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Disclaimer – I own no one apart from Lance-Constable K. Valentine. She is my own creation and if you don’t like her, complain to me:P

Chapter Two – Her

With a grumble Vetinari sat as his desk, his hand poised above a piece of lavender-scented paper, pen in hand. She hated Lavenders. And lavender always got him in the mood to write a very angry letter. The type with lots of exclamation marks and ink splodges over in the corners. Of course, he wasn’t so messy as to allow that sort of thing disgrace a perfectly good, insultingly clean letter with idle death threats. But again, The Patrician wasn’t that petty. He was going to act completely stable and calm while inside his guts were screaming for bloody, bloody vengeance. How could she leave him!? Those damn Uberwalds, not useful for anything…

But he was going to miss her. As ditzy and completely stupid as she was, he was actually going to miss the damn woman. But there were plenty of fish in the sea...

And Squid

And octopi

And he was sure there were some sharks there too…

But maybe there was something there, without any fangs or weird feelers. Just… a woman.

He put the pen down, sighing. He realised that he couldn’t write her a letter… it would just be a testament to how betrayed and angry he felt inside. And he did not need that. He had to be strong… if he wasn’t anything else he would’ve died years ago, assassinated by the very same skills he used to cherish and put to good use. Maybe that’s why no one ever wanted to be with him. Maybe they were all scared that he would stab them in the back when they were sleeping.

But he wouldn’t. Isn’t it everyone’s dream to be loved? He almost laughed. Loved? Pah, he’d be lucky. With everything going wrong around him, he would be lucky if any woman ever looked in his direction again. He stood up and picked up a small dragon-like device, he pressed a button and spoke into the tail. “Get me Vimes,” He hissed.

---

Vimes sat with Carrot, Valentine, Nobby, Colon and Angua. It was getting on, and it had been a slow day. In fact, not one of the Watchmen had been injured and that was a miracle in a city like Ankh-Morpork, it annoyed him. It felt like it got him out of practice, but then, all he had to face him was that godsforsaken heap of paperwork. He winced and shoved it out of his mind.

Angua was talking about the last time they went on a pub crawl and Vimes smiled faintly. That was when Carrot… no… that was the time before… or was it… no he was pretty sure… what?

A weird sort of silence pulled him from his thoughts and he looked around the table. Cheery was stood next to him with a piece of paper. “Sir, Lord Vetinari wishes to speak with you.” She said.

“What?” He gasped. “But… but… It’s almost seven o’clock!”

“I’m sorry Sir.” Cheery saluted and stood back, just in case Vimes wished to yell and stamp his feet for a little bit. She didn’t wish to be trod on. Valentine sat up. She hesitated.

“Spit it out Lance-Constable.”

“Well.” Valentine smiled. “I was wondering if I could accompany you to the palace sir?”

Angua and Carrot exchanged glances and Vimes seemed to consider this. “Where are you staying tonight?”

“With me Sir.” Angua chipped in. “Just until she finds somewhere decent to stay.”

“Hmm…” Vimes stood up. “I’ll take you, Angua and Carrot. Everyone else can turn in early.”

“Can I-?” Nobby started but Vimes cut across him.

“No,” He said flatly.

---

Vetinari smiled. “Ah Vimes,” He nodded at Angua, “Sergeant” and Carrot, “Captain,” but stopped when his eyes met Valentine’s. They widened. “Who’s this?”

“This is Lance-Constable Valentine, Sir.” Vimes explained. “She joined two weeks ago.”

Valentine didn’t seem to know whether she should bow or salute so she settled with an odd mix of the both.

“You have high hopes for her?” Vetinari smiled at Vimes.

“Very much so Sir.” He replied.

“Good. Well, if you’ll all sit down.” He motioned to the chairs and Vimes, Carrot and Angua sat. Valentine stayed on her feet, near Vimes’ chair. He turned to her.

“Sit down, Lance-Constable.” He hissed.

“Yessir!” And she complied.

“Well… this matter is … quite… embarrassing, shall we say? I’m not sure what you think of emotional matters, but even though it is not thought so, I, too, do have emotions.” Vetinari began.

“Never would have thought differently Sir.” Vimes said, a little too quickly and Vetinari fixed him with a look.

“Well…” He kept the look there for a moment or two and then continued. “As some of you know, I was… involved with a woman from Uberwald. It turns out that she did not … have it in her life’s plan to be the wife of a Patrician.” He wrinkled his nose slightly.

Valentine was hanging on every word. It was her first time so close to the patrician and she could certainly find something in this to tell her grandchildren when she had some. Or even children for that matter. Ryan had… no… never mind.

“And so she’s decided to marry a Klatchian.” There was a sharp intake of breath and Carrot and Angua exchanged knowing glances. Vimes was stone-faced.

“So I want you, or at least one of you, to help me find someone new.”

“We are the Watch, Lord Vetinari… not matchmakers.” Vimes sighed, putting his notebook away. “We’re all too busy.” He looked over at Valentine, who saw his glance and her face became a picture of desperation. Well… she could use the experience… “Valentine can help you sir.” He announced. Valentine sighed.

“She can?” Angua gasped before she had thought better of it, echoed, quietly by Carrot.

“I can?”

“She can.” Vimes nodded and stood up. “Now if that’s it your lordship, Carrot, Angua and I need to be elsewhere. Goodbye.” And they all left the room. Valentine winced as the door slammed and she, equally surprised as Vetinari himself, looked over at the Patrician.

She smiled, nervously.

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