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-Lady Luce-
A/N: I am sorry for not updating this for so long. I started this chapter at the beginning of October and it's now the end of January which is not good. The funny thing is I wrote this in about a week and I've been agonizing over it for the past three months or so. There were a few things in this chapter I took out stuck in took out again, I've read it through half a dozen times and cringed quite a lot, but in the end I realized that despite the fact I'm not one hundred percent certain about it I don't think it's going to change drastically and I mares well stick it up. (Best do it now whilst I'm half asleep and can't think straight). So thank you for all the reviews and most importantly, thanks for waiting :)
Tocophobia: Fear of Pregnancy
Chapter 3
Truth be told Dante had been sliding into this depression for weeks, it had all been a train-wreck just waiting to happen. She had only first accepted the fact that Dante could in fact get depressed the night that had started the whole affair. Despite the fact that she had almost certainly had too much to drink that night she could still remember it.
Maybe it was the rain which she remembered the most; it had been coming down in sheets. Scraping and hammering against the roof of Devil May Cry, the wind howling and sending shivers up and down the shuttered windows. A sharp clap of thunder came every minute or so followed by a flash of lightning which seeped in through the windows giving the room an eerie, supernatural quality. Dante’s ‘trophies’ had only served to heighten the mood, making the place similar to the set of some crappy teen horror flick. The smell of rain and ozone hung in the air like death, its scent seeping into clothes and skin lingering in every tiny crack of the paint chipped walls.
Lady had known something was wrong as soon as she came home from her previous job; either that or the weather had been getting to her. Dante was in his usual place reclined in the same stale leather chair his boots propped up on the desk dripping murky rain-water onto its undusted surface. His face had been distant, eyes clouded as he stared at the opposite wall obviously lost in thought. That in itself was something uncommon for Dante, he rarely thought about anything he did, much less mused over things in such a distracted manner.
“Are you still moping?” She asked this time successfully drawing his mind back to the world of the living.
“I’m not moping,” he protested flatly raising the bottle in his hand for another sip though Lady quickly placed her hand over the top and pushed it gently back down. The slight slur in his words told her that he’d had enough already and it took a lot for him to get to that point in the first place.
He glared at her accusingly and she reluctantly removed her hand not wanting to start an argument over something so petty. Dante was a half-demon she was certain he wouldn’t die of liver failure. And besides dying had never seemed like much of an issue to him anyway.
“What do you call this then?” She questioned trying to keep the annoyance out of her tone as he once again devoted himself to his drink.
He shrugged half-heartedly. “I’m bored.”
Lady wasn’t buying it, she knew there was something wrong and was determined to get to the bottom of it. Once set on a task she was not easily distracted. It was nice, Dante supposed, that there was someone who cared about him enough to keep going on like this, though he wasn’t quite sure whether he appreciated it or not.
“If there’s something wrong you know you can tell me,” she said softly truly sincere though she rarely was so true to her emotions, especially around him.
“I don’t need you getting all sentimental on me,” he replied eyes thinning as he turned away again to stare out though a darkened window. “I just… don’t like the rain.”
She nodded in understanding, as much as Lady liked the occasional storm there was something deeply depressing about this one; something stale and morbid about the constant pounding of the rain and then ominous silence in-between each drop. She rubbed her arms trying to create some friction and warm herself up wondering whether the heating was broken again or whether Dante had forgotten to turn it on. Maybe demons didn’t feel cold as much as humans either… she had often thought this considering the clothes he insisted on wearing.
The silence dragged on again and Lady could tell that Dante’s thoughts had drifted back out to the world beyond… though beyond what she wasn’t quite sure.
“You missed a job today,” she said eventually trying to remain nonchalant, though Dante had in fact missed two jobs and it was beginning to worry her. There was silence again for a second, he either hadn’t heard her or couldn’t be bothered to muster a reply. “I had to do all the work for you.”
“Sorry,” he mumbled between mouthfuls of drink. “Must have slipped my mind.”
“Dante… are you okay?” She asked concernedly as he made a point of avoiding her searching gaze.
“I’m fine,” he grunted back absently watching the liquid swirling at the bottom of the beer bottle.
“Dante-”
“I’m fine,” he snapped voice a little harsher than intended.
Her brows creased, but she said no more on the subject and tried to focus on something else though it was hard to. Dante’s foul mood hung in the air like the rain-clouds darkening the sky and she couldn’t shake it from her own mind as she stood intending to make her way to the couch and find a magazine to read when his voice stopped her.
“Today’s the day she died… fifteen years ago now,” he said finally, bluntly, as though he had been in conflict over whether to tell her or not and knew that it was his last chance to say something. His eyes remained fixed on the bottle in his lap. Lady didn’t have to ask who she was as her eyes wandered absently to the picture of Eva on Dante’s desk. He smiled wryly and something in his chest tightened painfully like flesh healing around a scar. “It was raining like this then too.”
