Author’s Note: I actually got this idea off of the Twilight Lexicon. I was reading the topic “Has Edward ever had a job?” or something to that effect. And this popped into my insane little mind. I posted a watered down and smaller version of this on there…

Disclaimer: I don’t own Twilight, Edward, or whatever restaurant I’m going to use below, I haven’t decided yet.

Edward: Cashier Extraordinaire

He pulled the bright red and polyester uniform over his head, topping it all off with a bright yellow cap with the words “How exactly can I help you today?” splayed across that top. Then he slid his legs into the black jeans that lay across the floor. They seemed to be a tad too small, to teenage girl’s eventual delight everywhere.

He swiveled to glance in the mirror. From the neck down, he looked like any other teenage boy forced to work at a fast food restaurant by his parents and siblings because they said he had too much free time on his hands, although he did fill out the shirt in a way most teenage boys only dream of, again, the teenage girls appreciated. From the neck up, it was a whole different story.

Adjusting the cap slightly, he turned away and headed down the stairs. He had not taken more than three steps where he would normally not have been, under normal circumstances, blinded by countless flashes of bright white light. Not that he was what you would call “under normal circumstances.” He could hear the click and whirl of the digital and video cameras.

“Edward: Loser. Scene One: Take One. Action!” Emmett snickered from behind the camera lens.

“Emmett? What do you think you’re doing?” Edward snarled at him gracefully, was it too much to ask for his family to let him keep at least an ounce of his dignity intact?

Yes, yes it was. “I’m making my first documentary; this one’s going straight to Sundance!” Emmett joked and panned in and out several times, and if you were to have actually watched his “documentary” you would have a fairly severe case of motion sickness.

Edward took a step forward, a reply forcing his mouth open. “Edward! Hold on a second! You are ridiculous, Emmett!” He breathed a sigh of relief and turned to look at his savior’s voice.

Alice came rushing down the stairs, a smile stretched across her face that couldn’t possibly mean well for our handsome hero. “Didn’t I tell you not to start without me?” She stopped swiftly in front of Edward, pulling a small microphone clip out of her pocket and attaching it to his shirt. “There, Edward: Loser. This is Scene One, take Two. Action!” She gave the thumbs up to the camera.

“Okay, Edward, let’s take it from the top, shall we? And Alice? Only I say action, does your chair say director on the back? No, it in fact, does not. It says, “Technical Advisor.” Let’s keep our roles straight, we don’t want to confuse the actor.” Emmett’s growl was slightly ruined by the grin on his face, as he adjusted the camera, and focused it back in on Edward’s face. He turned away from it and 

sauntered out of the door, into the garage. It was amazing the lengths Alice and Emmett would go to ridicule him.

He had sufficient time to build his injured mood back up in the ten minutes it took him to drive to Bella’s house. He had just enough time for a quick hello before he had to head off to his “job.” If you could actually call what he was doing a “job.” He liked to refer to it as “a complete waste of time” or “the result of a serious miscalculation.” A few hours flipping greasy burgers and dealing with overweight people who couldn’t stop eating long enough to order more food was fine for an immature sixteen or seventeen year old whose parents thought that they needed to learn “responsibility” and “the value of a dollar.”

But he wasn’t seventeen, at least not in the technical sense of the number, he thoroughly understood responsibility, and he was pretty sure he understood the value of a dollar (even if he didn’t often think of it). He just didn’t see the point…

By now he had pulled up Bella’s driveway and was gliding his way to her front door. He knocked once and, in what seemed to be becoming a habit, readjusted the hat. It apparently to like to lean sideways.

He could hear her fly to the door, the way her socks slid over the slick linoleum, and the solid sounding thump! as she slammed into the other side of the door. She had slipped, again. After a few agonizing seconds, for him (Bella was fine), she finally threw the door open. It slammed back into the wall as he jumped over the threshold and pulled her to him.

