I'm so sorry! It took me forever to finish this. I never post a story I don't intend to finish, and to finally complete one that has been sitting around like this for so long is a real accomplishment. Oh, that is so sad. Anyway, on to the chapter!

I have stuck by my rules, and still own no one mentioned by name. I have changed Orihime into Japanese, as I can't work out her English forms of address.

“What can you see?” Sango asked in a whisper.

“Not a lot,” Nami answered, steadying herself against the wall. She was standing atop Sango’s shoulders and peering through a second floor window, having found all the rooms on this side of the first floor to be empty.

“You two look so ridiculous!” Dorothy giggled, playing with the bracelet around her wrist. “You have no idea about spying.”

“Got a better idea, witch?” Nami asked scathingly, getting down.

“Always,” the pink-haired woman answered with a smirk. "Dimension ÄRM: Watching Bird!”

The tiny bird fluttered upwards and through the slightly open window and a wavering portal appeared in the air before Dorothy. “We can see everything the bird sees through this,” she explained.

“Where did you get that?” Nami asked, immediately entranced. Think how much she could steal if she could use this to scout ahead!

“I’m afraid it’s one of a kind,” Dorothy replied, making Nami pout.

“Shush! The bird found someone!” Sango hissed urgently, pointing to the screen. The three women bent their heads over to get a better look, and Nami gasped.

“That’s Sanji!” she exclaimed.

“Let’s see what he’s up to,” Dorothy whispered.

x

“Wow, Sanji-san!” Orihime exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “You’re so talented!”

“This is nothing before your beauty,” Sanji answered as his knife flashed through the air, slicing the green onions into thin slices and flipping them into a sizzling pan.

“Don’t say that!” she protested. “Your cutting skills are really impressive! When I cut up green onions, I cut really slowly and my knife goes everywhere, so my onions end up as messy as Kurosaki-kun’s hair!”

Sanji choked, and his knife slipped and cut his thumb. “K-Kurosaki-kun?” he asked shakily, not even noticing the blood flowing from his thumb.

“Oh, Sanji-san! You’re hurt!” Orihime cried, and held her hands up to the blue flower-shaped pins that adorned her hair. “Shun’ou! Ayame!”

Ignoring the orange light bathing his hand, Sanji kept his eyes on the girl in front of him. “Who is Kurosaki-kun?” he asked hoarsely.

“He… he’s a friend!” she answered, looking up at him with a bright smile that he could tell was forced. “A friend from school. Why do you ask?”

“Never mind,” he muttered, turning away. “It doesn’t matter.”

I should have asked, right from the start, he thought dully. I should have asked if she already had someone. But the love shining in her eyes when she says his name… I’m such a shithead.

x

“That idiot!” Nami exclaimed, clenching her fists. “It’s obvious that girl is in love with someone else! How could he force his way in like that? When I get hold of him…”

“Calm down!” Sango said, grabbing Nami by the arm as she straightened up, fire in her eyes. “Let’s find the others first! I don’t know about this Nanashi, but Miroku will flee if he hears an uproar nearby!”

“Nanashi probably would too,” Dorothy said nastily. “We’ll locate them first. Then we’ll go and get that insensitive jerk!”

x

Miroku sighed, and taking a deep breath, knocked on the door of Chi Chi’s room.

“Is that you again, dress-boy?” came the voice that Miroku was beginning to fear more than not defeating Naraku. “Get in here, and I’ll continue your lesson. Let’s hope you actually learn something this time…”

Miroku sighed again, and entered to find Chi Chi not even looking at him. She was sitting with her back to the door, leaning over the table to rub at a spot on it that seemed to offend her.

Mesmerised by the slight wiggling of her hips as she rubbed, Miroku moved closer, her voice washing over him but having no effect. In his lesson-tortured mind, her wiggling became inviting, and he smothered a giggle as his hand reached out…

“You pervert!” Chi Chi screamed, leaping to her feet and rounding on the monk. “How dare you! My husband Goku is the strongest man in the world, and he’s going to rip you to shreds when I tell him about this!”

Miroku was forced to cover his head with his arms as Chi Chi’s blows began raining down on him. “I pity the man who lives with you…” he said under his breath.

“WHAT was that?” Chi Chi demanded, and with a well-placed kick, sent him flying across the room to crash through the door and into the hallway. “You are in so much trouble now! I’ll strangle you with those ridiculous beads around your wrist, you slimy toad!”

x

“Forget the thief, we get the monk and kill him NOW!” Dorothy yelled. “Why the hell do you want this guy back?”

“I don’t remember at the moment,” Sango said grimly, hefting her Hiraikotsu threateningly.

“Remember, I want a go at him too,” Nami said maliciously. “Imagine: hitting on a married woman!”

“Forget that!” Dorothy yelled. “Treating any woman like that is unacceptable!”

Suddenly, a thought struck Nami and Dorothy at the same time. “He doesn’t treat you like that, does he?” they both asked Sango.

“Good day!” a voice said brightly from behind them, saving Sango from having to answer. The three girls turned to see Shigure, who had been strolling through the school’s gardens. “Are you lovely ladies here for the next batch of students?”

