The Laughing Fox

by Lord Dragon Claw

Disclaimer: Do I look like I've been disclaimed?

Key: "Japanese." ")English.("

Chapter Two: A Laughing Matter

---

Joker was strolling through Konoha, singing:

")What a beautiful mor-ning!(
")What a beautiful day!(
")I have a beautiful feel-( WHAT!"

This immediately made everyone pay attention to their own business and ignore Joker. His grin became even wider as he remembered what had happened earlier that morning.

---

Four Iwanins (Rock Ninjas, from the Earth Country), had been caught snooping around Konoha. It was up to Uzumaki Joker and Morino Ibiki to determine what they were doing there. Joker had taken the toughest-looking one into a separate room and Ibiki generated a complex genjutsu so that the other three could hear their teammate's screams, but they wouldn't be able to understand a word he said. Ibiki decided to try to get some information out of them without killing them.

"Now, the man with the sickly-green hair is known simply as )Mr. J( and he is a very enthusiastic interrogator." They began to hear some screaming from the other room. "You can answer my questions now, or I can hand you over to-" He was interrupted by Joker opening the door in between the rooms. Screams could still be heard.

"Hey Morino-san! My last kunai just got stuck... can I borrow one of yours?" Ibiki simply handed him a kunai. Joker closed the door.

"-him for questioning."

All three of them responded at once. "WE'LL TALK! WE'LL TALK!" Ibiki simply grinned.

In the other room, Joker was having a blast. His... victim had finally stopped screaming, and was now sobbing. Joker asked the questions regarding the man's intentions. After he wrote down the answers, he then asked if the man had any other useful information that might make the clown/ninja a little more merciful.

"There is a summoning contract," the Earth national said, in between painful gasps. "that you might be interested in. It is for jackals and hyenas."

"Tell me more," responded the pale-faced man.

---

After Joker had gotten what information he wanted, he simply gave the man a cyanide pie. Joker was going home to tell his family the news. They would have to ask the Sandaime for permission to go on an expedition to the far corner of the Earth Country, but it would be worth it!

Joker walked down the path made of large stones to the front door of the Uzumaki estate (as it was the only safe pathway to the door). He was careful not to step on the pink-colored stone, as it was a 50,000 volt shockpad. He entered the building and went into the basement, where the sounds of Harley training Naruto could be heard. He walked into the training room just in time to see Naruto initiate Harley's trademark Cartwheel Style. Harley looked as if she could care less. Just when Naruto got within range, Harley gave him a boot to the head.

THWACK! Naruto sailed across the room - THUD! - hitting the far wall and landing in a heap. After a few seconds, Naruto sat up and shook off the dizziness.

"Son," Joker began. "You need to be careful when fighting people. You never know when they'll give you a boot to the head."

"I kinda figured that out."

"Anyway, I have good news!"

Harley raised an eyebrow. "How? There are no cars in this world and therefore no car insurance."

"That's not what I meant."

Harley and Naruto both snickered. Then they burst into laughter. Appreciative of good jokes (and of bad jokes, and, in fact, of any jokes whatsoever), Joker soon joined them.

---

Sarutobi realized that he would have to give in to the Uzumaki family's request. Who knows what trouble they'll cause if they don't get what they want? Besides, for the most part, the three of them have been behaving themselves. However, he would have to send someone to keep an eye on them. Hmmm... maybe that genius from the Uchiha family.

"Joker."

"Yes?"

"I've thought it over and I've decided to allow you to go, but on one condition."

"Sounds fair. What will be the condition?"

"I'll be sending Uchiha Itachi along with you to..."

Joker interrupted. "... keep an eye on us?"

The old man blinked. "... yes."

"Deal."

"Wait, what?"

"Well, I figured that there would be a catch, but I was prepared for one that was a lot worse than the weasel."

Well, the Hokage couldn't argue Joker's logic (no point, really) but he was surprised that Joker came prepared to make a deal. This foreign summoning contract must be really important to the clown ninja. Not that he would go back on the deal, but the Sandaime wondered who Joker considered to be worse than Itachi.

Anyway, Sarutobi considered that this would be good training for Itachi as well. Because if the Uchiha genius could learn to get along with the Uzumakis, then he could deal with anyone. He just hoped that Itachi's sanity remained mostly intact after the journey. If not, then the rest of the Uchiha clan should be able to put him down, right?

