|Truths About Akatsuki
Author: Silver Curiosity PM
Sasuke was bored so he decided to go to the Akatsuki lair and find out what's up. But Naruto followed. All Sasuke wanted to do was see why the Akatsuki weren't attacking Konoha, but he never expected this, and neither did Naruto... No pairings...yet.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Sasuke U. & Naruto U. - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,360 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 06-18-07 - Published: 05-25-07 - id: 3557246
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"Damn it!" Kisame shouted, holding onto a ledge of a windowsill that was starting to crumble from Kisame's ridiculous weight (Kisame smacks author for supposedly calling him "fat", but I never said that!). No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't swing himself back up to the window.
"Kisame? Is that you, fool?"
Kisame groaned as Kakuzu approached him. "No it's not!" Kisame shouted down to him.
"It's not?" Kakuzu asked in confusion. He shrugged. "Oh, ok," he said, and walked away. Kisame sighed and had a few happy moments when he finally realized that Kakuzu could've helped him down.
"Wait, Kakuzu!" Kisame cried out desperately. "Don't leave! I need your help!" But Kakuzu was already gone. Kisame groaned once again, and from that simple movement, the window ledge gave away, sending Kisame tumbling towards really sharp rock spires that were located underneath him.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed in horror. A loud thud followed, and then an "OOOOOWWWWWWWW!"
XxX xXx XxX
"N-Naruto?" Sasuke whispered after all the rubble had fallen. There was no reply. "Dobe? A-Are you there?"
Still no reply.
Sasuke slowly walked over to the pile of rubble on the ground and looked down at it. He immediately started moving pieces of rock and debris away, looking for Naruto, all the while saying, "Naruto? NARUTO?"
All of a sudden, the remaining debris all flew up into the air and showered down on Sasuke. "Yeeeeeeoooowwww!" Sasuke screamed in pain. He threw some off of him and looked at the space all the debris had been on just a moment ago. There sat Naruto, rubbing his head and muttering, "Ow, my head! Stupid Sasuke! He could've warned me earlier, but no! It's like he wants me to die or something!"
Naruto: Sasuke, you ass!
Sasuke: Who's an ass?!
Author: (Hits both fools' asses with her awesome laser vision)
Sasuke and Naruto: (Slaps author)
Author: Whatja do that for?!
Sasuke: You don't have any awesome laser vision!
Author: Why not?!
Naruto: 'Cause that would make you more awesomer than us, and we're the main characters!
Author: So? I am awesomer than you two.
Naruto and Sasuke: (Glares at Author)
Author: (Sulks) Oh, fine!
"Oof!" Sasuke said as Naruto collided into him. "You dumbass!"
"Heh heh…sorry, Sasuke…"
"'Grrr' my ass, Sasuke!"
"You can kiss mine!"
"Not before you—"
"QUIET!" someone screamed from the distance, interrupting Naruto.
"Hey, that sounds like Hidan," Sasuke thought aloud. Naruto agreed, but they didn't really care. They turned a corner and started walking down yet another dim corridor. The strange thing about this corridor that was different than all the other corridors and hallways were that there were so many doors on either side of it.
"Sasuke, shouldn't we check out what's behind all these doors?" asked Naruto.
"No," responded Sasuke.
"Well, why not?"
"'Cause I say so."
"And why do I have to listen to you?"
"'Cause I can Mangekyou Sharingan your ass whenever I feel like Mangekyou Sharinganing you ass."
"No you can't!"
"'Cause you don't have the freakin' "Mangekyou Sharingan!"
This hit Sasuke like a rock. Well, actually, a rock hit Sasuke, so…yeah.
"Ow! What's the big idea throwing a rock at me all of a sudden?!" Sasuke screamed to the air.
"Uh, Sasuke? There's no one there," Naruto pointed out.
"Oh, right," Sasuke said after thinking for a minute. "Whatever."
"Why were we arguing again?" asked Naruto.
Sasuke shrugged. "I forgot."
The two shinobi continued walking down the corridor. Sasuke stopped and looked back at Naruto. "We were arguing?"
"We were arguing? When?"
"Ugh, never mind."
Sasuke turned around and started down the corridor again. Naruto followed.
Tobi appeared in the bathroom in a cloud of smoke just as Deidara was about get out of the bathtub.
"TOBI-UN??!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!"
"Hi Deidara-senpai!" Tobi squealed with excitement. "Guess what! Guess what!"
Deidara ignored him and sank back down in the warm waters of his bathtub.
"Deidara-senpai! Deidara-senpai! Guess what! Guess what!"
Deidara groaned, but continued to ignore him.
