Freakin’ Lost
By Kate aka MrsPunk/Snapemaniac

Author’s note: Ok, I have never watched Lost (and I’m not going to either), so if any info is wrong – blame my friend Kai. I have based this on what I’ve heard from my friends’ conversations. The tiny bits of the show I’ve watched, I have manipulated off course – this is how I see Lost, despite not actually watching the show.
Disclaimer: Don't own this show. Thank God.

The plan crashed some time ago, everybody ended up on some island, possibly Hawaii where the show is recorded. No, wait – there has been a freakin’ polarbear. What the hell, is this a dream or what?!

First Chapter: Bringing back the dead...

Ana-Lucia; What the hell, I’m alive again? Damnit! Why can’t I be dead again so I can get off this freakin’ island?!?!
Libby; Oh God, will you shut up? Even when she’s dead, she’s annoying. I swear to God, she never stops talking.
Ana-Lucia; Like you’re the one to talk...
Libby; Please, I beg you non-dead-but-still-trapped-on-this-freakin’-island-people, blow her brains out for me...Where’s Michael when you need him?
Kate; OMG! I think I’m about to cry again...
Jack; Take cover, everyone.
Kate starts to cry, and cry and then she cries some more.
Jack; She’s cried up an entire river by now.
Sawyer; Shut up, Jack-ass.
Jack; What a great comeback, dimwit.
Kate; Oh Jack, don’t be so mean to me. I love you, Jackieboy.
Sawyer; What?!?! You can’t be serious, you must be joking?! Him?!!?
Jack; Why is it so hard for you to believe that Kate has fallen for me? I’m a hot, dreamy doctor. All the ladies fall for me...
Sawyer; In your dreams perhaps. Kate, are you sure you love Jack? You don’t love anybody else here?
Kate; Hmmmm...noo...I don’t think so.
Sawyer got tears in his eyes and strutted away to the hippiecar.
Hurley; What up, dude?
Sawyer; Kate...sob...doesn’t...love...sob me-he-heheee.
Hurley; Dude...seriously, dude...Dude, stop crying, dude!
Sawyer; Ok.
Sawyer stops crying and Hurley gives him a pat on the shoulder. Michael has come back, from...wherever the hell he was. Libby rushes towards him and kisses him.
Libby; Oh thank you, I thought you’d never come back.
Michael; Are you supposed to be dead? Didn’t I shoot you?
Libby; Yes, you did. But for some reason, I’m back. And I need you.
Michael; What for?
Libby: Whispers: I need you to kill Ana-Lucia, she’s annoying.
Michael; But I thought you liked her...everybody liked her.
Libby; Yeah, well...being dead and spending eternity with her just isn’t that great.
Michael; Ok, so what’s in this for me?
Libby; Whatever you want.
Michael; Whatever I want? -daydreams about a naked woman, covered in paint- Ok, I’ll do it.
Libby; Great.
Michael takes out a gun from his pocket and walks away to find Ana-Lucia. Meanwhile, on the beach Shannon has come back from the dead.
Shannon; I am here to revenge my death, since apparently nobody wanted to do it for me.
Sayid comes out of the bushes, next to the beach. Shannon walks up to him, and bitch-slaps him.
Sayid; Aaoow! Why did you do that?
Shannon; Because you didn’t avenge my death, bastard!
Sayid; But, but, but...Ana-Lucia shot you by mistake. Plus, she’s dead now.
Ana-Lucia; Who are you calling dead?
Sayid turned around, and there she was...
Shannon; You said she was dead!
Sayid; She is... she’s supposed to be.
Shannon; You lied to me. I hate you so much right now.
Sayid; I swear, she’s supposed to be dead. Michael killed her!
Shannon starts to cry and walks away. Sayid turns to Ana-Lucia.
Sayid; Why are you here?
Ana-Lucia; Since I have the most fans on this show, the producers decided to let me come back.
Sayid; What show? This is a show, it’s all made up?
Ana-Lucia; Erhm...off course not. Eehh, Michael didn’t really kill me, he just locked me up somewhere. Yeah, Libby and me. We never really died.
Sayid; But, what about Shannon? You killed her.
Ana-Lucia; Psch, no I didn’t.
Sayid; Yes, you did. I heard the shot.
Ana-Lucia; Yeah, but you didn’t see me.
Sayid; You got a point there.
Ana-Lucia; Whispers to herself: Man, that was close.
Sayid; Did you say something?
Ana-Lucia; What? No, I was as silent as the grave.
Sayid; ...I think I’m gonna go look for Shannon now...
Ana-Lucia; You do that.
Sayid walks away to find Shannon, and Ana-Lucia goes to find the rest of the gang. On her way she found a guy lying in the sand. She kicked the guy slightly, on the side.
Ana-Lucia; Hey, who are you?
Unknown guy; I’m Boone. Who are you?
Ana-Lucia; Ana-Lucia. Why are you here?
Boone; I dunno... I thought I was dead, but apparently I was wrong.
Ana-Lucia; Yeah, whaeva(!) You know anybody here?
Boone; I have a stepsister, Shannon is her name. You know her?
Ana-Lucia; You can that, I killed her.
Boone; What?!?! You killed my sister?!
Ana-Lucia; By accident. Anyway, she’s alive again. She’s here somewhere, Sayid’s looking for her. I’m looking for the rest.
Boone; Mind if I tag along?
Ana-Lucia; Not really.
Ana-Lucia and Boone walked into the jungle, searching for the gang. All of a sudden, they hear something coming from a bush nearby.
Ana-Lucia; Who’s there?
Unknown man; I’m here.
Boone; Who the hell are you?
Ana-Lucia; Hey, it’s Mr. Eko.
Boone; Whispers to himself: Mr. Eko? What a weird name.
Mr. Eko; Ana, you’re back. Praise the Lord.
Ana-Lucia; Yeah, it just wasn’t my time yet.
Boone; You were dead?
Ana-Lucia; Pretty much.
Mr. Eko; So was I. But I’ve been brought back for some reason.
Ana-Lucia; You died too? Man, did everybody die on this show?
Mr. Eko; What?
Boone; What?
Ana-Lucia; Erhm.. nothing. Let’s just find the rest.
And once more they started to walk through the jungle, and this time they didn’t find anyone who had been dead but then brought back to life.

End of chapter 1.