Voila! The last chapter of this story! Unfortunately, it isn’t as funny as I thought it would be. But I can’t seem to improve it anymore…

Anyway, have fun reading it!

I don’t own Bleach.

Rain splattered in through the open window as huge gusts of wind outside whipped about frantically. The candle light flickered, throwing alternate streaks of light and shadow over the walls of the room.

Ichimaru Gin squeaked again.

The novel slipped from his fingers as he shot to his feet, painfully aware of how the bottom of his yukata flared out prettily as he did. “Ai… Aizen taichou!” he stammered, feeling the rush of panic and terror to his chest. “Wh… how….?”

Brown eyes glinted in the dark as a deep, soft laugh echoed along with the resounding thunder that seemed to rock the whole division. “Surprised? I have long discovered it would take more than an ordinary taichou to detect me when I really want to remain hidden,” Aizen Sousuke commented, dripping incessantly onto Ichimaru Gin’s nicely polished floor. With a flourish, he set himself comfortably on a cushion despite the fact that he was totally wet and smiled in the direction of said ordinary taichou.

“Wh…” Ichimaru swallowed painfully. “Yes, can I help you, Aizen taichou?”

A deep chuckle escaped the older taichou’s lips. “You could stop quavering and sit down. You are starting to sound like that rather useless fukutaichou of yours.”

There was a long pause then said Kira look-alike sat down abruptly with a huge scowl on his face (and given the dimensions Ichimaru Gin’s mouth could stretch to, it was very literally, a humongous scowl).

In all modesty, Ichimaru Gin could claim to possess huge amounts of patience and tolerance. It was, after all, part of what made him an excellent captain. Of course, his general sliminess and delight in playing evil pranks made him a really lousy captain, but given his fore-mentioned attributes, in all honestly, everything worked out just fine.

However, in this situation, Ichimaru Gin found his huge quantities of patience and tolerance running out. It was one thing to address Ichimaru Gin as an “ordinary captain”, it was quite another insult to address Ichimaru Gin as being similar to Kira Izuru. Ichimaru Gin did not gel his hair every morning and he was not afraid of everything that had any number of legs other than two. (In truth, Ichimaru Gin had tried gelling his hair once after he had overheard some girls commenting on the general hotness of Zaraki Kenpachi’s hair; the experiment had not turned out… well.)

At any rate, Ichimaru Gin found himself sorely insulted by the (inaccurate) comparisons between himself and one Kira Izuru. Thus, despite his homophobia, Ichimaru Gin found himself straightening his back and glaring at one Aizen Sousuke (sadly, having to spare the effort to open his eyes to do so).

“Aizen taichou,” he snapped. “May I enquire as to why you have broken into my bedroom and occupied my favourite cushion while still dripping wet so late in the night?” (Ok, so the favourite cushion part was a lie, but Ichimaru Gin was currently too annoyed to giggle incessantly at the like he had just made.)

Said accused captain smiled mysteriously. “Ah, but you know already, don’t you, Ichimaru-kun.” The smile widened. “I have known you for a good few decades. That little innocent act of yours doesn’t fool me. I think you are quite aware of why I am approaching you, and why this time of the night is most appropriate for our endeavors.”

The blood in his veins ran cold (or at least, even colder than usual) and Ichimaru Gin found his glare withering away into a mildly terrified look. “Excuse me?” he squeaked, wishing now he was wearing more layers of clothing than what he was wearing now.

“Drop that act, Gin,” Aizen chuckled. “I have no patience for all your little side tricks and manipulative ways. It might work on all the other captains and the little girls you enjoy seducing, but I have been your captain for a long time, and I know when you are trying to sidle away.”

Ichimaru Gin’s mind reeled. It reeled in ways he had never known it could reel. The general reeling gave him the sense of being thrown into Hueco Mundo and then sucked back and then thrown into Hell and then sucked back again - repeatedly. The specific reeling in his head made him feel like he had just summoned the nerve to ask Matsumoto Rangiku on a date and she had laughed then delivered a very well-aimed kick in the very specific direction of the vulnerable area between his legs.

It made him nauseous.

It made him dizzy.

It made him vindictive.

