Warnings: Silliness, crack
Disclaimer: I tried to buy the rights to Kingdom Hearts, unfortunately I didn’t have enough money because I was paying for stuff to go into my dorm. Foiled again.

Notes: I feel a lot better about this chapter, especially since I’ve plotted the rest of them out and I know for sure where the story’s going. It’s not the next great American novel and it’s no Surgeon General’s Warning or Waiting, but I feel okay with it. It’s pretty solid and it should be entertaining at the very least. I feel a lot better about the writing itself too. This chapter is the last of what was in the notebook and it’s been heavily edited in transition, for the better I think.

In another piece of “news,” Upside has its 60th review. Yes, this is a very big deal to me as it’s the most reviews I’ve gotten on a chaptered piece ever. I know there are people out there rolling in hundreds or thousands of reviews but this is just little old me and I’m glad that everyone who did review got me this far. Thanks guys!!

--

Twenty minutes after Selphie made phone calls for help, Sora, Roxas, Selphie, Naminé, Kairi, Irvine, Tidus, Vaan, Penelo, and a scarily Selphie-like girl named Yuffie were all assembled in the living room with, Selphie assured them, more coming. Leon was trying to seize Selphie’s phone and Cloud was mournfully thumbing through his wallet, bearing a strong resemblance to a wounded chocobo. Sora and Roxas couldn’t help feeling a great deal of concern for their older brothers.

But before they could get to worrying about financial woes and Selphie’s contacts, they remembered there was a more important task at hand. The combined Strife-Leonhart clan had furniture to rearrange and lies to fabricate. Sora and Roxas would just have to without allowance for a while.

Meanwhile, a certain cowboy strolled up their driveway, waving jauntily. “Did someone call for spare beds?” Irvine grinned, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder to point out a minivan with mattresses tied to the top driven by a slightly horrified Reno. The horrified expression, it quickly became evident, stemmed from the fact that Axel rode on top the mattresses like some kind of deranged cowboy. “Reno and Axel’s parents had some spares,” Irvine said calmly, ignoring the way Roxas was trying to stare a hole into his skull. “That’s not a problem is it?” he added, the very picture of innocence.

“We don’t have time to be picky,” Cloud reminded his brother, almost pleading. Any further words were cut off when he saw Kadaj Gainsborough’s car pull up, carrying the silver-haired quartet. Cloud swore quickly as he ran inside the house to warn Leon. “Don’t let those four touch the stove!”

Now Sora joined in protesting as Riku approached with an armload of sheets and a basket of Aerith Gainsborough’s homemade cookies. “Why is he here?” Sora demanded.

“I heard that.” Riku eyed Sora without his usual smirk. “My mother sent us over.” He shoved the cookies into Sora’s arms, “They’re fresh out of the oven. She also sent over some sheets and blankets. Something about apologizing for our dad,” Riku shrugged, clearly unsure of the incident in question.

“I’m still not forgiving Sephiroth for that one fourth of July!!” Cloud shouted from the kitchen. Riku shrugged again, although he had a pleased sort of a smile of recognition on his face; that had been a fun year.

Smirk returning full force as he remembered the task at hand, Riku turned to Sora, reaching into the basket to take one of his mother’s cookies. “C’mon Sora,” he added, taking a bite. “You’re in a hurry, what choice have you got? It’s just the sheets. Not like I’m going to be the one lying on your bed.” He chuckled as Sora’s spluttered before putting the rest of the cookie into his mouth and taking another, which he waved under Sora’s nose to entice him. When Sora opened his mouth to continue protesting, Riku popped the cookie into the open mouth because he didn’t know a single person who could keep protesting under the influence of his mother’s cookies.

“Fine!” Sora replied irritably, trying not to choke on his mouthful. “But only ‘cause I don’t want to hurt your mother’s feelings. Unlike you, she’s nice.” His barb failed to provoke Riku, who just picked up the sheets he’d been carrying while he yelled at his brothers not to drop the box they carried between them.

“Amazing,” Leon observed, taking the basket from Sora and trying a cookie. “It’s like our whole neighborhood is called together in a singular, united effort to lie to our mother. Simply amazing.”

Cloud shook his head, “Well considering this neighborhood, is it really that surprising? Last time our neighborhood united was when crazy Xemnas moved in and everyone wanted to try and see if that was his real hair color.”

“Was it?”

“It was.”

--

“It’s all really simple. Don’t worry Yuffie.”

“You really think it’ll work?”

“Not really. We just—“

“—think it’d be fun that’s all.”

