Author: Llama Mama23 PM
what will happen when Edward and Bella go to a Llama farm? with REAL Llamas!Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Words: 4,813 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 130 - Follows: 30 - Published: 05-27-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3561161
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
By: Llama mama23
A/N: I've finally decided to live up to my penname and write a Fanfic about LLAMAS! The characters will probably be a little OOC (out of character), due to the fact that not many Twilight characters would willingly go see a llama! And to Murmerer, your word is in here, but I'm not going to boldetize it this time (and yes I did just make up that word).
Disclaimer: As awesome as Llamas are, they cannot get me the rights to Twilight. No matter how many times I've sent them after it.
"Hurry, Edward, hurry!" I squeeled, anxious to get on the road. He dragged our bags alone, excruciatingly slow for him, since I knew he could have them in the car and be in the driver's seat in less than a minute.
"Bella, please explain to me again, why on Earth we are going to a llama farm." He got the bags in the truck of his Volvo at last, and was sitting in his seat, staring at me exactly like he had the first time I'd told him this.
"We are not going to a llama farm. We are going to my aunt's house, who happens to own a llama farm on her property." (A/N: I'm not sure if Bella even has an aunt, but let's just pretend, just to make the story make sense.)
Edward rolled his glorious eyes, drawing out his keys and making the engine purr to life. "I still don't see why we're going." He mumbled, backing out of the driveway smoothly.
"Because I haven't seen her in years and I miss her! And she has llamas! Real llamas!" Edward rolled his eyes again, intertwining our hands lying on the seat.
"I hope you realize how much I love you. I wouldn't go to a llama farm with anyone but you." He brushed a kiss on the back of my hand, brushing the back of his hand against my cheek. "Are you positive that this is necessary? I mean the staying there? I'd be glad to get us into a hotel, why do we need to stay with her?"
I glared at him. "She will be keeping tabs on us for Charlie. What will they do if we both stay at a hotel, where she can't watch us? Charlie would murder me." I turned in my seat to watch the landscape flying by. We were headed to a town near Port Angeles, named Agnew. We were supposed to be there in around an hour and a half, but with Edward driving, I was willing to bet we'd be there in about 45 minutes.
"Can I roll down the window?" I asked, turning to face Edward again.
He raised his eyebrows at me. "You don't have to ask you know. You know that I would give you this car if you would let Me. And I don't mind at all." he grinned my favorite lopsided smile at me before turning his eyes back to the road. He knew me well; I had been about to tell him to watch the road.
I poked the button on the car door, finding it funny when it rolled all the way down after me only hitting it once. I leaned my head slightly out the window, ignoring my hair, which was flying all over the place, and closed my eyes, imagining me riding on Edward's back (it felt about the same!).
We drove in mostly silence, our hands still intertwined together on the seat. Eventually, we passed a sigh welcoming us to Agnew. I pulled out the directions Charlie had printed out for us, unfolding them with care. I'd been to Aunt Jordyn's farm house before, and remembered that it was almost impossible to find. Of course, it being me, I forgot about the wind that was blowing about 90 miles an hour. The directions flew out the window, rapidly flying farther and farther away from the car.
"Edward! I dropped the directions!" I was disappointed with myself. My only job had been to take care of the directions, and they'd flown out the window!
He smiled, before pulling over to the side of the road. He kissed my cheek before murmuring, "Be right back, love." and disappearing. What was he doing? He couldn't try to get the directions back! It was extremely windy outside, even when the speed of the car wasn't making it go much faster. I sat there, wondering how on earth we were going to find our way, when Edward reappeared, his hair tousled from the force of the wind.
He held up the directions triumphidly, grinning his face off. "Got them!" I gaped at him, wondering how on earth he did that. But he just handed them back to me, and continued driving. I rolled up my window, not wanting to loose them again.
"Turn right." Edward started a lazy right turn, and I re-read the last direction.
"WAIT! No! Other right! Other right!" he laughed softly, turning to the left, and holding out his hand gracefully for the directions. I sighed, handing them over, and sat back; waiting to arrive on the farm.
We arrived soon, without getting lost, thanks to Edward's mad map-reader skills. We pulled smoothly into the driveway, and sat in the car for a moment, waiting for the dirt that we pulled up to settle back onto the ground. We climbed out, just as the front door banged open loudly.