Pale eyelids closed immediately over burning red orbs and a smile carved itself slowly into his face. It, of course, wasn’t just a smile; it was the smile that sent ice-queen Kuchiki Rukia wailing to her brother (who had panicked when she threw her arms around his waist and wailed into his very expensive kimono, and released his zanpakuto on her) and Hitsugaya Toushirou to a corner mumbling incoherently (until Matsumoto Rangiku had fished him out with the offer of a huge watermelon of his own). In short, it was the creepiest, slimiest, most perverted smile Ichimaru Gin had at his disposal.

Needless to say, even the great Aizen Sousuke was taken aback by the sudden change in on Ichimaru Gin’s demeanor. He was so taken aback he even started to stutter. “G… Gin?” he, as mentioned earlier, stuttered.

“I do not like little girls,” Gin murmured, the words oozing out of his lips like blood from a wound. “I like cute, adorable things, not restricted to little girls, who are often than not, not all that cute and adorable, savvy?”

“Savvy,” Aizen blurted out, so startled that he had used a term that screamed of salt, sea and grimy bottles of rum. “I… I mean…”

Ichimaru Gin grinned maliciously as Aizen Sousuke struggled to regain the composure he had lost so abruptly. There was no way Ichimaru Gin was going to let this man continue to hack away at his Male Ego. Regardless of the price he might have to pay later (oh no one knew how vindictive Aizen Sousuke could be but the very acute ex fifth division fukutaichou), Ichimaru Gin was not going to sit here and let said Aizen Sousuke spoil his reputation and his virginity.

“What I meant was,” Aizen said suddenly, composure regained. “You know why I am here, Gin. And I expect a reply.” Now, the maliciousness so apparent in Gin’s voice was reflected in Aizen. Ichimaru Gin recognized this for what it was immediately. It was a battle between two male egos. Only the most aggressive, most malicious, most manly one would get to be on top.

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Because to think of it literally was just…

Eew.

“You speak,” Ichimaru Gin said politely but with just that edge of aggression, “like I should give you a reply, Aizen-taichou. In what ways am I obliged to give you a reply in reference to your… unholy desires?”

“Unholy?” Aizen Sousuke raised his eyebrow ever so slightly to give his expression a subtle touch of condescension. “I see nothing unholy about my desires, Ichimaru taichou. I find them quite natural indeed.”

“Oh?” Ichimaru Gin allowed his smile to widen, an indication of distaste. “And just what is natural about such a break in the flow of the natural world order?”

“Ah, now you speak like the pious student of a certain god, hmm? And why should we worship that god that you do, Ichimaru taichou?”

“Why, I worship no god, Aizen taichou. I never do. It is a matter of preference I would say.”

“Ah, and you would prefer this inferior god to the one I could become?”

“I prefer no god, if that is how you would put it. I prefer goddesses of course.”

“I see. So you are of a feminist persuasion, Ichimaru taichou?”

“Feminist? I would rather say heterosexual, no?”

“Ah, hetero… excuse me?”

Ichimaru Gin smiled. Ichimaru Gin smiled widely. Ichimaru Gin smiled widely like a person who had just seen the composed Aizen Sousuke break his composure enough to display a dropped jaw and eyes wide and filled with surprise.

“I must have heard wrongly,” Aizen Sousuke said sharply, fully aware of his slipping position. “I thought you said… ‘heterosexual’, Ichimaru taichou?”

“That is exactly what I said, Aizen taichou. I am of a heterosexual persuasion.”

Now, Aizen Sousuke looked truly confused. Ichimaru Gin allowed himself the metaphorical pat on the back as a form of congratulation.

“But,” Aizen Sousuke whined in the desperate attempt to save his position. “What does you being a heterosexual have to do with what kind of god you would prefer to worship?”

Ichimaru Gin frowned cheekily. “Well, isn’t it obvious?” he asked, sarcasm dripping from his mouth like venom from a snake’s fangs. “To put it bluntly since you seem to fail to comprehend my intentions, I prefer my lovers, or ‘gods’, as you seem to like to put it, to have the necessary, though rather stereotypical great heaving bosom and beautiful rounded hips, that you, unfortunately do not have.”

There was another long silence in this room, during which Ichimaru Gin took the time to wonder how it was that Aizen Sousuke, the great Aizen Sousuke could be defeated so easily.