Lady’s mouth opened as though she wanted to speak then snapped shut again when she couldn’t find the words. She understood what loosing a parent was like, but she had never had the time to truly think on it. Rage and the desire for vengeance had fuelled her on until that night on Temin-Ni Gru and now that it was all over she no longer wished to dwell on the matter. It was no longer about fulfilling her vendetta and she could finally let her mother’s memory rest. From what little she knew about his mother’s death Lady knew that Dante hadn’t had the chance to kill his mother’s murderer. Maybe then he would finally be able to let it all go? Though for some reason she doubted it. Eva’s death marked far more than just the loss of a mother. Dante had lost his twin that night too and he had to be reminded of all that now. All those painful memories and on top of that this terrible weather, it was enough to make anyone depressed.
She shuffled her feet half turned to face him, confused as to which direction she should go and wondering what on earth she could say. He started fishing around in a bottom draw for another bottle and she turned back wanting to get him out of this depression preferably without the help of alcohol.
Reaching his desk again she gripped his chin and forced him to look at her. “Dante.”
He wouldn’t have it and jerked his head away turning his attention back to the bottom draw. She gave a frustrated sigh and sat down on his desk kicking the draw shut with her foot. He looked up at her accusingly, but she only folded her arms across her chest.
“Look, I know you don’t want to think about it, but wouldn’t talking about it be better?” She asked once again trying to catch his eyes though it seemed impossible through the snow drift of hair.
“What are you my psychiatrist now?” He asked moodily.
“No, it’s just I hate seeing you like this, Dante, please,” she said desperately uncertain of how to continue. She rested a palm against his cheek and turned his face gently so that he was looking at her. “Please let me help.”
The moment was broken by a flash of lightning, before Dante could register what had happened she had moved away towards the fridge fetching herself a can of beer. To be honest the storm was making her tense and combined with his mood she felt that she needed something to help her relax.
“Come sit with me?” She suggested turning towards the sofa. He obliged but only after finding that bottle he’d been searching for in his bottom draw.
Lady looked at him accusingly and he scowled. “Hypocrite.”
She sighed in defeat and sipped her beer welcoming the tingling taste as it washed down her throat. They fell into silence for a while, only broken by the occasional roll of thunder; Dante was half-way through his bottle when she finally decided to speak.
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
“Leave it,” he grunted taking another long swig to emphasize his point.
“You shouldn’t bottle things up,” she chastised watching him slowly.
He rolled his eyes at her. “There’s nothing to say. It was a long time ago.”
She was not convinced; apart from the fact that she doubted Dante had come to accept the fact that his mother had been stolen from him she knew there must be something else bothering him. She finished off her can and went to fetch another one, this time bringing the whole six-pack back to the table. Maybe she should just give up with tonight and find something good on TV to watch. She felt that she’d earned the time to relax after taking care of two jobs for him, but the atmosphere wasn’t making it very easy. A shower might have been good too actually, her back was killing her.
“You know that I’m here for you don’t you?” She asked a can later sitting back down – next to him this time instead of opposite, because for some reason she needed to get through to him that she really did care about him and that she wanted him to feel that he could tell her anything.
Dante didn’t look at her, staring at his finger-nails resting on the beaten red of the sofa.
“Don’t you?” Lady repeated wondering what she had to do to get his attention. “Dante!”
The next few moments were a blur. Before she could register what was happening the world flipped over as she was turned on her back and pressed into the moth-eaten cushions of the couch.
“Dante?”
His eyes were large and Lady shivered when he raised a hand to thread it through her hair. “Lady…” He was leaning towards her and tugging her gently with the hand wound in her raven locks lips brushing beseechingly against her own. She needed to pull away but she couldn’t there was something about his uncertain touch, his eyes were begging her for something though what she couldn’t quite place. Love maybe? Reassurance? Her thoughts were pulled from her when his lips closed over hers in a bruising kiss.
In the end it was just as much her fault as it was his, he’d pushed it too far and she hadn’t tried to stop him. Some treacherous part of her had enjoyed it though she’d told herself later that it was just to make him feel better. Turned out it was the biggest mistake of her life, that one decision had torn their friendship apart forever, part of her knew there was no way to fix it.
“Dante…”
He didn’t reply, back heaving as his body worked to expel the contents of his stomach though now only bile rose into the back of his throat. To be honest he couldn’t actually remember the last time he’d eaten something though now he was half wishing that he had. When the spasms had stopped he rested his forehead against one arm in an attempt to quell an oncoming head ache and trying desperately to stop the room from spinning.
“Dante?”
“Go away,” he mumbled into his skin though it lacked conviction. He really didn’t have the strength to argue anymore.
“I just wanted to know if you were alright,” Lady said softly making her way around to sit on the edge of the bath. It was a stupid thing to say really, it was very obvious that he was not alright at all.
“Oh yeah fine; having the time of my life over here care to come and join me?” He asked sarcastically though his words slurred slightly they still held a familiar dry tone.
“That’s not what I meant,” Lady started, but stopped wondered what she actually had meant.
“Whatever,” Dante replied dismissively swallowing hard to stop himself from throwing up again. “I’m fine on my own, you can go.”