He half-dragged her over to the couch, and raked his eyes up and down over her, making sure she wasn’t hurt, of course. Although he did look a couple of more times than was strictly required, seeing as she was, as was mentioned previously, completely unharmed.

Bella, on the other hand, had let him look her over, knowing that he wouldn’t listen when she insisted that she was alright and she blushed when she realized he was no longer looking out of alarm. He was looking just to be looking, just because he had a valid excuse. Her blush faded as she darted her eyes away from his, taking in his outfit.

She, knowing it would hurt his feelings (and ego) if she laughed, dutifully clamped her mouth shut and pulled herself into a sitting position.

“So, are you ready for your first day?” She looked back up at him innocently, too innocently if he’d admit it to himself.

“Not in the slightest, but what choice do I have?” He looked at her, downtrodden.

“It’s just a job, Edward. I have one too, you know.” She rolled her eyes, thinking “Overreaction.”

“Yes, you do. You have a job that lets you keep your dignity and that requires you to do almost nothing. I have a job that has already forced me into a neon-hued required uniform and given my 

brother and sister sufficient enough material to blackmail me privately and publically (they’re videotaping it, I’ll have you know) for at least another one hundred some-odd years. I must point out, that all this has occurred before I have even stepped one foot on the premises.”

She covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a giggle. “For your information, I do much more than “nothing” at my job. It’s just a slow season, that’s all. I would appreciate if you would keep from putting down my job, Burger Boy.”

Only Bella could have called him “Burger Boy” and get away unscathed. Although he did shoot her a dirty look, or as dirty a look as he could shoot her. But the look was replaced with a small smile before she could retaliate with one of her own.

He glanced back at the clock on the opposite wall and groaned. “I have to go; I wouldn’t want to be late for my first shift.”

She just grinned and leaned forward for a kiss.

!!

“… and you push this button right here, the one that has a cheeseburger on it, if they order a cheeseburger, and you hit it twice if they want to order a double cheeseburger. Got that? Then, see these things here, they are called numbers, we use these things to number the meals… If they order a six… you push the key that says six… Got that?”

“Yes, I “got” that, and I “got” that. It’s not exactly rocket science, is it now?” Edward spat to the severe overachieving middle aged manager, who looked like he had more than enough experience with lippy teenagers.

“Let’s just see how you do.” The manager said, narrowing his eyes and backing away. Edward raised one eyebrow and turned back to where his first customer waited.

A polite smile filled his face and slightly brightened his eyes, that is, it did. But all traces of a smile left his face, and his eyes switched to murky.

Because, the person who had the honor/curse of being his first customer just happened to be…

Not Jacob Black. For all of you who thought it would be raise your hands. Everyone knows there were a lot of you… How predictable would that have been? You should think better of the author…

Now where were we? Oh yes, his first customer just happened to be no other than…

Charlie Swan, Forks Own Police Chief and the somewhat-estranged future-father-in-law of our very own Edward Cullen.

Chief Swan’s mouth had formed a little “o” of surprise, and quickly shifted to mocking amusement. “Well, hello there Edward, fancy seeing you here.” Although it wasn’t fancy seeing him here, not at all.

“Hello, Chief Swan. Er, how may I help you today, sir?” He shifted his weight back and forth between his two feet awkwardly.

“No, Edward. I think the question is: how have you not already helped me today? The day has recently taken a rather sharp turn to being a good day. How are the fries here?” He still had the cheeky grin plastered on his face.

“They’re, um, they’re fried.”

Charlie rolled his eyes back and forth. “I kind of figured that one out myself. And stop calling me sir, you’re scaring me a bit.”

“What can I get you, sir? I have to say that, it’s part of the “Friendly and Enthusiastic” rule they have here, sir.” Edward asked and stated desperately, sure that this would not end well.

“I’m not sure, what do you recommend?”

Edward blurted out before thinking, “I wouldn’t eat anything here, to be honest. It’s thoroughly unsanitary, sir.”

The manager chose this particular point to intercede.

