Summary: Think about it. What was Seph like prior to Nibelheim? Did he ever have sick days, hangovers, telemarketers that would not leave him alone? Well, you can bet your ugly f-king boots he did! And so this fic, which will eventually become a series of oneshots/drabbles, has come into being. Proof that Sephiroth is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, as human as you and I!

Disclaimer: Lemme check real quick. Hmmm... Nope. I still don't own Final Fantasy VII or Sephiroth. He visits me from time to time, but I don't own him. Truth be told, I don't think Square Enix really does either. They just say they do. NEWSFLASH: Square Enix also owns the characters from whom I steal the names of the 'little menaces.'

Queen's Quornor: Since more than a few of you have asked so nicely... We have had requests for the return of the puppies that Masai liberated from the labs. The reason I haven't really done anything with them has been simple: I couldn't think of anything to do with them! So I sat in my corner and pondered for awhile, and at last raised my arm and finger into the air and shouted "Eureka!" The puppies, as per request, have powers. And each pup has been named after characters from another famous S.E. game/s who use those powers or at least look like their canine namesake. The pups have also changed appearance, meaning their fur has grown out or shortened or whatever and the color of their pelts has changed. Hey, it happens in real life; dalmations' spots don't start showing up until two to four weeks after their birth. I had plenty of experience to draw on in the realm of normal puppy behavior, though. My mom used to breed and raise English Springer Spaniels. Try to guess who the last two are!

Cute Little Destructive Menaces

"Larxene! Put that down!"

A little yellow puppy with big green eyes raced into the living room and under Zack's feet, carrying a black leather glove in its mouth. The SOLDIER could have sworn he saw the miniature canine smile at him as it ducked under the armchair, where it would nearly impossible for its pursuor to get at it. Sephiroth jogged into the room and dropped to his stomach beside the armchair, sticking one arm into the puppy's hidey-hole. The puppy narrowed its eyes and the silver-haired man jumped as a jolt of yellow electricity shot from the puppy's hide to his hand and up his arm.

"Larxene..." he growled. "Give me my glove back. Now. "

The puppy play-snarled and shook the glove violently, teeth bared and ears flopping adorably. The yellow fur crackled with electricity.

Zack smiled and settled more comfortably into his seat on the sofa, still stroking the puppy in his lap and reading the book propped up against his knees. The puppy, a little blue/silver/lavender creature with one ear flopping over his right eye, stared intently at the book, completely ignoring the antics of his sadistic sister. "I don't think she wants to give it back, Seph."

"You know, you could stop petting Zexion and help me get it away from her," Sephiroth grumbled, glaring at the victorious Larxene.

"Or if I was a really nice person, I could stop Axel from running off with your boot," the younger man commented, flipping to another page.

"What?" Sephiroth turned around to see a skinny puppy with fur the color of blood and fire, as spiky as Zack's own hair, determinedly tugging one of his long black boots backwards into the kitchen with pleased little growly noises. "Axel!" The puppy dropped the boot and leapt onto the couch beside Zack, his aqua eyes dancing with mirth. "I swear, between Axel and Larxene, I'm surprised I have any leather accessories left," the silver-haired man grumped, retreiving his boot. "Either Larxene chews them to pieces, or Axel turns them into soot."

"And Roxas steals your keys." The runt of the litter, a yellowish-brown puppy with bright blue eyes and hair even spikier than Axel's, was prancing by with Sephiroth's set of keys clamped between his teeth.

"At least I know where he takes them. Masai always brings them back when he's finished chewing on them." Sephiroth stood up and threw his boot back into his room, narrowly avoiding hitting Marluxia with it. The pink-furred puppy shot a glare at his owner, thorny vines snapping into being beneath his paws, then lifted his nose in the air and flounced off into the kitchen, followed by a shower of pink flower petals.

"Hey Seph. Don't you think there's something weird about Saix over there?" Zack asked, nodding to a blue-furred, wolfish-looking puppy standing on the arm of the chair closest to the window, his amber-colored eyes fixed directly on the nearly-full moon outside. "I mean, he's always staring at the moon whenever it's out... And it's downright creepy, especially with that little white X between his eyes."

"All of these puppies are head-cases, Zack. That's why Masai and I are taking care of them." Sephiroth plopped down on the armchair under which Larxene was hiding, watching as the final member of the litter, the uncrowned 'leader' of the pups, crawled out from beneath the couch. This puppy had a snow-white, spiky coat of longer fur than most of the others, and his eyes were the color of burnished gold. Sephiroth had named him 'Xemnas.'

Most of the pups seemed to respect him and give him space (except for Saix, who he seemed extremely close to); the exception was the fearless Axel. The two SOLDIERs watched the red-furred puppy tamp down on the couch, cyan eyes fixed soley on Xemnas, and pounced, bearing the white-furred puppy to the floor and proceeding to play-fight with him, chewing on his ear. Xemnas yelped and shook his head, tearing his ear out of Axel's teeth, and narrowed his golden eyes. A pair of red laser beams shot out of the pupils, nailing Axel right on the tail. The red puppy cried out and slapped one paw down on the ground, sending a small wave of fire rushing at Xemnas. Now the fight was serious; neither puppy was playing anymore.

"Shit! Zack, grab Axel!" Sephiroth commanded, snatching Xemnas out of harm's way. The younger man set Zexion aside and scooped up the fire-loving puppy and stamped out the flames, holding tightly to Axel as he tried to squirm out of his grasp. "I swear, these pups are more trouble than they're worth sometimes."

"Hey, they can't help it they have these powers. Hojo's the one who spliced their genes with cells from certain types of materia. Blame him!"

"It's not just random, Zack." Sephiroth sighed and petted Xemnas. "These pups are all a lot smarter than your average canine. Well, maybe not Roxas. I'm not sure what to think of his obsession with my keys."

Zack heard the door opening and glanced over to see Masai entering the apartment. He felt his eyes widen.

"Um... Seph?"

"Yes, Zack?"

"Are you sure there weren't any more puppies in the labs?"

"Absolutely. Why?"

"Look at Masai."

Sephiroth followed his gaze and groaned. Clamped tightly in the tiger's jaws were the napes of two additional puppies, one a brown and grey brindle with an extremely long tail, only one eye, and a jagged scar covering the other one, and the other newcomer the same color as Roxas but with bright green eyes and shorter fur. The white tiger set them gently on the floor and settled onto his haunches as Zexion hopped off the couch and came over to investigate, sniffing them with an almost scholarly air before sneezing and returning to Zack's lap.

Sephiroth shook his head. "Well, I'm glad someone approves of them. Because now I have a grand total of nine additional mouths to feed!"

"Not to mention clean up after..." Zack smirked, watching the one-eyed puppy lift its leg against the armchair. Beneath the chair, Larxene narrowed her eyes and sent a jolt of electricity into the puddle, which had spread so that one of the brindle's paws was standing in it. The one-eyed pup yelped in pain and ran off into the kitchen.

"Actually, they tend to discipline themselves," Sephiroth said with a smirk. "Or at least, Larxene does. She's the closest thing to a sadist I've ever seen in a canine."

"Savage little thing, isn't she?"

Sephiroth sighed and continued to stroke Xemnas' ears as the sound of leather being ripped to shreds resonated from beneath the chair. "You have no idea."