-1The Between Place

The last moments of life slipped from Severus Snape. He found himself floating in a dark and empty place, that area which marked the border between life and death.

Time seemed to hold no sway here and he did not know how long he had floated in this emptiness before he became aware of his condition.

It was strange. It was not so much that he saw, or felt, or heard separately. It was more that all those sensory inputs from life had formed together into one function. Instead of each sense giving information, it was like his entire being, his soul, was aware of everything around him. Without a body, this somehow seemed logical to him.

Despite this new awareness, he felt like some part of him was missing or closed off. Severus felt unattached to part of himself. He was unsure why he could not access his own internal soul. This was not logical to him and he struggled to find a way to free that part of himself that was hidden.

It was as if he had suffered a great injury and his being had been cut in half. Something clung to him and there was an odd sensation to this unusual attachment.

It was as if an invisible string had tied him firmly in place. Some magic or other force was holding him and was not allowing him to move freely. He was sure this must be what it was like to be a boat anchored to shore in a stormy sea.

At some point, Severus began to sense his surroundings better. The darkness around him was more like water than air. The currents whipped around him, but he did not float on them. Instead, he remained stagnant in place. He attempted to move, but the bonds that held him would not let him go. He was forced to flounder a bit in his attempt to escape.

It was then that he noticed them; his movement and struggles must have drawn their attention.

Shadowy beings floated at the edge of his vision in the liquid darkness. Somehow his awakening to this new reality had also awakened them to him. They began to float slowly towards him. These beings were as dark as the strange substance he floated in and he was unsure how he knew they were there or how he could see them; he just did.

They were slick and slithery like great black snakes gliding lazily through water. Their eyes gleamed at him in the distance as they swam easily toward him, moving with malevolent grace.

The shadow beings seemed to be drawn to him. Severus fancied he had seen them before, perhaps in some nightmare he once had in his youth.

As the shadow beings approached, he knew instantly they would tear his soul apart if they got hold of him. Severus knew it would not be pleasant, but he did not think he had the will to fight them, especially considering thus far he had been unable to move.

He had failed Dumbledore and he had failed Lily. Perhaps he had also failed himself. The bitterness of his life and the memories began to flood his thoughts. All his disappointments, every sad moment, every bad choice and every person he had ever hurt began to replay themselves. He was unable to hold back these unwelcome memories.

As these thoughts began to fill his mind, the darkness around him changed. It felt as if it the very substance he floated in was sapping his strength. Fear began to creep up inside him. The sadness and loss of his life threatened to overwhelm him, yet he had no idea how to escape this fate.

So this was it? Death? This is how I am to end? My soul destroyed and left to nothing? No, I can't be dead! I don't want to be dead, he told himself firmly.

In one last attempt to fight this ending he used his arms and legs like a drowning person; he fought to rise above the darkness. As much as he struggled to move, it was useless. He felt himself sinking down into the bitterness that his life had been.

He could not rise above this place. He could not go to that place where good people went when they died. He was stained and impure. He wanted to scream his anger out, but, when he opened his mouth to do so, no sound emerged, only cold empty silence.

His scream of silence did have an effect though. The shadow beings sensed it and began to close in faster, his fear egging them on. There was no escape and he knew his last moments of awareness were about to end.

This was it; they were almost upon him. Severus braced himself for the attack.

The memory of Nagini the snake sinking her fangs into his neck blossomed in his thoughts. It made him quiver with fear to remember it - those last terror-filled moments from life.

Seconds before the shadow beings were upon him, something happened, something that stalled them. They slowly turned and seemed to be waiting.

A speck of light appeared ahead of him. He and the shadow beings watched it approach; it flew forward and, as it came closer, it grew in size. He had the great desire to cover his eyes, but he had no proper body so it was useless to try and avoid this bright blinding light.

As it approached, the being of light forced the shadow creatures back. They retreated a little, afraid of this new being that came forward so boldly.

There was an awakening in that part of himself that he was unable to access. As the being stopped in front of him, it was as if its light burned right through him to that hidden recess inside his soul.

It hurt. Pain erupted over every bit of him.

This pain caused him to reflect on the irony that he now officially hated snakes. How stupid that I, a Slytherin and a Potions Master, was killed by a snake! Severus wondered in disappointment how many people would mock him about how he had died. Irony was a bitter mistress, he mused as the light creature floated silently ahead of him.

The being of light now edged a little closer.