“Howdy Chief Swan! How are you today?” The overly friendly manager said, effectively pushing Edward out of the way. “Can I interest you in a number four? With a free upgrade to supersize?”

Then he turned to Edward. “Why don’t you head back and deal with the window? Eric’ll show you the ropes.”

Edward was sure that everyone in the immediate 50-mile radius would be hearing how “incompetent” and “rude” Edward Cullen was at his new job, courtesy Chief Swan.

One last glance at Charlie’s shining face and twinkling eyes was as good as a confession in the eyes of our disgruntled burger boy.

!!

“Welcome to Forks’ best burger joint, we guarantee you’ll probably need a fork to eat Washington’s biggest burger, found right here at Forks’ best burger joint! How may I help you?” Edward disdainfully read off the plastic-laminated slightly yellowed card that was thrust into his hands when he had appeared in the small alcove the drive-thru windows were located in.

“No, no, Ed! With more enthusiasm, you want them to spread the good word, don’t you?” I demanding and slightly greasier than was usual for him Eric Yorkie asked.

Edward’s withering look seemed answer enough for the both of them.

“Well,” an uncomfortable Eric continued, “just try not to sound like you’re going to rip their heads off and suck their blood, will ya! I have a reputation to uphold here, you see.” He gestured behind him, where the small section of wall was covered with framed photographs.

Edward’s heightened bad mood, in reaction to the vampire dig, was lightened a good measure when he glanced closer at the wall.

Eric’s own face beamed down at him, in what looked to be the very same hat that was ruining Edward’s hair, in countless pictures acting as wallpaper for the wall.

“That’s an incredible achievement, Eric. You should be very proud of being Forks’ best burger joint’s Employee of the Month for three years running.” Eric, maybe mistaking the pained look on Edward’s face for awe and admiration than the look of hidden mirth and bitten back laughs it really was.

“I’m leaving soon, college.” He began, with a wave of his hand. “And you, Edward Cullen, could soon see your face smiling down from the very wall you see here.” The way he smiled and the way his eyes filled with misty pride, you would have thought he was opening the door to the White House for the newly inaugurated President of the United States of America.

Edward just turned back to the window, where a customer now sat, browsing over the menu.

This had to be an evil and ill-humored joke.

Mike Newton sat in the front seat of the car, reading over the limited choices the limited menu offered. He seemed to make up his mind, turning to the window, when he stopped.

A loud and maniac-sounding laugh filled Edward’s sensitive ears.

“Cullen? You work here? Why?” Mike doubled over onto his steering wheel, tears falling from the sheer happiness and the force of his laugh.

“Welcome to Forks’ best burger joint, we guarantee you’ll probably need a fork to eat Washington’s biggest burger, found right here at Forks’ best burger joint! How may I help you?” Edward spoke in a low voice, infusing those words with more coldness than they had ever been uttered with before.

“I can’t eat now! Are you insane? No one’s going to believe this! Just wait until I tell Lauren and Jessica! Tyler will fall of his seat! And Bella! Does she know about this?”

“Of course she does, you blathering idiot. We’re in a relationship, or didn’t you realize from the way she snubs you continuously?” Mike gave him a scathing look, threw his car into drive, and sped away…

Approaching footsteps could be heard, and Edward turned around with a groan.

It was the manager, and he looked livid.

“Mr. Cullen, did that customer just leave without ordering?”

“No, sir. He decided he wasn’t hungry enough to do Forks’ best burger joint’s unbelievable burgers, he said he’ll come back later.”

“Of course he did. Mr. Cullen, I just don’t think things are going to work out for you here. If you would, drop your hat and shirt in the box by the door on your way out.”

Edward spluttered. “Are you firing me? Sir…” He added as an afterthought.

The manager nodded his head curtly and pushed a frightened looking Eric back into the room, where he cowered against the door frame as Edward pushed by.

Even worse than working at a burger joint… was being fired from a burger joint.

Emmett’s film must might win an Oscar with this top-notch material.