Author: Daemonette19 PM
FINALLY! Set in my story arc. What happens after the Leviathan. How does Avery deal with Saul's news and what is the truth behind her mysterioius fadeouts. This should be read before A Mandalorian's Honour. LSF KOTOR1Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst - Words: 3,459 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 06-25-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3615467
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This is set a day or two after that all important scene where the crew of the Hawk discuss what to do about the Player Character. Hopefully the characters are true. It's awfully difficult to incorporate so much dialogue from so many different people and keep it all straight but I've given it a go. This has been kicking around for a while as I tried to get it to a point where I would be happy enough to expose it to public viewing ;)
KOTOR is not mine
Please, please review. This is my first post in a while and I could do with (hopefully) shameless flattery or (just as good) tough, fair comments. It's the only way to improve.
Avery lay on the bedroll listening to the soft sounds her sleeping roommates made. Earlier on Juhani had insisted she take Bastila's bunk but the mattress conformed to someone taller and the blankets smelt faintly of the spicy scent the Jedi used. Mission shifted, murmuring quietly before easing into a deeper sleep. How could they rest so easily with a Dark Lord in their room? Not just any Dark Lord but THE Dark Lord. Darth Revan. The Great Betrayer. The thought was followed by a surge of …. elation? And …. certainty. Some part of her recognised and rejoiced in having an identity again.
Rolling over huffily, Avery pushed away any thoughts associated with Revan or the Sith. She tried to call to mind soothing images of home, of her parents and the lush fields of Deralia but they were curiously intermingled with dusty plains and herds of four legged animals. Ursani. The neat brick and tile house Mother had been so proud of blurred into a tiny hut of daub and thatch with fur rugs and tapestries and woven symbols decorating the walls.
Angrily she tried to focus on the face of her mother, tired and sad at the end of her last visit home a few years ago. Only weeks later she had received word of her death from some illness no-one could identify. But …. that was wrong …. only a few weeks ago, on Tatooine, she had stood before Bastila's mother, Helena, and informed her that her own mother had died when she was very young. Close on the heels of that thought was the image of her father dressed for mourning entreating the Great Spirits to shelter and hold her Mama 'til he could join her and be reborn by her side once again. The familiar memories of an educated family with a small, prosperous homestead were intermingled with those of a single father, shaman to a tribe of herders on a semi-literate planet. And these felt just as familiar, just as loving. Which were false??
She sat up abruptly, calling her sabers to her in an instinctive use of the Force, "Malak?". The room stayed dark and silent. Avery reached out with her Force senses but only the familiar presences of Juhani and Mission were in the room. Mentally stretching further, she could feel Canderous and Jolee sleeping in the opposite bunkroom, Carth struggling with something in the comms center and finally, Zaalbar enjoying the solitude of the bridge. Reaching out on a deeper level she was able to sense the two droids, T3 tinkering with the swoop bike and HK working on upgrading his beloved rifle, both in the far cargo bay. Everything felt familiar, peaceful, right. Until…
"…feel it through our bond."
Bastila's voice came echoing out of the dark.
"…learn from the story of Revan and Malak"
Master Doran's somber tones
"…all too familiar…"
" …sacrifice them to protect…"
More and more people speaking, snippets of conversation but from which lifetime?
"…Council will cast us out."
"…have to go back…"
"You three are in sooo much trouble"
" Padawans Renee, Revan and Malak report to…"
Suddenly, there were other speakers, too many to even distinguish more than a few individual voices.
"They are coming!"
Calling for her
Coming for her
Scrambling to her feet Avery raced out of the room and ran blindly through the ship. Finally, she curled herself into the shadows by the hyper drive, unconsciously seeking the warmth of the engines and the soft ticking of a power coupling, like the echo of a heartbeat felt from within the womb. There she sat rocking and sobbing as the voices continued to call out to her.
Frantically she brushed at her face and arms trying to shed the feeling of phantom fingers reaching for her. As her hands ran over her face, they met cold metal, the fine rivets sharp against her fingertips. Clawing desperately, both personalities cried out together, "This is not who we are!!!" before dissolving once again into tears. Only in the hallways of their mind was the faintest echo heard. "Not anymore"
Carth raised his head from the hyperspace routes he had been poring over. Had he heard footsteps? Listening carefully for a moment, he shrugged and went back to correlating the ancient star map co-ordinates with known navigational data. A tingling sensation ran up his spine and all the hair on the back of his neck suddenly stood on end. Taking a second to encode and hide his work within the system, he grabbed his holsters and strapped them on before peering cautiously out into the corridor.
"Zaalbar?" he refused to call the wookie by the silly nickname Mission had given him. "Is everything alright in here? The big wookie crooned something at him and settled deeper into his seat in the cockpit. "I guess that's an Okay then"
Carth continued his silent trek around the ship, passing by the engine room the creepy tingling feeling up his spine started again. One pistol held firmly in his hand he entered the dimly lit area. Nothing. As he turned to leave he saw a faint ripple of light in his peripheral vision. Slapping a panel on the wall he whirled hoping to blind the intruder with the sudden flood of light. Instead he saw Avery curled into one side of the hyper drive, her face hidden in her arms, dark hair tangled and sticking out in all directions.
"Ave'? Are you all right? Hey, Avery?" The only movement from the small woman at his feet was the shaking of her shoulders. Kneeling he grasped her upper arm and shook it slightly, "Avery. Are you hurt? Did you fight with the Mandalorian again?"
