Somewhere I Belong

Band-Linkin Park

CD-Meteora

When this began

I had nothing to say

And I got lost in the nothingness inside of me

It had been going on for as long as Naruto could remember. Indeed, they are his earliest memories: cold eyes, parents pulling their children away from him as he ran crying down the street, drunk villagers yelling insults, sometimes hurting him if they could catch him. He had learned to be fast. He had learned to run away. Naruto never responded, took it all silently. Part of him just didn’t know what to say. The other part thought that if he spoke that would be confirming his despair, and that if he didn’t, maybe it would just go away.

But it never did, not completely.

I was confused

And I let it all out to find

That I’m not the only person with these thing in mind

He didn’t understand why they hated him for a long time. When he finally did, the knowledge, his curse, nestled in his heart and burned a hole there. He did not let it disturb the happy, stupid mask he had learned to grow.

The thing that he hated the most was the loneliness.

And he knew others shared his pain, but he, like them, could never let it show but once. So it stayed and took root the only place that it could find.

Inside of me

But all the vacancy, the words revealed

Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel

Nothing to lose

Just stuck

Hollow and alone

And the fault is my own

And the fault is my own

Gaara hated his demon, hated his secret. The entire village knew, and feared him for it. But there were people he needed to tell about his human side, people he needed to confide in. People to get rid of the emptiness, the solitude. He didn’t know who they were yet. But when he found them, he wouldn’t hesitate. What should he fear? He had no friends.

But he knew that if he had not been born a killer than none of this would have happened.

I want to heal

I want to feel

What I thought was never real

I want to let go of the pain I felt so long

Erase all the pain ‘till it’s gone

The Kyuubi vessel had only two dreams. One: to become Hokage. Two: To no longer be burdened by this terrible pain. It might impossible for someone like him, but he wanted release from his burden, release from his agony.

I want to heal

I want to feel

Like I’m close to something real

I want to find something I wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

Gaara hoped for redemption, for the guilt and misery that haunted the small fragments of his human self that remained. He wanted to love something. People were abstract, yes, things, to kill, to scare, to cry about. He hated that. He wanted to love someone. He wanted to be accepted. He wanted to belong.

And I’ve got nothing to say

I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face

I was confused

Looking everywhere only to find

That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind

Mostly, Naruto kept silent. The little boy was amazed that he hadn’t been banished, that one day they would let him become a warrior to fight for the village. He didn’t know that he was supposed to be a hero. He didn’t know that his suffering had probably saved the lives of thousands. All he knew was that he had done nothing, and it didn’t make sense. He searched for a reason, something rational that explained why they hated him. But he realized before he had celebrated many birthdays alone that he had been wrong. Because their hatred had no reason, and wasn’t rational.

And he learned that you could be guilty for something you did not do.

So what am I?

What do I have but negativity?

‘Cause I can’t justify the way everyone is looking at me

Nothing to lose

Nothing to gain

Human or monster? That was the question that plagued Gaara, if he was even Gaara at all. He had nothing good. He didn’t understand why everyone hated him. He had hurt people, but it was always an accident. Gaara was gentle, but he had hit the bottom of the bottom.

He thought nothing could get worse, but when the only one he loved betrayed him, it did. And now he knew that nothing could get worse, but nothing could ever get better.

Hollow and alone

And the fault is my own

And the fault is my own

Why am I so different from the other children? Why am I so worthless? Naruto asked these questions every night, and every night he gave himself the same cruel answer.

It must have been something I did.

I want to heal

I want to feel

What I thought was never real

I want to let go of the pain I’ve held so long

Erase all the pain ‘till it’s gone

Relief. Pleasure. Two words he always believed were beyond him. But still, he hoped for them. Still, he cried out to the person that he had stopped believing in—but cried all the same. Free me. Let me feel joy.

I want to heal

I want to feel

Like I’m close to something real

I want to find something I wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

This, the blonde boy had learned, was not pain that you could take away with medicine or a bandage. And this, the blonde boy had learned, was pain that left you feeling even worse: cold and numb. Everyone needs comrades. His had never come. But still he searched.

I will never know

Myself until I do this on my own

Gaara promised, when he was human and could stand to think, that he would find Gaara the human and bring him to power. It was a battle no one could help him with, a battle no one would knew he fought. But that makes the battle all the more important. It was something he did for himself.

I will never feel

Anything else until my wounds are healed

He knew the numbness would only go away when he found someone to help sew up his broken and bleeding heart. And he knew that it was something he could not do on his own. Naruto knew that if he never saw a smile in his direction, he would die. And Naruto knew that right now, if he died, no one would care.

I will never be

Anything ‘till I break away from me

I will break away

I’ll find myself

Gaara had to split the human from the demon and fight alongside the human to the top. He promised himself that he would do this. He will find the human Gaara. He will become the human Gaara. Because in the end, this is a battle he was born to fight.

Today

And both boys knew it had to happen soon.

But, because (they didn’t know it yet, but) both boys have great destinies to make, they had faith that they would do it.

And, through pain and struggle, they did.