THE ACTIONS THAT BETRAY OUR MEANING

Nature Conflicted

Ed picked up the phone, his hands shaking. He didn't know what the hell he'd done the past few days. He'd gone crazy and flipped, that much he’d gathered, and he knew something had been missing, but he wasn't sure if it was his brain or his soul. He dialed Winry's number carefully.

Winry picked it up, knowing it was him before she even answered. She could always tell when Ed was going to call, gauging Al’s emotions or just being aware of his timing. "H-hey Ed..." She wasn’t sure how to talk to him after their fight from a few days ago.

"Winry... hey... I-I need to see Al. Now." He attempted to keep his voice steady. "It's been more than a week… I don't… I can't remember what she looks like." Perhaps it was an exaggeration—Ed was known for being melodramatic—but Winry thought it best to take everything he said seriously. For one, he’d just called Al “she.”

"Hold on..." there were muffled voices, both distinctly feminine, in the background. Ed guessed Fletcher had gone into hiding from the influx of estrogen in his house. "Do you want her over now?"

"I don't care if she comes over or if I go over to your house. I just need to see Al." Ed’s voice was strained with what Winry labeled as need. It was almost a whine, closer to begging if only Ed ever begged, but there was a raw quality about it that only came through when Ed was dealing with Al. Or in this case, being without Al for more than a week.

"OK she's coming over now."

X X X

Al walked down the path up to the door. It had been hard staying with Winry, Fletcher, and Sage. She helped them out and all, but getting use to a female body wasn’t easy. It hadn’t been physically painful—well, maybe one part was, but after the first try she got the hang of it. She fixed the shirt slightly, a nervous habit she had developed as she tried to get used to the new clothes and how they fit on her body. She wore a pair of jeans and a button up shirt that was Winry's; it was white with three quarter length sleeves. Al took a deep breath and opened the door slowly. "B-Brother? E-Ed?"

Ed had stood waiting for her at the door and flung himself at Al when she came in. He hugged her close, not crying or saying anything, just clutching her tight.

Al stiffened slightly, extremely surprised by his actions, as she was hugged, not knowing exactly what to say. What would one say to something like this?

Ed's hands involuntarily threaded their way through Al's hair, a motion he had grown so used to over the past two years that it was practically instinct. It didn't matter that he could feel Al's chest pressed against him, only that he, well, she now, he would have to remember that, was home. He knew he'd been missing his soul, in Al.

She bit her lip as she looked at him. Storm grey met golden yellow as she gazed up at him. "I-I missed you brother..."

Ed's mouth hung open a little: he hadn't ever looked at Al before she left and now was stuck that, despite the fact Al was a girl, her voice was similar to before she hit puberty and her eyes were the same. The same stormy grey that always had flecks of copper, similar to the reddish undertones of her light brown hair. He immediately flushed, aware that he’d been staring. "M-Me, too..."

She just stood there, leaning against him. It felt good to be in his arms again, like being welcomed back home. She knew she missed it but she looked away as he gazed at her, that familiar warmth pooling in her middle like before.

"Hey Al..." He continued to blush. "I... I really am Al-sexual, you know."

If she hadn’t been a girl, Al would have laughed and kissed him, because none of this would have happened. It would have been some petty fight instead of rejection. She squirmed slightly against him as she nodded a bit, but then flushed. "I… I need to get back..."

She felt uncomfortable. She had this feeling that Ed was just saying that now, but once he looked, he wouldn’t like it. She was scared that everything had ended and she’d gone back to just being a sibling. It was certainly easier to be just a sibling, especially now: Ed could love her but not be in love with her. No dealing with loving a girl, having to kiss one, or more. Ed might be relaxed now, but the second he saw her naked, he might bolt, or send her off again. Al tried to push the negative thoughts away, but it was hard, having already been rejected by him once like this.

