Tora: Our fangirl minions dug this out of the Fowl Family’s trash. Apparently Butler had been keeping a secret diary for the past couple of months. It’s very…interesting.

Dear Diary,

Artemis has managed to persuade me to keep a dairy. So I immediately headed to the nearest bookstore to pick one up. Unfortunately, all that was left was this frilly pink monstrosity with the word “hottie” printed in gold stitching on the cover. I told the clerk it was for my sister. He didn’t believe me.

Dear Diary,

In order to salvage what’s left of my masculinity, I’m going to start calling this thing a journal.

Dear Journal,

I wish Artemis would stop keeping all the details of his plans from me. He never tells anyone his secrets and he gets all giddy right before the big reveal (you can see it in his eyes) It’s like he’s like a frickin’ magician or something.

Dear Journal,

I found out that Artemis keeps his journal on the computer. If only I had thought of that before I bought this fluffy piece of crap.

Dear Journal,

I don’t know how Artemis gets away with calling it a “diary”. I called my journal a diary out loud the other day and Juliet laughed at me.

Dear Journal,

Juliet laughed at me again. I’m erasing “diary” from my vocabulary.