XCII. Love Me or Leave Me

Love me or leave me and let me be lonely
You won't believe me but I love you only
I'd rather be lonely than happy with somebody else

You might find the night time the right time for kissing
but night time is my time for just reminiscing
Regretting instead of forgetting with somebody else

There'll be no one unless that someone is you
I intended to be independently blue

I want your love, but I don't wanna borrow
To have it today and to give back tomorrow
My love is your love
There's no love for nobody else

There'll be no one unless that someone is you
I intended to be independently blue

I want your love, but I don't wanna borrow
To have it today and to give back tomorrow
My love is your love
There's no love for nobody else

Love Me or Leave Me is the property of Walter Donaldson and Gus Kahn, featured in a film of the same name.

AN: If you're keeping track, this is the last memory of premiere night. Also, an asterisk (*) will mark the time change I mentioned previously. The last two scenes are a week later.

To give the Sellie storyline its proper attention, I am moving that to the next chapter. I don't want it to get swallowed up. There will be quite a bit of it in ch. 93, starting with the hour after Ty's death, so brace yourself for some angst. :P

Apparently, a lot of interesting things can happen in a giant peach. James and the Giant Peach held Jack and Hannah's attention anyway. Emma has been reading to them for the last half hour. After Spinner finished making the lemonade, he and Manny entered to quite a surprise-- Emma eating. Manny didn't know how or why she started to eat again but she's convinced they shouldn't question her about it. Instead, she just let Jack lead her to the bench as he pulled her forward. He was not only interested in the book, but also the other blonde kid who was hanging around his sister. Hannah appeared slightly reluctant to have Jack there, but then Spinner and Lia sat with them and everything was fine.

She'd love if things were fine with her. Finding the swingset in the backyard, she slowly slumped into the swing. She swung to and fro for a little bit, finally giving up, surrendering her energy to her mood. The audition went better than she thought, sure, but the emotions she had to conjure up to get there? Draining. It was like all the feelings inside of her were running in a marathon around her heart, and she's tired. She's so tired. But would she rather not feel anything? No, thinks Manny, resolutely. She'd just rather be happy, completely happy.

Her ringtone sounds loudly through the yard, eliciting curious looks from the book crowd. Manny smiles at them briefly and checks the number. Speaking of someone who's completely happy, muses Manny, answering with a cheerful "hello."

"I'm dying here!" groans J.J.

That doesn't sound too happy, thinks Manny.

"Why?" says Manny. "Oh, and hello and all that."

"Should I get the princess cut or the oval?" cries J.J. "Yellow or white gold? And what the heck are pave accents?"

"Wait a sec. Calm down," instructs Manny.

"You said you'd help me, Manny!" reminds J.J. "You only get one engagement ring and I am not screwing up Rosa's."

"J.J., I'm not exactly available," points out Manny.

"Manuellita, I don't exactly have a lot of female friends that I can ask, okay?" says J.J.

"What about Mom?" says Manny.

"She's taking care of an absurd amount of things already," replies J.J. "Then, everytime I talk to Dad, it's about the pre-marriage counselling we just have to have."

"Well, that sounds like a lot of fun," says Manny sarcastically.

"Please," begs J.J. "I'll fly you out here. It'd be for a day max."

Why is her own brother putting in her this position? Oh yeah. Because she promised. Still, that was before the investigation was in play, before Emma had her breakdown, before the summer became more topsy-turvy than either of them expected. That doesn't mean, however, that she's not partly attracted by the idea. Being in Toronto, with her family, in close proximity to....no, it'd be too complicated. Right? Manny bites her lip.

"I'm calling you back in a few minutes," says J.J. "Sir, can I..."

"J.J.!" cries Manny.

She wasn't quick enough, and she's disconnected within a couple of seconds. Manny shakes the chains holding the swing and groans. Big brothers can be so frustrating. While she was on the phone, she missed the arrival of Snake and Spike, milling around the bench with the others. Snake spots her, maybe because he's the tallest, and walks towards her, his laptop case against his hip. Manny waves.

"What's shakin', Mr. S?" asks Manny.

Snake awkwardly situates himself into the other swing.

"Spike and I spent the better part of today hunting for a couple of hotel rooms," says Snake. "Santa Clara is a pricey place."

"L.A.'s far from cheap, too," says Manny.

"I just want to be near the hospital, you know," says Snake.

"Um, while you guys were out, Emma was eating," shares Manny.

"Really?" says Snake with widened eyes.

"Uh-huh," says Manny, smiling fully.

"Boy, when things start to turn around, they start to turn around," says Snake, staring at Emma. "But we still have a ways to go, I guess."

Manny nods in agreement.

"So, how are you?" asks Snake.

"Me?" says Manny, scrunching up her forehead in confusion.

"You," repeats Snake. "You've had a pretty hard summer, too."

She shrugs, doesn't look at him. It was quite a bit more than a hard summer, and who knows what she's going home to? If any new developments surfaced, Toby would've told her about it in the letters, wouldn't he? Honestly, she would be relieved if there were any news. With news, she'd know how high to get her hopes up.

"Isn't Toby due back at Kytel soon?" questions Snake.

"That's what I heard," says Manny, then more secretively, "From somewhere....I mean, I don't really know."

Eh, she didn't exactly want to tell him about the letters. Sure, he'd be understanding, like always, but it would be better to keep things as private as possible. Lia didn't even have a clue and she was the one consistently giving Manny the mail.

"Well, we can check," says Snake.

Snake removes his laptop from his bag. He turns on the machine, Manny hearing steady beeping noses until a cheery tune signals that it's finished warming up. Snake types in a webpage, the Kytel homepage quickly loading. Their logo of a computer with legs and tennis shoes bounces under the company name. Snake scrolls down and clicks on Internship Opportunities. Manny angles her swing towards the computer.

"Yep, Toby's leading an orientation session next Friday at eleven," says Snake, reading the screen.