Then the great but defeated Aizen Sousuke cleared his throat awkwardly and asked, “Eh… Ichimaru-kun. Just a question, if you please. Exactly what did you think my intentions were in regards to you?”

“Why…” Ichimaru Gin hesitated here. “I thought… you were… well… gay.”

“Gay.”

“And interested in me.”

“Interested in you.”

“Yeah.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“What were your intentions, Aizen taichou?”

“I was trying to enlist you as a helper in my great scheme to overthrow Soul Society and become King.”

“I see.” Ichimaru Gin heaved a huge sigh of relief. “So that’s all?” he laughed, slouching back in his seat. “Gee, you had me scared there for a moment, Aizen taichou. What with the whole ‘Ichimaru kun’ thing and the ‘you been hitting the gym’ thing. Phew! What a relief.”

Aizen Sousuke drew up in his seat, scowling magnificently. “So it was a whole misunderstanding?” he growled. “Such nonsense, Gin! I would have expected you to be smarter than this.”

At that, Ichimaru Gin found himself sitting straight all over again, suddenly aware that the Battle of the Male Ego wasn’t over just yet. “And how otherwise would you have expected me to think?” he growled back. “With all your talk about my sexual preferences in reference to little girls and you sliding into a bath along with me?”

“Bath places are excellent places to speak.”

“Naked except for a towel?”

“We are both men.”

“How is that any comfort for one whom has seen you staring at Abarai Renji and Kira Izuru intently?”

“I was wondering how I could have used them to further my ambitions.”

“I could see that. Your ambitions looked rather twisted at that point of time if you ask me.”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Gin. Besides, that was your own fault for misunderstanding my intentions!”

“And then you crawled into my room in the middle of the night in a white yukata that is… oh my god… it’s transparent from the water… could you please change into something else before you blind me?”

“You haven’t offered me anything to change into!”

“And now you want my clothes! Some people get a kick out of wearing their lover’s clothes! How else would you have expected me to react, Aizen Sousuke?”

“Like a logical human being.”

Ichimaru Gin frowned. He knew that was impossible to win in this fight between him and Aizen Sousuke. Ichimaru Gin was too used to manipulating people, too used to sidling to actually be able to win in a direct confrontation. A slimier, more manipulative, more under-handed and cheating method was in hand. After all, Ichimaru Gin wasn’t the sliest, most manipulative, evilest man in the whole of Seireitei for nothing. (Man, because no one could beat Matsumoto Rangiku when it came to being sly, manipulative and evil; it just is not possible, ever.) It was time to show that condescending, overbearing Aizen Sousuke what a lying, cheating son of a bitch could do.

“I see, Aizen taichou,” Ichimaru Gin chirped cheerfully. “I think I may have misunderstood your intentions.”

“Well…” Aizen Sousuke looked taken aback again, as would any normal male whose competitor in the battle of the male ego had suddenly backed down. “Yes. I mean… well… that is rather true.”

“What was it you wanted to talk about then?” Ichimaru Gin asked, smiling happily. “Something about taking over Soul Society? Or was it being King? You know, all the usual ambitious stuff.”

“Yes actually…” Aizen Sousuke was inspired to clear his throat again. “I mean… yes, I was trying to enlist you to join in my great scheme to overthrow Soul Society.”

“Oh yes. You could have just come to me really. I have always been most delighted in helping Aizen-taichou with your numerous endeavors.”

“Of course… I mean, I must… apologize I guess.”

Ichimaru Gin’s face split into a wide, triumph grin. “Of course, Aizen-taichou,” he said modestly.

“So… you will join me?”

“No.”

Aizen Sousuke’s jaw dropped then his eyes narrowed in anger. “Why not?” he demanded.

“Because it’s not interesting,” Ichimaru replied with a shrug.

“What is not interesting about taking over the world?”

“Everything.”

“How on earth is that possible?” Aizen practically howled.

Ichimaru Gin shrugged again. “It just is,” he said absent-mindedly (an act of course, he should be getting some kind of an award for this), fingering the novel on his lap.

Aizen Sousuke squirmed in irritation. Then he brightened up considerably. “We will have to destroy Kuchiki Rukia,” he said hopefully. “It might be considered revenge on Kuchiki Byakuya, whom I distinctly remember being rather rude to you during the captain’s ceremony.”

