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J.J. Blue
Author of 26 Stories |
Title: "Maybe It's Karma - Chap 6: As Long As You Love Me"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's BASED ON THE MANGA. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness.
Notes: I wanted to write something less dark... Consider this another of my 'You'll end up paying for everything you did' story a bit happier than usual.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Ehy, do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensitive heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks: To Von Questenberg for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
Summary: Each action causes a reaction. If you die you'll pay the price of your actions in the next life. But what if now you're just an innocent teenager and all of sudden find yourself dealing with the mess you caused in your previous life? Can you fix things? Or will you end up making an even bigger mess this time?
I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me"
(Backstreet Boys - "As Long As You Love Me")
Seishiro hadn't expected to wake up that night screaming. Waking up screaming from a nightmare was something that happened to other people, not to Sakurazuka Seishiro. He was above this sort of things, he was, he repeated to himself, panting and trying to make himself sure he had nothing to worry about because it had been a dream, just a dream, nothing worth his attention. His bedroom's room slammed open and his mother ran into his room, still in her night clothes, looking as scared as if she believed he was about to be murdered or something equally horrible. He chased her out with angry words and hysteric behaviour that just didn't fit him, remained in his room alone, hugging himself at tightly as he could, trying to forget what he saw in his dream, trying to erase it from his mind because... it didn't matter, it was just a dream... wasn't it?
Yet he couldn't forget. He couldn't forget what he had seen. In his dream he had seen a man, he was sure it was the one he saw staring at the suicidal boy and yet... The one he saw was younger... younger and strangely similar to him also as if he was a mix between the other man and himself. Anyway that man... that man was hurting his Subaru-kun, beating him and kicking him and telling him cruel things and Subaru-kun was just... there. He wasn't fighting back. He was just looking at the other man with the same dead eyes the suicidal boy had as if he too was dead inside. And Seishiro knew the other man would end up killing Subaru-kun, he was just about to do it and Seishiro... Seishiro could do nothing to stop him... as if he was trapped behind a barrier, some sort of glass wall or something... able only to scream at him not to touch Subaru-kun but... but his voice didn't want to come out, no matter how hard he tried to scream, and the man kept hurting Subaru-kun, kept hurting him and then he told him 'Goodbye' and Seishiro... Seishiro had awoken screaming for him to stop and... and he was extremely glad it had been all a dream. However he was covered in sweat and he couldn't stop shivering and no matter how many times he told himself it was only a stupid dream, nothing worth worrying about, he couldn't manage to get back to sleep through the whole night.(1)
Subaru-kun, however, kept throwing him worried glances, as if he, differently from others, could tell that something was wrong, and Seishiro was doing his best to ignore them telling himself that it was just that Subaru-kun was probably still upset with him. Fuma tried talking to him, probably aiming to tell him how it went with the witch but Seishiro ignored him. He didn't feel like talking right then.
Once lessons started Seishiro was pleasantly surprised when the teacher moved his place next to Subaru-kun's. Subaru-kun had, at first, seemed desperate when Hokuto-chan was told to take the seat in front of him instead than the one next to him, but his mood had changed pretty quickly when Seishiro had taken the seat she left free. Subaru-kun's shy smile as he had sat next to him was something Seishiro wanted to remember forever. That smile had to be his and his only. He would never share it. For the rest of the lessons he did nothing but stare at Subaru-kun, annoyed because the boy, instead of looking at him, was following the lessons and taking notes. In the end Seishiro fell asleep, still tired from the sleep he lost the night before.
Subaru, who, despite looking focused on the lesson, in truth was paying attention to Seishiro-san also, managed to wake him up every time the teacher's attention was moving to him so he ended lessons with no problems. At lunch break Seishiro-san fell asleep again, on Subaru's shoulder. Subaru blushed at that and squirmed a bit, so that Seishiro-san could rest more comfortably on him and let him sleep since the boy seemed tired. It was somewhat embarrassing to let Seishiro sleep against himself and yet, somehow, it also felt very nice. Right, as if he'd been dreaming it for a lifetime.
Fuma's eyes narrowed at the cute scene of Seishiro sleeping against Sumeragi. Normally Seishiro was never tired to the point he would fall asleep in class or at lunch break. Something must have happened if he was so worn out. He stared at the blushing Sumeragi wondering if he could be the cause of Seishiro's tiredness but, somehow, it seemed unlikely. Maybe the witch was responsible for it; she had said something that hadn't sounded quite reassuring but, Fuma preferred to not have to go to ask her. She gave him an unpleasant sensation, as if she knew more about him than he knew himself, and Fuma had the feeling he'd be happier ignorant of what she knew. Not that he liked it. Plus to have Kamui-chan, who had invited himself to eat with them since Sumeragi was there, sputtering death threats in Seishiro's direction for daring to sleep on Sumeragi's shoulder didn't improve Fuma's mood.
