Been a long, long time since a last update. But I did say I'm slow in updates right? If you want my reasons, I think I mentioned them briefly in the recent chapter of my Gokusen fic.

And no (in case you wonder), I am not promoting my Gokusen story by mentioning it. My flimsy excuses on late updates are cited there. So there. (Grinning. I'm sleepy. Huh, where did that come from?)

Thanks to those who've constantly read through this story. I hope I don't end up disappointing you guys. I'll try, for the sake of practicing my writing and to please my readers. Heehee. So here's the latest chapter! Hope you like it!

Sidenote: I absolutely hate all the "helping" fnet is doing. Grr.

V. Change

I didn't want it

But it came.

And now I'm swept into the

Uncertainties of fate.

I twist, I fumble

Now,

I look back and wonder:

Will you ever come back?

The forest he entered had towering trees, enough to block the sunlight. It gave the area an almost cold feel but he tried to enjoy it, knowing he would revel in it more if he had his best friend with him. It has been a full day and a few hours since his encounter with Killua and he felt sure that he already covered a great distance. He knew it should reassure him, but he felt too tired and depressed to rejoice. He missed Killua too much. It simply took all of his energy just to run away from him. It was as though a burst of adrenaline just sent him pumping away and before he knew it, Killua’s aura was no longer there. He hadn’t even had one proper glimpse at him, hadn’t even managed to check how he was doing. For sure, he knew Killua was confused by his actions but Gon knew he already had some idea over his reasons, especially since he had unintentionally mentioned some things to Kurapica and Leorio. He knew all three of them—especially Killua—are angry at his escape. The young boy smiled sadly to himself; he would have been angry at himself, too.

Gon halted his steps abruptly and squinted. For some time now, the ground had been elevated, as though the woods were rising into a hill. A mist seemed to gather as he gained altitude, which is also normal. What is not normal is that the animal sounds have stopped. Closing his eyes, he scanned the area with his nen and was alarmed at the absence of animals in a hundred meter circumference. Someone else was there, he was sure. For a moment, he thought his friends had somehow managed to find him. Directing his nen to enhance his already heightened sense of smell and sound, he breathed and listened—and flinched as he detected that familiar aura. It certainly didn’t belong to Killua or the others—that hint of a sick, pinkish aura was one of the last things that he wanted to encounter. Sighing, he frowned and said,

“I know you’re there.”

There was a high chuckle—almost a giggle—and the son of Ging shuddered involuntarily. From the hazy mix of white and grey smoke emerged a blue-haired man, donning a squeaky leather joker suit, sharp blue-red combination. His pupils were hardly visible through his slanted eyes but even without looking, he already knew it was gleaming with barely-contained glee.

“To have noticed me even without announcing my arrival—you’ve certainly grown a lot,” said Hisoka, cocking his head from side to side, almost pouting.

Gon didn’t know how to answer this but he smiled sincerely and returned the other’s look unblinkingly. “I have, I think.”

“And you didn’t even inform me?”

This time, the boy grinned. “I still have a lot more to learn anyways.” Though he wasn’t comfortable seeing Hisoka, he was certainly a familiar face, someone acquainted with the world he seemed to be escaping from. A world he wanted to belong to with Killua.

Hisoka shrugged and grinned, almost magnifying the size of the painted star and teardrop under his eyes. “Don’t be too modest. We’re almost on a same plane now, and frankly, I’m eager to try it out.”

The suggestive lilt in his tone alarmed Gon. “Did Illumi send you?”

“Eh?” gestured the Joker with mocking tones which was all lost on Gon. “Why ever would dear Illumi-kun send me to you?”

“Oh.” Gon felt himself sighing in relief. He really was in no mood or shape to fight right now. For some reason, though all he had done was run and hike without stopping, he felt seriously drained. Not knowing what else to say, he asked. “So, what are you doing in these parts?”

