As promised, here’s the epilogue to While You Were Sleeping. Sorry it’s taken so long…my muse went and died on me and only returned when I forced it to return because I’m terrified of my mother…she read While You Were Sleeping and told me that I had to hurry and write the epilogue. To all those who cried in WYWS, don’t worry, my forty+ year old mother cried through it, too. Don’t know if this one will be a tearjerker, though…and sorry, but mother gets the first read, even though she had the last on WYWS…

Oh, I don’t own Harry Potter or any of the characters, the storyline, etc…

Enjoy.

When You’re Awake

Epilogue to While You Were Sleeping

Harry Potter couldn’t understand how his two children looked so different from each other. James Sirius Potter was born exactly four years after the death of Harry’s mortal enemy, Lord Voldemort. Little James had been the biggest surprise of Harry’s life. He didn’t even realise that his lover could fall pregnant.

But when Lily Cissa Potter was born, Harry was in shock.

His life with Draco Malfoy was harsh. They suffered much at the hands of each other, both in the physical sense, and in the magical sense. After a painful encounter with the Dark Lord, Draco renounced his loyalty to his family, and managed his way into Harry’s circle of friends.

Years later, they were in love, and bonded in the deepest sense.

The bond they shared was a magical one, in every wonderful synonym of the word. Their blood flowed through each other’s veins. And this bond was to never be broken.

Or so they thought.

Five years after James’ birth, Harry found out that the old Malfoy Manor wasn’t as impregnable as once thought. The roof needed fixing. During his stint as a handyman, the older wizard of the couple fell from the stones of the Manor, and woke up after three months. Harry Potter, the killer of Voldemort, slept for one quarter of the year, relying on spells to keep him alive. Draco was thankful for this magic; he had seen once in a Muggle television program the tubes connected to Muggle coma patients. It would be beyond traumatising for his son to see his papa in such a position.

Draco’s three-month abstinence from his lover was near impossible. It didn’t help that his son wasn’t his biggest fan.

However, it was Harry’s awakening that nearly killed the blonde man.

Harry woke with amnesia. Not complete amnesia, just lacking the ability to remember his life after his fifteenth birthday. The last he could remember of Draco was a want to hurt the other teen.

With time, Draco began to slip into depression; his ‘husband’ hated him, and his son had told him that he wanted him to die. Draco divorced from Harry; a procedure easily done without the consent of both parties involved. Then Harry slapped Draco, breaking the blood bond they shared.

And then there was Cissa. A week after Harry woke, Draco found out that he was eight months pregnant with their second child. She was loving and sweet, and would bring around what Draco hoped was his death.

Giving birth to Cissa didn’t do that, however. She died of exhaustion from having to dig her way out of Draco’s body, and James used his medically potent Veela life to save Draco.

The next day, Draco left.

Harry and James didn’t see Draco for another six years. The blonde showed himself to the pair the day James went to Hogwarts. That same day also marked the conception of Harry and Draco’s third child. Draco left for another four months, but returned with the news of the baby. His family welcomed him back into their lives.

Draco Malfoy-Potter looked at the extension to his leg. He and Harry had bound their lives together two weeks after Lily’s birth. Anytime before it meant that unnecessary strain would have been forced upon the pregnancy. Since her birth, however, Lily was either almost literally clinging to Draco or alone in her room. She never let Harry or James touch her, even when she was a baby. The only time she ever cried in her infant years was when either of them came too close to her. She also never spoke. Not only to her papa or her brother, but her daddy never got a conversation out of her, either. At the age of five, she still had yet to say a word.

Harry came into the kitchen, smelling what Draco was cooking. As a top student in Potions class, Draco was quite talented in the kitchen. Not noticing Lily on the other side of Draco’s body, Harry wrapped his arms around his lover, only to jump back at Lily’s cry.

“Sorry,” Harry quickly apologised to Lily, crouching down to be at her height. She was tiny, barely reaching Draco’s hip. Lily hid her face behind Draco’s legs.

Draco gave Harry a quick peck to the lips as he straightened up again.

“She’s more quiet than usual today. And I don’t remember putting that top on her this morning, either,” Draco muttered.

“So, err, other side of the bench, I suppose?” Harry asked, though directed it more at Lily. The young blonde nodded her head and Harry obliged. “I can’t believe Hermione can’t find anything on how she won’t talk…”

“I know, but it’s hard when I’m the only male Veela to successfully give birth.”