However it was a good thing that Seishiro was sleeping right then. While he'd been awake, as sleepy as he had been, he still had looked like he wanted to strangle Kamui-chan for talking with Sumeragi and he had refused to let anyone besides himself to sit next to the boy. Seishiro had always been possessive of his toys and Fuma knew better than to try and touch them but now that he was sleeping...
"Sumeragi. Is everything going well between you and Seishiro? I heard you felt sick yesterday," he inquired. Actually he didn't care much if Sumeragi had felt sick but he knew this could have affected Seishiro's mood and so it was worth a quick investigation. Kigai kicked him under the table and glared in his direction. Evidently he was still of the 'don't mess with Seishiro's love life' opinion. Fuma pretended to not pay him any attention.
"Subaru! Did Seishiro do something to you?" Kamui-chan exclaimed in honestly worried voice, much to Fuma's annoyance before Sumeragi could reply. "If he did I..."
"Nothing happened. Please, lower your voice or you'll wake him up," Sumeragi whispered, eyes lowered and cheek still flaming. Somehow his 'nothing' didn't sound persuasive at all, as if something had happened but it had hurt only him and so it wasn't worth mentioning, but he didn't seem upset with Seishiro so Fuma had no idea what to think.
Kamui-chan instead continuing piling promise over promise to protect Sumeragi from Seishiro should he need it. Fuma judged it a wasted effort. He had the feeling that Sumeragi didn't want to be protected from Seishiro at all.
"I guess something did happen between him and his beloved Sumeragi," Fuma commented. "There's nothing else that would make him react so heatedly." Actually he'd been lucky he got out untouched considering the mood Seishiro was in. Plus fighting among them was forbidden, unless they wanted to be out of the next match and that wasn't something he wanted. Luckily the coach wasn't there to witness the scene and it was unlikely he would notice Shiyu and Arisugawa's bruised stomachs, but if Fuma had sported a visible bruise it would have been troublesome to explain how he had got it without incurring in his wrath. Seishiro's crush was a nuisance, truly. "Someone should tell Sumeragi..." he began but he didn't manage to end the sentence.
"Hadn't I already told you to not mess between Sumeragi-kun and Sakurazuka?" Kigai asked him, frowning.
"But Seishiro wishes..." Fuma complained.
"Sakurazuka is old enough to fulfil his wishes on his own. Don't meddle with them," the other replied.
"I second Kigai," Arisugawa commented rubbing his sore stomach while Shiyu was trying to assure Yuzuriha-chan he was fine. "Let Sakurazuka deal with his crush on his own. Besides that was completely uncalled for. Why did Sakurazuka have to hit so hard?" he whined.
"Self defence mechanism, I suppose. He always hit the hardest he could no matter who he was fighting," Fuma reported, shrugging. Arisugawa and Shiyu were strong. They would survive. "Anyway we must... Kigai, where are you going?" he asked frowning as he noticed the blond boy was leaving.
"Taking a break. I'll be back later," the other replied picking up two cans of lemonade before exiting.
Fuma groaned. He had started that 'no discipline' system and now he was paying its consequences.
Right now however he was trying to decide what to do with Subaru-kun.
The boy wanted him as a friend only. Maybe Subaru-kun was straight. Maybe he liked someone else and was just using him... no that wasn't like Subaru-kun, Subaru-kun didn't use people and yet... yet there had been some sort of intimacy between the man of his dream and Subaru-kun and Seishiro... Seishiro had been jealous of that.
Seishiro was sure Subaru-kun didn't want to be touched by him anymore. When Seishiro had accompanied him to the club the boy hadn't even wanted to give him his hand to hold.
Plus Subaru-kun had looked worried after Seishiro had awoken from his nap; maybe it had bothered him that Seishiro had slept on him. Maybe he wanted to distance himself from Seishiro. Maybe he wouldn't want to speak with him ever again. Maybe that witch told Subaru-kun that it was Seishiro's fault if he'd felt sick... that he would bring him misfortune or something and he... no that plainly didn't made sense... but the more he thought about it the worse the scenarios he pictured were and...