“Nothing in particular,” said the other nonchalantly and started walking towards Gon again. “Well then, I’ll see you again when you’re in better shape.”

Gon’s eyes widened. “Did you come to check on me?”

“Probably. I really wanted to fight you but,” he paused just in front of Gon and touched the boy’s chin. “I changed my mind.”

Noticing the confusion in his wide, brown eyes, Hisoka murmured lacily, “Who wouldn’t want a…taste of you? Delicious, ripe fruit. So tempting. I can imagine. So, delicious,” he licked his own mouth hungrily and Gon was too frozen to look away, not to mention he was too freaked out and confused to interrupt. Regaining his senses, he violently pulled away.

“Hisoka! What do you want?”

He didn’t answer him. Instead, the Joker sighed. “Such a beautiful fruit.”

Walking off to another direction, Hisoka disappeared into the canopy of trees leaving only a whisper of inaudible words ringing into Gon’s sensitive ears. “Pity you’re infested.”

Leorio rubbed his hair in frustration. “Look here, kid. I know you’re pissed and all but you should at least talk to me.”

The only remaining survivor of Kuruta came in the room just as Leorio spoke, bearing a tray of sandwiches and hot chocolate, and immediately knew that things had not improved. The moment Killua had woken up, he screamed for Gon. After calming him down, he was told what happened; the boy refused to speak a word since then. Kurapica sighed. From the looks of it, he blamed them for stopping him from catching Gon. The Zaoldyeck refused to spare the doctor even a glance and ignored the tray that was set beside him.

“You must replenish your lost energy as soon as possible, Killua,” said Kurapica in the most matter-of-fact voice. “We will be unable to help you find Gon if you yourself are in such a weakened state.”

The mention of the name got the pale teen’s attention. After a few minutes, he reached out for a sandwich, took a bite and, as though suddenly hit by hunger pangs, started shoving the sandwiches into his mouth.

“Ehh…I can’t believe you have the strength to eat like that—and after I used my special move on you,” said Leorio, shaking his head in disbelief. Killua’s hand stopped midway towards his mouth and the blonde gave the tall man a pointed stare, with which he replied with a shrug as though to mean, what did I say?

After a few minutes, Killua shrugged, too, and said, “I’m just too strong for you, old man. And that move wasn’t really too special—you just took a berserk animal by surprise.”

Though Leorio was relieved that the younger one had finally spoken, the comment was too much to just let by. “Tch. The proud always excuse themselves that way.”

Killua shrugged, a smug expression on his face. “And the weak always think they’re too strong for their own good.”

“Now, now,” interrupted Kurapica, daring Leorio to interrupt with his acrid stare. “It’s nice to see that both of you are in excellent condition to argue. But you should concentrate on recovering your energy, Killua.”

Another nonchalant shrug. “I’m just peachy so no worries.”

The room was silent once again. Kurapica brooded on the young Zaoldyeck through half-lidded eyes. He had expected him to lash at them angrily for hindering his chase. But there was nothing reproachful in this silence, nothing vengeful. Killua’s face actually seemed more sad and thoughtful than anything else.

Shifting towards the wall, the teen slowed his eating and murmured almost inaudibly. “I’m sorry.”

The two adults stared at Killua; with his back turned to them, they could only see the strong back and the fluffy and unruly hair tied into a short messy pony.

“I thought I’d be just cool if I saw Gon again. I wanted to see him very much. I thought I only missed him. I didn’t realize that I was so angry at him for going like that,” he chucked bitterly. “I ignored the old man’s warning. I thought I wouldn’t lose it. And I did.”

“Who’s the old—” but Kurapica silenced Leorio again; Killua was obviously not finished yet.

Luckily, Killua didn’t seem to hear the interruption. Shaking uncontrollably, he buried his nails into his palms until they bled and ploughed on, unused to confiding any of his thoughts to anyone other than Gon. “There have been problems with my family but we agreed to stick together. He told me we’d hold on. One day, he was just gone.”