"He is?" says Manny.

That sort of made sense. When Toby didn't want to worry himself with something personal, he immediately jumped into work or tasks to distract himself. Given the amount of worries they both were facing, she very much wouldn't be surprised if this was just the start of a busy month for him.

"I'm very proud of him," says Snake, elbowing Manny.

"Me too,' says Manny. "And...I miss him."

"You get to see him next week," reminds Snake. "That's when you go home, right?"

"Actually, I...I was going to stay until Em went home," confesses Manny.

"That's...that's another three weeks, Manny," says Snake, raising his eyebrows.

She's well aware of the number of weeks. On the way home, she'd thought about the pros and cons. On one hand, she'd get to be in the same spot as her family, friends, and of course, Toby. She could start helping Nate out with Drama Club and discuss any of her final Miss Degrassi commitments with Ms. Tellman. Additionally, she'd enjoy being around her parents if she did get that call regarding her audition so they could celebrate together. On the other hand, Emma needed her more than ever. Today, she's having a good day, but what about tomorrow, and the day after and the day after? She can't let her best friend fall apart again, fall apart without her nearby.

"Emma's here," says Manny, tossing a quick look her way.

"But we're here, too," counters Snake. "And after today, I think..we're part of the problem and ultimately part of the solution. I'm sure Emma appreciates everything you've done and Spike and I definitely do. But you should make some time for your happiness too."

"Snake, I'm not sure...how to be a good best friend and a good...semi-girlfriend, like simultaneously," admits Manny.

"Everybody runs across that delimma," assures Snake. "All I can say is that...you have to make time for both, and they should respect what you decide. Emma would respect it."

"You make it sound so easy," says Manny with a weak laugh.

"No, it's hard, especially if you're a good person," says Snake, patting her on the back.

He closes his laptop, heading in the direction of his family and their friends. Manny views Spinner turn a page in the book as Jack sits on Emma's lap. Her brother punches the book, making Emma grin as the rest of the listeners laugh. Manny takes out her cellphone and has no hesitations in dialing her own brother, who answers on the third ring.

"I can come home for a milisecond to help you pick it out, but I can't stay long," announces Manny.

"Sweet!" cries J.J. "For the record, what do you think of combining green and yellow diamonds? Those are my favorite sports colors."

"Ick," groans Manny. "Get out of that store."

II.

"Manny, we have a bone to pick with you," sighs Emma.

Clearly startled, Manny snaps out of a reverie as she's folding clothes and faces Emma and Hannah. Emma's not sure what Manny was thinking about, but whatever it was seemed to be momentary since her old face brightened upon seeing the two of them. Manny stoops down to Hannah's level.

"You forgot to deliver Merlin," says Hannah, positioning the teddy's bear black button nose next to Manny's.

"Yeah, I flaked out on that," apologizes Manny. "Sorry."

"As long as Merlin wasn't offended," says Hannah.

The three of them look at the bear as if it were a living, breathing, emotional animal.

"He doesn't mind it," decides Hannah. "Here, Emma."

Though Emma was the one who recognized Merlin among Manny's belongings, she gingerly takes the stuffed animal and hugs it to her chest. Hannah grins widely as the three of them leave the Masons' house. For the ninety minutes they'd been in the neighborhood, Lia had holed up in the car, rehearsing her lines as Preston read a mystery novel. Lia nearly drops the script when Hannah knocks on the car door.

"I taught Jack how to say a letter," says Hannah proudly.

"Which one?" asks Emma.

"W," replies Hannah.

"That's an important letter," assures Emma.

"Ooooh, I need to start doing Pilates again," mutters Lia as she sluggishly leaves the car seat.

"I want to use the pirate machine too!" says Hannah.

"It's not a pirate machine...it's a Pilates machine," says Lia.

"Then how come you always say 'aaarrrr' when you're on it?" asks Hannah. "You also sweat a lot."

Emma and Manny chuckle as Lia rolls her eyes.

"I think it's time to go, Gremlin," says Lia.

"Can I use the bathroom first?" asks Hannah.

"Sure, I'll take her," offers Manny.

Emma's silently thankful Manny offered, because she did want to mention something to Lia before they left. Though she's tried awhile ago, she figures she should try again, for Hannah's sake.

"Lia, I might be stepping over some boundaries...again, but....," begins Emma.

"Spit it out, Nelson," interjects Lia.

"I still believe Hannah would benefit from going to school," says Emma. "Manny told me she freaked out when you left to go to the theatre."

"I'd say freaked out is an understatement," says Lia.

"At school, she'd learn how to be independant, like you," continues Emma. "She'd probably make tons of friends, too. You could even go with her the first couple of weeks to make sure she's doing okay."

"I wouldn't have a problem with that," assures Lia. "My dad......"

"Is afraid your family history will find its way into Hannah's ears," fills in Emma.

"I kind of told Hannah about the affair, stupidly," informs Lia.

Emma purses her lips and glances down at the grass.

"Was mad that day," sighs Lia. "Hannah didn't seem to get the severity of it anyway."

Lia passes her to lean against the trunk of the car. Emma stands beside her, not sure of what to say next.

"Have you ever heard the story of the Pied Piper of Hamlin?" asks Lia.

"Sort of," recalls Emma. "Umm, the piper is mad because the townspeople don't pay him for ridding the city of rats."

Lia nods. "Then, he retaliates by luring the children away from the town. I mean, it's pretty dark for a kid's story."

"Yeah," says Emma.

"My mom used to tell me those types of stories every night," says Lia. "You know how parents are supposed to kind of cover up how dark it is and reassure you with a happy ending, so they won't scare the kid? She didn't do that with that one. That story would just...end when the kids left."

"Oh," breathes Emma.

"Hannah has dark thoughts too, and I'm pretty sure that's where they came from," says Lia.

"Like they're inherited?" wonders Emma aloud.

"Or the fact that she wasn't born in the best environment," says Lia. "What, you haven't seen it?"