Severus could not explain why, but all of a sudden the need and desire to have this creature came over him. It overpowered the pain that still flowered throughout his being. He had never wanted something so badly; well, perhaps there was one thing he had wanted equally as much.

Lily. He could not forget her, never. Some of his memories were missing, but he clung to the ones he still had. Her memory was the only thing from life that was worth remembering; if he had to be ripped apart, then he would cling to those last fleeting moments before his existence was ended.

The shadow beings watched and, seeing the creature of light's hesitation, began to edge forward again. Their hunger for him and the need to take him seemed to drive off their fear of the creature.

Instead of allowing them closer, the being of light kept the shadow creatures back by flinging an angry hand out to ward them off, like someone chasing away stray dogs. The light being even went so far as to charge after them aggressively in its attempt to keep them from coming nearer to him.

Once the shadow creatures kept their places, the being of light turned again to him and glided forward.

Severus' desire and curiosity increased as the light creature moved forward. As always, it was his desire to know and understand that pushed him forward. Knowledge was power, he reminded himself, and if he could figure this situation out perhaps there might be a way to reason with this being. Perhaps he could obtain its help or guidance in escaping this cruel fate.

The light creature paused, as if considering whether it wanted to move closer to him. It now floated within reach; Severus was sure that if he wanted to he could reach out and touch it.

Severus tried to speak, but, like his earlier scream, no sound came. He had no idea how he would communicate with this creature and he began to examine his options. He reached out with his mind; after all, it had been his talent in life. He had no idea if his magical powers or ability accompanied him into death, but he had to try. He concentrated on the light being and where he was sure its eyes must be. It had to hear him, it must hear him.

After a moment or two he gave up, warily watching the light being float there. Then the being extended its hands out toward him, almost in a welcoming gesture for him to reach out with his own hands.

Severus hesitated; as much as he wanted to take hold of the hands, he equally feared them.

"Take my hands," a voice said softly; it sounded female. "You will have to come with me," the being added, edging a little closer.

There was something odd about the voice. If this female being of light would only move a little closer, he was sure he would be able to see her face.

He still hesitated, not trusting this guise of female light. For all he knew this could be some demon trying to trick him.

She extended her arms out to him a little more, as if to encourage him to take her hands. He attempted to pull back, but he could not, so he warily stared at the hands as they hung there in the darkness between them.

"You don't have a choice. I have to take you," she insisted.

A memory awakened in Severus' mind. It was the memory of Albus Dumbledore and his favorite axiom of wisdom, 'It is the choices we make that define us, not our talents.'

For a long time Severus had disliked that statement. Sadly, if it was true, he knew he had chosen poorly in many areas of his life.

"I want you to choose this. I don't want to force you," the being of light offered, her tone even and unassuming.

He wondered if it mattered what he did? If he had no choice, why should she care what he wanted?

Again she edged closer, now straightening her arms out all the way, her palms out to him, pointing her fingers up. She separated her fingers and gave them a little turn to the left and right, an enticement for him to take hold.

He studied the hands; they were probably the most delicate and attractive hands he had ever seen. As pretty as they were, he still continued to hesitate. She was surely trying to tempt him into something. He would rather wait and see what action she would take before he decided to obey her.

This continued hesitation seemed to finally try the light being's patience.

"Severus, the longer you stay, the worse off you'll be. Do it now or don't do it at all," she said, the tone revealing her mood.

She knew his name, although she pronounced it incorrectly. He also found the tone and accent of her voice quite unusual. It did not seem an appropriate accent for the after-life in his opinion. Truthfully it sounded a bit rustic and surely not British. Why did he have to get some lowbrow being whose accent was less than desirable?

"I could do with less insults, if you please," the light being said sharply.

Severus then realized this creature must be able to access his thoughts. He had the notion he should like to argue with it and was sure he could outwit this being if given the chance. This thought and desire confused him, but also pleased him at the same time. He could not exactly say why the urge to argue caused such a burning desire in him.

This curiosity was what made him act: he reached out and pressed his palms against hers. Once he did so, she forced her own fingers down between his and gently squeezed. In a like manner he did the same thing, forcing their palms tightly together. Her hands were soft and somehow familiar.

The pain returned suddenly and without warning. This time it was tenfold what it had been previously. He could not stand it, it hurt so badly. His hands felt as if they were on fire and he attempted to pull back, but it was no use. She had hold of him now and refused to let him go.

Then there was nothing and all his senses shut down.