fact he wasn’t entirely comfortable with his new limbs.
Dormé complied with her new master’s orders, assuring the little one that she would be back soon and that it was time to rest. Though Leia protested, Dormé knew she would fall asleep soon and that it was safe to leave her in the protection of her father. She walked a bit slower, a with a stiffness marking her pain as she re-entered Vader’s main chambers to lie down on the closest couch. Closing her eyes, she couldn’t ignore the pain any longer, neither could she ignore that she had lost her baby. Without Leia in her arms, it was hard to find consolation in the fact Leia was alive and safe. She wondered if it would have been a little girl. She could still hear Leia crying and though she wanted to be there for her, she knew her daddy was there to care for her.
Vader watched in silence and took note of the woman’s struggles but didn’t interfere as he knew nothing of such matters when it came to tending to a baby. Once Dormé lay on the couch, the Sith Lord promptly went to comm one of the medical droids to return to his personal quarters immediately. Though he lacked the compassion necessary to understand Dormé’s situation, her obvious physical pain was felt through the Force. When combined with Leia’s weeping, Anakin found it hard to stay focused on much and it was with this in mind that he sought to tend to one of the girls complications.
The medical droid arrived fairly quickly and Anakin was quick to order it to tend to Dormé before silently departing to the nursery.
Dormé wasn’t particularly keen on being examined again, but wasn’t really in a position to object. She had torn some of the repairs from having left the medical wing too early. Without the aid of much in the way of pain relief the droid meticulously tended to repairs. She did her best to withhold crying out, grabbing a nearby pillow to muffle herself, and eventually passed out.
The child’s weeping seemed to worsen upon his entry and Anakin felt shy because of it. Fear radiated off her in waves and it left the Sith Lord feeling incredibly shy and uncertain how to react. ‘It’s OK, Leia. You’re safe now. You’re home where you belong,’ he whispered while shyly approaching the cot. Only after removing his gloves did Anakin risk even placing his hand onto the rims of the cot. He didn’t dare try to touch his daughter, not just yet.
There was just something so pure, so innocent and fragile about her that left Vader feeling so unclean and even more unworthy. But she was his child of that he was certain and the thought that all of this was real filled his heart with such joy he had never known.
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