His eyes grew wide. “No, Al, don't leave!" He was scared he would delude himself again; physically and mentally, he couldn't let that happen. Ed always joked with Al that he couldn’t live without him, but there had always been some reality in his words.

She looked back at him, a steady gaze, but she wasn’t smiling. In fact, her lip quivered just a bit: Ed had rejected her. "W-Why? You... you said a few weeks…" her voice trailing off. Ed had sent her away, purposefully.

Edward Elric never begged, but he could come damn well close enough with Al. “I can't last... I need you back here Al."

"A-Alright... I'm here… I won't leave… promise..." She hugged him.

He hugged her back, tight. "We're still soulmates, you said it yourself, so you can't leave." Al had, previously, told Ed they were soulmates, that they fit. Ed had laughed and called him a romantic, but in the end agreed. Now he had apparently taken the idea to heart.

"I don't want you to… you... you didn’t want me here..." she said, looking away slightly to hide the expression of sadness on her face.

He bit his lip. “I know... but I got lost Al! I need you!" He fisted his hands in her shirt, partly to prevent her from leaving. "I still love you..."

His grip was tight and it grazed over her breast, causing her to squeak. "Ah!"

Ed blushed and retracted his hand, embarrassed. It was a reaction to touching such a personal place. "Sorry!" But when she squeaked, he noticed, it sounded like before, just higher.

"It’s… it’s ok… just… you were gripping too hard..." She looked away again as she rubbed at the spot on her chest lightly.

"Sorry... not used to it." Ed stole a quick glance at her chest but looked away, red. He was really starting to think he wasattracted to just Al, no matter what.

She looked at him briefly and nodded, “Y-Yeah… I… understand… me... too… took a while." Her voice was still nervous as she spoke, as if anything she said might upset Ed or make things any harder than they already were.

"Al... will you… will you come sit with me?" He flushed redder. For one, he had just a few days ago rejected Al and now he was readily accepting her; Ed wasn’t quite sure what he was thinking or saying now, let alone what he wanted to do, but he was embarrassed that he was being so hypocritical. "So I can hold you easier?" Everything was beginning to feel natural again: it was the same Al, give or take a few parts and appearances, he began to realize, and it set him at ease.

She nodded "S-sure..." She followed close behind him and sat down on the sofa.

He hesitantly pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Do you...” he began, then started again after collecting his thoughts. “Are you happy Al?"

She paused, taking time herself to think. Immediately she knew her answer, but how to convey exactly how happy she still was? " Yes… I am brother... I am still alive… and… you... you love me… r-right?" She swallowed, feeling the fear and hurt of rejection well up again. "As long as you love me and I’m alive... I’ll always be happy," she finished with a smile.

"Do you still love me, though?" He couldn’t help asking it, scared that maybe he’d really ruined things for good this time.

"Yes! Of course! Why wouldn’t I?!" Her voice went up in pitch as she looked at him, pleading.

Ed impulsively pulled her close and kissed her.

Ed knew it was better to have a female and pregnant Al who could feel than an Al encased in unfeeling armor, or worse, no Al at all.

She let out a squeak as he kissed her. It had been a long time and he still… he still wanted to kiss her? Had she been standing she was sure her knees would have gone weak, and she would have flushed, just by the sheer welcoming warmth of his kiss. Her hands gripped the front of his shirt tightly as he kissed her, and she pressed back.

He kissed her again lightly and then gently pulled away; again, Ed was cautious. "How’s the baby?" He smiled, curious and eager, his happiness encouraged by the kiss and sense of right he still felt.

She blushed pink and rested her forehead on his. "F-Fine… just... been sick… a bit..." Her heart raced giddily and she colored more when she realized how effeminate it seemed to be swooning over still being loved.

"Can you feel anything yet? How far along are you? When do we know the gender?"

She let out a soft laugh at the onslaught of questions. "Not for a while brother, don't worry..." she kissed his forehead, tenderly.

