Chapter 1: A Typical Brewer-Thomas Morning

Kristy

August 14

In just a couple of weeks, I am officially going to be a college student. It’s insane. I’ve always considered myself mature and responsible and everything like that, but I don’t know about this whole living on my own for a full year. OK, so, fine I’ll be home at Thanksgiving and then again at Christmas and there’s always spring break and then summer, so I won’t be gone the whole year, but that isn’t the point. The point is that I won’t be living at home and I won’t have my crazy family and friends to keep me company.

Everyone says how crazy dorm living is, but I don’t think it’ll be worse than my house…

“Hurry up and get out of the bathroom!”

“David Michael, just how many bathrooms do we have in this house?”

“Open the door!”

“Find another bathroom!”

“My toothbrush is in there!”

“I don’t care! Elizabeth!”

Ah, the sweet, sweet sounds of morning in the Brewer-Thomas household. As I dared to open my eyes, I heard my little brother pound angrily on the bathroom door just down the hall from my bedroom. I smiled as I heard my stepsister Karen respond by locking the door and screaming even more loudly for my mother. My door slammed open and I had just enough time to sit up as a bundle of slobbering, barking fur came barreling towards me.

Now is the time to press the pause button and allow me to explain a few things. Contrary to what I’m sure you’re picturing, I really do not live in an insane asylum. Oh, it definitely feels like it sometimes (especially today), but I can promise you that our home is an “unofficial” residence of the crazy people known as my family.

First of all, there are my parents. Well, my mom and my stepdad, Watson. My biological father ran out on us when I was little and when my mom married Watson when I was in middle school, he more or less took over the position of dad. They’re both smart, funny, intelligent people, but they have this insane urge to repopulate the planet. Or, at least take in as many kids as they possibly can.

Before Mom and Watson got married, it was Mom, me, and my three brothers, Charlie, Sam, and David Michael. Charlie just graduated from Penn State this May and is living with us for the summer or until he can find a good job. I guess flipping burgers isn’t his life ambition. Sam, on the other hand, has been having a great summer flipping burgers and checking out Stoneybrook’s (that’s where we live) cutest girls. He just finished his second year of college and is, in my frank opinion, a total sleaze ball sometimes. Mom claims he’ll grow out of it. I’m not so sure.

David Michael is my little brother. He just turned 12 a couple weeks ago and is going on about how horrible it is that he has to start 8th grade in a few weeks. He seems to have entered puberty early, a fact I have discovered during the epic Bathroom Wars he wages every morning with Karen. Who knew a boy that age would already be obsessed with how he looks? Sam insists David Michael must be gay, but I don’t take Sam’s word for it since he still spends an abnormal amount of time in his and Charlie’s bathroom.

Karen is my 11 year old stepsister. She has been spending a lot of time over at our house recently. Apparently, she hasn’t been getting along with her stepfather very well lately and likes to be here. Mom and Watson have been working with her mother to try and figure out a good way to make sure that everyone is happy. Of course, so long as she is battling David Michael every morning, I don’t think any of us will be too happy.

Karen has a little biological brother, Andrew. He’s only 9 and spends most of his time with his mom and stepfather. I guess he gets along better with his stepfather than Karen does.

Here’s where it gets interesting. When I was in 8th grade, Mom and Watson decided to adopt a little Vietnamese girl named Emily Michelle. Emily Michelle is now 7 years old and just about as loud and boisterous as Karen is. Even though she’s not that old, she already has what it takes to be a model. Luckily, Mom and Watson have said no to anyone who offers her a job. Her only job, Mom says, is to be a little girl.

Then, when Emily Michelle turned 5, Mom found herself pregnant for the fifth time. Grace Marie came crashing into the world just two days before my sixteenth birthday. She was a screamer from day one. Even though she’s only 2 now, she still has a set of lungs on her. Mom is convinced that she is incapable of rearing quiet children. Except for Andrew, Watson agrees.

Of course, after Mom gave birth to Grace, she happened to come across an advertisement for foster parents. At first, she and Watson didn’t say anything to us. The whole family was in the dark until, about a year and a half ago, they brought home Benny Jacobs, a 9 year old boy who had been bounced from home to home since he was 4. It was hard at first to get him to mesh with the rest of the family, but now he’s one of us. Mom and Watson are working on adopting him into the family so that it’s official, but he’s basically my kid brother now. And since he’s just about David Michael’s age, the two of them have made a pact to make Karen absolutely insane. The rest of us, too.

“Shannon! Get off Kristy!”

Oh, by the way, my name is Kristy Thomas. It’s short for Kristen, but nobody ever calls me that unless I’m in big trouble.

“Benny, I thought I asked you to take Shannon downstairs,” I heard Watson call as over 100 pounds of happy wiggling dog crawled on me. I tried to shove her off and got a lick in the eye for my efforts.

“Kristy left her door open,” Benny explained, his voice sounding like he knew how lame his excuse really was.