Yes, on the first day as a matter of fact, thinks Emma. Hannah colored Sleeping Beauty's vines black, telling Emma that she was waiting to save herself from the dark, suffocating surroundings. If anyone understood being in an environment like that, feeling that sad and trapped...Emma glances to her left and releases a deep breath. Manny and Hannah were heading right for them.

"We better get home before dark," says Hannah, reaching the car. "Marilyn Monroe needs me to turn on her nightlight."

"Who's Marilyn Monroe?" questions Emma.

"She's a lightning bug," replies Hannah. "I put her jar right next to my knight so he could protect her."

Emma looks at Lia.

"Relax, we let her out to exercise," defends Lia.

Hannah taps Manny's side, the highest part she can reach.

"Bye Manny," says Hannah. "I hope you can come to my party too."

"Parting is such sweet sorrow," says Manny dramatically, rocking Hannah from side to side as she giggles.

"Who said farting?" yells Spinner from the front door.

"Bye Spinner!" calls over Hannah.

"Tell Lia to Facebook me!" calls back Spinner. "I want to see pics of your party!"

"Lia, I need you to Facebook Spinner," says Hannah.

"What the...," starts Lia, then giving Hannah a strained smile. "I mean, cool. Cool."

"I didn't invite Spinner because Daddy doesn't like him in the house," whispers Hannah to Emma.

"I remember," whispers Emma.

"So I'll see you on September fifth?" says Hannah.

"Labor Day weekend," says Emma, nodding. "Works out perfectly."

"You have to come, even if Manny's party is better than mine," says Hannah.

The three girls laugh, Hannah hugging Emma a final time. Emma kisses her on top of the head, rubbing her small back as she climbs into the car.

"I'm sure I'll see you soon, Santos," says Lia.

Lia and Manny hug briefly, then separate. It's nice to see after some very tense moments between them. What takes her by surprise, however, is Lia gently hugging her as well. Emma tenses and lets herself relax after a few seconds. Lia pulls away.

"Don't be a stranger, Nelson," adds Lia.

"I won't," says Emma.

Ducking into the car, Lia closes the door. Emma and Manny wave at the car as it grows distant and more distant.

Emma convinces herself not to cry, despite it being a not so terrible thing. She would miss her little charge, her little sister over the summer. Hannah didn't think they'd find anything they had in common and as it turned out, she'd completely missed the mark. How inaccurate and how grateful she is that Hannah was wrong.

"Good-byes suck," harrumphs Manny, letting her head fall onto Emma's shoulder.

"Majorly," says Emma.

"Who wants dinner?" calls Spinner, appearing again in the door.

"Coming!" answers Emma.

"Speaking of want," says Manny simply. "For my birthday, I want a Pretty Pretty gift card, a L'Oreal make-up case, new pearl studs...."

"Oh goodness," sighs Emma.

"I also want...."

"Speaking of good-byes," jokes Emma, jerking away from Manny.

"Emma!" cries Manny.

III.

A woman walking with a handful of flowers walks by the windshield. Croydon couldn't come sooner. As soon as Craig reentered the apartment, he told them that he hadn't gotten a hold of Ashley and the three of them bolted down the stairs. None of them could say for certain that Ashley would be on the bus. They might be hurrying to the tour bus in vain. If Ashley was already gone, if they were too late...Craig shushes his thoughts. He has to stay calm. He'd already broken down once today. It's Ashley who's unravelling.

The light turns green and Robert veers left. Craig had given him extremely blurry directions, trying to recall where he'd driven from Nolan and Aja's apartment to the tour site. He's also only guessing that the bus hasn't moved on. Then, when they got there, he couldn't board the bus if Julian was there. Maybe Dashiel would cover for him so he could get on board and get Ashley.

"There!" says Craig, spying a long black vehicle a block from their car.

Robert speedily moves the car, parking near the sidewalk. Craig and Chris immediately jump out, Craig running to the bus. A few performers are getting the bus loaded, carrying odds and ends to the luggage compartments underneath. Among them is Aja, lugging a bag of hairspray and accessories.

"Aja!" shouts Craig.

"Craig?" says Aja, meeting him in the middle. "You better go. Julian'll flip if he catches sight of you."

"I need to talk to Ash," says Craig.

"She just left an hour ago in one of them airport shuttles," says Aja. "She wouldn't tell me why."

The airport? Craig grabs his curls and turns to look at Robert and Chris jogging to him.

"Ashley went to the airport," groans Craig.

"Heathrow's where she came in," says Robert. "Do you know what time her flight was?"

"No, sorry, sir," says Aja. "She looked too upset to talk."

"My guess is she couldn't get on until a later flight," wagers Chris.

"Come on, then," says Robert.

"Thanks, young lady," says Chris.

"Thanks, Aja," says Craig.

"Lemme know what happens," yells Aja after them.

Craig barely closes the car door before they're off. The traffic isn't too horrible, but there's no telling how the traffic near England's major airport is going to be. Craig tries to gauge the window of time they have. She has to buy a ticket, get her bags checked, go through customs. So yeah, there's a great chance that she's not leaving within the hour. They'd locate Ashley, tell her everything would be alright and get her the help she needed. Ashley just can't run off. She can't.

His thoughts run so fluidly that he scarcely notices they're near the airport in no time flat. Robert's even found the proper spot, possibly where he and Chris went when they flew over for Ashley's graduation.

"I'll park the car," says Robert. "You go ahead."

Craig exits, running through the automatic doors, quickly reading the signs above his head. Ashley would most likely be using the same airline. He finds the specific sign for it, following the white arrows. That's when he sees her familiar brown and purple locks of hair flapping as she rolls her suitcase across the linoleum.

"Ashley!" yells Craig. "Wait!"

Ashley halts, setting her keyboard on the floor too. Craig jogs until he's at her side. Ashley frowns, hesitantly looking him in the eye. Mascara has run down her face and his leather jacket is sliding down her shoulders. He pulls it up for her.