"Yeah but I want to know when I got you pregnant. It had to be something good!" He pouted, although he relaxed into her touch.

She blinked. "Every time was good brother..." That statement sent off a round of naughty, but pleasant, memories in both their heads. Ed could recall instances where he had been granted love multiple times while Al thought fondly for when Ed assumed a feline persona. Germany, the time with the honey, and several mornings were shared remembrances between them.

"But how many months have you been pregnant? Do you know?" He grinned through the blush that had arisen after he thought of one particular shower he’d enjoyed just the other day.

She shook her head. "N-No, I haven’t been to the doctors. They said I in few more weeks I can go..."

"Oh... can I come with?" His eyes lit up at the thought. Maybe he wasn't ready and it would be hard, but they had wanted kids and Ed wasn't going to let this chance pass now that everything had finally happened.

She nodded. "Yes, I will.” She smiled a bit and relaxed more against him, wrapping her arms around his neck and jus barely brushing her soft lips against his skin.

Ed’s forehead wrinkled as he started to think of the facts and little things Al being a girl would entail. "And uh... do I still call you my brother or are you my sister now? Or really, my wife?"

She blushed a bright red. "A-ah... b-both I guess..." It was an odd question, but she was secretly happy Ed still wanted to give her titles.

He thought for a moment longer. "I guess I should just say you're Al. And we're married." It was the most logical, and in his mind, “Al” was enough to describe, well, Al. They’d already decided that in public they would now just claim to be married and keep their relations to themselves. It was a much easier façade to maintain than siblings who hid a marriage.

"A-Alright… whichever you want..." She sighed slightly, still sitting on him.

Ed picked up on her change in emotion immediately. "You okay?" He pulled back to look at her.

She nodded as she looked at him. "Y-Yeah?” The truth was, she was nervous, extremely, nervous, especially since she was a girl now. It didn’t help that Ed was holding her in what might have been called a provocative pose, one hand on her lower back—dipping dangerously close to regions they were both all too familiar with—and his automail hand rested around her waist, just below a region she wished he would touch.

"You just looked like you weren't okay." His look was concerned and worried.

"A-ah… just... n-nervous… th-that’s all.." She did look nervous; her face still flushed pink, and her eyes darting down to his hands and then her belly.

"About what?"

"Th-this... I…" She bit her lip. "I mean... I…I'm a girl now…"

"Yeah... but you get to have a baby."

She smiled then, brightly. "Mhm, I do." That was when she reached down and pulled the bottom of her shirt up to show him her flat belly, however, there was a small bump there, barely sticking out. It would only be known if a hand was smoothed over it

He flushed and stumbled over his words at the sight. It truly wasn’t noticeable, except to Ed, who knew every inch of Al’s skin by memory. "Ah, er..."

She blinked as she looked up and then turned a bright red, pulling the bottom part down "S-sorry!!" Had she offended him, or worried him in some way?

"No, I uh... can I feel it?"

She nodded and pulled the shirt up again. "S-sure… but... it… it's not moving or anything.." She bit her lip as she looked down, a little sad she had nothing better to show him.

"Well you said it was only a few weeks old so that figures." He tentatively reached out a hand to feel her abdomen. "You're warm..."

"I… I don't know how far... I... I mean… I'll find out next week…" He heard her and processed out a reply, but was too occupied with memorizing the slight bump in her still smooth skin, remembering the texture and how she reacted to the touch.

"Still... it had to be within the last few months." Al smiled slightly and reached a hand up to run through his golden bangs. “Hey, Al…?” he asked after a few minutes of exploration of that small patch of skin.

“Mm?” she was lulled by the repetitive warm touch, despite the cold metal of the automail.

“I’m glad you’re finally going be able to have our baby,” Another impulsive saying that he’d thought and not been able to contain; words that floated into his head and just begged to be spoken because they were raw emotion unclouded by his guilt and reason.

Al cried tears of happiness.