He was startled out of his thoughts when a can of lemonade was thrown on his lap.
"Nice spot," Kigai commented looking around. "Wonderful to rest. I must carry Satsuki-chan here soon, possibly after I make sure she forgot to recharge her laptop."
Seishiro glared at him. Kigai pretended to not notice, sat not too close to him then opened his can of lemonade and drank. He didn't attempt to talk further at first. Seishiro studied the can he'd been given, then decided he wasn't thirsty and set it on his side.
"Satsuki-chan will never forget to recharge her laptop," Seishiro stated. "You would have more luck hoping she would forget to eat."
"I know. Let's call it wishful thinking. Don't tell Monou this. I bet his idea of help would be to break that cursed laptop," Kigai continued with a half smile.
"You hate Satsuki-chan's laptop," Seishiro pointed out. He had no idea why he was taking part in this discussion. He didn't care at all about Kigai's love troubles. Maybe it was because anything was better than sitting there thinking about how Subaru-kun had turned him down. Or the nightmare he had.
"But Satsuki-chan loves it. Dealing with it is the price I pay to stay with her. You remember I had no idea how to use a computer before meeting her, don't you?" Kigai asked in a cheerful tone.
"I never got why you hooked up with her in the first place," Seishiro replied. "She's always so obsessed with computers and she looks at everyone else who doesn't know as much about them like they're idiots. Sometimes even Rijichou and that's saying a lot." Imonoyama Nokoru, Rijichou of CLAMP Gakuen was a computer genius. Actually he and Satsuki-chan were often competing to prove who was the best with computers. "I wouldn't like to be with someone who considers me second best to a computer and an idiot for not understanding how it works," he added.
"Call it a love at first sight thing. It was just that to get her to reciprocate I had to persuade her to actually raise her eyes from her computer screen and look at me. Not the easiest of tasks," Kigai continued.
"Fuma told you to simply break that laptop," Seishiro reminded him. Actually he'd found that course of action a bit too drastic as a first attempt. As a second attempt however...
"Do you think she would have liked me if I had forced my attention on her?" Kigai asked. Seishiro shrugged. Honestly, he didn't care.
"I took computer lessons instead. I learned to send her e-mails. Tons of them until she finally raised her eyes to search for me," Kigai explained, smiling again, the smile of someone who had won the love of his life. It irked Seishiro somehow.
"So true love won and everyone lived happily ever after," he muttered sarcastically, not feeling happy in the slightest for Kigai, especially since his love life was being troublesome. "Lucky you."
"Actually the whole school thinks you're the lucky one," Kigai countered, standing. Seishiro frowned, not really understanding his point. Lucky? After Subaru-kun had turned him down as a boyfriend? "But you're going to spoil all your luck, aren't you?" the other boy continued.
"What I do with it is my business," Seishiro growled. He hated when people meddled in his business. Especially when he was having trouble. He liked people to think he never had problems, that all went smooth for him.
"Sakurazuka, do yourself a favour. Try to get to know Sumeragi-kun before deciding what you want to do with your luck," Kigai said, sighing.
"What does Subaru-kun have to do with this?" Seishiro questioned. Kigai gave him the 'Isn't it obvious?' glance. "Subaru-kun and I are doing just fine," Seishiro insisted.
"If you're sure of that, then there's nothing I can tell you to help," Kigai commented, starting to walk away. Seishiro stood.
"Kigai, get back here! I want to know what you mean! What's not going fine?" Seishiro insisted bugged by the horrid suspicion Kigai might know something about Subaru-kun he didn't. No one could know something about Subaru-kun that he didn't. If he'd been honest he never saw Kigai getting too close to Subaru-kun but the boy was sharp and if he had discovered... Kigai stopped in his track and turned toward him.
"You're the type who's used to getting what he wants, when he wants. Sumeragi-kun is kind and willing to humour you. To a certain extent. Then he'll draw a line and the more you try to force it the more he'll keep you away in attempt to stop you from passing that line and he's determined enough to not give up on this. Sakurazuka, that boy needs you a lot, and yet he never asks for something from you. It's always the other way around. You're tense because you've tried to walk that line and he told you 'no', aren't you? I have no idea what he refused to do for you, even if I can make a polite guess but... what about you? Do you have an idea of why he said 'no'? And can you accept it?"
"I'm not supposed to accept it, I..." 'I don't want to accept it. I don't care if Subaru-kun is straight or if he has another lover. He must belong to me in the end. I'm an idiot to tell him we can be just friends. I...' "He has no reasons to tell me 'no'! I..."
