|What Was Once Was and What Never Should Have Been
Author: Brambleeyes PM
when Jess's mom dies, Alma, he is shipped of to live with Ennis and Jack. Jess hates them both and everything about them, there work, Jacks son Bobby, the town, the school, everything. now Ennis must confront this angry teen who he left behindRated: Fiction T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 42 - Words: 143,960 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 11-24-07 - Published: 05-05-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3524211
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Authors note: hey everyone, this is my first Brokeback story so I hope you like it. Changed the material a bit just to let you know. And, I want to get this out of the way, I am pretty sure this story has been used before on this site so I please ask of you don't be going and crucifying me on the spot like "hey, this story is like what's his names" or "its illegal to plagiarize". I know. So, if you think my story is a bit of a copycat of another story I have not read yet, please say so. Other then that, enjoy
The sounds of New York City and the blare of the alarm clock woke Jess from his sleep. 8:14. Gotta get up he thought wearily need to get to work. He changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that smelled clean to him. Of course, to his mom, she would take one look at it and figure it was dirty.
He walked out of his room to see his mom, Alma Beers, sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in hand "mom" he said "your gonna be late for work" "manager gave me the day off" she said in a deep southern accent. Jess said that was nice of him. He got himself some coffee (extra cream and a small amount of sugar) and took a seat next to his mom. "Suppose you still have to work at Gavin's?" " Fraid so" she said "might do some cleaning this morning. Place is a pig pen. But don expect me to be doing your room, ya hear?" Jess nodded, smiling "yes mom".
He finished his coffee and grabbed his jacket "heading to work" he said, "y'all be aright" Jess smiled "sure…mama" he always called her that to comfort her.
It had been a tough three years for Alma and Jess. Ever since Ted passed away, they had to work double to afford their New York apartment. Even with Jess's job and her two combined they were just barley hanging in there. "If we'd still lived in the south, we woun't be needing no extra job". Alma hated the city, she was always a country girl and big places like New York just didn't suit her. She could always find something new to complain about the city, to loud, to messy, to crowded, to rude, the list went on. But even so, when she met Ted at the time when Jess was only seven and told her he wanted to marry her, to come live with him in New York, have a better life for her son she couldn't stop.
That and to possibly escape from…bad memory's
Ted wasn't Jess's real father. No, his father left him and his mom when he was only three. Jess didn't remember anything about him but he didn't care, his dad was dead to him. All he knew was his name. Ennis Del Mar.
Alma didn't like to talk about Ennis but with Jess being so nosy at the age of four, he couldn't help to wonder what became of his daddy. Her answer was always the same; he left them for someone else. Jess would ask who and Alma would say its not important. She left it at that.
Jess held onto that little shred of hope is dad would come back to them but as he got older, that feeling faded and when he reached six it was gone. Now all he felt was bitterness and anger when he thought of his dad. And when Ted said they'd be leaving the place were he left them, he couldn't be happier.
He always tried to be nothing like his dad but considering how little he knew about him, he didn't know just how to. So, he just figured he become a New York kid. He had dropped that southern accent by the time he was ten but every once in a while he go back to his southern voice to comfort his mom. She hated his New York accent but she didn't care. Long as he was happy.
People sometimes asked about his dad and ever time he just gave them a straight forward I don't know. He left it at that.
Jess got to his work okay, Marty's diner. He worked as a buss boy there. He took the job when he became old enough to work. During the school year, he'd work there until three to six and during the summer he worked till nine to five. He chuckled at that, a working stiff already at sixteen.
Marlene was there, his best friend at the diner. A frazzled twenty year old college student working away at the dishes "hey Mar" he said "hey stranger" she said "better get on out there, bunch of tables need to be cleaned" "so soon?" he said "its Monday" she said "what did you expect?" Jess laughed. So for the next four hours, his only thoughts were dirty dishes and messy tables.
When it was 1: 57, he told Marlene he was heading home on lunch break. He always had breakfast, lunch, and dinner with his mom. "Okay" she said, "I'll tell Marty, be back soon" Jess grabbed his jacket from the closet and hurried to his apartment building. Heading into the place, he could hear the sound of a vacuum going. He looked at the clock. 2: 19? He couldn't smell anything cooking. What is mom doing? He thought she'd be late to her work even if she started cooking. That wasn't like her.
"Mom?" he called "mom, you get held up or something? Your gonna be-" he stepped into the living room. His mom was lying face down on the floor vacuum still on. "Mom!" he yelled running over. He began shaking her "mom! Mom wake up!" he flipped her over. Her face was gray and she wasn't breathing, "Come on mom wake up!" He grabbed the phone and dialed an ambulance "yes, my mom is lying unconscious in my apartment. She's not breathing. Were at Perry's building, apartment 65. Please hurry". He kept shaking his mom "come one mama" his southern accent starting to surface "git up, git up, mama!"
