Title: Holding On To Hope

Summary: Nathan and Haley, along with her young son have become a family. But they’re soon faced with a heart-wrenching decision that could put one of their lives at risk. Will they survive through this desperate time or will they be torn apart?

Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters.

Chapter 1 - A Beautiful Beginning

“Haley? JJ?”

Nathan closed the screen door and smiled at the homely setting of the kitchen before him. The table was set for three and Haley had placed a small vase with wildflowers picked from the reserve across the road. It was the little touches like that; the ones that were unmistakably Haley which made her house a home. Their neighbouring houses on the pretty, tree lined street were almost identical in layout, both older style California bungalows, but the warmth that she managed to create in each room was something he had not been able to master in his own home.

“Nathan!”

He turned at the sound of Josh’s excited voice to find the boy racing towards him from the adjoining living area.

“Hey buddy. How was school?” The last word was followed by an ‘oomph’ as the little boy barreled into him, wrapping his arms around Nathan’s waist and hugging tightly. He ruffled the child’s hair, before squatting down so that they were on the same level.

“It was so awesome. We played basketball in gym class today and I played really good. They made me captain and everything!”

The sparkle in the boy’s excited brown eyes made Nathan’s heart skip a beat. At that moment Nathan knew the feeling of pride a father experienced when his child accomplished something. For the past year since he’d moved back to Tree Hill and next door to Haley and Josh James, Nathan had been helping JJ improve his game. The boy was a natural, and Nathan being an avid basketball fan found he cherished the time they spent together in the backyard or at the River court just shooting hoops and clowning around. He’d never thought much about having children in the past. In truth he’d never really wanted them, but since bonding with the 8 year old boy he’d he’d grown to love, he couldn’t imagine life without him… or his mother.

“You’ve created a monster.” The soft words spoken in jest brought a smile to Nathan’s face. It had only been around 10 hours since he’d seen her, but it was quickly becoming the norm for him to miss her as soon as they were apart. He knew he’d fallen for this woman; that she felt the same way and instead of scaring him as it may have done a few years ago, he embraced the feeling; reveled in it. Nathan Scott was in love for the first time and it felt like heaven.

JJ released his grip on Nathan and ran into the other room to continue watching cartoons. Haley smiled widely as her son scooted past her, still caught up in the excitement of the day. She couldn’t remember a time when JJ had been happier or more proud of himself… and she knew it was all because of Nathan. He’d built up her son’s self-esteem and the usually quiet boy was gradually becoming more confident.

“It’s like he’s absorbed your ego through osmosis!”

Nathan smirked before taking hold of her wrist and pulling her body flush against his. “I missed you today.” His words were murmured against her lips before he kissed her deeply; showing her just how much he really had missed her.

Haley sighed with pleasure, her arms instinctively moving to wrap around his neck, fingers gliding through his hair as she parted her lips, eagerly accepting Nathan’s request to deepen the kiss. It had never been like this for her before. She knew she was relatively inexperienced in relationships, only ever having one lover previous to Nathan; her ex-husband, but she also knew that the chemistry that sizzled between her and this dark haired Adonis was palpable.

“Eewww. Yuck!” The indignant exclamation shattered the moment and both adults turned to see the eight year olds look of disgust. His brow creased as he wrinkled his nose and Haley couldn’t help but laugh at the comical expression.

“Be careful. The wind might change.”

“I’d rather be ugly than watch you guys play kissy face every night.”

This time it was Nathan’s turn to chuckle. JJ’s antics always amused him, especially like now when he knew it was all talk. The young boy was definitely pleased that Nathan and his mother were dating and had even told him so during one of their basketball bonding sessions at the River court.

JJ who had just finished his soccer-style victory lap of the River court after winning a game of one-on-one against Nathan ran over to the bench seat to collect his belongings.

“Are we still going to the zoo tomorrow?” The young boy’s warm brown eyes were full of excited anticipation as well as a hint of fear that Nathan would break his promise.