"You don't get it, do you? Sumeragi-kun likes you, likes you a lot. He does things for you he won't do for anyone else. But you have to learn to accept that he can't do all you want. Besides I don't think you would like him much if he did," Kigai continued.
"What he does isn't enough!" Seishiro stated angrily.
"Then become someone to whom Sumeragi-kun would give more. Become someone he can trust and rely upon before asking for more. In truth, you have no idea who Sumeragi Subaru-kun is, and you don't let him know who Sakurazuka Seishiro is. You just know what you want from him, not who he is. He'll end up backing out and you'll be the one who'll push him to do it," Yuto stated before walking away. So much for no involvement. Actually he really didn't want to have this conversation with Sakurazuka, he was much more comfortable leaving the role of Sakurazuka's babysitter to Monou but... he had to talk to Sakurazuka. He was sure the boy would have never gotten it on his own and Monou's idea to help was to give him what he wanted without caring about the consequences and spoiling him more than Sakurazuka-san did. Someone had to beat some sense into Sakurazuka's skull before he would end up hurting poor, innocent Sumeragi-kun in some idiotic attempt to woo him.
Once alone, Seishiro considered Yuto's words. Why was everyone trying to tell him how he had to deal with Subaru-kun? He knew how to handle the boy. Hadn't he handled dozens of previous boyfriends and girlfriends just fine? Yet... it was true there were things he didn't know about Subaru-kun... and that the boy wasn't like all the other people he had known previously... and maybe it was time to find out more about him...
Subaru didn't want to be a source of worry for another person. To have Hokuto-chan worrying for someone as meaningless as him was already bad enough.
Besides that mess was all his fault.
It was all his fault if Seishiro-san was upset.
Subaru hadn't missed it, right from the moment the boy had showed up at his door's home. He knew Seishiro-san wanted something from him, something he didn't want to give. Something he couldn't give. He shouldn't have let thing progress that far. He shouldn't have let Seishiro-san grew so close to him. He had no idea why he had. Or better, he had an idea, but it wasn't making things any better. The point was that he liked to be with Seishiro-san too much, he always felt so amazingly happy when Seishiro-san was with him, he always felt this imperative need to be with him, to make him happy...
It was stupid, really, he had no idea why Seishiro-san affected him so, when not even Hokuto-chan could involve him that much. He barely knew him for crying out loud.
At first he had thought it was just because Seishiro-san had helped him out at the bridge, because he seemed to be interested in him, because he could see Yurei like him. After all it was the first time he had met someone who could see Yurei, who'd been willing to help him, who'd considered him interesting. But it wasn't just that and Subaru knew. He'd felt drawn to him from the moment his gaze fell on him that first day, shortly after he'd set foot on the campus and had caught a glimpse of him while talking with Shiro-san, before he knew they were going to be classmates. He had tried to ignore that feeling, doing his best to never look at him in attempt to hide his... need to just stare at him, but it had become impossible to ignore when the boy had somehow managed to intrude in his daily life.
Yet he had to give up on him.
He knew he would have to do it, sooner or later; it wasn't good for people to be friends with him, he was merely hoping it would be later, that he would have some more time to spend with him. He didn't look forward to parting with Seishiro-san, not now that he had a taste of how good it felt to be with him. He didn't want to part with him.
He should have stuck to his 'you're not friend material so don't try to get too close to others' system. He should have. Now he had made matters even worse. Just yesterday Seishiro-san had asked him to not push him away and Subaru was going to do exactly that but... what else could he do?
He didn't want to cause trouble for Seishiro-san, he was deadly afraid to cause him trouble and...
"Subaru-kun, you're staring," Seishiro-san's voice and the boy's finger poking gently his cheek startled him out of his inner contemplation and Subaru realized he'd been staring at his drawing without adding a single line for... for quite a while likely. He stood hurriedly and would have tripped, if hadn't it been for Seishiro-san grabbing him. He mumbled his thanks as he straightened himself embarrassedly and asked the other boy nervously what was he doing there. The art club didn't like to have visitors and...
"Subaru-kun... club activities finished fifteen minutes ago. Kamui-chan said he had called you but you didn't even bother to notice him," Seishiro informed him, feeling mildly pleased at the idea that Subaru-kun had ignored Kamui-chan.
Subaru looked around uneasily and noticed they were alone in the class. He blushed in embarrassment, blaming himself for how much of an idiot he must look. Plus he would be late to work. As if his life wasn't bad enough...
