|And Hell Froze Over
Author: Kyoufushou PM
He's a cruel god of the Underworld. She's a feisty high school student. What happens when they meet? [What have you done! Insolent wench!] [Stupid son of a...! Get off me!] SasukeXSakura [AU]Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor - Sakura H. & Sasuke U. - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,061 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 07-25-07 - Published: 06-09-07 - id: 3585123
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
And Hell Froze Over
Disclaimer – Naruto and other related items belong to Masashi Kishimoto. (I also don't own any of the other products mentioned in this chapter.)
Sakura stepped back to admire her work. She clasped a hand over her mouth and ran into her room, not wanting to wake him up. She jumped up and pumped a fist in the air. Ha! That's what that bastard gets for ruining the carpet! After a few more moments of quietly laughing at Sasuke's expense, she calmed down. She slipped a digital camera into her dresser drawer; along with a roll of film.
Sakura inhaled deeply and exhaled through her nose. She walked out of her bedroom and peered over the side of the couch. Man, he even looks grumpy while he's sleeping. She frowned and backed away. She looked at the clock and mentally groaned. It's eleven. It's too late to go do something. The night is wasted thanks to this asshole. Sakura glared over at the couch from the the small kitchen. Might as well just go back to bed. Grudgingly, she stalked back to her bedroom.
What the hell is that? He leaned his head back from the offending fabric. Sasuke glared at the pinkness. His face had been buried in a fuzzy pink blanket. No doubt the work of that wench. He tossed the blanket away from himself and sat up. Sasuke flexed his fingers, eliciting a sickening crackling from his knuckles, and yawned. He stood from the stained couch and turned to see Sakura standing in the kitchen.
She was dressed in faded, ripped jeans and a dark green tank top; her long pink hair was pulled back in a braid that brushed the small of her back. She was staring at him with a dripping spoon halfway between her mouth and a bowl of corn flakes.
"What?" He growled at her. Immediatly, she resumed eating, with difficulty for some odd reason. Sasuke ran a hand through his hair. He paused. His hair didn't feel the same. It felt odd. I probably got some blood in it yesterday or something. I'll demand the wench to let me take a shower later. He nodded mentally and went into the kitchen.
"If you're hungry, there's cereal in the cupboard." She said this without looking at Sasuke and pointed to a cabinet beside the fridge.
He raised an eyebrow at her before going to the indicated cabinet and opening it. Three boxes sat on the bottom shelf, along with a canister. His clawed hand reached out and grabbed the canister. Sasuke popped open the plastic lid and peered inside. The canister was half filled with oats. He replaced the lid and put it back on the shelf. He turned to the boxes and scowled. He had no idea what Lucky Charms, Cocoa Puffs, and Frosted Flakes were. With an agitated sigh, he randomly grabbed a box. Sasuke ended up with Cocoa Puffs. He turned to Sakura.
"What am I supposed to do with this?"
Sakura looked at him from the corner of her eye. "You pour it in a bowl and eat it. The bowls are in there." She pointed to another cabinet.
Sasuke grabbed a medium sized blue bowl and tore off the top of the box. He tipped it slightly and little brown balls came out of the plastic bag inside. Sasuke emptied the whole box into the bowl and smirked. That wasn't hard. He left the empty box and excess cereal on the counter and sat at the small table that was at the edge of the kitchen tile. He grabbed some of the cereal with his fingers and popped it in his mouth. He chewed slowly and swallowed. Not bad. He continued eating.
Sakura growled slightly at the mess in her kitchen as she put her bowl and spoon in the sink. She looked over at the eating Sasuke and sighed. As she walked past him, she muttered, "You're such an idiot." He either didn't hear her, or ignored her because she didn't get a response. "I'll be back in an hour. Don't mess up my apartment anymore than you already have." She grabbed her keys and her cell phone and stuffed them in her pocket. She walked out the front door, slamming it behind her.