"Who's with you?" asks Ashley.

"Your dad and Chris," replies Craig.

Closing her eyes, Ashley lets a tear go from her eye to her chin without wiping it away.

"I have to go home," chokes out Ashley.

"Okay, okay," comforts Craig. "We will. But we...we have to sit down and talk...

"No, I have to go home now!" interrupts Ashley. "I...I can't be here!"

"Tell me what happened," encourages Craig. "Explain it to me."

Ashley opens her eyes. "What good is explaining anything going to do? It won't change anything."

"Ashley, look, just...just stay here and I'll get your dad, okay?" says Craig. "Stay here. Will you do that for me?"

"For you?" says Ashley, sniffling.

The last two words are soft, desperate. They're the kindest words she's said since he found her. Craig strokes her neck as Ashley's mouth trembles.

"When does your flight leave?" whispers Craig.

"Three twenty-eight," whispers Ashley.

"I'll be...I'll be right back," says Craig, backing away.

Ashley nods slowly. Craig catches his breath, starts to run across the floor once more. They'd dodged a bullet and gotten there before she left. He couldn't wait to tell her dad. Robert would be relieved, as relieved as he is at the moment. He quickens his pace, turning a corner.

IV.

Turning a corner, Ashley digs forcefully through her carry-on bag. They had to find her, didn't they? And they want to talk? Who still talks when the wounds are fresh? Why can't they give her a little space? That's why she's leaving. For space. Ashley removes her passport, staring at her smiling photograph on the left side. She wouldn't have smiled if she knew how much her second trip to England would crush her.

Walking fast, she arrives at customs, the man grinning at her from the kiosk.

"Reason for travelling, miss?" says the man, evaluating her passport.

"I'm going home," says Ashley.

"I wish you a safe flight home," says the man.

He returns her passport, Ashley loading her luggage onto the baggage claims conveyor belt. She goes to security, dumps her shoes, change and watch into the small bin. She wouldn't even care if the watch got lost under there. All it did was remind her of that terrible meeting with Julian, Liam, and Mark. Mark. Why did she ever trust him? He was just using her to get a better deal. He's slime, and so is Julian and so is Liam. Slime must hang out in packs.

A Heathrow employee reads her ticket, hands it to her.

"Flight 9201 to Toronto, three twenty-eight," says the employee. "To your right."

Ashley doesn't immediately go right, peering to the left for a couple of heartbeats. She hates disappointing Craig. She loves him and that he cares for her. But she's disappointed herself so much that she can't be in the same room with other people she's disappointed more. Maybe they will understand later. They won't now. They won't. Ashley considers this as she fetches her carry-on bag, money, and watch.

"I'm headed to Toronto, too," says a woman in front of her, retying her shoelaces. "Not in a rush, though."

"I am," says Ashley, speedily putting on her shoes.

"Hurry, Chloe," sighs her husband. "The plane's taking off in fifteen minutes!"

"We're on vacation, honey, and I'm taking my time," says Chloe.

"I'm tired," groans her husband.

"Nonsense," waves off Chloe. "Dear, you look so sad. What's wrong?"

It takes Ashley awhile to realize that Chloe is talking to her and no one else. Ashley shrugs.

"Tough day," answers Ashley.

"Our day will be tough if we don't catch this plane!" exclaims Chloe's husband.

"Is something going on at home?" says Chloe to Ashley.

"I...I just have to get there," sighs Ashley, her eyes growing wet.

"Is it an emergency?" questions Chloe.

No, thinks Ashley, wiping her cheeks, tears trickling across her fingers. But what if she said yes? She could leave sooner. She wouldn't have to face her dad, Chris, or Craig.

"My mom's really sick and I'm not sure she's going to make it," lies Ashley.

"That's too bad," remarks Chloe, her voice growing faint. "Poor dear. Perhaps...perhaps I could swap tickets with you."

"Would you?" says Ashley, sniffling.

"Chloe!" cries her husband. "I'm not flying home without you!"

"I can't bare to see a pretty girl cry," says Chloe. "And it's an emergency. I'm in no rush to get to your mother's house."

Her husband harrumphs, throwing his flip-flop on the floor. Chloe gives Ashley a pleasant smile.

"This is very generous of you," says Ashley.

"I believe in helping people when it's needed," says Chloe, squeezing Ashley's arm gently.

V.

"I left her right here!" cries Craig.

He looks at a kid kicking a vending machine; a family of four tying on luggage tags to their suitcases; a stewardess leaving the airport. But he looks in every direction and Ashley is nowhere to be seen. She said she would stay put. How come she's moved then?

"Maybe she went to the bathroom," says Chris, with weak optimism.

"Her flight doesn't leave until nearly three-thirty," says Robert, checking his watch.

"Not unless she lied about the flight too," sighs Chris.

Craig knows Ashley has made it a habit of lying, especially to the three of them, but she wouldn't ditch them like that.

"No!" says Craig strongly. "No!"

He's already moving, his feet going madly to customs.

"Craig!" yells Robert from behind.

He arrives at customs, staring hard at the man behind the kiosk.

"Did Ashley Kerwin go through here?" asks Craig.

"Son, I read a lot of names everyday," says the man, somewhat jokingly. "I can't remember a particular one."

"Then you obviously aren't doing a very good job!" exclaims Craig.

"Excuse me?" says the man.

"I need to get back there!" says Craig.

"Unless you have an I.D. and an airline ticket, you can't go through," replies the man.

"It's important!" exclaims Craig.

"So is airport security," counters the man. "Who I will call if you don't move."

Craig bangs the side of the kiosk with a closed fist, turns to face Robert and Chris who've caught up. The three of them turn to the man, who is shaking his head.

"She's not answering her phone," says Robert, holding up his cell.

"Sir, do you know if any flights have left for Toronto?" asks Chris.