"I... I have to go, Seishiro-san... thanks for warning me and..." he babbled uneasily, trying to think, trying to remember what he should do, what he should take and capable only to think that he should let Seishiro-san go and that he didn't want it, he didn't want it, he didn't want it...
"I know you have to. I'm here to get you like I usually do, did you forget?" Seishiro asked raising one of his eyebrows.
"No... I... There's really no need you come... I mean... It's my work not yours... I mean..." Subaru cursed himself. He couldn't manage to force words out. He just...
Seishiro-san frowned.
"Hadn't I told you just yesterday to not push me away?" the boy asked him in a clearly displeased one. Subaru cringed.
"I... you... I..." he babbled. "I'm not friend material, I told you, I mean, I..."
"Subaru-kun, are you straight?" Seishiro-san asked him out of the blue. Subaru blinked, in confusion, the question startling him.
"I... yes I... I think so... well... do I look like I'm bent? Hokuto-chan will yell at me if she finds out I don't stand perfectly straight..." he rambled. Seishiro-san blinked at his reply, then groaned and Subaru unconsciously shrunk back thinking he did something wrong.
"I mean... do you like more boys or girls? You know... in the boyfriend/girlfriend sense of liking," Seishiro clarified before Subaru-kun would misunderstand his words again. Subaru-kun blinked, then blushed.
"I... I don't really know... I never..." he trailed off lowering his gaze. He had never asked himself the question. He wasn't supposed to like someone so he had always made his best to not look at people in that way, his only exception having been Seishiro-san but he figured he would do better not to mention it.
"Do you think I'm a pervert or something because I like you?" he asked, resting his hands on Subaru-kun's shoulders and lowering himself so he could look at Subaru-kun's eyes. The boy turned his gaze away and shook his head, looking rather miserable.
"Subaru-kun... no, don't be like that, just look at me," he said turning gently the boy's head so to have him meet his gaze. "Subaru-kun... you don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend I don't know about somewhere, do you?" he asked then.
"I... no, why should I..." the boy babbled, again turning his gaze away as he shook his head.
Seishiro sighed in relief. At least that wasn't the problem.
"Has someone hurt you?" he tried then and he couldn't miss how Subaru's eyes widened and his whole body flinched, almost making a step back. Instinctively Seishiro pulled the boy closer, feeling a strange sense of anxiety rising inside himself. "Subaru-kun, has someone hurt you? A tall man who..." he trailed off. He just couldn't add the 'look like me' part. He couldn't.
Subaru-kun looked at him at that, blinking in confusion.
"A man? No, why?" he asked sounding honestly puzzled. If someone had hurt him evidently it hadn't been a man. Seishiro trapped him into a hug, feeling relief filling him.
"I've been worried. I had a bad dream and... and I..." No, he would never tell to Subaru-kun about the... the thing he'd seen... that scene conjured up by... residual feelings either. Subaru-kun didn't need to know. Seishiro had to merely make sure Subaru-kun would never end up in that cursed place. The boy was way more sensitive than he was to those phenomena and he didn't want him to see that scene. "I couldn't fall asleep after it," he finished lamely. Subaru-kun blinked again at that.
"Is that why you were so tired and grumpy today? Because you had a bad dream?" he asked quietly and a bit hopefully. It wasn't his fault then? Hadn't Seishiro-san been angry at him for the mess he'd caused the day before? Actually, at the hospital the boy hadn't seemed angry, he'd even apologized but Subaru was so used to people getting angry at him or troubled due to him to believe it would last.
"Yeah. Stupid, isn't it?" Seishiro mumbled, feeling rather stupid but seeing no point in lying. Subaru-kun shook his head.
"No, not stupid. I have bad dreams too. I know what it's like..." the boy admitted and there was a haunted expression in his eyes that clearly meant his dreams were all but pleasant.
"Bad dreams about a mean guy?" Seishiro asked. A side of him wanted Subaru-kun to have his same dreams, a side of him wanted to share everything with him, another loathed the mere idea the boy too could witness that dream. Subaru-kun should never see that. Never.
"No. Never mind, it's not important..." Subaru-kun replied and there was a tired note in his voice.
"It's important if it's about you. It's important to me," Seishiro assured.
"It's not important," Subaru-kun stated dividing himself from him. Even if Seishiro-san hadn't been upset due to him, it wasn't the moment to forget that he had to let the other boy go.
"Subaru-kun..."