“We sure are buddy. Your mom is going to pack a picnic lunch for all of us and we’re going to have an awesome time.” Nathan pulled JJ into a one armed hug, before messing his hair and then laughing at the playful glare he received.

“How is your mom today?” He’d only started dating Haley two months earlier and although they saw each other every day, he hadn’t had a chance to speak to her for more than a few minutes the day before because she had been so busy with work. She taught Music and English at the local Junior High School and like with everything else she committed herself to, Haley gave one hundred percent to her job. Nathan only wished that he’d had a teacher so involved and eager to help when he was still in school.

JJ sighed dramatically. “She’s a real grouch today! She got mad because I forgot to clean my room before we came here.”

“I’m sure she didn’t mean to get mad. She’s just been really busy and is probably tired. Plus… you’re the man of the house. You can clean up your room without your mom having to remind you.” After the words escaped his mouth, Nathan worried he’d stepped over a line. He’d never had cause to lecture JJ or discipline him in any way, so he hoped that the boy would listen to his advice without getting defensive. Never having spent time with children before, Nathan often found himself floundering like a fish out of water when a new situation arose.

JJ considered Nathan’s words and nodded his head in agreement, even puffing his chest out a little at the thought of being ‘the man of the house’. “Will you help me cook a special dinner for mom? She’s doing work stuff again today so she will be really tired, but I’m not allowed to cook anything hot… only sandwiches.”

Nathan smiled and agreed to help out; happy for the chance to sit down to a meal with Haley and JJ. He understood how much pressure Haley was under at the moment. He had seen his colleagues stressing over the last week marking papers and was thankful that he was just the basketball coach at Tree Hill High, rather than an academic teacher.

As they were pulling on their sweaters getting prepared to leave the River court, JJ turned to Nathan with a serious expression on his face. “I’m glad you’re dating my mom. She smiles and laughs a lot when you’re around.”

“I’m glad you approve JJ.” Nathan returned with a smirk, thinking it was adorable how protective the boy was of his mother.

“My Dad left when I was only really little and mom’s never had a boyfriend until you. I’m glad she waited for you.”

It was heart-breaking how JJ talked of his absentee father so nonchalantly. Nathan knew only too well what it was like to grow up knowing his father had abandoned him. No child deserved to be deserted by their parents, but knowing how wonderful JJ was, Nathan couldn’t understand how Mitchell Johnson had ever walked away, never once looking back. Who could leave such a wonderful little boy… and such an amazing woman?

Even now, months later, the thought still infuriated him. Although he couldn’t help but accept that if JJ’s father hadn’t left his family, then Haley and her son would never have moved to Tree Hill six years earlier and he may never have met them at all. The thought flooded him with a sad emptiness Nathan had never experienced before. Quickly, he pushed such thoughts to the back of his mind; they were far too depressing.

He was soon brought out of his reverie by Haley’s soft laughter. “Where on earth do you pick up these phrases JJ?”

“School. It’s what everyone says mom.” The exasperation in his voice caused another giggle from Haley. Her son was growing up so quickly. She couldn’t believe he was already getting to the age where she was becoming uncool. What happened to the days when he had hung on her every word?

“Are you staying over tonight Nathan?” The enthusiasm in JJ’s voice made Nathan smile.

“I don’t know buddy. I mean, if you really don’t want us to ‘play kissy face’ anymore, maybe I should just stay at my house from now on.”

It was difficult keeping a schooled expression, especially when panic flittered across the young boy’s face. “No! You can kiss my mom whenever you want to Nathan. I promise.”

He pretended to mull it over for a few seconds, exchanging knowing glances with Haley who was playing along perfectly. “Are you sure? This is your house buddy and I don’t want to put you out.”

“Yep, I promise I won’t make yuck noises when you kiss anymore. I love it when you stay Nathan. It’s always better when you’re here. Plus mom smiles lots more.”

Haley’s heart warmed hearing her son talk about how happy Nathan made her and she knew he was great for JJ. “I guess that’s settled then. You’re staying over tonight.” She pecked Nathan’s lips, making sure to make loud kissing sounds for JJ’s benefit before walking off to finish getting dinner prepared.