Reno and Axel grinned at the would-be ninja who beamed back at them. The twins had grabbed Yuffie shortly after their arrival, explaining that they knew everything. Initially she was horrified, thinking that all their plans had gone wrong, but Axel and Reno quickly convinced her that they were going to help or at least get some kicks out of the whole mess. As much as Yuffie was all for furthering the cause of true love, she was, in the end, an ally to the forces of chaos and more than ready to side with Reno and Axel if it seemed like more fun. Together, the three had quickly come up with an inane plot for Sora and Riku; one that probably wouldn’t work.

“It does lack finesse,” Axel observed to Reno as Yuffie took her place.

Reno nodded, “Regrettably, but we were on short notice. And we still have other plans. Anyway, we’re doing this for Riku and Sora.”

“We’re locking them in a closet!” It was impossible to tell if Axel felt any moral implication or simply thought such a basic maneuver was beneath him.

“With all the best intentions in mind, of course.” He patted Axel on the shoulder, “Now where’d she put that chair?”

“Right there,” Axel retrieved the chair in question, hooking the back of it in the crook of his elbow. “All we need to do is wait for Yuffie to move.” He flashed her a thumbs up and she nodded.

“So-ra!” Yuffie called over. “Can you help me?” she pointed to the open closet and then to a box that she was too short to reach, putting on her best pout, the resistance-proof one. Even as a spectator, Axel found his knees melting and his crooked little heart filling with the urge to rescue kittens at the sight of Yuffie playing up the goo-goo eyes.

Being the wonderful friend he was, Sora went over to help Yuffie without a second thought but his fingers barely brushed the item in question. With both of them unable to reach it, Yuffie waved over Riku, laughing when Sora made indignant protests. Riku also chuckled, easily reaching for the box that she’d pointed at. Before Riku and Sora realized what was happening though, Yuffie signaled Axel and Reno who descended on them as one, using the element of surprise to shove them into the closet. Yuffie let out a little whoop of victory, grabbing the chair from Axel and wedging it securely under the doorknob, apparently deaf to the protests and curses hurled in her general direction.

Ignoring the muffled sound of fists pounding on the door, Yuffie dusted her hands off, looking extremely pleased with herself. She offered Reno and Axel a cheery wave before she went to help Loz carry furniture out of the den, which would be Cloud’s temporary bedroom.

“Oi!” Leon shouted. “Reno! Axel!” he pointed to a stack of wooden planks poking out of the bedroom door. “Take these to the basement.” Then he eyed Roxas with a strangely evil expression. “Roxas, you show them where to go.”

“Fuck no!” Roxas retorted, almost slamming a hammer into the wall.

Axel grinned sidelong at him, “C’mon, Rox, I don’t bite.” Then he looked at Roxas, his expression peculiar, “If you help me out, we’re outta here faster.” Reno glanced at Axel, eyebrows raised, receiving a shrug in reply. Roxas thought it was strange too; he could have sworn Axel was being a decent human being. Answering with a glare and then a shrug of his own, Roxas walked down the stairs, gesturing them to follow. Behind Roxas’ back, Reno smirked at Axel.

A minute or two later, Reno dashed up the stairs, Roxas cursing him loudly as he locked the door.

“Crude,” he commented to Yuffie as they moved a mattress, “but so very effective.” Yuffie patted his shoulder reassuringly; Reno would have his chance later.

“You think that’ll actually work?”

“About as well as locking Riku and Sora in the closet.”

“So, not at all?”

“Not at all.”

--

“LET ME OUT!” Sora shouted, pounding ineffectually on the door.

“You’re just gonna use up air,” Riku pointed out.

“We’re in a closet, not a coffin!” Sora snapped, pushing up against the door to increase the truly minimal space between himself and Riku.

“Well,” Riku muttered casually, trying to find the humor in the situation, “if this is the best Axel and Reno can do, at least we know we’re safe. They’ve gotta be running out of ideas.” Sora scowled at the small consolation and Riku laughed. “Isn’t this cozy and familiar?”

“Shut up!” Sora muttered, turning red.

Riku chuckled, leaning back. “Don’t tell me you’re still mad about that? It was in sixth grade.” The chuckling stopped when Sora elbowed him sharply in the gut. “Ow! The hell was that for?” His protests were cut off by another jab, this one in his side. Massaging his side, Riku laughed again anyway, inhaling sharply to avoid another jab. “Everyone says you’re so nice and forgiving Sora.”

“I am.”

“Not to me.” Then he leaned back, respecting Sora’s wishes. “Why did we fight after that?”

Sora scowled. “Be-cause!”

“What?” Riku demanded. Sora just kept scowling until Riku shrugged. “Whatever.”

Riku laughed and shifted to catch Sora’s mouth in a quick kiss. Sora yelped in response, jerking backward and hitting his head on the closet door while simultaneously shoving Riku into the shelves of board games, possibly hoping that Riku would get stabbed by a Monopoly box (“You die a gruesome and bloody death. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 munny”). Much to Sora’s intense disappointment, the box’s corners weren’t lethally sharp and Riku lived another day.