"Seishiro-san, I'm not friend material and I... I can't be what you want me to be and I can't give you what you want me to give you and..." Subaru began, trying to make sense and to look convincing and firm when he only wanted to cling to the other boy and beg him to never let go.
Seishiro frowned as soon as he heard Subaru-kun's words. He refused to be pushed away.
"Subaru-kun..." he began in a harsh tone causing the boy to wince immediately.
"Subaru-kun," he repeated again in a softer one, careful not to sound threatening. It was only a matter of explaining his feelings and making sure they wouldn't scare Subaru-kun away. It should be easy... even if he had never done it before. Yeah, sure. "Subaru-kun, I really like you. I like you way more than anyone else. I know you might have heard things about me which weren't quite flattering or encouraging and I know I... kind of rushed things a bit. I didn't mean to scare you. You said we would stay friends and I promise I'll never kiss you again without your permission. I won't ask you to do what you aren't ready to do. I won't hurt you, I promise," he assured wondering if he should add something else, if he'd done everything properly, if he'd sounded reassuring, if that was the right way to do things. He wasn't supposed to do love declarations! Those were things that should happen in Shoujo manga, not in his life!
Subaru-kun stared at him in a mix of longing and misery.
"I... Seishiro-san... it's not... it's complicated and I can't..." he began saying nervously. Seishiro placed his finger on Subaru-kun's lips silencing him.
"Listen... I messed up once and I know some people think it's better to not associate with me. I'm not asking you to accept to become my boyfriend right now... just... let me keep courting you, okay? Let me stay with you and show you I'm the one you want to stay with," he asked looking straight at Subaru-kun.
"I'm not... you shouldn't... I..."
"Subaru-kun... maybe before I haven't always been able to protect you but I'll do my best. I'll fix whatever problem come, at least, I'll try to. You won't have to worry anymore," he offered. It was probably the first time in his life he was being so honest...
"I don't think it's a good idea..." Subaru-kun whimpered looking like he wanted to accept but believed he shouldn't.
"So do you really want to avoid me forever and never see me again?" Seishiro asked, trying another approach at the problem. Subaru-kun hurried to shook his head.
"No, no, I... I like you... but it's not like that... and I'll make trouble for you and I..."
Seishiro just hugged him again. He believed they'd been talking enough.
Subaru hesitated at first, torn, then hugged him back. It was probably something very stupid to do and he doubted Seishiro-ssan would keep wanting him around but... but he couldn't let Seishiro-san go. Not now. Probably not ever.
"Everything will go well, little one," Seishiro assured, delighted at feeling Subaru-kun squirming close to him. So maybe Akechi Sensei and Kigai were right and Subaru-kun had some problems he wasn't aware of, problems that made him think they shouldn't be together, but that didn't matter. Subaru-kun wanted to be with him and, as long as the boy was with him, nothing would go wrong, Seishiro would make sure of it.
'You must learn to always pay for what you get,' that woman had told him. At the reminder Seishiro simply held Subaru-kun's tighter. If there was a price to pay for having Subaru-kun he would pay it, no matter which he was. Of course he hadn't understood yet he wouldn't be the only one who would pay it and that it would be a hell of a price to pay.
Seishiro knew something was wrong with Subaru-kun and was trying to deal with it the best he could. He was trying to be less commanding and to keep a certain distance, not to force his attentions on Subaru-kun so not to scare him. He was sure that, given some time, Subaru-kun would get used to that situation. The boy was just... nervous because he never had a boyfriend before and was very shy. It had to be that because he was sure Subaru-kun liked him. It couldn't be otherwise.
Fuma wasn't sure for how long Seishiro would manage to handle the situation. Seishiro was too used to doing things the way he liked to handle well being forced to follow someone else's wishes for once. Yet Fuma was willing to admit Seishiro was trying his best with impressive stubbornness and dedication, something he'd never done before. At least now, after the talk he had with Sumeragi, Seishiro remembered he wasn't supposed to order the boy around and that he should add something on the line of 'if you don't mind' when he was telling what he wanted to do and, when he hugged Sumeragi, he was fast to let him go if the boy looked uncomfortable, which happened only when he did it in front of an audience and was mostly due to Sumeragi's shyness.
Fuma however couldn't figure what was wrong with Sumeragi. The boy liked Seishiro, Fuma was sure of it, so what exactly was troubling him? Why couldn't he just get together with Seishiro and enjoy himself?