Sasuke scoffed and ate the remainder of his cereal. Once finished, he tossed the glass bowl into the sink. Thankfully, it didn't break. He went back to the living room and sat on the couch. What does that wench do around here? He muttered a curse under his breath and stared at the blank screen of the television, his arms crossed over his chest.
(Thirty minutes later)
Sasuke glared darkly at the blank screen now. Giving in to the boredom, he got up and decided to explore. He opened the coat closet near the front door. He was greeted with dust, a broom, a dust pan, a black trench coat, a grey wind breaker, and... oh yeah, more dust.
Sasuke snapped the door shut. How exciting. He walked into Sakura's bedroom. The walls were an off white, like the rest of the apartment, and the carpet was marroon, unlike the white carpet of the living room.
Sasuke leaned in the doorway and surveyed the rest of the small room. The unmade bed was up against the far right wall, beneath a window that overlooked the street below. The comforter matched the carpets in a dark marroon and there were two pillows of the same color. The sheets were white. A small bedside table was against the back wall and beside the bed. Near the foot of the bed was two sliding doors, presumably the closet.
On the left was another door. Beside the door was a dark wood dresser. The top of the dresser was littered with items. Cologne, a jewelry box, three different sized red candles, black liquid eyeliner, black mascara, a clear green lighter, cherry chapstick, a black hair clip, a bottle of midnight blue nail polish, several different bracelets, and a pair of fuzzy gray toe socks were randomly strewn on the top.
He strolled over to the other door and pushed it open.
Sasuke let out a cry of disbelief, surprise, and anger. He gaped in disbelief at the mirror of the bathroom. He took a step forward and leaned closer to the mirror, his hands gripping the white counter top.
The counter top was similar to Sakura's dresser. On it was a curling iron, a comb, a barrel brush, a bottle of hairspray, a container of baby powder, seven different colored hair tyes, a small black leather bag, a tube of toothpaste, a red toothbrush, a tube of deoderant, vanilla body spray, and small stereo.
Sasuke's eyes narrowed at his reflection. "Oh, that wench is gonna get it," he growled. At the moment, Sasuke's normally raven hair was a lovely, bright shade of neon orange.
"Tadaima!" A voice called as the door shut. "Hey, retard, where are you? I got home earlier than expected."
Sasuke stormed out of the bedroom and practically tackled Sakura. He straddled her waist and pinned her wrists on either side of her head. "Insolent wench! What have you done?!"
Sakura started laughing. "I can't take you seriously with hair like that."
He growled and his hands moved to her throat, strangling her. Instantly, her laughter was cut off. She returned his glare. "Stupid son of a bitch... Get off me!" Sasuke ignored her demand and pressed harder. Her face turned a bright red due to lack of air. His crimson eyes glinted manically down at her as she began to struggle against him. His grip tightened. She gasped as an attempt to bring air to her lungs.
"Sakura?" Someone pounded on the door. "Sakura, let me in!"
Sasuke looked up at the door and his handle on Sakura's throat loosened. Sakura shoved him off of her and sat up. She coughed furiously and scooted away from Sasuke until her back met the door.
The pounding on the door increased when the female heard Sakura's coughs. "Sakura! Sakura, what's going on?! Open the door!"
Sakura reached up a hand and unlocked the three padlocks that held the door shut. She turned the door handle and it was flung open, smashing Sakura against the wall. A blond rushed in, her blue eyes wide. She froze and stared at the scary looking, neon orange haired man sitting on the floor. He looked beyond pissed and right now, his frigid glare was aimed at the newcomer. Ino nearly jumped out of her skin when the door slammed shut behind her. She whirled around and saw her best friend on the floor, her face a light shade of red.
"What happened, Sakura? Who's he?" She stuck out a thumb at Sasuke.
Sakura gripped the wall and lifted herself up. "That... is a temperamental male prostitute, Ino, and he just attacked me." She glared at Sasuke before grabbing Ino's arm and pulling her towards her room. "The model's collecting dust in my closet. Come on."