“The fuck was that for?” Sora demanded, rubbing his sore skull. “Why did you just kiss me!?”

Riku shrugged, his cocky-half grin firmly in pace. “Be-cause,” he echoed Sora, the words ticking mockingly over the syllables. He ducked his head teasingly forward only to jump right back and re-impale himself on Monopoly when a stormy-faced Roxas jerked the door open, his eyes narrowing as he assessed the situation.

“I thought we were cleaning the house so that we didn’t have to come out of the closet,” Roxas said darkly.

Red-faced, Sora glanced back and forth between Riku and Roxas before hissing, “This never happened.”

“But it did,” Riku persisted, clearly amused.

Before Riku could toss another quip, Sora threw his hands in the air, making a frustrated noise before he stormed away, muttering furiously to Roxas as he tried to explain himself and how he was nothing but an innocent victim of a surprise attack. He wouldn’t voluntarily go in the closet with Riku if he held out two tickets to Narnia and a carton of paopu ice cream. Roxas nodded reassuringly, understanding that his poor pseudo-brother had fallen to the terrible wiles of Axel and Reno, the living incarnations of all evil.

“Hey,” Sora finally changed the subject. “Why’s Axel on the couch with an icepack?”

Roxas smiled innocently, “You know the stairs in the basement and how one step was rotting through and Cloud and Leon kept meaning to reinforce it? Axel stepped through it. He did a kind of wing-flap before falling face forward. The poles he was carrying broke his fall”

“And you expect me to believe you didn’t help his little accident?”

“Hey look!” Roxas said abruptly, going to the door. “Pizza’s here!” Before Sora could press Roxas for more information on his own awkward moment, Roxas retrieved the boxes and shoved half a stack into Sora’s arms before walking off to the kitchen.

When Roxas was gone, Kairi pounced. She approached him with a smile, helping him take the pizza. “Did you get locked in the closet or something?” she teased. Before Sora could protest, Kairi reached up and gently brushed her fingers through the spiky yet soft brown hair. “You’ve got a bump on your head,” she scolded before taking the rest of the pizza out of his arms and sending him to the kitchen for an icepack.

Once Sora was out of the way, Kairi rushed over to Selphie and Naminé and filled them in on what had happened. “He had a bump on his head!” she insisted. “Who knows what they were doing in there!” Together, they giggled before returning to what they were doing.

Axel, meanwhile, in the throes of his agony, was relocated to an out-of-the way hallway for people who had nothing to do and was sitting next to Tidus, Yuna, and Yuffie. Or, rather, he sat next to Tidus and Yuna; Yuffie was tied up with bungee cords and duct taped to the wall. The restraints had been deemed a necessary measure after the young ninja was determined a greater force for destruction rather than a force for good. Axel and Reno had already known this but it seemed like everyone else was just catching on. Said force of destruction glanced over at him from within the confines of her duct tape prison and grinned broadly, “Roxas got you good.”

Axel rolled his eyes, wincing as the motion aggravated the quickly purpling bruise on his temple, “I stepped through a rotten stair.” Then he frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, “And I’m not taking this from someone duct taped to the wall, you hear me?”

“If it bothers you so much, pretend it’s Roxas,” Yuffie said cheerily.

“That makes it worse,” Axel protested.

Yuffie just offered him an indulgent smile that would have been accompanied with a friendly pat on the head if her hands weren’t bound securely at her sides. And then she focused on herself, struggling to get free. “Is this even ethical? Cruel and unusual punishment!” she whined. “I’m calling my lawyer!”

“You’re fifteen!” someone shouted. “You can’t have a lawyer!”

Axel readjusted his icepack and looked up at Yuffie again, “Why did they pin you to the wall anyway?”

Yuffie frowned and pouted, “I started using Loz as a method of transportation and he’s so tall and I may have…clipped my head on a few light fixtures.”

“Uh…huh…”

They were distracted from their, admittedly rather odd, conversation when they heard a loud squeal of glee from the stairway as Selphie careened down on a mattress, Irvine sitting behind her. They crash landed at the bottom of the stairs, Irvine’s hat flying up in the air behind them, with a laugh that quickly dribbled into silence when they realized Leon stood at the bottom of the staircase glaring at them with his arms crossed. Faced with punishment and death, Selphie merely smiled, “This is a good mattress!”

Riku just shook his head in astonishment, “That girl doesn’t know fear.”

Yazoo shook his head, “I don’t believe she does.” And then he appraised his brother, “Little brother, where did you disappear to? I haven’t seen you all afternoon.”