“Think it has something to do with the way they know your memories?”

Draco gently patted Lily on the head. “Maybe.”

Harry groaned lightly. “I just want to actually hug my own daughter.”

Draco sighed at the comment. “You’ve said that every day since she was born.”

It had been a shock to the both of them when Lily asked to have her middle name as ‘Cissa’. That was all that she ever asked of Draco, and that was whilst she was still in him. Rather than the conversations he had had with James and Cissa, he never heard a single mutter from Lily except for her ‘May I have the middle name of Cissa, please?’ before she started to scratch her way out of him. For many months, he was scared that he had miscarried the baby girl due to her surprising silence. He would ask her all the time as to why she was so quiet, but would never get an answer.

“Dinner’s ready,” Draco calmly announced. He looked down at Lily. “Wanna go get James while I set this up?”

Neither agreeing nor disagreeing, Lily practically ran towards James’ room.

“No running, remember?” Harry called after her, and the parents heard her footsteps fall slower. “At least she’s taken to actually listening to me.”

Draco gave his lover a sympathetic look as he levitated all four plates to the table. He had lost the ability to use magic in the last two months of his pregnancy, like he had with James and Cissa, and missed it greatly. The cutlery followed, along with glasses and something for them to drink. Lily returned to Draco’s side, wrapping her arms around one of his legs before clambering up onto a chair that had cushions stacked upon it. It was the same chair and cushions used by James in his first few years in life.

The sixteen-year-old came into the dining room and took his usual seat.

“You told her to come get me, right?” he asked. He no longer was the little boy who once reflected Harry completely. He was now the teenager who reflected Harry completely. The only things that didn’t resemble Harry were the slight grey flecks in his eyes and the charming smile he had since birth. His hair was a little more tameable than his papa’s was, mainly because his gay parents (or parent, being Draco) introduced him to the world of hair products. Despite the influence of gay parents, however, he was quite the lady’s man. Being bred from two of the most sought-out bachelors of Hogwarts, James had the appeal of water to a stranded man in a desert. It seemed as if everyone wanted a piece of him.

“Yeah.”

“She just stood there, knocking on my door. I had to smell the food to know.”

Harry shook his head. “You should really stop talking of Lily as if she’s not in the room with us,” he advised, stabbing into a bean.

Once dinner was over, James was surprised to find Lily at his bedroom door again. He let her in, and watched in awe as she entered, climbing onto her big brother’s bed. In all her years of living, she had never sought out James on her own, and she had most certainly never stepped into his room, despite his constant invitations.

What surprised him even more was her sudden attack of the silent tears. They just rolled down her face, and for once, she didn’t even try to shy away from James’ attention.

“What’s wrong, Lils?” James asked, fighting his want to hug her. He hated being in that position, but it just seemed that those he wanted to hold hated him.

Lily didn’t vocally answer James, but instead crawled over to the bedside tables, picking up a photograph of James and Harry alone. It was just before James went to Hogwarts for the first time. She also grabbed a photo of Draco. It was then that she noticed the many Muggle pictures in James’ room, and that made her cry harder.

Nonetheless, she placed the photo of Draco far away from the photo of her papa and her brother, and then pointed to the latter, directly at the eleven-year-old James, and then to herself. Lastly, she motioned towards Draco over in the distance.

James’ eyes widened.

“Dear Merlin, please let me hug you, just this once,” he pleaded, and at his sister’s nod, he pulled the five-year-old into his arms for the first time. “He’s not going to leave you, Lils. He knows how much it hurts. Daddy loves you so much. Papa and I caused him so much pain…” he pulled back slightly. “Is that why you don’t talk? You don’t want to hurt Daddy like I did?”

Lily buried her head into James’ shoulder so he couldn’t see her.

“Oh, Lily. Don’t think that. Our parents want to hear you voice. And Papa would love to have you hug him.”

Lily started to shake her head violently. She turned back to the photos, pointed at Harry, pointed at Draco and then pretended to slap herself across her face.

“I know Papa hit Daddy, but that was years and years ago, and it was because of me. I don’t know how much you got from Daddy’s memories, but Papa never did anything to hurt me, and he’s never hurt you, either. He’s a really good father, Lily. He loves us both, and won’t ever hit us like that. You gotta have a little bit of faith in them and yourself.”