Ino allowed herself to be dragged, giving the man a bewildered look all the while.
Once Sakura's bedroom door closed, Ino rounded on her. "Why is there a man whore with anger issues in your apartment? Why did he attack you? How much did you pay for him? He's hot!"
Sakura sighed. "Slow down, Ino. I came home from school yesterday and there he was. Scared the hell out of me. He demanded that I just leave my apartment. I told him I wasn't leaving and he said he wasn't either. For whatever reason, I allowed it. He attacked me because I messed up his gay do. He deserved it for ruining my carpet and my couch. I didn't pay for him, but I probably would pay for him to leave. And yes he is hot, but he's as hot as he is stupid."
Ino gasped. After a couple seconds of silence, "Is he really that stupid?"
Sakura groaned. "You have a one track mind, I swear."
"Yeah, yeah. So have you made out yet?" Her eyes twinkled.
Sakura blanched. "Ino! We just barely met yesterday!"
"Yeah, so? I mean, come on. I've kissed guys after only meeting them a few hours before."
"Well, I'm not a slut." She mocked jokingly.
"Hey! Anyway, we need to get you a man, and just our luck; he came to you!" Ino gave a toothy, triumphant grin.
"I think not. I don't like him like that; hell I don't even think I like him at all."
"Why not?! Why is it that you won't date guys unless you really like them?"
Sakura's face turned sheepish and timid. "Okay, Ino, I'll tell you. You know that feeling you get around that one guy that you know you like, but you'll deny it no matter what? And you just feel like you hate him, but you can never stay mad at him?" Ino nodded vigorously. Sakura deadpanned. "I don't get that. I never have. Probably won't for a long time, if ever. I've seen the devastation girls go through when they experience a seperation from someone they supposedly loved and I'm not exactly too giddy to fall in love and face that. Besides, no one's really caught my interest."
Ino's face dropped. It didn't take too long before she processed the rest of her words. She smirked. "So you're afraid of getting hurt, huh?"
"If that's the way you wanna see it, fine."
"Oh, you're no fun. You could at least pretended to deny it." Ino pouted and crossed her arms.
Sakura jumped up from her relaxed position on her bed. "No, Ino! I am not afraid! Stop accusing me! God, how could you be so inconsiderate?!" Sakura turned her back to Ino, buried her face in her hands, and pretended to sob.
Ino nodded and laid back on the red covers. "Yeah, it needs work."
All at once, Sakura's fake sobs ceased and she turned around, her face blank. "Eh." She shrugged. She walked over to the closet and pulled open the right sliding door. She pulled out a model of a strand of DNA about as big as a piece of firewood. She handed it off to Ino.
"This project was so gay. I swear, I didn't understand a word." She moaned, then giggled. "You should've seen Shika trying to explain it."
Sakura smirked. "Just wait until our finals. We won't get to choose our partners. For all we know, you could end up with the dumbest kid in the class."
Ino frowned. "Don't remind me."
"The project's being assigned next week." Sakura sang out.
Ino sighed and stood up. She walked over to the bedroom door and pulled it open, only to be startled when she saw Sasuke sitting on the floor beside the door with his back against the wall. Sakura appeared next to Ino.
"Y-You were listening?!" Sakura stared him down while he didn't even bother to look up at them.
"Sakura, huh? What a waste of a perfectly good name." He drawled. Apparently, his anger had calmed.
Sakura gritted her teeth and smacked the back of his head. He angled his head to glare at her.
Ino sensed the tension between the two, and decided now was the time to take her leave. "Uh... I'll just be going now. School starts in fifteen minutes. Wouldn't want to be late!" She waved good bye as she sped out the door and shut it behind her.
Sakura walked past him and proceeded to the small kitchen. Sasuke stood and followed her.