“Students?” Nami echoed in puzzlement. “What are you talking about?”

x

“So that perverted thief drags in girls without telling them what’s going on and sets them up as practise girlfriends for whatever other perverts he finds randomly wandering the streets?” Sango asked incredulously.

“That is so sick!” Nami yelled.

Expecting to hear a similar outburst from the witch next to her, she turned to her for support, and faltered as she saw the look in her eyes. Shigure took the opportunity to disappear as fast as he could. “Ah… Dorothy?” Nami asked hesitantly.

“He’s gone too far,” Dorothy hissed, her eyes ablaze. “NANASHI!”

x

Sanji sat at the kitchen table, head in his hands. “What sort of gentleman am I?” he asked himself. “I didn’t even ask if she already had someone before I started trying to make her mine…”

“Maybe you’ll think twice next time,” a voice said from the doorway, and Sanji spun to find Nami glaring at him.

“Nami!” Sanji cried as he knelt at her feet and his eye once more became a pink heart. “How I have missed you, my gorgeous blossom!”

“I bet you called her that too, didn’t you?” Nami asked, a vein above her eye twitching.

“Who, my sweet?” he asked, gazing up at her adoringly.

“Wrong answer,” she said grimly.

x

Miroku lay in the hallway, still winded from Chi Chi’s kick. “She’s strong…” he murmured dazedly.

A shadow loomed over him, and he instinctively covered his face with his arms. Here it comes, he thought, and braced himself for the impact. “I’m sorry!” he cried.

“Somehow, I don’t believe you,” a familiar voice said, and he uncovered his eyes to find Sango standing over him.

“Oh, dear Sango!” he cried in relief, and scrambled to wrap himself around her knees. “Help! Save me from that demon in human form…”

“You mean that woman you just groped, you dirty pervert?” Sango asked coldly, one eyebrow arched. “She just left, shouting that she was going to fetch her husband and get him to flatten you into a rug for her living room.”

Miroku whimpered, and Sango continued. “While I do believe that you deserve that, I am not going to allow it.” Miroku looked up hopefully, but his hopes were dashed a second later as she added, “I want to punish you instead!”

Miroku had time for one short yelp as Hiraikotsu came crashing down.

x

“NANASHI!” Dorothy yelled as she stalked through the building. “Get out here NOW!”

Her target was just around the corner, watching her get closer and closer with every angry stride. “Uh oh,” he said under his breath, and turned to sneak away.

Unfortunately for him, Dorothy caught sight of his blond hair swinging behind him, and launched herself after him. “How dare you do that to all those girls?” she screamed.

Nanashi took off at a run and risked a glance over his shoulder, then wished he hadn’t. Dorothy had raised a wrist and one of her bracelets was glowing blue. “Sic him, Toto!” she screamed.

x

“So you found him OK?” Nami asked Sango. Behind her, a bruised Sanji trailed in her wake, his words nearly tripping over themselves in his hurry to shower her with praise and apologies.

“Fine,” Sango answered cheerfully. A battered Miroku hunched at her feet, and her every movement made him flinch. “How do you think Dorothy went?”

A yell of pain from higher up, followed by a shout of triumph, made both girls look upwards. “I thought this was the top floor,” Sango said, puzzled.

“We’d better check it out,” Nami said, and began searching for a way up. It wasn’t long before she came across a ladder and, followed by Sango and the two men helping each other up, they climbed it and came out on the rooftop to see a very peculiar sight.

Nanashi was clinging desperately to a thin chimney, legs wildly flailing in mid-air as he kicked out at the massive blue dog that was growling and menacing him as Dorothy watched. A section of his white trousers was missing, revealing both the success of at least one attack and his yellow duck-covered pink boxer shorts.

“Take that, you perverted thief!” she yelled. “Let’s see how you like being used as a toy!”

“Sanji! Miroku!” Nanashi screamed, dodging a lunge from the dog. “Help me!”

“Do you think I’m suicidal?” Sanji asked, lighting a cigarette and taking a drag. “I’m not stepping into a lady’s fight.”

“That was one of the first things you taught us, sensei,” Miroku added, examining some of his bruises. “If we helped you now, you’d probably fail us!”

“They did learn something after all,” Nami said, grinning. The three women burst out laughing as Nanashi continued to struggle and Sanji and Miroku privately vowed never to ask for help with women again.

x

Epilogue:

“Hello? Is anyone here?” a young man with long purple hair called. “I’m looking for Nanashi. Has anyone seen him?”

Silence answered his shouts, and the wind whistled through the empty house. The young man settled himself on the front steps and sighed.

“Just great. He asks me to bring him some women, and then he disappears. I’m probably going to have to go on a date with every one of them to make it up to them. What a pain.”

As he stood up and stretched, a piece of paper that had been attached to the door caught his eye. Frowning, he sauntered over and as he read it, his face paled. Within seconds, he had taken to the sky and was flying away as fast as he could, leaving the note far behind him.

Dear Dark,

Nanashi tells us that you are the one who supplies him with women for the perverted experiment he had running here. Be warned that we know where you are, and even your legendary Phantom Thief skills will not be enough to save you from our wrath.

Sincerely,

Your Worst Nightmare.

I had a lot of fun with this one. I hope you did too!