"I believe I heard the intercom announce that a flight has just boarded," replies the man. "By the time you get there, it will have left the gate. If you folks will step aside..."

Craig views a few annoyed travellers standing near them, their passports in their hands. He's the one who's really annoyed. He thought she'd stay for him, since he asked. She's hurting right now, true, but that's more reason for her to be with them. Didn't she see that? What are they going to do here? Now?

"Let's make some arrangements to go to Toronto," sighs Robert.

"Hopefully, she'll go straight to Kate," says Chris. "Craig, where do you...."

"I couldn't tell you," says Craig, letting his irritation shine through. "Because she didn't tell me."

"Well, let's hope for the best," says Robert.

The best? Craig's not sure Ashley knows what that is anymore.

VI.

"Porpoises hunt in coastal waters for their prey, a diet that includes shrimp, squid, and octopus," says the narrator as a family of porpoises cross the wide blue ocean on the television.

"Dude, I ate squid once!" says Spinner, then shuddering. "Never again."

"Look how beautiful that ocean is," remarks Emma. "South America is doing a way better job with pollution control. They just are."

"Um, yeah," says Manny, not sure what to add to either statement.

"Manny, you have a flight tomorrow so maybe you ought to go to bed," says Emma.

Yes, she was flying out that morning and would be arriving in Toronto in the evening. She and J.J. would go shopping the following day. The week flew by so fast that a whole day seems to have gone missing. Although, the days were getting blurry for another reason. She insisted on staying up late with Emma, who still had trouble falling asleep. Manny overheard Spike saying it would take at least six weeks for the meds to kick in, which she understood completely. The first two nights were fun. With Emma's perfectionism guiding Manny, the scrapbook was finished and ordered from the beginning of June to the first days of August. For the empty pages, the two of them had taken to photographing themselves doing different things-- doing handstands and flips they hadn't done since gymnastic meets; teaching Jack how to throw a Frisbee; burying each other in the sand on the beach. The activities let Emma exercise, which Dr. DePauw encouraged in her third session with Emma. Emma was sort of lackluster with it initially, but she started to enjoy it after a few days, especially since her sessions were now weekly and not daily. However, once the scrapbook was done by the third night, and Emma went with Spinner somewhere the next morning, Manny crashed on the Masons' couch. The hours began to get foggy. She yawned when they sat down for meals most days. Every adult in the house had asked her what was wrong. So she seriously doubts she can make it through a porpoise documentary tonight. The animals aren't that exciting, or that cute.

"Are you kicking me out because you want to neck?" teases Manny.

"No," says Emma.

Spinner gives Emma a disappointed frown behind her back.

"Fine, fine," says Manny. "I'm getting some milk and going to bed."

Manny trudges to the kitchen, stops at the first row of tiles. Kendra is sitting at the counter slicing an orange in half, her crutches set against the counter. Since Grandma Mason and Mrs. Mason were allowing Manny to stay in Kendra's room, Manny made it a point to stay cordial to her. They hadn't discussed her note or what was in the note. Manny usually greeted her with a passing regard. Things were too weird between them for her to say anything else.

"Juice," groans Kendra, fetching a paper towel and spying Manny in the process.

Kendra quietly gets the paper towel and starts wiping the juice off the counter. Manny goes to the refrigerator.

"I came for milk," explains Manny.

"Hopefully you like skim because that's all Grandma buys," says Kendra.

"All versions do a body good," kids Manny nervously. "Ummm, I had crutches. They kind of bite, don't they?"

"When did you have crutches?" says Kendra skeptically.

"I tripped on the Degrassi stairs in grade seven," replies Manny.

"Oh...right," says Kendra. "Um, Manny, I've been meaning to ask you something."

Please don't let it have to do with you-know-how, thinks Manny.

"And it has to do with Toby," continues Kendra.

Why? She's too tired to deal with this.

"Yeah?" says Manny.

"I was going to call Anne Marie...and ask for a Disney internship next summer too," says Kendra. "There's no guarantees with Gleeson, not like I thought."

Kendra's interested in an internship, not Toby. Okay, good. In fact, Manny's unclear if Toby still wants the internship. If he took it, he'd be reminded everyday of the angst he had to go through to accept it. That's too bad. Toby would be an asset wherever he worked.

"If that's not cool with Toby, can you tell him to give me a call in a couple weeks?" asks Kendra.

"Umm, sure," says Manny, shrugging. "That's pretty mature of you, Kendra."

"Whatever," says Kendra. "I'm just keeping my options open."

Manny could see her side of things. There were so many opportunities presented to her this summer and she thought she'd die as each one was yanked away. She couldn't dare pass up another chance to boost her career. How many chances do you honestly get in life? Not many if you don't open yourself up to them. Being with Kendra in this kitchen gives Manny the chance to do something she's wanted to do as well.

"Before this mature moment passes," says Manny, light-heartedly. "I really want to apologize for pushing you that day."

"I kind of saw it coming," says Kendra.

Kendra and Manny smile at one another. Manny pours himself some milk as Kendra peels her orange. About to leave the kitchen, Manny stops and watches her peel.

"Good night, Kendra," says Manny.

"Night, Manny," returns Kendra, grinning at her.

That was something to stay up for, asserts Manny inwardly. She walks into the bedroom, viewing her suitcase, zipped and ready to go, minus her toothbrush and bath essentials which she'd put in after she used them tonight. J.J. wanted the ring selected by that weekend because Rosa's girlfriends were bugging Rosa about seeing the ring. That frustrated Rosa, which frustrated J.J. Manny told him to relax, that such a happy event shouldn't cause this much aggravation.

No, she'd say her situation is more aggravating. Of course, Officer Patton was called and he'd be accompanying Manny for the entire duration of her trip. She suspected it would go down like this, but hearing it from her parents hammered it home. This shouldn't be what you come home to. She'd grin and bear it, though. Perhaps she could poke Patton for some clues as to how the investigation is going. Her parents weren't spilling. J.J. wasn't spilling. Toby isn't spilling.