Which was true. Kuchiki Byakuya had made a comment about the deteriorating breed of captains being inducted during the installation ceremony. Of course Ichimaru Gin remembered; he had always been a grudging kind of person. But destroying Kuchiki Rukia? The Kuchiki Rukia who was so easy to get a rise out of? The Kuchiki Rukia who had screamed at the sight of him and fell into the school pond the one time he had made a visit to the Academy to do the usual propaganda stuff? The Kuchiki Rukia who had fainted in terror when he had suggested that they have a cup of tea together?

“But Kuchiki Rukia is cute!” he protested, remembering how he had made her faint a second time by suggesting, when she had waken up, that he had performed CPR on her (which he hadn’t, because Kuchiki Rukia had an over-protective brother and Ichimaru Gin was not suicidal).

Aizen Sousuke’s eyebrows were sky-high. “And you accuse me of making false accusations,” he muttered. Then a little louder, “Isn’t she a little young for you?”

“But she’s funny when she’s terrified,” Ichimaru Gin went on, temporarily unaware of the impression he was giving Aizen Sousuke. “She always ends up hiding behind her darling nii-sama. Which is cute. She looks like a rat when she does that. I once ate a rat when I was in Rukongai. There are rather tasty actually.”

“What does it matter if we kill that one particular girl?” Aizen Sousuke shot back, disgusted. “Once I become King of the World, you can have as many little girls as you want. And as many toys as u want to scare them with.”

“Little girls,” Ichimaru Gin repeated absent-mindedly. Then his mind suddenly zoomed in on a not so little girl. “Oh yes!” he perked up significantly. “I could have her!” Unaware of Aizen Sousuke’s slack-jaw look, he continued fantasizing about large orange hair and soft, huge bosoms. “Oh my…” His mind added a non-existent red yukata then had to pause just in case his nose started to bleed. “That is hot…”

“Ichi… Gin?”

“I’m in!” Ichimaru Gin announced, his eyes gleaming with a steely determination Aizen Sousuke found extremely disturbing.

“Even with the inevitable death of Kuchiki Rukia?”

“Ah, who cares about Kuchiki Rukia?” Ichimaru Gin mumbled, adding a nice floral pattern of chrysanthemums to the yukata. “It’s not like she’s that cute.” The obi had to be black lace, he decided, more like a sash than an obi. One he could peel off without using his fingers. “My pretty is cuter… much cuter…”

Aizen Sousuke spent the next five seconds trying to decide which little girl Ichimaru Gin was now eyeing. Then he decided he couldn’t really care, because the army he intended to create probably had worse fetishes than that. “Excellent,” he said smoothly. “Welcome to the dark side, Gin.”

Ichimaru Gin snapped back to reality, opened his mouth to inform Aizen Sousuke that Ichimaru Gin had always been on the dark side then changed his mind. No matter how cruel he was, Ichimaru Gin couldn’t quite bring himself to shatter so many delusions in one day. After all, if he was going to be going against the whole of Seireitei, it would only do for his great leader to remain as delusional as possible.

“My pleasure,” he murmured, sharing an evil smirk with his co-evil-doer. “So… exactly how are we going to accomplish our goals?”

“Ah, we shall wait for Tousen Kaname to arrive before we discuss that.”

“… Tousen Kaname?”

“Yes.”

“Tousen Kaname, as in the Nineth Division Captain?”

“Of course.”

“Tousen Kaname is a fellow evil-doer?”

“Yes, but don’t tell him that. We don’t want to shatter his delusions that we are working for a greater good.”

“Ah… yes, shattering delusions… not a good thing.”

“Yes, fortunately we don’t have any.”

“Ah…”

“But anyway.” Aizen Sousuke dismissed the issue of Tousen Kaname with a regal flick of his wrist. “The thing is, you are our comrade now. Our secret must remain precisely that – a secret.”

“Of course.”

“I have the absolute trust in your discretion, Ichimaru-kun.”

“Thank you, Aizen-kun.”

“That’s Aizen-sama to you, minion.”

“…”

Tada! And now it’s time for you to leave a review! Hope you had fun!