Lily reasserted the slapping action. “Has he ever hit you before?” Lily shook her head. “And he’s never hit me before. He’s really kind, and he’s the good guy. You know all the bedtime stories Daddy tells you before you go to sleep? It’s Papa who’s the hero in all of them. The bad guy, Tom Riddle, is the evil man who killed Grandma and Grandpa Potter. And he’s also why Grandma and Grandpa Malfoy are gone, too.”

Lily started to shake her head again. Pointing at Draco, she made a circle on the part of the bed above the photo. She then pointed to Harry and drew her hand across her neck.

“Papa killed Grandpa Malfoy?” James thought on it for a while. “Well, yeah, he did. He told me when I had to do some research on it in Defence Against the Dark Arts. But Grandpa Malfoy was a really, really bad man. He tried to kill both Papa and Daddy.”

Lily took in a deep breath, and then turned back to the photos. Indicating Harry, she then moved her finger to Draco, and then drew the tip of her finger down her own wrists. She had tears trailing down her face again, and this time even James got a bit teary.

“Yeah, Daddy did try to kill himself because of Papa. But it was also me. He didn’t hurt himself like that, though. He only tried with Cissa.”

Lily shook her head yet again, causing James’ eyes to widen again.

“Please tell me you’re mistaken.”

Lily non-verbally denied. The oldest child quickly left the room.

Harry and Draco weren’t prepared for their son to attack them verbally. He came into the living room, interrupting whatever conversation his parents had and pinned Draco with an accusing glare.

“You tried to kill yourself!” he shouted.

Draco’s eyebrow rose slightly. “Yes, you were there for it…”

“You slit your wrists!”

He heard Harry shift in his seat slightly and watched Draco nervously run a hand down his left wrist.

“It was only one wrist. How do you…?”

“You have a daughter who was born after your attempt,” James spat.

Draco paled. “Oh Merlin…”

“Yeah. My little sister has the memory of you attempting to kill yourself! She probably has both images of them locked up in her head!”

Harry sat forward in his chair. “Lily talked to you?”

James turned around to his papa. “She’s terrified of you. She hugged me and I suggested that she hugged you. I’ve never seen her look so scared in her life! She knows that you hit Dad, and she’s scared that you’ll hit her, too! And do you know why she doesn’t talk? Lily’s too worried about hurting Dad that she doesn’t want to say anything.”

Draco slumped back into the couch he was on. “I knew Lily carried some of my memory, but I didn’t realise she got all the bad stuff.”

James was glaring at Harry. “Did you know about his suicide attempt?”

“I saw the scars. He explained when I asked.”

“And how long ago was that?”

“One week after he returned.”

James started to shake with anger. “You knew for five years and you didn’t tell me?”

Draco sat up at that. “That was my fault, James. My mother killed herself, so I’m fully aware of the pain a child feels when facing that situation. It’s a lot worse knowing that she chose to go than knowing that she’s gone. I suggested that your papa and I keep it a secret. I didn’t expect Lily to know about it.”

“For six years, all I thought about was where you were and if you were still alive or not. You chose to leave me and Papa, so you have no right to claim to know anything of that pain! I caused you to leave!”

“At least you knew that I was still watching you. I still wanted to be there in your life. My mother wanted nothing to do with me! She killed herself because everything she loved was dead! I wanted to die because everything I loved hurt me and I couldn’t deal with it.”

“You’re no better than she was,” James accused.

Harry tensed at the sensations Draco was feeling. He had felt them before ten years ago when the problems started. They had always been worried that James would sink his teeth into Draco’s behaviour, and it was about time that he started.

“I was better than she was. I watched you everyday. I sent you gifts for every birthday and Christmas. I wanted to be in your life; I just couldn’t be. You have no right to accuse me of choosing to leave you when you pushed me away! I had to go for my sanity, James.”

“This crap again?”

“James, Draco, this is enough,” Harry declared. “Lily is more important than this. She’s…”

“Yes, we’ll just pretend that I lost my Dad for several years for the sake of Lily. That’s pretty much what you told me when she was born, wasn’t it? Lily was more important than what I was feeling at the time?” James was tearing up with frustration and anger. He had never expressed what he thought about his parents’ decisions towards him and Lily, and felt he couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“I know I screwed up with you and Cissa…” Draco was cut off short.

