A/N: Written at like 6 in the morning when I was awoken by hunger... and it's sort of a weird format, I apologize. This is humour... or my sad attempt to be funny. Thanks to omaetoy for the beta! lol and for having the cutest dogs ever... (evar).

"What? Grissom and Sara? Well... I-don't get me wrong, those two practically have their own geeky language. I mean I wouldn't put it past them to communicate through brainwaves, but together?" He scoffed. "Don't you think I would have noticed that?" He asked, tapping his badge.

"HahAHahHAhahAHA, you're kidding me right? HaaahahAHAHhaahHAha. Those two... that's so absurd, that's like lighting fireworks inside your house, unless we're stuck in a time vortex... we would have found out by now..." She continued to chuckle, wiping the tears leaking from the corners of her eyes.

"I- I- don't think so, I think Grissom loves all of us, we're a team, we're a family... I mean have you seen our solve rates? I mean c'mon even if it is those circumstances, you really think Grissom would blurt it out for just anybody to hear? No, no, no... whoever overheard misinterpreted that's all, I mean I would've done the same..."

"Those two? Nah, they're both too stubborn for their own good I think - don't you? If they were together I doubt it would affect their work... I've known Grissom for a long time, it would take a lot to overthrow his dedication - no... uh, his everything has always been his work, it would take a lot to change that... Sara's kind of the same way..."

"You're kidding me right? Grissom... and... Sara. Ew. Grissom's old enough to be my father... I think, and Sara... Sara is way too pretty to settle for someone like Grissom, she'd be far better suited with someone like me, who appreciates her. Who would treat her like a princess... like... what?

They'd be like cesium and water - KABOOM!"

"You know I'm pretty sure, no offense to you of course but, you're not my boss, nor my immediate supervisor... well you'd be far better off asking David, somehow he hears everything that goes on in this lab, how I'll never know, but... As far as you're concerned, I'm pretty sure - even if this were true - that there is no governing fraternization policy, and those things fail across the board, they - alright, well... you dragged me up here..."

"I'm not quite comfortable discussing this sir, I think private life is private unless willfully revealed by the parties involved... It's not my fault, I-I don't seek these things out, I get told these things because people assume I won't say anything. Bu- it's considered gossip and I strongly believe that gossip destroys - okay! I haven't heard anything, sheesh."

"I don't know, I think I saw them making eyes at each other across a layout table, but I... it's hard to say, I mean I think Sara has a thing for me, I don't think she's quite my type though, Wendy's more... Oh by the way... I heard the Sheriff has been really impressed with the way you've been running the lab... I don't know - you know Grissom and I are on the same level, I mean, not everybody gets our geniusness. Sara is smart, but I don't think she's smart enough for him... or me..."

They sat there and stared at each other, one not responding to the other's taunts and threats until finally, after almost an hour, one was dismissed so the other could sulk.

"I'm not going through this again," she stood, not intimidated, "you know I talked to the Sheriff and the Under-Sheriff and, even though they were reluctant to admit it, they both like Grissom better than they like you." With that she left, leaving the man to sputter and seethe in her wake.

He intended to follow them after shift, skulking in the shadows of the parking lot until the newly installed security guards threatened to arrest him. They got into separate vehicles without so much as a backward glance after exchanging polite goodbyes. Their cars exited the parking lot going opposite directions and didn't pull any U-turns to chase after the other one home - for as long as he looked on.

His phone rang, snapping it open he muttered an "Ecklie."

"Conrad... I think we need to discuss your management skills and priorities..."

Ze END.

A/N: In case you didn't get the order, it goes: Brass, Catherine, Nick, Warrick, Greg, Doc Robbins, David (SuperDave), Hodges, Grissom, Sara, Ecklie/Sheriff.