Manny sighs, sits on the floor, and flips open her scrapbook to the third page. She slid in the small slip in the pocket of the fourth page, when Emma went to take her medication.

Friends first, lovers last. Knock 'em dead, come home fast. Tobes.

Yep, she's coming home, with conditions. Still, the rest of the message is as wonderful as the day she first read it. Anybody, a friend, an acquaintance, a perfect stranger, could tell that he was anxiously awaiting for her to arrive in Toronto at the end of the summer. The end of the summer is basically here. By all appearances, they'd be waiting in the fall too, maybe even the winter, maybe even past that. Luckily, daydreams don't come with conditions. They go on and on, until you want them to stop.

The cameras stopped flashing, the music was winding down to lyrical whispers, and the cheese trays were empty in the party area. It was six full hours of fantasy for her. She witnessed her first film up on the screen, was at the center of the media circus, and everyone she was close to was proud of her. The person who was most proud of her was close to her all night. Toby was chatting with Jason Mewes, the buttons of Jason's vest undone, his jeans still smooth. He looked more like a moocher than a movie star but he had been kind to both of them the entire night. Toby was the exact opposite in appearance. He kept the tie Manny fooled with tied, immaculate, and he was as polished as when he first walked through the theatre doors.

Manny continued to look in her compact, checking to see that every hair was in place. You never knew who'd catch you offguard for a picture.

"Manny, Manny, Manny," said Jason, walking to her with Toby. "Something told me your boy was good people."

"That he is," said Manny.

She closed her compact and looped her arm through Toby's.

"But you didn't tell me you guys were video clerks!" cried Jason, beaming. "Loves me some clerks. You can watch slasher flicks while the rest of the working stiffs drive through rush hour, or offer any opinion on films ranging from Adventureland to Zanzibar. Have you seen Zanzibar? Dude, it's like whoa!"

"We'll watch it," promised Toby.

"You gotta!" said Jason. "We better shake a leg if we're gonna get there, Toby."

"Where?" said Manny, looking back and forth between them.

"There's one more thing we have to do tonight," mentioned Toby.

"I'm...lost," admitted Manny.

"Then, let me lead you to your final destination," said Jason jokingly.

Manny and Toby followed him, up the carpeted staircase, down the hall with gold panelling on the walls, in front of a solid, wooden door with brass handles. She had no clue what could be in there. The whole thing is strange. What, were they going to watch Zanzibar in there? It's getting pretty late.

"You've got five minutes," said Jason, dropping a silver key into Toby's palm.

Well, they couldn't watch a full-length movie in five minutes, thought Manny.

"Be kind, rewind," said Jason, saluting them. "Oh yeah, you should check out that film too! Be Kind Rewind, with Jack Black?"

He hopped down the first two stairs and was out of their view in less than ten seconds. Toby inserted the key into the door.

"Toby, actresses get arrested for less than this," said Manny, unable to hide her amusement.

"Jason's the one who flirted with the projectionist to get these," informed Toby. "I just stood idly by."

"I thought I was the only one he flirted with," said Manny, playfully pouting.

"Please be kidding," said Toby, wresting the door open.

The room before her was no joke. Grey film canisters lined the yellow brick walls like small, round towers. Two speakers were above the canisters, and to the right of a large square window that you could peep through to see the theatre itself. The screen was white and imageless. The machine, full of sly twists and turns, three wheels, and multiple buttons sat in the middle of a grey table. Manny beamed when she saw that the film was still on the loop.

"You said you wanted to hear it," recalled Toby.

"Turn it on!" encouraged Manny, pumping her fist as she said it. "Turn on!"

Toby took a few moments to find the power button, but he got it into gear. The little flickering of the film filled the room, with a soft creak when it ended. Manny sighed with pleasure.

"Perfect," breathed Manny.

"This is high-class stuff," complimented Toby, touching the movie projector. "Way more complicated than a computer."

"I'm sure you could figure it out if we had more than five minutes," assured Manny.

Manny walked by him and collapsed in a far less complicated invention.

"Swivel!" cried Manny, spinning the chair around a couple of times.

Toby chuckled and leaned against the table. Manny inched the chair closer to him and put her hands against his knees. Toby looked shyly to the left.

"We should break in here next year and watch your favorite movie," proposed Manny. "Which is?"

"The live-action Super Mario Brothers movie," kidded Toby, facing her.

"I'm serious," insisted Manny.

"So am I," said Toby, then eventually relenting. "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon."

"Whoa, Isaacs," says Manny, blushing a bit. "I'm impressed. That's a pretty beautiful movie. The way they filmed the..."

He interrupted her with a kiss, so deep she had to grab his pressed pants for support, or she'd fall off the swivel seat. Manny gazed up at him when they were through.

"You're beautiful," said Toby.

"Toby...," began Manny.

"So beautiful you made every scene you were in the best," continued Toby. "I really can't wait for the next one."

Neither could she. She didn't tell him that. Sometimes, when you're that early in the relationship, those things were hard to say offhand, so she said something she's said quite a few times already, each time with less trouble.

"I love you, Toby," said Manny.

Manny stood and kissed him, her feet firmly on the floor, her heart moving as speedily as the swirling film reel. Judging by the fact that she could feel Toby's heart through his chest, she kind of thought it was the same with him.

"Manny!" says a voice, a pair of snapping fingers flashing in her face.

Shaking herself, Manny rubs her eyes and glances over at Emma. Emma has her toothpaste and floss in her hands, but was clearly waiting for Manny to respond.

"Oh, I was daydreaming," admits Manny.

"That must've been an intense daydream," says Emma. "Picturing J.J.'s wedding?"

"Um," says Manny, her voice failing on her.

"Manny, I understand family commitments," says Emma, sitting on her bed. "You don't have to feel guilty about leaving. I mean, technically, you should be home by now."