“Cissa! My little sister who you used! She deserved a life, but you caused that to never happen!”

Draco stood up, angry tears down his cheeks. “Don’t you dare talk about Cissa!” he shouted at his son. “She was indecisive. She decided that she would kill the both of us, and then she decided that she wanted to live! She didn’t have a choice in the matter, though. She had grown in a place very different to where you and Lily grew. She was further back in my body and behind vital organs. I agreed to her continuation in life. Unfortunately, Cissa didn’t have the strength to pull through. Her death was not my fault, James. No one is to be blamed for what happened to her.”

James glared at his dad. He had never heard that version before. “Doesn’t stop the fact that Lily’s suffering now.”

“What do you want, James?” Draco asked, wiping off a tear from his cheek. “What the hell do you want from me? Do you want me to admit that I’m a bad parent? Fine. I’m a horrible parent. I’m a horrible lover. Do you want me to disappear again?”

“Lily thinks you’re going to.”

Both Draco and Harry froze at James’ statement. Draco actually crumpled back into his chair in shock. And then he burst out into tears.

“Dragon,” Harry shushed, and pulled his husband into his arms, rocking him gently. “We knew this was going to happen.”

Harry looked up at the soft sounds of his daughter’s feet. Lily climbed onto the couch her parents were sitting on and actually pushed Harry away from Draco so that she could curl up on Draco’s lap without unnecessarily touching her papa. When that got no reaction from her daddy, she sat up on his knees and pulled his hands away from his face. After Lily had finally gotten Draco’s attention, she tapped her chest above her heart, holding her other hand against Draco’s.

The blonde man scooped up his daughter into his arms, promising her that he would never leave her.

“I told you that he’d never leave you,” James told his sister, kneeling by the couch. “Way back before Papa had his accident, we were a loving family. That’s what we want again. Daddy and Papa love each other, Lils. And I love them both and you. You just gotta give Papa and me a chance.”

Lily picked up Draco’s left wrist, showing her brother the scars. James instantly winced, turning away slightly.

“I don’t want to hurt myself anymore, Lily,” Draco told her. “I’m happy again. You and James and your daddy made me happy again.” He gently wiped away the tear that ran down her cheek. “It’s okay now.”

Lily shook her head before she took in a deep breath.

“Why isn’t it okay?”

Lily was shaking all over now.

“Lily?” Harry asked softly from the side of the couch.

The five-year-old threw herself into Draco’s chest as she reached out with her left hand towards her papa. She kept her face hidden from the other three as they looked at her.

Harry and Draco looked at James when they heard his slight sob. Their oldest child was crying as he reached out to Lily’s left arm.

“Oh no,” Harry gasped, watching as James tugged down on the sleeve of her jumper slightly. Tissues tied together made a bandage around her wrist. They were bloody.

Draco’s eyes slid shut against the image. “Oh, Lily,” he murmured. He hugged her close to him again, feeling her shake against his chest. She pulled her arm back in to hold on to her daddy’s shirt.

Lily visibly cringed as she felt a hand on her head. “It’s me, Lils,” James informed her, sifting his hand through her hair. “It’s okay. We still love you. There’s nothing that you can do to stop us from loving you.”

“James’s right, Lily,” Harry breathed. She shied away from Harry again. The brunette let out a loud groan, and got up to leave the room.

“Harry,” Draco objected.

“Draco, I know how it feels to be hated by your child, as do you. I’m going through exactly what nearly took your life eleven years ago…”

“That isn’t going to help at all,” James argued. “Lily’s just scared that you’ll physically hurt her. She doesn’t hate you.”

“Either way, I have a child who refuses to go anywhere near me. You have no idea how frustrating that is for a parent. I’m watching my baby daughter grow up, and I can’t have any influence in it at all,” Harry snapped.

“Harry, things take time.”

Harry scoffed lightly. “Don’t I know that.”

Lily shook her head as Draco tried tucking her into bed later that night.

“What’s wrong?” he asked weakly. Harry had left the mansion, claiming he needed to get some fresh air, and had blocked Draco from his feelings through the bond.

Lily pointed to the only photograph that she kept in her room. It was of her parents.