"Bella!" my aunt screeched throwing herself at me. "Matty, they're here!" My uncle Matt made his way slowly at the door, stopping near aunt Jordyn to tell her to stop calling him 'matty'. They always did this, and it was a sigh that I was really and truly here!
Aunt Jordyn pulled away form our embrace, looking over my shoulder to see Edward standing at his car door, not having moved since our arrival.
"Who's this?" aunt Jordyn demanded, taking in a full view of Edward. I saw her eyebrow raise up a little, which was he unique way of saying 'WOW'. I smiled, figuring that she would take Edward this way.
"Aunt J, Uncle M, this is Edward." I gestured towards him, even though no one else was here, therefore he had to be Edward. Aunt Jordyn stepped forward to shake his hand, as did Uncle Matt. After shaking his hand, they both informed him that his hand was freezing. "Forks weather." He said simply, winking at me discreetly.
"Come in, Come in!" Aunt Jordyn said, gesturing towards the simple house. As soon as you entered the door, there was a short hallway, where you could turn off into the dining room or kitchen, and the hallway opened up to a large living room. To the left of the living room was another hallway, where all the bedrooms were located. To the right was a casual dining room, with a large window overlooking the main field. If you looked out the window, you could see the shapes of about 50 llamas, all eating grass, or some sort of food.
Aunt Jordyn led us down the hallway, pointing out the bathroom and guest bedrooms as we passed. At the end of the hallway was another living room, with a large screen TV in the back left corner of the room. She instructed us to set our bags down in this living room, and she said she would show us to our separate bedrooms later. I almost laughed when she emphasized the word 'separate', and I saw Edward's mouth twitch slightly as well.
She then hustled us back through the hallway, into the casual dining room. She drew two plates out of the oven, setting them on top of potholders already placed on the table. "I'm sure you are both ravenous! Eat!" she uncovered the dish, revealing spaghetti and meatballs, one of her specialties. My thoughts suddenly flew to Edward and what he was going to do about the food they expected him to eat. We were going to be staying here for three days; how would he be able to avoid 9 meals?
"Maam-" Edward started, before my aunt interrupted him with, "Please! Call me J." Edward smiled politely before continuing, "J, Bella forgot to tell me that we'd be eating dinner here. I ate a large meal before leaving home." I almost burst out laughing, wondering if he was going to use that excuse every day.
"Aw! That's a shame, dear! I'll put it in the fridge for you, in case you start feeling hungry later." She tsked at me as she re-wrapped Edward's plate, slipping it into the fridge. "Bella! I even reminded you that we'd have dinner waiting!" I looked down at my food, trying to look sheepish. "Sorry aunt J."
I dug into my food, feeling bad that Edward was just sitting there looking at me. I know that I couldn't give him anything to eat, but common courtesy had held me for a very long time.
Deciding that it would be worth a laugh later I asked, "Edward, are you sure we can't get you anything?" his eyes glared at me, trying to make it look friendly for my aunt and uncle bustling around the kitchen, eavesdropping on every word we said.
"No thank you. But I am anxious to eat those llamas." He clasped his mouth with his hands, trying to look embarrassed, "Sorry, I meant meet." He smirked at me, noticing that I was about to start laughing my head off.
I quickly finished my food, thanking my aunt and uncle before sending Edward out to the car to go get our bags.
"Bella, he's not anorexic, is he?" my aunt asked, coming close to me to whisper in my ear. "He looks dreadfully skinny."
I smiled, fighting the urge to say 'yes, he's anorexic, he doesn't eat much food' but restrained myself, and saying "No, of course not! He did have a big meal before we left. Thanks again for letting me bring him."
She smiled, patting me on the back, as she heard Edward re-enter the house with our things.
"Here, I'll show you both to your separate rooms." She emphasized the word 'separate' again, and led us along the hallway, pointing out whose room was whose.
Edward dropped each of our bags into our rooms, then came to inspect mine with me. This was the room that I always stayed in, every time I came here. They walls were covered with pictures of animals that this farm had raised, mostly llamas. So basically, I stayed in the llama room. It was still my favorite, and was so colorful and bright.
"You know, your aunt thinks I'm anorexic." Edward murmured into my ear, wrapping his arms around me.
I stifled another giggle, "Yes, I know, she asked me when you went to go get our bags."
"I'm going to have to eat sometime." He said, sounding as if he would rather run through a brick wall; which, knowing him, he would probably prefer.
"Sorry." I said, patting him lightly on the shoulder.