"Subaru is not a pervert who can only think about getting laid," Kamui-chan commented with the look of one who knew what was talking about, as he took another spoonful of the strawberry ice cream Fuma bought to him, after Fuma had asked him his opinion about it.
"You mean you think Sumeragi's a virgin?" Fuma translated. Kamui-chan frowned at that but he couldn't hide a blush.
"I mean he's a kind and considerate person who, different from certain other guys I won't mention, doesn't go around saying vulgar things or molesting other teenagers," Kamui-chan corrected him, pointing his spoon at him, as if to mean he was the guy he wouldn't mention.
"You could avoid accusing me of such things, at least when I'm paying for that giant portion of ice cream you're swallowing all alone," Fuma replied, looking not impressed at all. He knew when Kamui-chan's behaviour was getting dangerous and so far it wasn't. However one of those days he would like to have someone explain to him why he always allowed Kamui-chan to kick his ass, as if he somehow owed it to the boy. It wasn't fair to allow such a small boy to beat him... especially when Kamui-chan never held back and was rather good in hitting people.
Kamui-chan snorted at his words and filled his mouth with ice cream again. For being so small the boy sure ate a lot.
"And anyway Seishiro's trying to behave and you know it," Fuma added. Kamui-chan should learn to accept that Seishiro and Sumeragi belonged together. Besides he doubted Kamui-chan ever had a chance with Sumeragi. While Sumeragi was always very nice with Kamui-chan he... just didn't look at him the same way he looked at Seishiro and it was becoming more obvious each passing day.
Kamui-chan snorted.
"And you think it'll last... how long? Seishiro has no patience. He'll end up hurting Subaru, who never did anything wrong to him. I don't want to see Subaru hurt," Kamui-chan stated and there was a raw need in his voice. Fuma had no idea why but for Kamui-chan it was imperative to not see Sumeragi hurt. He'd probably give up on him more easily than accept the idea Sumeragi could be hurt. It was as if he believed Sumeragi was his charge, kind of like a frail older brother he had to protect. Fuma was getting almost okay with this kind of 'sibling affection' Kamui-chan was feeling for Sumeragi. It was definitely much preferable than a romantic one.
"Then help me to understand what's wrong with Sumeragi. I know he wants Seishiro but I also know he doesn't want to want him and I can't understand why!" Fuma complained sounding quite frustrated. He truly couldn't understand why Sumeragi just wouldn't give in to the deep wish he had to be with Seishiro. Giving up wishes was stupid and unhealthy, at least according to him.
"Subaru worries for people a lot and never thinks he is good enough for them to like him. He's never happy with himself, which is why Seishiro should be very careful to not make matters worse," Kamui-chan replied. "Subaru is starting to consider Seishiro's happiness and well being as his own responsibility and he really has no idea what he's supposed to do with him."
"What about giving in to his basic instincts?" Fuma suggested.
"Subaru's not inconsiderate like 'certain people'!" Kamui-chan exclaimed pointing again his spoon at him.
"So Sumeragi is just a shy and scared virgin. I'll warn Seishiro about it. Virgins are so hard to get!" he pointed out, giving Kamui-chan a meaningful glance. Kamui-chan glared.
"Do you want to have ice cream all over your head?" he asked looking ready to pour his own all over Fuma.
"I'd rather not, thank you," Fuma replied, knowing when to back off. "Kigai thinks we should leave Seishiro free to solve his problems on his own but I just know Seishiro has no idea how! And I know that, despite what he said, Kigai went and talked with Seishiro!"
"If you want my opinion..." Kamui-chan began to say.
"Boys, has no one ever told you it's not nice to intrude in other people's love lives?" a familiar female voice asked causing both boys to stand immediately.
Yuko smiled at them cheerfully. The two shrunk back. Long ago those two boys had possessed an amazing power; now all that remained of it was reacting to Yuko's, but the two didn't know how to interpret its warning signals and this made them so wary they bordered on scared. Not that they would admit it, since they both were too prideful to admit they were scared but Yuko saw it clearly.(2)
"We weren't really meddling!" Shiro Kamui protested. For being the one who had made the choice in April 1999 and then had spent almost all the remaining time wondering what should he do, unable to really make one decision or the other, the boy had turned out much more assertive and confident in his second chance. Oh well, she figured it was payment for finding the courage to take a decision in the end and recognize his true Wish.(3)
Monou Fuma looked at the boy worriedly. The one who had been the Chi no Ryu's Kamui now showed a messy mix of both his past personalities, the good family boy and the destroyer of the world. It should have been hard to reconcile those two sides of himself, but somehow they combined into a tough boy who believed he always knew better and could do everything and that hid a protective instinct he felt for everyone who managed to get close to him, combined with the wish to make them happy. And then there was that strong wish to be with the one who had been his counterpart... and yet that submission to every whim of the younger boy... that really make the situation rather amusing... at least from Yuko's point of view.