JJ rushed over to Nathan and crooked his finger in request for Nathan to squat down in front of him, which he did so willingly.

In a hushed voice to ensure his mother didn‘t overhear their conversation JJ told Nathan sombrely “I didn’t really mean it Nathan. I don’t mind if you kiss my mom.”

Nathan pulled the boy into a hug. “I know buddy. I was just joking about not staying over. You know I love being here with you and your mom.”

JJ hugged him tighter. “I love you, Nathan.”

Nathan’s breath caught at the words. It was the first time JJ had ever said he loved him and Nathan was overjoyed because he had wondered if it would ever happen. It had taken a lot of courage for Nathan to open up and tell both Haley and JJ that he loved them, but once he’d done it, it became a habit to do so regularly. And even though he understood that JJ had some trouble opening up because of what he assumed were abandonment issues courtesy of

his father, Nathan was eager for the day when his sentiments were returned.

“I love you too JJ.” Nathan pulled back and kissed the boy’s forehead which normally would have resulted in a glare from the boy who was forever trying prove how grown up and manly he was becoming, but this time he smiled widely before turning to face his mother.

“Mom? Can Nathan live with us all the time?”

Haley dropped the spoon she was using to serve up their dinner. It was a topic that had been raised recently by Nathan who had expressed his desire to become a more permanent part of their lives. Haley loved the idea and if it was just her that she needed to consider in the decision making process then he’d already be moved in, unpacked and his butt would have left its own imprint in her couch! But since JJ was born, he became her number one priority in everything that she did and any decisions she made. Nathan was the first man she’d had a relationship with since her divorce, and although it felt like they’d known each other forever, they’d only been dating for 6 months. She just wasn’t prepared to risk JJ getting hurt. She loved Nathan, more than she ever thought possible and knew JJ loved him too, even if he hadn’t said it yet. But until she was sure that her son would be able to adjust to Nathan being a permanent fixture in their home she’d refused to consider it.

The way her son asked the question, as it if was the most logical step in the world for Nathan to live with them, made Haley realise that the time had come. But just how to go about discussing it with Nathan and JJ was not as clear cut. She needed some time to think before she spoke with Nathan, and they really needed to have this conversation away from the prying ears of her eight year old.

Feeling bad for the position Haley was being put in, Nathan decided to run interference. “It looks like dinner is almost ready sport. Why don’t you go wash up so we can eat?”

As the little boy rushed out of the room Nathan noticed Haley sigh with relief. Of course he still wanted to move in, and he believed that it was the right thing for all of them including JJ, but this was her call and he wouldn’t disrespect her by questioning her decision. The ball was in Haley’s court and he would be ready and willing when she decided it was time.

Making his way over to where she was currently serving, he stood behind her and slipped his arms around her slender waist, telling her without words that he wasn‘t upset at all by the topic that had been raised. “I love you Hales.”

She relaxed back against him, loving his thoughtfulness in trying to put her at ease. He was always putting her needs first and seemed to know just the right words to say. Nathan Scott was quickly becoming the man of her dreams.

Several hours later after they’d eaten and managed to get JJ to finally fall asleep, Nathan lay in Haley’s bed on his side observing her through the en suite doorway as she brushed out her hair in front of the mirror. She always followed the same routine every night and he loved watching her. He loved that she just stuck to the simple things like washing her face and using moisturiser rather than spending an hour applying fifty different miracle creams to cure wrinkles and skin defects that weren’t didn’t even exist.

Haley possessed a natural beauty that didn’t require much effort. He’d been with enough vain, high maintenance women to know that it all stemmed from a lack of self-worth. She may be a little reserved compared to the flashy women he’d dated, but Haley had a quiet self-confidence that each and every one of the women in his past would kill for, but would probably never have.

Her brown orbs found him studying her reflection in the mirror and she smiled that sweet guileless smile that was intrinsically Haley. Putting the brush down on the counter, she turned and made her way to the bed, removing her robe and sliding under the covers that Nathan had pulled back for her.