Nothing but a stupid little nen-note. And he told me we’d always stay together. He said he’d never leave me. Gon, you bastard.

He fisted his bangs, red staining the fiery white bundles. As much as he wanted to thrash everything in reach, to destroy, he couldn’t—not without staining the conscience that Gon shared and taught him these four years. He had come so close to doing that; he couldn’t afford to lose control again. As it was, the tears refused to come to him.

Kurapica’s normally calculating eyes softened; he knew exactly how the other felt—to lose those which mattered so much to them. No words could thaw that numbing pain.

Suddenly, Leorio stood up, approached the bed and, without warning, punched Killua.

In a more comedic situation, he might have flapped his arms in the most uncharacteristic of manners. As it was, the blacklist hunter was too surprised to even gasp. Finally, Kuparica managed to sputter, “Leorio! What in heaven’s name—”

“Eh?” the fist remained intact, rubbing deeper into the white head. Leorio grinned as though it was the most natural thing in the world. When the lad refused to respond, the doctor instantly grew serious. “What have you become? A fucking vegetable?”

That comment brought him to life; he swiped a clawed arm at the one holding him down. Leorio evaded him smoothly and looked down at him through his sunglasses. “Fuck off, geezer.”

“Fuck yourself off, brat,” and with a pause, added. “I forgot. You’re pro’ly too weak to do even that.”

Eyes flashed. In a second, the Zaoldyeck was on the doctor. In a minute, they were outside the apartment, fighting it out amongst the dirt and dust. Kurapica sighed and shook his head. Often, Leorio’s ways were too crude. But he understood the other’s motive behind this. It hurts to see the fiery youth so degenerated. And the one reason for it was…

“Gon.” Kurapica shook his head forlornly. “I hope you really know what you are doing.”

"What am I doing?"

It was a stray thought which was soon drowned by the need to survive. Gon collapsed against a bark wall. The cave that he found was inside a gigantic tree. He could sense its age and the formidable strength it used to face all seasons and weathers. From it, he took refuge and prayed that he had the same strength. A long time ago, that was all he aimed for: strength. It was all a game to see who was the strongest, who will survive. But as he traveled and grew older, he realized that he valued something deeper than that—a need for strength to do what is right and to protect what needs be protected.

Something wet nudged at his fingers. Looking down, he saw a brown squirrel. It squeaked at him once and dropped an almond it had been holding to his open hand.

“Thank you, little friend,” murmured Gon. His bond with animals had grown better, too, over the years that most animals think of him as one of them. He grinned to himself as he munched the nut gratefully. Perhaps he was an animal at heart. Gulping once, the youth stretched and lay down amongst the grass while the squirrel snuggled close to him.

It was near midnight when Gon woke up. The squirrel was already gone but he left a pile of almonds beside him. Famished, he ate some of it hungrily and placed two pieces into a hole on the bark as an offering to the generous tree that sheltered him. Sitting at the entrance, he looked up at the half moon, slightly obscured by the tiny wisps of clouds. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and remembered…

It was a night like this, two year ago, when things started changing between them as friends.

They lay side by side on the bed, talking about the day’s events, which then ended up in a significant amount of horse-playing and mischief. Gon tickled Killua savagely, inciting stifled laughter as he tried to pull free. It was so sudden—just a brief moment of contact—when Gon’s hand brushed with Killua’s groin…and it happened.

Eyes wide, Gon fell back on the bed. Both of them lay supinely, eyes straight on the whitewashed ceiling, shoulders touching. Gon didn’t know really understand why he was so surprised—it was normal for boys to get an erection after all. Killua, truth be told, always came and went whenever he watched X-rated movies and was actually quite vocal and proud about that. Even he—but that was another story.

The fact was, the room seemed to loom and the nearness of their bodies, both clad only in loose boxers, was a shock. A strange feel of anticipation and thrill seemed to race through his body.

“Gon?”

