Monty

Disclaimer/ Author's Notes: I got bored and wrote this; its title refers to one of my most random characters ever. I do not own Naruto or what Monty's powers are a reference to.

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Monty looked at what he had done to his home world; millions lay dead, millions more lay worse than dead, and at least ten had completely wiped themselves from existence to escape him. The buildings were on fire, the water was on fire, the fire was on fire, and everything that was flammable had been buried underneath Newfoundland. It wasn't bad.

But still, Monty wanted to destroy more things; he wanted to drive hundreds more insane and cause millions of people to suddenly explode for no apparent reason. Cheerfully, he took a small key out of his pocket, put it in the air, and turned it...

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"So our mission is to find a guy who's been attacking random villages?" Naruto asked as he, Sasuke, and Sakura walked with Kakashi out of the village.

"According to the reports from those ho survive he uses some sort of Python Jutsu." Kakashi explained. "They haven't seen what it does, but they've heard him say 'Python Style.' It could be very possible that he's somehow connected to Orochimaru..."

Kakashi suddenly fell down, dead. "Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto yelled, shocked. "Hey, you can't die; we're still in Part I! You're supposed to be alive in Part II! This completely breaks canon!"

"Oh, what a senseless waste of human life!" A voice said from behind them. A man stood there, dressed in a dirty, tattered trench-coat that covered his whole body and a grey hat.

"Who are you?" Sasuke asked as he took out his kunai.

"You can call me Monty." The man said happily. "Now, I've got something very special for you kids... A FRONTAL STREAK!" He suddenly opened up the coat, revealing that he was wearing nothing underneath... and that he had an alarm clock tattooed to his chest.

"Dude, that's gross!" Naruto yelled as he covered his eyes. "What's wrong with you?"

"Silly Japanese boy!" Monty yelled as he closed his jacket and smiled insanely. "You have no idea who you're dealing with. Python-Style... FLYING CIRCUS!"

Suddenly, the ground began shaking. The area around them seemed to mutate to a giant circus, which began flying.

"What's this supposed to do?" Sakura asked. "Well, girly, my powers are ten times as strong here!" Monty said with a chuckle. "Now for the finishing touch..." Suddenly, Monty multiplied, until there was five of him.

"So what?" Naruto asked. "I can just play that game, t—." "Ahh!" Sasuke yelled as he grabbed his mouth. "Naruto... something's coming... out of... my mo... my mouth... there's some other presence that's trying to... force me to..." He suddenly ripped off his clothes, revealing a lumberjack costume. "How the hell'd I get in this?"

"Sasuke, are you okay?" Sakura asked, worried. "I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay!" Sasuke suddenly blurted out. "Wait... what the hell's going—I sleep all night and I work all day!"

"Sasuke, what's wrong with you?" Sakura asked. "I'm fine." Sasuke said. "I... I... I..."

Sasuke:

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day.

Monty(S):

He's a lumberjack and he's OK

He sleeps all night and he works all day

Sasuke:

I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.

I go to the lavatory.

On Wednesdays I go shoppin'

And have buttered scones for tea.

Monty(S):

He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.

He goes to the lavatory.

On Wednesdays he goes shoppin'

And has buttered scones for tea.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.

He sleeps all night and he works all day.

Sasuke:

(Struggling to stop)

I cut down trees. I skip and jump.

I like to press wild flowers.

I put on women's clothing

And hang around in bars.

Monty(S):

He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.

He likes to press wild flowers.

He puts on women's clothing

And hangs around in bars?

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.

He sleeps all night and he works all day.

Sasuke:

(In pain from the singing)

Make... it... sto—

By this time, Sasuke was doomed. By the time they got to the part that would make multitudes of fangirls angry for blood, Sasuke had dropped dead.

"Sasuke!" Sakura yelled. She turned to face the Montys, now furious. "You... I don't know what you did, but you killed him!" "Yup; sure did." One of them said as he cleaned out his ear.

"KILLER!" Sakura yelled as she charged at the Monty, furious. The Monty simply held up a hand and Sakura stopped abruptly. "And now for something completely different." The Monty said. "A man with three buttocks..." "We've done that!" Another Monty yelled. "Oh, alright. Alright! A man with nine legs." "He ran away." "Oh... bloody hell! Er... a Scotsman on a horse!"

Suddenly, a giant Scotsman on a slightly giant horse appeared. He flicked Sakura in the forehead so weakly, it instantly killed her. The Scotsman then road off into the sunset, never to be seen again for the rest of the week.

"You... you've killed my friends..." Naruto said under his breath. "Yeah, maybe." Monty said with a yawn. "What of it? I'm going to kill you, too, so you might as well just give up."

Naruto yelled angrily as a familiar, red chakra began flowing around him. "You killed them!" Naruto yelled. "You actually seem happy about it, too! What kind of madman are you?"

"Oh, you'll be seeing them again, very soon." A Monty said with an insane grin. Naruto screamed as he charged at Monty, preparing the Rasengan as he ran.

"I've gotten bored of this world." Each of the Monty's said as they fused back into one being. "I haven't been able to drive one person insane. I think I'll leave as soon as I kill a certain, blonde-haired brat."

"I'M THE ONE WHO'S GOING TO KILL YOU!" Naruto yelled before the giant foot descended from the sky and stepped on him.

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Naruto woke up from his ramen-induced nightmare, screaming. He was at Ichiraku Ramen Bar, and had apparently fallen asleep there. "Was that all... just a dream?" Naruto asked, looking for the maniac Monty. "Weird..."

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Monty laughed as he put the Python Key in the air and turned it, opening a door. Through the door laid a glowing, Technicolor, Photoshop-esque, swirling world. "A whole new world for me to kill... a world full of FLASH ANIMATION!" Monty laughed insanely as he stepped through the portal, entering the new world.

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Author's Notes: Well, that was fun. I only wrote this because I was bored and was having writer's block on my other fics. Will I write a sequel? Maybe, maybe not... I don't expect this to get much success, though.