Turning so that they were facing each other, she placed a chaste kiss on his lips. She noticed his eyes were alight with happiness and his smile was infectious.

“What’s got you in such a good mood tonight Nathan Scott?” Haley’s soft hand tenderly stroked his cheek.

“JJ told me he loved me earlier.” His grin was so wide even a blind man could see that the declaration meant the world to him. They’d never really discussed the issue before. Haley knew her son loved Nathan and that he would express that love in his own time, but knowing that it had finally happened changed things for her… it cemented that what she had with this man was real.

She kissed him deeply before resting her forehead against his as strong arms wound around her waist and pulled her warm, soft, naked body up against his own hard, chiselled form. “I knew it would happen, babe. He just needed some time.”

Haley looked into his stunning blue eyes and knew that now was the time to have a serious talk. Their relationship was changing so quickly; moving forward at such a rapid pace that she could hardly believe it had been a year ago that he’d been no more than the man who moved in next door. Of course she’d heard his name mentioned in conversation from time to time; it was bound to happen when her best friend Brooke knew him in high school… and not to mention the fact that he was pretty well known in the small town for his glory days playing for the Tree Hill Ravens. But he’d only been a name and she could never have known how important this man would become to her.

Nathan detected the almost imperceptible shift in her mood and knew instinctively that she was worrying about JJ’s earlier comments about him moving in with them. “About what JJ said earlier… I don’t want you to feel pressured to make any decision because of it. If you’re not ready for me to move in, then I’m happy to wait until you are.”

“It’s not that I’m not ready Nathan. I’d love to have you here with me… with us, every day. I want to go to bed with you every night and wake up with you every morning...”

Nathan tucked a loose tendril of her soft blonde hair behind her ear. “But?”

“If we do this Nathan, we need to be sure because it makes us and our relationship really serious. It’s a big commitment.” He could see she was struggling to express herself and wished he could understand where her reservations were coming from.

“As far as I’m concerned it’s already serious, Hales. I’m totally committed to this relationship; to you and to JJ. Me moving in here just means that I get to spend even more time with you. Something I could definitely get used to.”

Seeing that she was still unconvinced it suddenly hit him exactly what she was worried about. How could he have been so clueless? It was obviously a painful issue for her and even though he thought he’d assured Haley that it didn’t matter to him, he saw now that she needed further reassurance before she could take this step in their relationship.

“Hales” He tipped her chin up so that she was looking into his eyes. He needed her to see that he meant his words. “This is about you not being able to have any more children, isn’t it?”

Even put to her in Nathan’s concerned tender voice, the words being spoken out loud still had the effect of someone slapping her across the face. It seemed that the pain would never go away. She bit her bottom lip to stop from crying and nodded her head in confirmation.

“I meant what I said to you before Hales. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you. You and JJ are more than enough for me.” He kissed her lips softly. “I know that we’re not ready to make major decisions about the future at this stage and we’ve always made sure not to get too far ahead of ourselves. But I need you to know something okay?” She lifted her eyes to his again hearing the conviction in his voice. “I’m going to marry you some day Haley James.”

Her quick intake of breath showed him how unexpected his declaration was, just as the small upturn of her lips revealed that she was pleased by it as well. He was relieved to know that he was successfully putting her mind at ease. He still didn’t know the full story surrounding her infertility, but he did know that the news had shattered her and had also created some deep insecurities about what she had to offer a man. He was determined to eliminate every one of those insecurities and make Haley see just how perfect she was.

“I love you so much.” Her tears were borne of happiness and relief and along with her warm smile, made her look more beautiful to him than ever before.

“I love you too Hales.” Nathan brushed away her tears and kissed her soft lips. “So…am I moving in?”

“Yes Nathan. I want you here always.”

After all the pain, struggles and disappointment Haley had been through, she knew it had all been worth it when it had brought her here to this moment… and this man. Her soul mate.