"And I probably won't be able to get into your room tonight. According to your uncle's mind, he's going to be watching our doors like a hawk." My expression soured immediately. "Sorry." He said, patting me lightly on the shoulder. I glared at him, hoping that he just said that to get a reason to pat me back.
We returned to the living room with the large TV turning it on and flipping through the endless amount of channels. After a few hours of random shows, documentaries, etc. I uncurled myself from Edward's lap, hearing my aunt from down the hall.
She walked in bristly, telling us that it was time for bed. She 'accompanied' us to our separate rooms, walking into mine behind me.
"Bella, dear, can we talk?" I looked up from my bag, blushing slightly as I realized that she probably wanted to talk about Edward. "Of course." I muttered, flopping back on top of my bed. It was slightly embarrassing to be going into a talk about my boyfriend, of which I knew he would hear every word, and see my every reaction through my aunt's eyes. Sometimes it really sucked to have a mind-reading boyfriend.
"How long have you and Edward been together?" my aunt asked, settling down of the bed next to me. "About a year or so. Why?" it had been an excellent year. Since Edward had returned with me from Volterra, everything had been almost perfect. Except for all the problems that kept arising.
"Have you and he…um…done anything?" she blushed, just like I would if I had been forced to ask my niece that. "NO!" I exclaimed, watching the relief spread over her face. "What made you think that?" Her forehead scrunched up, and she opened her mouth a few times before actually speaking. "He just seems like the type of boy that would get what he wanted, then leave." Her eyes scrutinized my face, making me feel like a bug under a microscope.
"He's not." I said simply. Knowing my aunt, it would take the real thing to make her believe something. She wouldn't change her mind about her opinions of Edward until he showed her otherwise. She nodded, not looking convinced, but heard uncle Matt call her from the living room and hustled off to see what he wanted, sending a 'goodnight' over her shoulder for me.
I pulled out my PJs pulling them on before rushing to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I finished, and was walking out the door, when I ran smack dab into Edward. I clutched my arm, which was now throbbing from the impact. "Sorry." We said at the same time. Edward held up a toothbrush and toothpaste, indicating that he was about to brush his teeth as well. I stared at it, wondering where on earth he got it (besides the store). He startled walking forward again, bumping me back into the room gently. He glanced quickly over his shoulder, looking for my aunt and uncle. Seeming satisfied, he lifted me gently to his level, kissing me passionately.
"Goodnight." He murmured against my skin, sending goose bumps all over my body. He kissed me again on the forehead before exiting quickly.
I went back to me room, whispering "goodnight" as I passed Edward's room. I turned off the lamp near my bed (that was shaped like a llama) and snuggled under the plump covers. I immediately started missing Edward, who usually wrapped his arms around me at night, I'd gotten so used to it, that I now had trouble sleeping without it.
I sighed, knowing that I would have trouble sleeping tonight. I rolled over, trying to get as comfortable as I could, and came face to face with Edward. Only the long practice of him surprising me in my room when Charlie couldn't know he was there kept me from screaming. I hugged him, silently, and molded my body to his. I noticed that my window was open, and almost laughed that he'd had to go out his window, and climb into mine, to avoid my aunt and uncle.
I sighed, a totally different kind of sigh. A happy sigh, a relaxed sigh, a contented sigh.
I drifted to sleep in his cold arms, relieved that he was here with me.
The next morning, my aunt came to get me up at about 7 o' clock. AM. I stretched, trying to convince myself to get up. I was usually awakened by Edward, who was perfectly able to give me enough inspiration to get up. I climbed out of the bed, almost running into the door on my way out of the room. My eyes were barely open, so I hardly noticed when I ran into Edward, who looked totally awake (wonder why?) and smiled at my sleepiness.
"Morning." He said cheerfully, kissing my cheek.
"m'nin." I mumbled back, not sure if he could even understand me. I stumbled into the dining room, where I greedily picked up my paper plate stuffed full of eggs, hash browns, and sausage. This was another thing I loved about coming here; there was always food. Always. If you were hungry at 4 AM, walk into the kitchen, and the 'Jordyn's house fairy' will make something appear.
The breakfast helped my eyes to open a little more, and I went back into my room to get dressed and make my bed. My excuse for 'bed-making' is pulling the quilt over the bed. Literally. So my bed ends up looking like a lumpy hill. I grabbed my clothes from my bag, waddling slowly down the hall. I looked into Edward's open room, expecting to see him in there somewhere, but didn't see him. I shrugged, thinking he was probably outside hiding from my uncle.