He was at the hospital, waiting outside. A doctor came strolling over. Large black fella with huge glasses "I'm sorry to have to tell you this" he said "but…your mom has apparently suffered a fatal heart attack" Jess's stomach felt like it been kicked by a horse and a pit in his throat began to form. "I'm very sorry for your lose" the doctor continued. Jess didn't answer. "We've notified your social worker, he should be hear to take you his office to discuss matters further" Jess just nodded. The doctor then strolled of, leaving Jess all alone.
his social worker was a large bald man. His face was very red and he had a bushy mustache under a large nose. Jess was in his office, a cramped area with file cabinets, a desk, and one chair. The guy cleared his throat "now, I don't know if you're aware but your mom didn't fill out a will" Jess figured so. She said that the time she needed a will was the day her hair had gone white. "you've lived in New York for how long?" "Since I was seven" he replied. The man shook his head "well, we've been looking your case over and you seem an okay kid. Hard to find one in New York" Jess didn't answer.
The man shifted in his chair "now, usually how this works is if both legal guardians are not present at the time you will have to be sent to your next closest relative of blood" Jess nodded "and, looking here, we've found your father is still alive". Jess's heart suddenly skipped a beat "w-what?" he said in a surprise voice. The worker cleared his throat "I said, your-" "no, I know what you said," Jess snapped "but I don't know my father. Can't I live with my aunt?" at least he kept in contact with her.
His aunt always visited on holidays and she was always a sweet woman. She wasn't so strict as his mom but still had her fare share of things to say. Like Alma, she hated New York. Like Alma, she never talked about her ex brother-in-law. And like Alma, she came from the south.
"I'm sorry son," the guy said. Don't call me son he thought "but it's the law. Your dad is the closest relative you got. Either that or we put you in foster care" foster care, ya right he thought. I guess I'm stuck with the dad then.
Jess just took a breath and looked at the social worker. "Fine" he said, "were exactly am I headed to?"
Oklahoma. Shattuck Oklahoma. Jess couldn't be more disappointed. For one thing, Shattuck wasn't even on the map. The social worker said it was a small town in Ellis County, a population just over a few thousand. A few thousand? Thought Jess that place must be tiny! Not unlike the millions and millions of people living in New York.
It was going to be a four-hour flight to Oklahoma City and another two-hour train ride to Littleton were the nearest social working office was. Then it would be an hour drive to Shattuck.
Jess slept most of the time on the plane and when he got of at the airport, he immediately realized just how far away from home he was. There were cowboys, lots of them. Or at least he figured, maybe it was just the local attire. They all seemed the same, worn jeans, flannel shirts, boots, and cowboy hats. When Jess saw them, he could only feel hate towards them.
Other then his name, Jess also knew that his dad was a cowboy or at least his mom described him like that. Every time he saw a cowboy all he could feel was hatred. And with all these cowboys, his angry was boiling over. He caught the train just before it left and just like the plane spent most of the time sleeping.
He already missed New York. He felt extremely out of place here. For one, as they got farther away from Oklahoma City, less and less buildings could be seen until they were in open country. Jess felt all exposed, he'd never been in a place with so much space. As far he could see, flat open country. Were in gods name was he? When the train finally stopped, he was the only one left on the train. When he got of and headed into the train area, his moral dropped a few more pegs. The train station was small and had about only fifteen people here, all of them in cowboy attire and the ladies in those southern clothes mom used to wear all the time. He stuck out like a sore thumb.
Jess wore a pair of baggy, ripped, faded jeans with a pair of dirty brown sneakers that were ripped around the seems. He wore a solid black Led Zeppelin shirt, his brown hair was short and spiky and he had on five different sized wristbands. A pair of large studded black ones, two smaller pairs in red and blue, an even smaller white pair, and finally some old rubber bands. People looked at him as if he dropped from another planet.
He suddenly felt anxious, as if these people were studying him or something. He picked up his black suitcase and quickly got out of there. He walked only a short distance until he came upon the town. this was Littleton? At least the name fit.
It was nothing more then a single street with five buildings on each side. Hardly anyone was out and even then they were mostly gathered at the bar. Jess walked over and he quickly spotted the social security office. He climbed the short steps and entered the building.
It was only a single room with a few pictures, file cabinets, and a small desk where a woman sat talking on the phone.
She spotted Jess, gave him that look the train people did, smiled, and wrapped up her conversation. "You must be Jessie Beers" that was his full name. His mom had called him Jess for as long as he could remember and to most people he knew that was what he was known by. No one even figured his full name was Jessie "yes" he said. "Good" she said, "well, your father hasn't arrived yet so just take a seat anywhere"
A pair of chairs was situated near the wall but Jess wasn't felling them. "I'll wait outside" he said. "Okay" she said. Jess walked outside and took a seat on the bench.