Then Tobi started to say, "Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senp—"
"WHAT, UN?!" Deidara screamed, interrupting Tobi.
"Guess what, Deidara-senpai!"
"THAT'S ALL, UN?!"
"No, Deidara-senpai, I also wanted to say—"
Deidara extended his arms towards Tobi's throat and started to choke him. "You bothered me for all that time just to say HI, UN?!"
Tobi released himself from Deidara's grip and said, "No, I had something else to say, too."
Deidara groaned. "What, un?"
"I met Naruto-senpai in the castle today!" Tobi said excitedly.
"Good for you, un."
"And Sasuke-teme, too!"
"That's nice, u—WHAT?!"
"What's wrong, Deidara-senpai?" Tobi asked innocently. Deidara put on his bathrobe, jumped out of the bathtub, slipped on some water, stood up again, and started to shake Tobi violently.
"Did you just say you saw Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha in the castle, un?!" Deidara cried in despair.
"Nooooooo," Tobi answered. "I said I saw Naruto-senpai and Sasuke-teme in the castle!"
"Oh my freakin' God, un!"
"Is something wrong, Deidara-senpai?"
"No, Tobi, nothing's wrong—of course something's wrong, un! You didn't annihilate Naruto and Sasuke when you saw them, un! Now I'm gonna get Mangekyou Sharingan'd!"
"So what, Deidara-senpai?"
"'SO WHAT'?! If Itachi finds out, I'm gonna get my ass Mangekyou Sharingan'd, that's what!"
"Oh, I see!"
"You really understand?!" Deidara exclaimed, astonished.
"Ugh, you're hopeless."
Zetsu woke up and looked around, completely forgetting about what had happened earlier. He was trying VERY hard to remember what happened before he passed out, but he just couldn't recall anything.
The green plant sighed and decided to go eat somebody. That's when it all started rushing into his head: Sasuke, eating Sasuke, the weird voice, eating Sasuke, him screaming like a retard, eating Sasuke, fainting like a fool, and eating Sasuke. Zetsu shivered and edged back into a dark corner.
"I-Is anyone th-there?" the scared plant stammered.
"OH MY GOD!" Zetsu screamed in horror. "YOU'RE REAL!"
Of course I am, fool. Now stop screaming.
"I-I THOUGHT I WAS D-DREAMING!"
Oh, you still think I'm something you ate?
"I ATE YOU?! OH MY FREAKIN' GOD! YOU'RE THE GHOST OF SOMEONE I ATE! I'M SORRY! I DON'T WANNA BE MOLESTED BY A GHOST AGAIN!"
"Oh, you didn't here that."
Okaaaaaay…I don't know why I didn't know about this part of your life—not that I want to know—but considering that I'm you and all…
"YOU'RE ME?! OH MY FREAKIN' GOD! THAT MEANS I ATE MYSELF! AND THAT MEANS MY GHOST WANTS TO MOLEST ME! I WANNA MOLEST MYSELF?!"
Whoa, speak about yourself. I'm not getting dragged into another one of your stupid situations again.
"'ANOTHER'?! 'AGAIN'?! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN INSIDE ME?!"
Since you were born.
"I ATE MYSELF WHEN I WAS BORN?! HOLY CRAP!"
…This is pointless. You're just too stupid. I'm gonna ignore you from now on.
What're you yelling for now, fool?!
"OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!"
Damn. You won't ever shut up, will you?
"YOU—I MEAN I—JUST TALKED TO ME AGAIN! AAAAAAAHHH!"
I'll take that as a 'no'.
The Akatsuki leader was walking down a corridor, planning to check on all the other Akatsuki members when he heard "TEME, YOU GOT US LOST AGAIN!"
He cautiously approached the door that the voice had come from and put his ear to it. A different voice screamed, "ME?! I KNOW WHERE WE ARE, DOBE!"
"THEN WHERE ARE WE?!"
"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW!"
"SO WE'RE LOST!"
"NO! WE'RE JUST NOT FOUND!"
The leader heard footsteps heading his way from the other side of the door. He was about to get up and sneak away quickly when the door flung open, sending him tumbling to the far end of the corridor. "Oof, oof, oof, oof, oof, oof, oof!"
"What was that?" Sasuke asked Naruto. Naruto shrugged and they started walking down the corridor in the opposite direction.
The leader finally stopped rolling on the ground and smacked into the wall with an extremely loud "OOF!" He stood up and glared at the darkness of the corridor. If the two intruders were there now, they would've been melting from his awesome laser vision.
Leader: Why? Continue the story!
Author: (Looks at Jiraiya) Who said you could be here?
