What If...

Blurring

Disclaimer: I have recieved an urgent message from the front lines, sir! It says that...I....do...not....own....Doctor...Who..... Disregard it? Aye sir.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Lend Me Your Ears: ...My Inner Fangirl is going to be mad at me for this...

He hadn't realized he had forgotten until he'd walked out into the Norianic palace gardens to look for Donna.

Honestly, they always wondered off; he was beginning to wonder if there was some way to build a...thingy that he could press a button or two and the lost Companion would come flying over. Maybe a trans-mat device? Oh, but then he'd have to fix the device so it couldn't be picked up and actually take them away. Maybe a type of forcef-

Mid-thought, he froze, his mind jumping to find what it was that was bothering him. There was something...something familiar... He looked around, but didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Still running through the long - long - list of memories stuck in his head, he frowned and settled in place. Donna was a big girl, and he could easily save her from being, say, roasted over an open fire a little later...

Finally, it pinged, and he let out a heavy breath. Looking up, he rather quickly spotted the hanging vines, and the blue-and-yellow flowers blossoming all along them. It was known by several names all across the universe - no one was quite sure how the flowers had reached so far, even to planets with no space travel, and theories ranged from seeds somehow sent flying through space when a planet exploded to the seeds catching into the little nooks and crannies of all the ships and being lost at each port to magic - but the one that came to mind were the two from Adrios: Queen's Joy or Pride of the Crown. The names were based on a story of how the flowers had come to that specific area, and it was valued far higher than gold was on Earth.

The Doctor nodded to himself. He remembered now, and felt bad that he'd forgotten. Years ago, probably not half as long as it actually felt, he'd saved the High Prince of Adrios, then only three years old from kidnappers who were attempting to...something about weapons and mountains, and the kidnappers had also captured...Rose. She'd been fine - managed to get halfway out on her own - and the plot had been stopped and the prince returned home. The queen had insisted on a reward, which had included a feast and a few other things that were probably sitting in some room on the TARDIS right now, and one of those things had been a large, fancy looking bottle of perfume, which was an extract of the flowers. Rose had absolutely loved it, and the TARDIS had somehow kept a steady supply after the first bottle ran out.

There was still one sitting half-empty on her nightstand.

He should have known that. Should have.

For the longest time after she'd gone, he'd practically held vigil there several nights in a row, in some wild belief that through sheer force of will she would be back. He'd fallen asleep in her room a few times, but tried not to after the sixth time of waking up to her scent and empty room and feeling just as empty inside. He looked around it enough, searching for some clue, some idea, that he could have told you in exact detail every item in that room.

But not any more. Why?

Rose. Rose Tyler. She was...blonde; well, more or less. She had brown eyes, or maybe...no, they were brown. Frowning, he brought a disturbingly vague vision of her to his mind. She was smiling; he liked it when she smiled. He used to be able to picture her so clearly, so sharply that he could almost convince himself she was still there. He had been able to see her in every situation they'd been in the... - ages- ...ten years they'd travelled together. Now he could see some blurred fog behind her that might have been an underground chamber or a morgue in Cardiff or his room on the TARDIS or a million other places. She was dressed in some shade of pink and what might have been blue jeans, and her hair was probably down. She usually had it down.

....Right?

She was...she was...Rose. It was hard to find the words, ones that had slid so well into place when she had vanished across the Void. She was..brilliant, kind, funny... He was sure there were things he had complained about once, but looking back there was no vice that could ever hope to smudge her character. No, she was...perfect. She was Rose. Just Rose.

But...why was he forgetting? Some deep, traitorous part of his mind offered up an answer, but the Doctor refused it. No, Rose was different than the rest. He would not let her fade into the back of his mind, where one trait bled into another and whole identities were lost.

In a state of panic he threw a random collection of memories up beside Rose. Susan....Susan....she liked music, and was a reason for leaving home - there were other ones, somewhere - but he could never be mad at her. Romana...he'd met...three of her incarnations, if he remembered correctly, or was it two? There was a carnival, or was it a palace, or was it a space station, or maybe it was the zero room. Even Gallifrey...there had been so much that he had considered wrong, but the feeling had withered into near non-existence along with the memory of what those wrongs had been.

Like stones at the bottom of a stream, time and loss had worn them down. All those uncomfortable edges and rough patches. Left only the shine and the smooth, down and down until they fit neatly in their place where they didn't hurt or trouble anymore.

"There you are!" Donna interrupts the rather depressing train of thought, not seeming to notice she had. "Been looking all over for y-" She paused, hesitating before continuing, softer. "Doctor? Doctor, what's wrong?"

He blinked and took in a deep breath. "Oh, no, everything's fine. Everything's always...fine."

"Liar." She muttered, and he glanced at her. It was something that pleasantly surprized him about Donna; as loud and abrasive as she could be, she could be just the opposite the next minute. "You've got that...look. I've seen that look before."

The Doctor smiled slightly, humourlessly. "Just having a bad moment, that's all. Started down memory lane and didn't like the view."

"Hm." She regarded him for a few seconds before seeming to decide not to press him. "Read to go then?"

"Sure." He answered, a bit too quickly. "Unless you want to have more of a look around."

He was grateful when she shook her head. "Nah. Seen one sparkly castle, seen 'em all. Only reason I'm still here is 'cause I can't start the TARDIS without you."

She's teasing, he knows, but some dim stab of panic strikes him. He ignores it and pastes on a smile he hopes is reassuring. "Lead the way then."

He pauses before following her out of the garden, out the gate and up to where the TARDIS lay in wait. He reaches up, fingers barely brushing the vines, but managed to grab on of the flowers, which gave way with a gentle tug.

Pocketing the tiny blossom, he walked determinedly after his Companion.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Lend Me Your Ears: Daaaw, lookit the ickle baby lions, aren't they so cute! (^_^) I WANT ONE!!!! Also, I appear to have a tendency to allegory and similes/metaphors. Hm. REVEIW!!!

QUOTE OF THE MOMENT!!
"EAT MY FLAMING PURPLE DEATH!"