Already he hated this place. It was way to wide open for him even with these buildings around him. He missed the sounds of New York. Here, it was quiet. Oh so quiet. It gave Jess the creeps. He was so used to the sound of honking cars, yelling people, police whistles, and the sounds of the huge TV prompters. Here, the simple sound of his shoes on the porch made a loud noise.
He took out a stick of gum to calm himself. As he kept thinking of it, the more he hated his situation. He was out of place here, he knew no one, it was quiet, he was stared at, and his dad…well, his dad.
He was not looking forward to meeting this man. He may have helped conceived him but he was no father of his. He left his mom and him so he could slum in this hellhole with that whore of a woman. Then he got to thinking about the woman. He already hated her, he knew she would try to replace his mom but she couldn't, wouldn't replace her. If she did, they would have problems. Not like she would already have problems with him. But then he thought, is his dad still with her? Doesn't matter he thought.
But one would be enough.
He sat there, chewing his gum until he saw an old pick up truck rolling into town. Since it was the first one he'd seen come into the town he assumed it was him. His blood began to boil. The car stopped at the building, he got up, and the door opened.
He was just like the people at the train station, jeans, white flannel shirt, boots, and that ridiculous cowboy hat. He was a pretty tall man with dirty blond hair poking out of the hat. He climbed the steps and lifted his head. The same look that the train people and the lady in the office flashed across his face.
He wasn't what I expected he thought good, let him know how much different I looked at least it would tell him how much he's missed of my life. "H'lo" he said in a low, gravely southern voice "you Jess?" Jess just looked at him, gum chewing away, not speaking to him. After a few moments of silence, he spat his gum out into the dirt. Now he knew what terms he was on.
Ennis had gotten the call a few days ago, awoken from his sleep. He felt a pang of sadness about Alma's passing but the part about his son, the son he hadn't seen for almost twelve years,was coming to live with them was the part that got him.
He was told his name was Jess, Jessie Beers his full name, as if he didn't his son's own name. However, it was preferred he was called Jess, something he didn't knew. It was an hours drive from the farm and when he rolled up into Littleton, got out of the car, and took his first look of his son in almost a decade he was a bit taken aback.
He was already informed he lived in New York. Ennis hated cities, far to many people for his taste. He had seen New York on the old TV in the living room a fair share of times but when he actually got to look at the New Yorkian that was his son he was a bit shocked.
This wasn't the son he remembered. The son he knew was only a little three year old bouncing on his lap. Now what he saw was nothing like that little three year old. The black t-shirt was what got him reeling (he hated Zeppelin), then the bracelets, then the hair, but it was that look he gave him. Pure hate glaring out from his brown eyes. His mother's eyes. He reminded Ennis of one of those depressed people who wore black all the time and the scary attire. He always thought they were fucked in the head. "H'lo" he said in his low voice "you Jess". The kid didn't answer him; he just stood there chewing his gum, that hatred glaring from his eyes. Then he spit his gum into the dirt.
So much for a friendly greeting he thought.
When he spat his gum out into the street, Jess saw that hurt look cross that mans eyes. Jess hid the little smirk he was about to throw. He had marked his territory he thought and it meant clearly don't fuck with me.
Ennis shuffled a bit after that, then muttered "well, um, better go talk to the worker" he walked into the building, only then did he smirk. Now he knew how it felt to be let down.
He sat on the bench until Ennis came out again "well…better git going" Jess acted like he hadn't heard him. Ennis shuffled a bit, anxiety creeping onto his bunched up form, his shoulders lifting up. Finally, when it seemed he might repeat himself Jess got up.
He grabbed his suitcase and walked right pass him with out even a second look. He got into the old pick up truck and was about to get out when he saw the inside. The chairs were being eaten away and his chair had a large brown stain on it. There was litter on the floor, on the dashboard, even in the cup holders.
Either this or nothing he figured.
He got it, put his suitcase on the floor and shut the door. Ennis got in, started up the truck and pulled out of town.
Jess stared out the window trying his best to imagine the man next to him wasen't there at all.
As usual, all he saw were wide-open spaces and no cars could be seen on the highway. He was on Mars and he was the earthling interacting with the aliens. "so um, sorry bout your mama" Ennis said. Jess felt a sense of revulsion, how dare you talk about her in front of me he thought saying all that shit that you cared. If you really cared you would have stayed.
Jess didn't answer him; he just clenched his jaw up. Ennis shifted uncomfortably next to him "uh, I know it ain't like some fancy city but…its nice once ya get used to it" ya right he thought I'll never get used to it.
Jess continued to give him the silent treatment. He could sense Ennis's discomfort "well, um, I don't know what cha were living in back home so you might be a bit disappointed" Jess ignored him.
He could see Ennis was starting to really getting anxious "we, well uhm, live on a farm" a farm? Your joking he thought. How much of a stereotype could this man be?
After Jess refused to speak to him after this remark, Ennis just gave up and they rode the rest of the way in silence.
Good he thought enough with your blabbering. For once he welcomed the quiet.