Lady studied his expression slightly shaken. Had he meant simply go downstairs or just leave here forever? She didn’t know and she didn’t want to if the answer was the latter. It was hard to tell what he had meant really, his hair was hanging in his eyes once again obscuring them from her gaze. She wondered idly if she could ever convince him to have it cut differently though she doubted it.
“Do you need anything? Water…?” She asked eyes fixed on him as she reached for a glass she had brought with her.
“I’m fi-”
Dante clutched the bowl of the toilet in a white knuckled grasp retching. Lady turned her head away more from respect than anything else. She wasn’t one to be squeamish, but seeing him like this struck a raw nerve somewhere. Dante swiped the back of his hand across his mouth leaning heavily against the bowl of the toilet and holding his head in a free hand.
“Here.” He was mildly relieved to see the glass of water Lady was holding in her out-stretched hand and he took it without a word needing to wash the foul taste from his mouth.
“Thanks,” he offered handing the glass back to her when he had finished and once again resting his head in the crook of his arm waiting for his stomach to turn and reject the water he’d just consumed.
It didn’t take long for the retching to start again and Lady rubbed his back comfortingly as his body dry heaved trying to bring something up though there was nothing there. He let her stay there too tired to protest and though he’d never admit it he was slightly glad of the company. He didn’t need to be mothered, but once again telling her that would have been just too much effort.
“How did you let yourself get like this?” Lady asked quietly speaking to herself as she traced circles in a soothing motion on the demon slayer’s back trying to remember how her mother had comforted her when she was sick. She was surprised that Dante hadn’t pushed her away yet and was for some reason glad he hadn’t.
Dante sighed head lulling as the world span in front of his eyes. “I-I think I need to lie down.”
Lady nodded understanding that he had finally decided to accept her help as she pulled him to his feet. He had to lean heavily on her so that he didn’t fall over again. He felt like he was constantly falling in one direction as he struggled to stay upright and Lady wrapped an arm around his waist to steady him.
It took a long time before they made it down the hall to his room and when they were inside Dante sat down heavily on the bed and tried to pull his shirt off over his head. In such a muddled state he got stuck and Lady let him struggle for a few seconds before helping him out.
“Stay still for god’s sake,” she commanded easing the material up over his head. When Dante was finally free of his shirt their faces were impossibly close and she wondered idly how she had managed to get herself into this situation once again, and why she suddenly couldn’t move. There was something in his eyes that held her there, fixed waiting for something to break the silence.
Something did though it was not what she had expected. He tilted his head up and she felt his breath ghosting across her lips, she could have pulled away then, but she only realized that minutes later when it had ended. He raised a hand capturing her chin between gentle fingers and tilting it down to meet his lips as he pressed them to hers in a hesitant kiss. His eyes were closed, but her multi-pigmented ones were staring. It took a strange amount of strength to push him away, but as soon as she did the spell was broken. She began to stand, or at least thought about it, but his hand was in her hair then preventing her from moving as his head moved to the side to whisper in her ear.
“Stay with me.”
She swallowed and tried to ignore the pleading tone as his tongue traced the shell of her ear. This was not normal for him and quite frankly she preferred the cocky arrogant Dante who had only ever tried to kiss her to piss her off. This desperation scared her. Was it because he was drunk, or because maybe he actually felt something for her…? Stop being so stupid! The thought was like a back-handed blow and it made her snap out of her daze.
“Lady,” his breath in her ear blew against the saliva sending a shiver down her spine. “I want you.”
She didn’t respond to the gentle beseeching touch against her lips or his hands tentatively ghosting over her arms and back. Instead she gripped the hair at the nape of his neck and pulled his head back, trying to pierce through the fog in his blue eyes.
“No Dante,” she said softly and pushed a hand from where it now rested heavily on her shoulder. “I won’t make the same mistake twice.”
As she stood he caught her wrist, but the hold was weak and she could tell he knew he was fighting a loosing battle, “don’t go.”
“We’ll talk in the morning,” she replied curtly her gaze impassive though she couldn’t look him in the eye; instead she looked right past him at the opposite wall. There was something in her that wanted to give in if only to make him feel better, but she’d fallen for that before and now she didn’t have the excuse of alcohol. She was relieved when he gave up and slumped on the bed staying awake long enough to kick off his shoes. He was asleep within seconds and Lady couldn’t help it as she reached out to brush the hair from his eyes and pull the covers up over him. The last thing he needed was to catch a cold though she didn’t know if that was possible.
She flicked off the lights and turned back to him before she left sighing softly. In sleep he was beautiful – he was awake too, but there was something almost angelic about the peaceful delirium, something so innocent and vulnerable. His pale hair was thrown carelessly across the pillow as the moonlight streamed through the window shining over the brilliance of his skin and sliding down the hollows of his cheeks, kissing the slightly parted lips and the fullness of his mouth.
Lady rested her head against the door-jamb and watched him a wan smile creeping across her lips. “Please don’t ask me to love you Dante, I just don’t know how.”
Uhm yeah, I never intended for a one-shot to turn into something so long. This story has pushed me way out of my comfort zone, but it's been interesting to write, I just hope I'm pulling it off.
Constructive critisim is always appreciated!
-Luce
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