Riku flinched when Sora overheard the question and sent him a death glare before shrugging at Yazoo. “Working.” Then he raised an eyebrow, “Why does Loz look like someone kicked his puppy?”

“Yuffie was determined a…bad influence. She is currently restrained somewhere,” Yazoo explained. “Loz found this upsetting.”

“Restrained? Oh good, Mother will love her.”

Eventually, despite all the insanity, most of Cloud’s things ended up, mostly unbroken, in the den. Both beds were set up and Cloud and Leon’s real bed was dismantled and hidden away. Most of the pizza and every single cookie was consumed and, paying for everything, Cloud lost about 220 munny and spent the rest of the evening looking mournfully at his wallet and glaring at the bedroom while Sora and Roxas ushered everyone out, leveling glares at Riku and Axel as they slunk out the door.

--

“A closet!?” Riku demanded over the phone to Axel. “What were you thinking?”

Axel made a shrugging sort of noise, “I thought it’d be funny. You like the guy don’t you?” Riku’s protests were cut off as Axel continued, “You’ve been trying to get him to forgive you for something that happened in sixth grade. Either you’re just insane or you like him.”

“And locking Sora Leonhart into a closet is somehow going to warm his heart?”

“You needed some personal time!”

“You locked us in a closet and it didn’t go any better than the last time it happened!” Riku growled.

“And randomly stalking him was going that much better? You either spaz out or get into fights with him. Somehow that doesn’t qualify as effective in my book.”

“Then it’s a good thing all your books are burned!” Riku snapped.

A little voice in the back of his head did point out that Riku was doing an awful lot just to try and get Sora back as a friend and that most guys didn’t kiss their worst enemies. He could blame the close proximity for leading him into that kiss but the point was, he’d wanted to do it.

“Riku,” Axel drawled over the phone. “I know your whole family is insane and, therefore, so are you, but you’re also supposed to be smart and I’m pretty sure you know I’m right, so just get over it.”

“The day you’re right, Axel, chocobos will turn plaid,” Riku spat.

“Don’t be stupid,” Axel replied pragmatically. “Nothing would ever match.” He chuckled at Riku’s sound of exasperation. “You might as well admit to it. It’ll make life for Selphie and her girls so much easier. Not that they were being all that stealthy about the way they looked at you and Sora and started to giggle. Even Sora would’ve noticed if he wasn’t busy thinking of ways to horribly maim you and avoid Kadaj.”

“Axel?”

‘Yes?”

“I hate you.”

“I can live with that.”

--

“Hey Roxas,” Cloud said, later that evening while Sora and Leon were in the kitchen.

“What?” he asked from the living room floor where he was doing homework.

Cloud glanced at the kitchen door and then down at his hands before finally looking at Roxas, “Are you happy living here?”

“Why do you ask that. You know I am.”

“Is this fair to you? I moved you in with Leon and Sora without a choice and now we’re running around making up lies just so we can keep this up,” Cloud explained. From his tone of voice and the look on his face, Roxas realized that this was something that had been bothering Cloud for some time.

Roxas had never heard Cloud say something like that. When Cloud had announced he was moving in with Leon, Roxas had never minded since it meant leaving the crappy apartment he shared with his brother. Even without the temptation of having a real house, he’d liked Leon well enough and he’d quickly formed a brother-like relationship with Sora. This was his family. Not the people who’d kicked out Cloud at the age of sixteen and hadn’t done a thing about it when Roxas left too. Leon and Sora, they were his family.

“That’s a stupid question, Cloud,” Roxas said. “Of course I am. This is our home isn’t it?” He offered Cloud one of his rare smiles before pointing to the kitchen, “I think Leon’s finished dinner.” Roxas closed his folder and stood up before flashing his brother a second, more peculiar, smile. “You happy, Cloud?”

“That’s a stupider question,” Cloud said calmly. “I’m with my family aren’t I?” He drew Roxas into a brief, one-armed hug before heading to the kitchen. “I have everyone who could ever make me happy all in this house.” He ruffled Roxas’ hair and sat down at the kitchen table in time for Leon to catch Cloud’s eye.

“You going soft on us?” Leon mocked his partner gently.

Cloud shook his head, trying not to smirk, “Why would you say something like that?”

Leon’s only response was to squeeze Cloud’s shoulder before he sat down. “Don’t make Roxas worry over nothing. Everything will work out.”

Sora scooped vegetables onto his plate while he stuck his tongue out at Leon and Cloud, “You gotta stop being all dark, Leon. I might get depressed.”

Notes: Wow, here we are at chapter 5. I really don’t have much to say about it, other than I’m glad it wasn’t chapter 4 all over again. That would have sucked. Wish me luck on chapter 6, it's the first one where I'm going completely on my own.

Please review if you have anything to say. It really does make my day