Manny hangs her head and touches the carpet.

"But you do know I love you for staying this long, right?" insists Emma with a small smile.

"I love you...so...so it's not a problem," says Manny.

"Manny, come on, you're exhausted," notes Emma. "You could use the rest."

"Maybe," demurs Manny.

"So don't worry," says Emma. "If, and this is a big if, Jack asked me to help him with an engagement ring when we got older, I'd be there in a split second."

What if she isn't just going for an engagement ring, she asks herself. Snake's advice was good, but what happens when she puts it into practice? Who should she stand by and for how long? Emma's in a delicate position, Toby's in a delicate position, but so is she. Manny momentarily glances at Bubbe's ring and stands with her back towards Emma.

"I...um....um, I might check on Toby...while I'm there," says Manny, more cautiously than she intended.

"You were daydreaming about him, weren't you?" asks Emma.

Emma's voice went several decibels lower, Manny slowly turning to her. The amount of time it took to turn is enough time for tears to form.

"Em, I feel so torn," chokes out Manny. "With you and him. Please don't judge me...because I keep judging myself, and I can't take it anymore."

Manny covers her face, beginning to cry. She hears something drop, imagining it's Emma falling onto her bed, upset with her once more. But it's not. A tube of toothpaste rolls to the top of her toes. Two arms wrap around her.

"Aww, Manny," says Emma, putting her ear next to Manny's.

Wiping her eyes, Manny separates from her.

"I've been torn between people I love, too," says Emma. "You know that. You should've told me."

"We've had a busy week," offers Manny.

"We could've made time to talk, anyway," assures Emma. "I shouldn't have put that stress on you, and you're more fun to talk to than DePauw."

Manny reluctantly laughs.

"It's only for a day and a half," reminds Manny.

"Make it a really long day and a half, then," says Emma. "Come on. You have to wake up early tomorrow."

VII.

The pink and blue electric waves follow his thumb as he moves it across the orb. Paper flutters as his elbow shifts. Then, the plasma ball sits there placidly like his stapler, his computer graphics book, and his multi-colored index cards. That's one thing he can say. His desk is a lot more colorful this term. Toby sighs and looks at the calendar taped to the right wall of his cubicle.

Deep down, he knew not to wish so hard. A lot of things were going on, he assumes, with Emma. Maybe Miss Dale had booked her more auditions than he knew about. Then, there's the third possibility, which neither of them could forget. The closest reminder of the third possibility comes in with a scone and a cup of black coffee. Toby says a small "hey" as Officer Wheaton smiles at the scone before tearing it in half with his teeth. Manny would be better protected in another country. That's the plain truth.

"Excuse me, sir," says a friendly voice from the door of his cubicle.

"Hi...hi, Armand," says Toby, trying not to appear too startled.

A lanky seventeen-year old, with a dress suit on, hangs in the doorway. He looks like a tanned J.T. with his shaggy brown hair, and he speaks with a slight French accent. Armand was always smiling since Toby met him and the four other interns two hours ago. Always. He was always talking too.

"Oh, sir, that's...that's not right," sighs Armand. "I should call you Toby. That's what it said in my job etiquette book. You call your peers by their first names. Or are you my superior since you've been here longer? Hmmm, what'd you think?"

"Toby's fine," replies Toby.

"Cool, a plasma ball!" cries Armand. "Where'd you get such a nice ball? Gizmo N' Things? They have nice balls."

Toby sighs and stares at the swirling colors under the glass.

"It was a gift," says Toby.

"When's your birthday?" asks Armand. "Mine's in April. I can't wait until I'm eighteen. Can you?"

"July," says Toby. "Um, listen, I have to prep myself for the session so....."

"No, I'm making a bad first impression," groans Armand. "That was not my intention. Or is this a second impression?"

"I'd say second," offers Toby.

"Alright, good," says Armand. "And like, can you tell this is my first internship?"

Oh boy, could he ever, thinks Toby.

"You're doing a really good job so far," says Toby.

"Niiiiice," says Armand, walking away with a giant grin.

Toby releases a labored breath and starts to collect his index cards. He'd gotten the idea from her, really. Whenever Manny had to make a Miss Degrassi speech, she pulled out the old index cards and got to writing. It's not like she'd be there rooting him on like she was in the spring on his first day here, though. Toby grabs his briefcase and starts out of the cubicle. Too bad he's blocked.

"How are you feeling?" asks Calvin, then sipping his latte.

His two bosses were very cheerful today, more cheerful than Armand, which was creepy for Calvin and Kym. They were a serious team and a serious couple. Calvin wore a black tie everyday and Kym's hair was forever tucked into a conservative blonde bun.

"Nervous," admits Toby. "But this will be good, to get the experience."

"That is just what I was saying to Calvin," says Kym, awkwardly tapping Toby's shoulder.

"Don't be nervous," says Calvin. "You're incredibly talented, Toby. As I was saying to Kym."

"Um, okay," says Toby, eyeing both of them.

"So is Manny coming?" asks Kym hopefully.

Toby drops his eyes, shuffles his briefcase.

"Oh, no Manny?" says Kym with a sigh.

"Kym, we said we weren't going to ask...," starts Calvin.

"You were wondering too," whispers Kym.

"It's...it's okay," speaks up Toby. "We can't be late so....."

Toby and Officer Wheaton walk to the conference room, Calvin and Kym silently in tow. Ugh, this is what he wanted on his mind as he made his presentation. He can't hate them for it. Calvin and Kym were at the program where Manny magically showed, and they were at the mural where Manny graced them with her presence. Then, it's Kytel itself, where Manny reminders abound. That's sort of why he plugged in the plasma ball in the first place, which is kind of wonderful in a sad sort of way.

A large white, dry-erase board contains nothing. Toby had already decided to write four words up there max. He wanted the interns to focus on him and share in his enthusiasm rather than stare blankly at the board. That's what he noticed last year when Calvin lead the session-- five pairs of glazed over eyes, with Toby being the odd man paying attention.