---

Uchiha Itachi was not a happy camper. That much Harley could see. Like all the other bird-brain Uchihas, the little weasel was full of pride and had no sense of humor. At least in the other world Bird-Brain had a sense of humor. As an added bonus, their two pet hyenas annoyed the snot out of him. Anyway, Joker kept pestering the spoiled brat, ranging from openly mocking him, to making strange noises when his back was turned, to asking him random and purely unrelated questions.

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THE COLOR OF MY TOOTHBRUSH HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING!"

"Just asking. Sheesh. What a temper!"

Well, the effects were obvious. And what was Joker trying to do? Entertain Naruto, obviously. Said blonde boy was in a giggling fit. Harley admitted (to herself) that it was a hilarious way to pass the time, and entertain their son.

Joker decided to mock the teenager again. "I don't know why you seem to think that yelling is a good idea. We are in the Earth Country, admittedly enemy territory, and you don't seem to understand the meaning of the words ninja, silence, stealth, or whispering."

Harley was sure that if Itachi was any more annoyed, his head would explode. Literally. She decided it was time to intervene. "Pud'n."

")Mmm-yeah?("

")I think we need to get Mr. Weasel back to Konoha alive.("

")What? Is he sick?("

Harley gave him a look. ")I appreciate that you're trying to entertain our boy but I think you've pushed it far enough.("

"Okay, Honey. You're right. I won't bother him for the rest of the trip." Joker's fingers were crossed behind his back. Itachi couldn't see, but Naruto and Harley could. Naruto did his best to keep from laughing. And he was succeeding. Harley simply rolled her eyes. Itachi looked relieved and quickly schooled his features. Then his eye twitched when the hyenas chuckled a bit.

Off in the bushes, a four-man team of Iwanins were planning on stopping these Konohanins. Capturing them all was a priority. The Uchiha would be useful for genetic studies, and the pale-faced, sickly green-haired one matched the descriptions of Fire Country's infamous "Mr. J", who in the short time of five months somehow managed to make it into every country's Bingo Book. They figured capturing the blonde brat first would be the best course of action. Certainly a six-year-old wasn't all that dangerous, right?

---

The Uzumaki family (plus one very annoyed Uchiha) came across a small village one afternoon. Harley decided that they would spend the night at the inn. Itachi ordered his own room and paid for it himself. Joker decided that Naruto should have his own room as well, and Harley hesitantly agreed. Naruto seemed a little worried, but then Harley eased his fears.

"Naruto, you do realize you are scarier than anything that might try to get to you in the dark, right?"

"Good point. Goodnight, Kaa-san!"

It is interesting to note that Itachi was the last to fall asleep, as he hated the pranks Joker pulled on him. Because of that, Itachi was dead tired, and didn't notice any of the noises coming from the room next to his.

The next morning, Itachi was the first to awaken (as he really didn't like a pie in the face every morning). When he was finished getting ready he exited his room just in time to see Joker walking out of the room across the hall with a pie in hand. Joker blinked, then smirked. He then stepped to the side as Harley came out of the same room. She looked from one ninja to the other, before heading to the room next to Itachi's - Naruto's room.

"Well, maybe my son will appreciate a wake-up call," Joker said. He followed Harley into Naruto's room. Itachi decided to watch.

"Son? Where are you? This prank was funny the first nine times but it's gotten old!" Harley said as she looked around the room for her blue-eyed boy. It was obvious to Itachi that there was some sort of struggle in the room the night before, but he refrained from commenting. Joker set the pie down on the nightstand, sat on the bed, and plucked a piece of paper from the pillow. He read it and chuckled.

"Har? Get a load of this." She walked over and read it. Then she giggled.

"What's so amusing?" the black-haired teenager asked. Joker handed him the sheet. Itachi read it, and grew worried for the brat, even though he hated the whole Uzumaki family. It said:

"We have your son. If you wish to see him alive, you will surrender yourselves by noon at the grove to the north. He will only live if all three of you show up. Come unarmed or else we shall take his head as a souvenir back to Iwa. And do not bring your hyenas."

It was not signed.

"How can you possibly find this amusing?"

Harley rolled her eyes. "You think this is the first time this has happened?"

Joker chuckled again. "Gets more hilarious each time!"

Itachi was appalled. "What does?"

"You'll see. Come on! Let's go watch the show!"

---

They walked into the grove and found all four of the Iwanins standing there, waiting. The Stone Ninja furthest to the back was holding Naruto off the ground with his right arm (clutching the boy to his chest) and had a kunai at his neck. Naruto looked bored.