My uncle was…overprotective. As Edward had said last night (with the whole 'watching our doors' thing) my uncle treated me like his only daughter. I had been slightly worried about that before inviting Edward here with me, but Edward had assured me that he could take care of himself, so I let it go. Anyway, my uncle was probably giving him death eyes every chance he got, and was defiantly looking for a chance to talk to him (which is the whole 'you-hurt-my-niece-I-hurt-you' speech.
I brushed my teeth, dressing in my plain black tee-shirt and ratty jeans. I knew that we'd get to go among the llamas today, and I was so excited! I'd always enjoyed the llamas; they were so friendly and sweet! Except for one…
Peter the llama was a mean creature. He had almost broken my leg when I'd come here about 5 years ago, and he was the only llama that I hated. He was always spitting at the other llamas, and stealing their hay! He was the meanest llama I knew.
I looked for Edward again, wanting to tell him not to dress in clothes he cared about; but I still didn't see him! I wondered into the living room, still looking for him. I looked out the window that overlooked the field, and I saw Edward walking with Uncle Matt slowly towards the house. Oh uh.
Edward had an innocent look on his face, telling me that he'd been acting as innocent as possible. So Uncle Matt had been interrogating him.
I ran back into my room, hiding from Uncle Matt who would probably be in a rage about now. My dad had told me horror stories about what had happened to guys who dared to flirt with Aunt Jordyn with Uncle matt around. I remained in my room, idly fiddling with random objects, waiting for either Edward or Uncle Matt to come in and talk to me. I knew that one of them must be. Either Uncle Matt telling me that if I so much as looked at Edward again, he'd personally kill me, or Edward telling me that he'd had enough and that my family was too strange.
Sure enough, about 3 minutes later, Uncle Matt waltzed into my room. I was surprised to see that he actually looked normal; no steam or fire coming out his ears, and no purple or red face. He came over to my bed, where I was sorting through different CDs that I'd brought with me.
"So, I had a talk with Edward, and…" he trailed off dramatically, evidently waiting for me to jump up and down saying 'what is it? What is it?'
"I give you both my blessing." I couldn't stop my mouth from dropping off my jaw and falling right through the center of the universe. This was impossible! Uncle Matt didn't approve of anyone, especially his niece's first serious boyfriend.
"I talked to Edward, and he seems like a good enough fellow. I can tell that he really cares about you." He patted my had, seeming not to notice the fact that my mouth was still hanging open, and I hadn't moved from shock. As he was walking out of the room, I snapped myself out of my 'trance' realizing that my Uncle, my overprotective Uncle who to this day wouldn't allow me to cross the street, approved of Edward.
I smiled, knowing that the rest of the trip would go by uneventful, the major event having just happened.
Boy was I wrong.
Edward came in a few minutes later, grinning his smug smile.
"I can't believe that you dazzled my Uncle." I smiled, giving him a quick hug.
"Me dazzle people? That's a ridiculous idea." He kissed me quickly, making my heart beat speed up. "You ready to go meet the monsters you call llamas?" he asked me, scooping me up in his arms and carrying me to my door.
I smiled excitedly, squirming out of Edward's arms. I ran to the door to the pasture, calling over my shoulder "Catch me if you can!" I laughed before running out the door and into the field.
It was a beautiful field, the whole place was surrounded with the greenest trees I'd ever seen, and the llamas were everywhere!
I immediately started recognizing them, having spent about a quarter of my childhood here. I ran up to each llama, petting their heads, and greeting them by their names. As I had just finished greeting Harry the llama, I felt cold, stone arms enclose around my waist. I jumped, startling poor Harry, and heard Edward's smooth voice in my ear. "I caught you." He whispered, holding one of his hands out to Harry.
To my immense surprise, Harry sniffed at Edward's hand and started backing away, giving the llama alarm call as he went. I looked at Harry, who was the friendliest of all the llamas, and wondered why his eyes were so wide. He looked terrified.
Answering to his call, several of the other llamas were gathering around, surrounding Edward and I. Edward's brows linked together, as he surveyed our surroundings.
"Bella," he said calmly. "I don't like the way they're looking at me. Do they usually act like this?"
"No." I answered, noticing with dread, that the commotion was attracting Peter! The mean one!
More of the llamas gathered around, all looking at Edward with wide eyes. Peter shoved his way to the inner part of the circle, stepping up close to Edward. He started sniffing him, sneezing every now and again. Edward had turned to unmoving stone beneath Peters black nose.