“Mm?” said Gon, torn from his strange thoughts.

“Sorry.”

“What for?”

“For—well, because…crap! Forget I said anything.”

Gon could feel the heat from Killua’s turned head. “Killua?”

“Yeah?”

With a deep breath, Gon made Killua look at him and said, with all his honest heart. “I love you, Killua, and you’re my best friend in the whole wide world forever.”

Killua blush, illuminated by the moonlight, went a shade deeper. Chuckling softly, he murmured. “You’re so corny, you know that.” Impulsively, he stroked the long spikes of black and finally whispered decidedly. “I—love you, too, Gon. But I don’t know if I still want to stay as just best friends.”

It was then that Gon made his decision. Rolling sideways until his face was buried in Killua’s strong shoulder, he gingerly placed his arm over his chest. He felt his friend’s tense surprise as something hard rubbed against his lower hip. “Gon…”

“You’re not alone,” came the quiet reply. With a shift of positions, Killua’s mouth was on him.

Things changed between them that night, they hoped, for the better.

Everything changes. Gon shook his head and sighed. Seriously, he seemed to be sighing a lot recently. "I wasn't hoping for this type of change, Killua. I hope you do understand, somehow." With that thought, he lay his head again on the makeshift bed of twigs and leaves and fell once again into an uneasy sleep.

“You both didn’t have to push it so much,” scolded Kurapica as he tended to the two’s injuries.

“You sound like a mother hen,” chuckled Leorio. “OUCH! Weren’t you supposed to be healing me, not adding to my list of hurts?”

“That’s for the unnecessary pertness, old man.” The blonde was satisfied at the glowering expression Leorio gave him. Irately, he rudely pointed at the pale haired boy just opposite them.

“I’ve had enough from our kiddo here and I’m not putting up with the same shit from you, blondie.”

Kurapica shrugged and turned to Killua. “I’m actually glad you managed to hold back, Killua. Else I’d have to find a way to put this pitiful excuse-of-a-man piece by piece. (Leorio waved his hands in protest and was silenced by another pinch) Of course, you’d be obliged to help me if it came to that end,” there suddenly a steely and dangerous note in his last words. “Fortunately, it all came out well, right?”

Even a hard core killer would feel uneasy under the blacklist hunter’s stare. For sure, Killua shifted uneasily in his seat and wondered why Leorio didn’t seem to notice any tension. “Yeah...um, good for us. Haha.” Grinning at Leorio to change the topic, he added. “Glad to see you toughened up, old geezer.”

The doctor winked. “Glad to see you hadn’t lost your touch. I’d say it’s quits.”

“Quits my ass. I was winning. If it wasn’t for Kurapica halting the fight you would’ve been—” he meant to finish with smithereens when he suddenly paused to fight a shudder at the cold, cold look the blond guy was sending him. “I mean, it would’ve been bad for both of us.”

“I’m glad you’re better now, too,” said Kurapica, shifting to a more serious tone.

Killua looked down. In the fight, he lost all the tension and most of the anger he had been bidding. And it was a long time since he had a neat fight. “It will be a long time before I do become better.”

Leorio’s hand rested on his shoulder and for the first time in a very long time, he felt at home. “We’ll be with you, buddy. Let’s find that lil punk so you can beat the sense into him—and maybe I could add a punch or too.”

“I may be forced to join in if you don’t wear him out too much.” Smiled Kurapica.

Yes, realized Killua with a nod and a little smile. I forgot. I still have these friends. Friends.

“Yeah! We’ll be unstoppable!” Stretching briefly, he looked up at the starlit sky, wondering how his best friend was doing. We’ll be coming for you, Gon. Wait for us.

Whipping back at them with a toothy grin, Killua said, “But first, let’s go eat! Fighting makes me hungry!”

I know some stuff are still vague...but the plot is trickling out slowly. Hehe. That's all. ,

Tell me what you think? Please review! Thanks!