Jiraiya: No one.
Author: So get out.
Jiraiya: Fine. (Disappears in a cloud of smoke.)
Leader: Continue the freakin story! I was using my awesome laser vision!
Author: HOLD IT!
Author: Why do you get awesome laser vision when I don't?
Leader: 'Cause I'm awesome.
Author: I can make you marry a wart.
Leader: OH MY GOD I'M SORRY! I DON'T HAVE LASER VISION! I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME MARRY A WART!
Author: That's what I thought.
The Leader caught up to the intruders in a matter of minutes and recognized them as ninjas from Konoha, specifically, Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha. "How did they get in here?!" he muttered with rage. "Are all the other Akatsukis as blind as Itachi?!"
The Leader looked around, and noticing no one, asked out loud, "Who's there?"
"You sound strangely like Zetsu, except it seems like you're in my head."
I am Zetsu. Well, his inner self. He was getting kinda mental, so I beat up your inner self and took his place in your conscience.
In other words, now I, Zetsu's inner self, am your inner self.
I like you. You're quiet. Unlike that fool Zetsu.
The leader smacked himself and waited to see if he could hear the weird voice that sounded like Zetsu that seemed to be coming from his head. He didn't hear anything, so he sighed in relief and decided that he was dreaming the previous conversation that he just had with the supposed 'Zetsu's inner self'. The Leader continued walking.
You think you're dreaming? Fool. You're just as stupid as Zetsu.
The Leader froze. He heard the voice again, so maybe he wasn't dreaming. "Wait! Did you just say that I was as stupid as Zetsu?!"
"How dare you?! You can't say that to me!"
I already did.
"Oh, so you're a smartass, now, huh?!"
At least I ain't a dumbass like you.
"Are you dissing me?!"
No, 'course not.
No duh. Note the sarcasm in my voice.
"Oh my god, I think I'm crazy."
'Think'? You should know that you are.
"THAT WAS ANOTHER DISS!"
XxX xXx XxX
"Great, another dead end," muttered Sasuke, staring at the—yeah, you guessed it—the dead end. He looked back at Naruto and sighed in disgust. The blond was poking at dust bunnies that lined the walls and sneezing as they blew into his nose. "You are SO useless, dobe."
"What was that, teme?!"
"You heard me!"
"I may be useless, but at least I'm not FAT! LIKE YOU!"
"QUIET!" screamed a voice from the distance.
Naruto looked up at Sasuke and asked, "Wasn't that Hidan?" Sasuke shrugged saying "Oh, who cares?" and sat down beside Naruto.
"This is pointless!" the Uchiha mumbled in exasperation.
"You're pointless!" Naruto muttered.
"Whaddya mean I'm pointless?! At least I have a life."
"What?! I have a life!"
"Yea, a life that revolves completely around ramen and ramen only!"
"Yea, well I'm not the one who lives under a rock!"
"I may just live under a rock, but you live under a rock in a really deep cave far away from any form of civilization!"
"Well-Well…Well at least I'm not fat!" Naruto said lamely.
"But I'm not fat…"
"Stupid," Sasuke mumbled, looking away from Naruto.
"I heard that," Naruto muttered angrily.
Sasuke stood up and sighed. "We have to stop arguing with each other."
"No, you have to stop arguing with me."
"No, you're the one who always turns everything I say into a freakin' argument!"
"THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU KEEP DISSING ME!"
"I DISS YOU 'CAUSE YOU'RE SO DISSABLE!"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M 'DISSABLE'?!"
"QUIET!" screamed an all too familiar voice.
"Does he ever shut up?!" Naruto shouted.
"No," said Sasuke, and Naruto nodded his head in agreement.
"You don't ever shut up either," Naruto pointed out.
"Whaddya mean I don't ever—" Sasuke started, but he sighed out of frustration and said, "This is what I mean! You started this argument!"
"Did not!" Sasuke said.
"Did too!" said Naruto, just saying the opposite of what Sasuke said without thinking.
"Hah! You just admitted that it was you!" Sasuke said with a grin. He thought that Naruto would just shut up and sulk now, but boy was he wrong.
"Hey, that's not fair! YOU TRICKED ME!"
"It's your own fault for falling for it."
"See?! You started this argument!"
"No, you did!"
"You started arguing with me and I didn't even diss you this time!" Sasuke screamed.
"Wow," Sasuke said in amazement. "You're so dumb."
"You're hopeless." Sasuke had given up.
"YOU'RE HOPELESS!" Naruto screamed.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" screamed Hidan.
And they both shut up and started walking down a long staircase.
To be continued...