“Oof!”

Watson hauled our Bernese mountain dog off me and gave her a swat on the behind to get her moving towards the door. Shannon crouched like she was getting ready to play, but Benny clicked his tongue and shook the leash he was holding in his hand. Shannon bolted out the door and Benny took off after her. Watson sighed a sigh of the long suffering before smiling cheerfully at me.

“Good morning, sunshine.”

“What time is it?” I croaked. “Is the sun even up?”

“It’s nine o’clock. They let you sleep in.”

“How thoughtful,” I muttered as Watson turned and left. As he closed the door behind him, I could already hear him yelling at David Michael and Karen to act like civilized human beings. I don’t know why he even bothered.

Now that I was actually awake, I climbed out of bed and walked over to my dresser. I would’ve just liked to toss on a pair of denim shorts and a tank top like usual, but with the day’s events I knew I ought to put on something a little nicer.

My friends and I were planning on having a day of nothing but pampering. Stacey had been obsessing over the stress that college undoubtedly would bring (can you believe I am friends with people who stress out over stress?) and had decided that the cure to the pre-college jitters was being treated like a princess. I wasn’t looking forward to a mud mask (if I wanted to slap mud on my face, I would just go outside and play with the little kids), but I decided not to argue.

I selected a pair of khaki capris and a navy blue polo shirt. I slid on a pair of flip flops that looked like straw woven together. To top everything off, I used an actual hair tie instead of a rubber band to tie my hair back in a high ponytail. It was extremely preppy and not something I would usually wear, but at least it was comfortable.

Flinging my bedroom door open, I found Grace sitting across the hallway, happily coloring on the new paint job my mom had just finished a few days ago.

“Gracie!” I moaned and she turned around.

“I drew a boat!” she reported, sounding so proud of herself that I couldn’t bring myself to yell at her. Instead, I scooped her up in my arms and swung her around in a tight circle. She let out a burp that clearly meant one more turn and I’d have to change my clothes on account of toddler vomit. I quickly settled her on my hip and snatched a robin’s egg blue crayon from her pudgy fist.

“You have coloring books, you know.”

“They didn’t have boats in them and I wanted to paint a boat,” she explained slowly. I knew my sister considered most of us to be complete idiots, evident by the way she always explained herself with slow, deliberate speech. I nodded.

“Let’s go find Nannie?” I asked and Grace smiled with a nod of her own.

Oh, by the way, my house doesn’t just consist of my parents and my brood of brothers and sisters. My grandmother, Nannie, lives with us. She first came to live with us when my parents adopted Emily Michelle, but decided to stay, especially after Mom became pregnant with Grace.

“Nannie!”

“I’m in the kitchen, Kristy!”

I trotted into the kitchen, bouncing a giggling Grace on my hip as I went. She likes to play horsie and with so many older brothers and sisters, she has plenty of opportunities. I slid her off my hip and held her out to Nannie, who had her hair pulled back from her face with a kerchief. She set down a sponge before reaching out to take Gracie.

“Mom has to repaint the wall outside my door. Picasso has struck again.”

“Oh dear,” Nannie said, setting Grace down on the middle island table in our kitchen. Grace shrugged nonchalantly and began kicking her bare feet. “Why don’t you stay and help me wash the kitchen?”

I started to leave as Nannie began to explain to Grace how to rub the sponge on the floor to pick up dirt the best when I was accosted by Charlie. I nearly fell on the damp floor as my older brother plowed into me, his arms full of boxes. Charlie let out an annoyed grunt as the boxes clattered onto the floor.

“Charlie!”

“Kristy, watch where you’re going!” he snapped.

“What’s up with the boxes?”

Charlie rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m trying to pack.”

“You’re moving out?” Nannie and I asked at the same time. Grace pitched the sopping sponge at my brother and left a sudsy streak on his jeans. Charlie gave us one of those smiles where all he really does is make his lips thin.

“You’re expecting me to stay here?”

“Only forever,” I replied, dodging around him as he reached out to punch my shoulder. I let out a yelp as I felt the sponge hit the back of my head. “Gross!”

“Kristy! Come up here and get Karen out of the bathroom! I’m already late for work!”

Brushing the greasy suds out of my hair, I sighed. I was going to be late to Stacey’s Day of Pampering, but I didn’t really mind. As insanely crazy as my household was, I knew I was going to miss it. I wanted to make the most of every moment I had until I was shipped off to college.

“Karen!” I yelled as I walked upstairs. “If you let David Michael in, I’ll buy you a new bottle of nail polish!”

“Three!” she shrieked. David Michael scowled.

“One!”

“OK, fine! Deal!”

The moment the door opened, David Michael shoved Karen out and slammed the door behind her. Guiding a whining Karen back to her room, while debating with her about which shade of polish to buy, I realized that there wasn’t anywhere else I would rather be. I sure hoped this college thing wasn’t going to be as awful as I thought right at that moment.