Author: Delliz PM
Post New Moon: Edward and Bella struggle to keep their relationship intact and keep themselves alive. Written book style. Please R&RRated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 27,424 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 08-18-07 - Published: 04-22-07 - id: 3503484
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This is my first Fan-Fic ever. I take my writing seriously but I know I need extreme improvement. This is the reason that I encourage flames; if it's really how you feel, I need to know. Thank you. –Delliz
PS: the songs at the bottom of each chapter are not ones I think you should listen to while reading or that 'inspired' me; they are just songs I'm obsessed with and I'm trying to spread my love for music everywhere.
PPS: I haven't titled my story yet, sorry… and these long winded AN will not happen ever again.
The mud that was still visible beneath the moss coated ground caked on my sneakers. The forest engulfed me into a green darkness with no hope of ever getting out. My head turned franticly from side to side as I walked. My eyes scanned each leaf hoping for even a small glimpse of what I was looking for. Just one look, that's all I need, I pleaded in my head.
The wet air clung to my lungs making it harder to get in a deeper breath. The atmosphere was heavy and made my limbs feel like boulders as I tried to trek across the uneven ground.
My speed picked up as I made my way through the trees, tripping often. I had been in this forest of trees and tall ferns for hours with no hope of prevailing. That's when I realized that the only thing I could ever want, the thing I was looking for, was never coming back.
My screams reverberated through the trees, banging against my ears. My head began to throb with the intensity of my voice. The realization hit me harder and harder as the second ticked by. My body crumpled to a pathetic ball onto the damp forest floor, just like that day. The relentless hole in my chest teased me with pain. Never enough to kill me, just enough to make me feel dead.
He's never coming back. The pitch of my screams reached an all time high as I yelled for his return.
My eyes whipped open with a vengeance. The light from the moon trickled through my window illuminating the tears on my face. As soon as I saw the bed I knew it was only a dream, just another nightmare. I listened for Charlie to make sure that I hadn't woken him up with my screaming. I heard his soft snores drifting through the walls. I released a small breath of relief when I realized I was shaking.
Two cold arms encased my torso as I tried to shift to see why I was moving. I turned my tired head upward to see something that broke my heart instantly. Edward's face was crumpled into a mask of sheer pain. The sound of his broken tearless sobs drenched the air of my room. His lips trembled as he spoke to quietly for me to hear.
My own tears increased as I realized he had heard me screaming. This was my entire fault. I gently moved my hands and pulled his arms away from me. His sobs increased as I pushed my body away from his on the small confine of my bed. I continued to move until my back was against the wall and then I leaned forward and took a hold of his shoulders with my small fingers.
I pulled on him as hard as I could. He wouldn't budge; his muscles tensed away from me.
"Edward…" I whispered, "Please." When I attempted to pull him towards me again he allowed me to. I placed his head in my lap and stroked his hair back away from his face. My other hand rubbed his back. I tried to get a hold on my own emotions, but it was just too hard when he was like this because of me. I think we just sat there for an hour; me holding him and crying slowly and silently with him.
His broken and frantic voice finally cracked through the silence that had consumed us.
"Bella, I-" He broke off just as quickly as he had started when another sob wracked his marble body. I hushed him softly and stoked his face. I whispered to him that I was here and I wasn't going anywhere without him, I needed him to see that I was going to help him as much as I could no matter what. Just because I wasn't a vampire, didn't mean I had to sit here and do nothing when he needed me.
I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes to push back the tears. As I continued to stroke his hair and rub his back, I did the only thing I could think of. I began to hum my lullaby very softly. When the song was over I began again.
After a few times of doing this I felt his body begin to calm down and his breaths become more regular against my skin. I breathed in his amazing scent and allowed it to calm the rest of my nerves.
I slowly opened my eyes only to see my angel starting intently up at my face. Our eyes remained locked for what seemed like hours. I broke off my humming and gave him a small smile. Confusion rippled though his face as he stared at me. My hand found his face again as I pushed a small bit off his bronze hair away from his dark eyes. When I was pulling away again he grabbed my hand and brought it to his cheek, holding my warm palm there he closed his eyes.
"I'm sorry." I said this so quietly any normal person would not have heard me. He began to shake his head slowly back and forth, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. When he opened his eyes again the midnight color they were held so many emotions it was overwhelming.
"Bella don't. This is entirely my fault and you are too good to sit here and deal with me right now. I can't believe that I put you through this. I truly am a monster, I should have just stayed in Alaska last year and saved you all this hurt. I can't-"
"Don't you dare say that ever again." I spoke each word separately and strongly. As much conviction as I had in my entire body went into these words. He was not leaving again. I told this to myself over and over again as my tears began to spill over my cheeks again. The lithe skin of his cold fingers reached up to brush them away.
"I'm not going anywhere ever again, I promise on my life, Bella." His eyes held nothing but love and sadness as he said this. His stare pleaded with me to believe him. I opened my mouth but he continued to speak.
"That was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire existence. I put both of us through unnecessary physical and emotional pain that was beyond anything we could have ever imagined. I deserve hell after what I did to you." He spoke quickly after seeing my expression change to one of horror. "I do Bella, but I promise now that I will never leave you side ever again unless it is to hunt, and even then I will only be gone for as long as absolutely needed. No one can keep me from you, not even myself. I think even if you tried to send me away at this point I would never be to far away, I have to take care of you Bella.'
"I don't want you here because you feel a responsibility to stay and make sure I don't get off-ed by tripping down the stairs or getting hit by cars Edward. I want you here-"
"I love you Bella, I would do anything for you, absolutely anything. I want to take care of you because I love you. If anything ever happened to you again I know I wouldn't be able to exist any longer. I just want you to give me once last chance to prove to you that I'm not a horrible selfish monster. You are my life."
"I love you too Edward, you aren't a monster and you never have been." With this he pulled me down and held me close to his body. As we lay there our breathing matched, our bodies fit into each other's perfectly, kismet. That is the only explanation.
Moments like this, when our honesty with each other prevails over our own stubbornness, were uncommon in our relationship. We felt the constant need to protect the other from what we are thinking, feeling, and in Edward's case, what he is. In that moment we were equals, vampire and human, but equal.
Moments with Edward at all were hard to come by. This afternoon when Jacob brought my red motorcycle over from his house to tell Charlie was one of the worse in my life, right up there with the day Edward left me.
To say the least, Charlie was enraged. The second I stepped into the house I turned to him to begin apologizing profusely but he did something so horrible. He just raised a hand to silence me, looked at me with complete disappointment, and pointed upstairs. I walked dejectedly up the steps and opened my bedroom door and walked over to my desk chair. I sat there for hours with my arms folded across my chest staring at the floor. Edward had been there, he tried to speak several times, opening and closing his mouth. When I finally started to cry he brought me over to my bed and lay there soothing me until I fell into a restless sleep.
Edward's voice broke me out of my thoughts.
"Bella, you still have a few hours until school starts, try and sleep." I just tucked my head into his chest as he pulled the blankets over my shoulders again. This time he hummed as I drifted back off into darkness.
"We'll get through this, I know we will," was the last thing I heard before sleep swallowed me.
Song: 'Stolen' by Dashboard Confessional