"What the hell am I supposed to do with my hair?" He forced out through clenched teeth.
Sakura turned to him, a hurt look plastered on her face. "What? You don't like it? And after I worked hard to make sure I got every little hair. Do you know how hard it is to dye someone's hair when they're asleep? Extremely. By the way, you're a heavy sleeper."
"I don't care. I refuse to degrade myself by walking around with hair like this."
Sakura grinned. "Oh why not?!" She jumped next to him and wrapped her arms around his torso. "We can have weird hair together!" She squeeled.
Sasuke pushed Sakura off him. "Hell no. Now tell me, Sakura, how do I get rid of this infernal hair color?"
Sakura dropped her cheery act and sighed. "You suck. Anyway, you gotta shave your head." She said this as if she were saying they were out of milk.
"You. Have. To. Shave. Your. Head." She said slowly. "Did you get that, fruitcake?"
Sasuke growled. "I will not shave my head and I am not a fruitcake."
Sakura shrugged. "Then deal with it and if you're not a fruitcake, how come your hair is such a fruity color? Huh? Riddle me that, batman, riddle me that!" She yelled.
Sasuke stared at her for a while before responding. "When was your last therapy session?"
She blinked. "What are you talking about?"
He sighed. "Nevermind. Now about my hair..."
"Oh! Your hair. Don't worry about it. It'll come out... eventually."
"What do you mean eventually?"
"I mean what I mean and I mean it will come out eventually! That reminds me. Before you attacked me like some demented squirril, I was about to say that I got you some stuff." She picked up the forgotten shopping bags near the front door. "Since there's not a snowball's chance in hell that I intend on sharing necessities with you, I bought you a toothbrush," she pulled out a light orange toothbrush and laid it on the counter. "I thought it'd match your hair. I also got you some shampoo so you could wash your mop," she set a bottle of light blue Suave shampoo next the the toothbrush. "and finally..." she pulled out a pink princess sleeping bag. "your new bed. Look, it even comes with a pillow!" She showed a small matching pillow and threw it at Sasuke.
The pillow hit him in the face and fell to the floor. Sasuke twitched. "No. I'd rather sleep on the roof."
"That can be arranged."
"No thanks. I'll sleep just how I did last night."
"Oh you mean with that pink blanket? Aww... Those were great pictures. I can't wait to show the gang at school; they'll love them!"
Sasuke froze. "Pictures?"
He grabbed her biceps. "What pictures?!"
"The pictures I took when you were sleeping of course. I took before and after shots so people know what a great job I did." Sakura grinned proudly.
Sasuke glared. "Where are they?"
"Oh well, I took digital and film pictures. I wanted to see the difference. I already sent the film to be developed. I got to go pick 'em up in a hour. As for the digital, I uploaded them on to my laptop."
"What?! Where's the laptop?"
"Oh it's hidden. I have special hiding place for it since these apartments get broken into often." she glared slightly at him. "I got it as a gift from one of my rich friends."
Sasuke immediatly went to work at searching for the laptop.
Sakura smirked. I'm gonna make your life hell. "Good luck!" She turned, opened the fridge, grabbed a can of diet coke, popped the top, and walked off to her room.
Now officially the longest chap.
Sorry I kept you guys waiting so long for this chapter... I was gone for quite some time, then I had Writer's block for a bit, but then, I suddenly got a bunch of ideas for new stories. Nmm... If you have a prefered couple, then say so in a review. I just might be able to switch a few things around in my plots. Anyways, keep an eye out for new fics.
The fifth chapter for The Reasons Why is going to be delayed. I'm having some issues with that chapter... .
I hope I didn't disappoint with this chapter. Oh and, if anything that may be said this story offends you, I am truly sorry; I don't mean any disrespect by it or anything.
About the probable OOCness of these characters, I'm sorry. I have a habit of shifting their persona just a bit.
I love your reviews, they keep me writing. Thank you for your lifting words.