“Your papa will be home soon. He just needs to think about things.” She placed a hand over her heart again, and pointed to Harry. “He loves you too, sweet heart. It’s just really hard to deal with.” Lily cried a little. “It’s okay. He’ll be fine,” Draco cooed, wiping away her tears again.

He sat up on the edge of her bed and kissed her forehead. “Do you want to have babies with the man you love when you get older?” Lily nodded her head. “Well, that’s what your papa and I did. We had you and James and Cissa. And we love all three of you. It hurts, though, to not be able to talk to you or Cissa, or be able to hold you or Cissa. I know Cissa’s gone, and that we’ll never be able to hold her or talk to her, but you’re here, and you’ve taken that away from your papa the most. He loves you so much, as all parents love their children, but you’re causing him a lot of pain by not letting him touch you.”

Lily put a hand to her neck and then touched Draco’s wrist. “Yeah, it hurts me that you don’t talk to me, but I’d rather see your papa happy that you’re hugging him than hear you. That way he and I are equal. It’s not fair that I get to hug you all I want and he doesn’t. Now, it’s been a long, emotional day, and I think it’s way past your bedtime.” He kissed her forehead again, pulling the blankets up under her chin. “Goodnight.”

Lily nodded her head before curling up on her side.

Neither Harry nor Draco got to sleep quickly that night. Harry had returned from his walk just as Draco was crawling under the covers of their bed and was just content to lie in his husband’s arms. It had gotten to three in the morning and neither had slept a second. They didn’t even pretend that they were sleeping. Draco, after spending several hours spooning Harry chose to change their positions, and tried sleeping with his head on Harry’s chest, but that didn’t work, either. They didn’t talk, but stayed connected to each other’s soul through their bond. It was the pattering of Lily’s feet, along with the trudging sounds of James’ sleepy steps, that brought them both out of their minds.

Harry and Draco raised their heads from their pillows as their children entered their room. Lily was surprisingly holding James’ hand with one hand and a thick doona in her other. Instantly, her parents could feel magical forces behind that strength. She led James to the bed, and set him down at the foot of it, before crawling into bed.

Harry, as it usually occurred, moved over in the bed so that Lily had enough room without touching him. Another shock to the night was that she stopped him, wrapping her little body around his larger arm.

The visually impaired man looked over to Draco, who was hiding a smile behind his hand at the sight.

“Lily,” Harry started, completely surprised, “you do realise this is me you’re holding on to, right?”

James rubbed tiredly at one eye, looking out for the movement that should have been Lily’s head confirming or denying her knowledge. Instead, he should have cleaned out his ears.

“I know, Papa,” she responded, but yawned, close to sleeping. Draco gasped, scooting closer to his husband and youngest child. Within moments, Lily was fast asleep in the arms of both her parents.

“James,” Harry started, but was cut of short by his son.

“Hell no. That’s just twisted. I, a nearly fully-grown man, am not going to sleep in the same bed as my gay parents, thank you very much. Only the most beautiful of women share that honour, no matter the joyous occasion. I’ll be fine down here,” James elaborated, pulling the doona Lily left him with up and over his head.

“Sure, where we can kick you,” Harry scoffed. It was then that he looked over to Draco, and let out a content sigh.

“What?” Draco asked softly.

Harry used his free arm to pulled Draco in closer to him, but made sure not to squash their daughter between them. He placed a simple kiss to Draco’s temple.

“That’s the first time since James was five that I’ve seen you truly smile, Mister Malfoy-Potter.”

“I guess you know where your children got their smiles from, then.”

Harry flicked Draco on the nose. “Our children.”

Authors note: I’m considering doing spin-off type stories to this…maybe how life was for James during the six years of Draco’s disappearance, maybe delve into his Hogwarts life, even go on with their kids all grown up…I don’t know…I highly doubt that another HP fanfic is on the way any time soon, though…my Bakuten Shoot muse came back and bit me in the butt last night in a dream, but I knew that I had to finish this first.

Thanks to all for reading and for reviewing. You guys have no idea how much it means to me to read what you wrote. Because of you all, I’m not going to become a lawyer, but actually a journalist XD.

Might see you soon with more tales…

P.S-to those of you who don’t like this ending, my mother intends on writing a fanfic based on this fanfic because she didn’t approve of the ending…I might post it up as Jinko, but still give her all the credit.

Jinko