Without warning, Peter butted Edward's shoulder, causing him to stumble slightly. He must not have been expecting it, but as soon as Peter did it, all of the other llamas started closing in on him! They were ramming their heads into every part of him that they could reach and, since I was still wrapped in his arms, I suffered a few blows myself.
Edward mumbled a few oaths, before closing his arms tightly around me, and jumping about 10 feet in the air! He landed right beside a black and white llama, who stood there lazily, watching the scene unfurl. Edward pulled me up to his chest, running with all his vampire speed to the edge of the field. He stopped at the nearest tree, quickly glancing behind him, to see the whole murderous mass of llamas running towards him swiftly. He scurried up the tree, trying to hold me carefully so I wouldn't bump my head on any of the huge branches.
When we reached a huge branch about halfway up the huge tree, he set me down, glaring at me.
"You just had to pick a llama farm, didn't you?" he looked down at the llamas that were swarming the trunk of the tree, all looking up at us. A few of them appeared to be trying to climb, but only succeeded in tearing some of the bark off the tree.
"What's wrong with llamas?" I asked, trying not to look down at them all.
He pointedly looked down, again drawing my attention to the group of llamas. I leaned back against the tree trunk, trying to hold back the laughter that was trying to overpower me.
Llamas didn't like Edward. They didn't like him at all. Having grown up around llamas, and knowing how friendly they were, it was hilarious that they didn't like him.
"Edward, why don't they like you?" I giggled, realizing that we were truly up in a tree hiding from a pack of llamas. It was pretty funny.
"Well, usually we just eat the animals. We don't try to affiliate with them. They might somehow know that I eat other animals."
I looked at the sun, hidden behind clouds, but the shape of it was still visible. "How long do you think we'll have to hide up here?" I asked, laughing again.
Edward glared at me, "Stop laughing. This is not in any way funny. I think those llamas really want to kill me." That did it.
I burst out into fits of laughter, taking breaths in gasps, and trying to not fall off the tree. Edward glared at me again, but I noticed that his mouth twitched. Just a little, but enough to let me know that he wasn't angry with me, and found the situation slightly humorous.
"Th-the Llamas want to kill you!" I sputtered, still laughing to hard to talk right. "The friendliest llamas I know, really, truly, want to kill you!" I was still shaking so hard with laughter. Hardly noticing when I rolled off the edge.
I laughed as I fell, for some reason still finding this all funny.
I woke up laughing, instantly realizing that Edward was tickling me.
"Stoppit!" I screeched at him, "Or I'll set the llamas on you!" the tickling stopped and Edward's face appeared in my vision.
"Llamas?" he asked me, looking at me like I was crazy.
"Yes, Llamas." I said defiantly. "They don't like you very much." He continued to look at me, raising his eyebrows elegantly.
"Why don't the llamas like me?" he asked, his voice clearly stating that he was humoring me.
"You eat animals. They don't like that. They're going to get you." I stretched, feeling stiff from my nap. I remembered my dream in every detail, and was totally convinced that it had some significant meaning. That if Edward ever did meet a llama, it wouldn't go well for him.
He smiled at me again, kissing my forehead. "Time to get up. School starts in 45 minutes." He kissed me again one more time before disappearing out my window. I got out of bed, still stretching, and headed down the stairs to find breakfast. On the fridge was a note, held up by a magnet. I recognized Charlie's untidy scrawl, and unhooked the note to read it.
Your aunt Jordyn called last night, after you were sleeping, and wanted to know if you would come visit her for 3 days during the summer. Since I know how you get without him, I asked if you could bring Edward with you. She said you could. Call her back at…
The note listed the familiar phone number, and I smiled, knowing that my dream was going to come true. I ate a quick breakfast of cereal, and scribbled a note for Charlie on the fridge.
I'd LOVE to go see Aunt Jordyn! I bet the llamas miss me! Thank you for asking about Edward. I just know that he'd love it too.
I'll be late home today, Edward and I are studying for a history test tomorrow.
I smiled, and rushed upstairs, dressing in a hurry, and then raced outside to tell Edward that he was going to get to be terrorized by Llamas.
A/N: THE END! I hope at least one person finished it…if you liked it, PLEASE review! This is my longest story and I need to know if it wasn't too boring!
May the llamas be with all of you!
Love, Llama mama23