"Shiro-kun, lying will get you nowhere, do you know that?" she replied confidently.
"We were not," the boy insisted stubbornly. "And you must not hurt Subaru either," he added.
"I never meant to but Sumeragi-kun's decisions over his own destiny are only his to take," she replied. "You can't interfere."
"But you told Seishiro he could influence it. You said he could end up hurting Subaru and I don't want that!" the boy insisted. "So I'll influence Subaru's destiny as well, and make sure he'll be fine!"
She smiled at him and shook her head.
"You can try but it will not work. In the end only Sumeragi-kun's decisions will matter and only Sakurazuka-kun can influence them. You should stop taking him for granted, or you'll end up misjudging him seriously and lose the sight of the consequences your own decisions will have over other people," she informed him.
"I... I'll do just fine!" the boy stated stubbornly. "Fuma, let's leave!" he commanded and began to do just so, without bothering to finish his ice cream.
Fuma hesitated only a moment, his gaze fixed on Yuko. She smiled at him mysteriously. He frowned. He just... couldn't understand her. Kamui seemed not to notice as he walked away. Fuma frowned then followed Kamui silently, like a protective shadow.
Yuko sighed. Some people tended to make the same mistake over and over.
To be continued...
1. 'Tokyo Babylon' readers will recognize the scene Seishiro dreamt for what had happened in 'Tokyo Babylon' Vol. 7. So, yes, Seishiro had just dreamed about his past life.
2. Yes, Yuko knows who the boy were in their past lives. She's an amazingly powerful witch. There's no way she could have missed it.
3. I assume 'X' began more or less in April (the Sakura are all in bloom, it's spring, the boys aren't wearing yet summers uniforms, school year look just started). Since the facts in the first 10 volumes of 'X' happened in fast succession its very likely it was still April when Kamui chose to be a Ten no Ryu. However, after what happened after he did his choice, according to a CLAMP's interview, he was very confuse and he didn't know what to do. I figure at the end of the manga he'll manage to take a decision but since 'X' isn't finished yet nobody knows if he'll do it.
JJ's Extra Notes:
So, slowly, Seishiro's learning how to be a boyfriend. Also, as you can see, more than trying to get in between Subaru and Seishiro Kamui is trying to protect Subaru. He can't remember his past but he got the strong feeling Seishiro's bad for Subaru and, if he could remember, he would know exactly why. Add to this Seishiro's not really a good boy you can trust blindly and Subaru's rather defenceless and you'll understand Kamui as all the reasons to worry for him. Meanwhile Seishiro's learning something about paying fair prices.
Dictionary:
-chan: Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child
-kun: Young
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Gakuen: Campus
Ichimon: "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based on the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature
Onmyouji: "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer
Onmyoujutsu: "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells
Rijichou: Board Chairman
Sensei: "The One Who Is Born Before". Used with the meaning of "Teacher" or "Doctor" or "Professor"
To Everyone who reviewed: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!
To abcdianna: As you can see a new chapter is here!
To Dark Angel Of Fire Ice: Subaru's adorable but he's completely clueless and Seishiro... he hadn't learn to deal with people yet.
To Aerine Lillet: LOL That's a rather fun name for an attack! Of course it will be explained in the future why Subaru wears always long sleeves! And I'm glad you like Seishiro here!
To Chocolate-980: Yes, Yuko is involved. Quite a lot. And Subaru's life has been rougher than it looks.
To Watanabe Emi: Yep they did but it didn't really went too well. Maybe there was a reason if Seishiro hadn't done it in the manga...
To forgotten unmei: I'm glad you like this story!
To Francesca Akira89: Subaru's life's never easy. They're not spirits. As Yuko said they're residual feelings. A feeling (in Japanese myths) can impregnate and haunt a place like a spirit would. Yes, I know the Kazuki of TRC.
To Hatori Soma: (blush) Thank you!
To Fantasy-Starr: Well... poor Seishiro here is not his past self. He's a reincarnation so he's different. Yep, Kamui should start looking at Fuma... It would be a rather cute fantasy story! Now you're inspiring me!
To rain angst: I'm glad you do! (blush)
Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!
Send me your comments!
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