"So you have come to surrender," the female Iwanin, who was obviously the leader of this team, said.

"Actually," Joker began. "we came to watch the show."

That was Naruto's cue. Using his left hand he grabbed his captor's family jewels and began shocking them. Paralyzed, the man dropped the kunai, and Naruto twisted and grabbed his face with his right hand. Again with the electricity. Naruto then grabbed the back of his head with his left hand and began to liberally fry the poor Iwanin's brain.

"Gotta love the chackra-powered joybuzzers we invented last month!" Harley said.

"I love how we disguised them as our gloves," stated Joker.

"There's still three enemy ninja who need to die," deadpanned Itachi. He drew several kunai.

---

Well, the leader escaped the fight somehow and had fled into the village. Joker and Harley decided that there should be no witnesses.

"No. I am not going to kill civilians."

"Fine, weasel-boy! But you'll have to wake up pretty early tomorrow to avoid what's coming to you!"

"... I'll help you round them up, but I won't do the actual killing part."

"Good boy! You get a fish!" Joker reached into his business suit, and seemingly pulled a still-living salmon out of a pocket, and dropped it into Itachi's lap.

"Have you been carrying this around all day?"

"Of course not."

Naruto spoke up. "That's just silly!" Itachi sweatdropped, and then he twitched when the hyenas laughed (presumably, at him) again.

---

They gathered every living human into the village square. Harley then shouted: "If any of you are ninja, raise your hand!"

No one raised their hand. The hyenas chuckled.

"Pity," said Naruto. Harley reached behind her back, and pulled out a chain gun.

"Allow me to introduce Freddie!"

Harley was clearly proud of the name she had given her weapon. Of all the people assembled, only Naruto and his parents actually knew what kind of weapon it was that the clown kunoichi held. She then unloaded it on the small mass of people. Faces, heads, and torsos were riddled with bullets before there were only 23 living things left in the village (8 of them were birds, 2 of them were cats, 5 of them were of the rodent variety, another 2 were hyenas, and the remaining 4 were human).

"That is an interesting weapon..." commented Itachi.

"No soup for you!" was Harley's reply.

Blink. "What does 'soup' have to do with anything?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "I'm six, and even I know that what mommy said was just an expression." Suddenly, Itachi wished that the little brat had died in the fight earlier that day. Rage began to boil within him when the hyenas laughed again. Then the two canine beasts went in amongst the dead and began eating.

---

Several weeks later...

Uchiha Itachi had finally returned home! He was mildly happy... sort of. He decided that he needed more power though... Wait, he heard of the Mangekyou Sharingan... He decided to meet with his best friend Uchiha Shisui that night... even though there was an Uchiha Clan Meeting scheduled.

On the other hand, the Uzumaki family was seen carrying ten coffins with them into their lair. Joker carried two; Naruto carried one; Harley carried three (one strapped to her back) and the hyenas carried two each, tied to them like packmules. Gekko Hayate was sent to ask what the coffins were for.

"These are... volunteers in my research about kekkei genkai," replied the Joker. And since the Uzumaki family was permitted to research such things (as long as none from the Fire Country were used in the research), Hayate let them go.

Later that week, the entire Uchiha clan, save two, were murdered in a single night.

---

End Chapter Two.

Next chapter: Naruto goes to the academy and redefines the phrase "class clown".

Author's Notes

Holy Hell this was a beast! Well, it's not big, but it was getting difficult for me to write... details later.

Any discrepancies with the actual timeline of Naruto are intentional. Everything else... also intentional.

I hope some of you have noticed already, but whenever Joker speaks, some of his words are italicized. These are instances where he puts his special emphasis on certain words. And if any of you are wondering, the Joker featured here is the Mark Hamill Joker, from the animated series in the early 90's.

And now for the bad news. Looks like I won't be able to continue to write the other fanfic I had going, the one called "The Prophecy of the Four Horsemen". All three of you are disappointed, I know.

And now for the good news. I will continue to write this fanfic until it's done. What? You seriously thought I switched to Geico? You crazy!

Anyway, if any of you have some particularly good Joker or Harley Quinn quotes you'd like to see used in this fanfic, go ahead and tell me.

And now for the reasons why it's been getting difficult for me to write. Life, work, and idiotic siblings. That about sums it up. Anyway, I will try to get at least one update per month. No promises though.

(... it seems like I like to use the word "anyway" a lot. Oh well.)