Name: Reason for Us

Rating: PG

Summary: He doesn’t want to admit to himself that he fell for her. He didn’t want to let her know that he was in love. Because he knew that he wasn’t good enough and that she deserved better. But then she was standing in front of him, tears in her eyes, asking him in their privacy to tell her to stay. She wanted him to tell her to stay because he loved her. He wanted to say it, but he didn’t. She deserved better.

Disclaimer: I do not own Alex, Ava, Addison, or Jeff. Nor do I own the song, the Reason, by Hoobastank.

Authors Note: This is my opinion of what I really want to happen with Alex and Ava in the season premiere of Grey’s next year.

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I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
–the Reason, Hoobastank

He memorized his way to her room weeks ago. He could’ve been anywhere, but he’d be on her floor, at the doorway of her room in a few minutes’ tops. Even when she changed rooms, which happened frequently, he could find her. So he was able to race up from the locker rooms in less than two minutes. He had a wedding to get to, but he needed to see her first. He had to tell her first.

With the envelope holding his exam scores in his pant pocket, his hand resting on it, he ambled into her room, trying to contain the smile begging to. It was hard to contain his excitement, but he managed to by examining the room quickly. It was dim, the blinds snapped shut so only slivers of sunlight were tangible, her bobbing figure a shadow in the artificial light. She was fiddling with papers in her hands, carving her thumb over the edge, flickering up to him once he entered.

Ava smiled at him, her lips breaking as her eyes gave him a brief once over, taking in the sharp look he adopted. "I like the suit." Alex smiled, looking down at himself neatly shaped in a cut black and white suit, the polka dotted tie dangling from his neck. The buttons were undone; the way a rebel was due to wear his at this sort of elegant event. "The suit is way better than the scrubs."

"Thanks. Hey, I passed my intern exam." Alex said, tossing his hand out to emphasize the statement.

Her smile grew bigger, excitedly beaming for him. "Good. That’s good." Then she started fiddling with the papers again, breaking eye contact with Alex, moving a strand of hair that had caught on her lips. "I got discharged, me and the baby."

The grin fell off Alex’s face immediately. His countenance blanked. It was then that he realized she was looking at discharge papers and dressed. She was no longer incased in an unflattering paper hospital gown. She stood before him, letting the made bed act as a barrier between two souls, in jeans and a brown jacket with a blue shirt peaking out on her neck. The sight startled him; it was the first time he had ever seen her in actual clothes and for a brief second, the clothes looked unnatural on her, out of place.

He tried to cloak the shock stringing in his veins by laughing. "Oh, come on. You, you just had brain surgery. You’re, you’re still on antibiotics."

"My body’s been signed off on by plastics, cardio, orthopedics, neuro, and OB. And also my teeth got the blessings from, let me see if I can say this…prothodontics."

Alex’s composure dissipated gradually as Ava continued to run off the list of all the doctors working with her. She was being discharged. It felt more real suddenly, overwhelming him fully, snapping him back into reality. She was leaving. He was going to be alone again. She was leaving. He wasn’t ever going to see her again.

He tried again, putting up the laugh and smile façade. "Yeah, but there’s still your memory—"

She cut him off before he could pick a point to argue. "You know I’m fine when I can say prothodontics."

"The baby."

"Discharged." Alex frowned. "By pedics."

"Yeah, but…" All train of thought exited his mind.

Ava noticed his difficulty obtaining the information and wound around him to shut the door. They were a pair that needed their privacy. More or less their friendship had flourished on the hours they spent alone together. If everything was going to unravel in this moment, if secrets and desires were going to announced, she knew they would both need to be alone with the each other to fully say it. Otherwise, they would lose confidence. And Ava was not about to let that happen. Alex turned around, lips crunched in confusion, watching her in puzzlement at the abrupt slam of the door and whirlwind spin of her hair as she faced him again, defiantly staring up at him.

"I have every reason to go." Ava stated. "And, and, ye, yeah I’m scared and, yeah, this, this is moving at warp speed and, yeah, I’m freaking out. But Jeff is good. He’s the father of my child. The man is out buying a car seat right now." Alex, who’d bowed his head at the rant of another man, looked at her. "The minute he gets back…" Ava paused. "I have every reason to go. Cause, medically, there’s no reason for me to stay. Medically."

Alex hesitated in responding for a long second, words slowly coming back to his mind after his numbness wore out until he snapped back completely. "Oh, yeah. Okay, then I’ll just check the chart."

He had to move. He had to do something—anything. If Ava was saying good-bye, he didn’t know if he could do it standing still. He needed the occupation so he didn’t focus on his heart racing in sadness or the way his heart was making up scenarios on the what if’s and could’ve been’s. He started to explain her chart, running through the tests and precautions with going home, obliviousness to her reaction to his brush off.

Ava stared incredulously at him as he flipped through the chart, her hands flying up while her mouth hung open. "Dammit." she breathed, her voice breaking with simmering anger.

The chart in one hand, the other grazing the lines he was reading, Alex looked up at her. "What?"

"Are you…?" She lifted one arm up to cup her mouth and hooked the other on her hip. "Do I, do I have to spell everything out for you? Did you sniff too much glue as a child? I’m asking you something here."

Alex dropped the chart on the tray and gripped the bed railings, sputtering out desperate words at a time lost for other words. For once, he didn’t want to respond with a sniddy remark. For once, he let himself be vulnerable. "What do you want for me?"

He saw the shock written on her face at his low question. "I want…I want you to give me a reason to stay. A real reason. I mean, Jeff’s a decent guy, a good decent guy." Alex stared down at his hands gripping the bars; his knuckles were stark white. "But to him I’m Rebecca and I don’t know if I’m Rebecca anymore, I…You know me. You knew when I couldn’t speak who I was. You…you named me Ava and I was more me as Ava than I’ll ever be as Rebecca." She paused again, letting the confessions sink into the cores of both of them. "Look I, I have every reason to go back to my life. And I will. Unless you…Alex, I’m asking you to give me a reason to stay here." Tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to unleash at any second with one fragile word. "A reason from you."

He didn’t hesitate this time. He couldn’t afford himself that second. If he did, he wouldn’t be able to do the right thing now. "Jeff loves you. He’s a decent guy."

"Alex, give me a reason."

He didn’t want to admit to himself that he fell for her. He didn’t want to let her know that he was in love. Because he knew that he wasn’t good enough and that she deserved better. But now she was standing in front of him, tears in her eyes, asking him in their privacy to tell her to stay. She wanted him to tell her to stay because he loved her. He wanted to say it, but he didn’t.

He walked over to her, reaching out to touch her, but retracting on second thought. Hope sparked in her eyes at the closeness and he hated to crush that optimism. Every thing in his body told him to lean in and kiss her, just take her in his arms and taste her lips.

Yet, he decided to listen to his mind and not his heart. "I think you should stay with the decent guy."

She deserved better. He tried to convince himself that as she laughed, broken-hearted, and he walked out of the room, leaving her to wipe away her own tears. He was walking away; away from her and possibly the happiness he had built with her. He was making the sacrifice. He didn’t like it, but it was the right thing to do. She was married. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t take her out of something that kept her safe.

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A/N: Good? Bad? I know that this was basically a replay of the finale scene, but I wanted to write something surrounding it and I thought it would’ve been too easy to just write it alternately. There are more chapters to come, by the way.