Toby sets his briefcase near a chair, writes Time Management, Skills, and Passion on the wall as Calvin, Kym, and Officer Wheaton settle into their seats. He'd practiced his speech using those three bullet points and cut it down to twenty minutes. This would really aid him with the Council speeches in the coming months. But he had friends on the Council who wouldn't be as tough an audience. No, don't psyche yourself out, he tells himself. At least Armand would probably like it.

The interns funnel in, a collection of three girls, a boy who's taller than Toby, and Armand, who sits up front and makes a big scene of crossing his legs. He notices Calvin crossing his legs differently and corrects himself. Toby can't picture buying a book that focused on how to cross your legs.

"Ahem," says Toby, clearing his throat.

As it turned out, there really was no need. The interns are as quiet as the kids in his synagogue when their parents reprimanded them.

"Good morning," says Toby.

Nobody says "good morning" in response, not even Armand, who looked ready to say it, then chickened out.

"My name's Toby Isaacs," begins Toby. "Welcome to Kytel. You've been given the chance to work with one of the most successful graphic design and animation companies in North America."

Toby notices Calvin and Kym smiling proudly, and everyone else staring at him with no expressions on their faces.

"Okay, time management is one tool you will need for the eight weeks of your internship," says Toby. "You...."

"Wasn't there a PowerPoint presentation last year?" speaks up a female intern in a sleek, short black dress.

That was certainly not related to time management. No, it sounded fairly snotty.

"Uh-huh," says Toby.

"Just wondering," says the girl, checking her watch.

"Raina, I'd advise you to listen," says Kym, frowning at her. "Go ahead, Toby."

"Once you get time management under control, you're sure to have a productive day," says Toby, avoiding looking at Raina. "It would be best to ask your supervisor how they'd like you to start the day. For various tasks, you will have to login using your provided username and password. These passwords are..."

"Lame," murmurs Raina to another intern.

They giggle, earning angry looks from both Calvin and Kym. Toby's angry too, at himself. Why didn't he think to do a PowerPoint presentation? He loved those. He just thought being without it would add a personal touch. Toby nervously flips the index cards, a couple spilling to the floor. More giggles reach his ears, and the parting of the door. Great, more interns to be embarrassed in front of. Toby rises and looks at the new additions to the group.

Toby grips the cards tight when he sees her in the back, Manny touching the top of each empty chair as she walks along the row, finally taking a seat at the end. Wearing a yellow summer dress and a white blazer, she smiles, her smile almost as glowing as her eyes fixated solely on him. Officer Patton stands by her chair and waves at Officer Wheaton on the other side of the room.

"These passwords are.....ummm...," blanks Toby.

"Passwords are?" says Raina, sighing in annoyance.

"Kytel passwords are case-sensitive," says Manny from her seat. "Because Kytel is well-known for respecting the privacy of their workers, no matter how long they've been there. That's what Toby explained to me once."

The other interns look to Toby for confirmation.

"Yeah," says Toby. "I mean, it's worded differently on the card, but..."

Everyone laughs, including Raina, who shrugs and waits for Toby to continue. Toby beams at Manny for the length of a breath, though he's well aware he has to charge ahead. He's not sure what miracle brought her here, but he's infinitely glad that it did.

VIII.

The conference room is clearing out. Most of the interns, except for Raina, did come over to thank him personally. The question and answer session after his presentation really woke them up. They were excited about the new programs Kytel was implementing and the personal projects Toby would be working on for the rest of the year. Still, there was only one person Toby was excited to meet with after it was all said and done. But she was gone.

Toby instinctively went to his cubicle to find her. That's where they usually met when she came to Kytel. Nope, not there. How could she just show up and leave? Was she dreaming? No, because the other people in the room had to have heard her.

Perhaps it's better that she left. He wouldn't have to tell her about the house and the journal. Man, he still didn't know what to do with that information. But if she did stay, he'd get to see her and the joy would beat every other emotion by a long shot.

"Slow down or you'll trip," advises Officer Wheaton.

"Huh?" says Toby. "Oh."

He's pacing the floor, waiting, hoping.

"You saw her, right?" says Toby.

"That I did," says Officer Wheaton. "Maybe she went to the ladies' room."

"Or maybe she's here," says a third voice. "Burning off carbs, Tobes?"

Toby halts, grins at her as she stands in the cubicle doorway. Better her than Armand.

"I'll step out for a bit," says Officer Wheaton.

He leaves the cubicle, whistling. Manny walks right up to Toby.

"You've come a long way from the Isaacs system," says Manny.

"They did perk up when I mentioned the software I was slaving over," says Toby. "But the Isaacs system never fails. J.T. and Terri will be getting engaged any day now."

Manny grins. "Yeah, they're meant to be."

Touching her face, Toby lets his thumb cross her cheek. It is significantly softer than the plasma ball and more tender than he thought it'd be. Manny's cheeks flush pink.

"I thought you were a dream," says Toby.

"Toby, you're so sappy," sighs Manny.

"You're not?" counters Toby.

Manny lowers his hand and answers with a hug. Toby lets his nose fall to her shoulder, his eyeglasses sliding along his nose.

"Yeah, I am," whispers Manny.

She lets him go, wiping a tear away, smiling at the same time.

"Are you stoked I'm here?" asks Manny.

"Totally stoked," says Toby, laughing.

"Can I ask you something else?" says Manny.

"Anything," replies Toby.

"Would you like to have lunch with me?" says Manny softly.

"I would love to have lunch with you," answers Toby.

"Let's fix your glasses," says Manny, righting them for him.

After that, she takes his hand and they leave the cubicle. Copiers spew out copies. Printers beep and sputter. Officer Patton's shoes squeak after them. But it's not as if Toby hears the last sound. It might as well be just an ordinary work day with the best visitor he could've asked for.