"Dammit Avery, Revan then. Did you……"
"I'M NOT HER. WE'RE NOT HER!!!!!"
Avery's feral scream was shocking enough but what prompted the flood of profanity from Carth was not her words but her face. The unusual purple eyes he had come to love were pitch dark, swollen into slits from crying. Her skin, what he could see of it was blotched and bleeding, more shocking though was the long strips of flesh hanging from her jaw line and her hands. Avery had clawed deep raw furrows into her face in an attempt to remove the mask her mind had painted on her.
Gathering her shaking frame into his arms he bolted for the medbay, calling hoarsely for Jolee all the way.
Jolee had finally joined the other three in the central living quarters. He rubbed a hand over his face tiredly and threw himself onto a couch. Carth and Canderous were glaring at each other over the table while Juhani sat watching them ready to intercede should their animosity become violent.
"How is she, Master Jolee?"
"She's been better. The wounds to her face are sealed, for now. I don't know how long she'll let them heal. The scarring will be permanent she's making sure of that."
"I don't understand, Jolee. Why don't you just sedate her, keep her from hurting herself anymore." Carth's face was still a pasty white and his hands trembled slightly. Even with all his years as a soldier for the Republic he had never had any experience with self inflicted injuries.
"I've had to, son. Now there's no way to keep someone intent on harming themselves from doing so and even asleep she still wants to, needs to, punish herself. The Force flows around her at the moment. She won't let anyone Heal her. The kolto packs are barely doing anything. Like I said she's making sure those stripes will scar, on some level she feels she deserves them and probably more. There's not much more I can do but keep her doped up for the moment. Now there's something else you lot need to know. I don't see the wookie or the kid. Is she still asleep?"
Juhani answered "Yes, I felt it best that Mission not participate. She is still quite sensitive since Manaan and Zaalbar felt that he should stay with her in case she woke."
"Good idea, girl, good idea. That kid's seen too much for a baby her age. Too much. So, you lot, the Jedi failed. They didn't give a new personality to an irreparably injured mind. They layered it over top. She's still Revan or more accurately Revan's still in there somewhere," He tapped the side of his head, "Reckon it's crowded in there, eh? Or maybe not with what they teach you youngster's, these days."
"Master Jolee, your levity is not exactly appropriate."
"Quit channeling, Bastila, Juhani. Do you realize this means we've had the Dark Lord with us all along? The whole time, I was just starting to believe she was someone else but now!! Who knows how much information she's sent to the Sith or kept from us! She's probably been betraying us at every turn. No wonder we've been searching for over 8 months and only found three of the Starmaps."
"Quiet down, flyboy," Canderous grated," She hasn't hurt any of us."
"How do you know?" Carth snapped.
"I've been keeping an eye on her," The Mandalorian's smirk was so decidedly lecherous that it startled a laugh from Juhani. "At first I thought she was a berserker but she doesn't just blank out when she's fighting. There have been other times too"
"Those blank outs or fade outs as Avery's been calling them have been when the Revan personality comes to the fore. It's as if it steps up whenever Avery needs her. Whether she's called or not who knows."
"How could the council have done this? Bastila said that there was nothing left of Revan."
"She also said that they wanted to use Revan's memories. Your Jedi council have lied to us at every turn, Juhani"
"They … they must have had their reasons, Carth."
"You'll never find out now. Why worry? What you people don't seem to realize is that we have the Dark Lord herself with us. Darth Revan." The Mandalorian said the name with a certain amount of relish.
"No Shit, Canderous, that's the problem"
"Shut up, Republic. Try and listen for once. On this ship we have the greatest tactical and military mind of our time. On this ship."
"Yes, but that mind has been damaged, Canderous. Is it wise to call forth Revan? Are you so sure she will assist us or will she head straight for the Star Forge and wrest it from Malak's grasp."
"What's wrong with that." Canderous demanded.
Juhani watched him with unblinking eyes, "That great tactical and military mind as you put it would be directed against us. I seem to remember that it had no trouble destroying the Mandalorians last time." In the next breath Juhani was apologizing for her outburst.
"Forget it, You're right" Canderous waved her away, "I just think we need to consider all the angles before you decide to space her." The Mandalorian looked even more grim than usual.
Juhani sat shocked by the suggestion while Carth looked pale but resolved.
"All I can say I'm glad the Wookie and Twi'lek kid didn't hear that." Jolee leant forward, elbows resting on the table, hands clasped loosely before his chin. "Do you really think it took me all this time just to sew her face back together." Glancing around and satisfied that he had everyone's attention he continued." Once I was sure that Avery was asleep and likely to stay that way for a while I used the Force to settle her deeper and draw Revan out for a bit. From what I can tell Revan WAS injured when Malak attacked her flagship. The council may have thought that the mental injury was permanent but I doubt it. Revan retreated into her own mind to rest and heal, a sort of mental coma if you will. That's when the council created Avery. There's not actually a lot of depth to the Avery persona…"
"How can you say that." Carth interrupted indignantly, "She has an entire history."
"Boy, you switch opinions faster than a two-headed Nuauthan. There's not a lot of depth to the Avery persona because there was no need. At heart she's still Revan and always has been. The council did this in utmost secrecy. They consist of Jedi who either raised or were raised with Revan, who mentored her, lectured her, taught her or befriended her. As much as they deny it, the lot of them have cared deeply for Revan. Could you destroy a member of your own family?"
"Yes! If I had too. If they had done what she…"
Juhani interrupted Carth, her lilting voice quiet yet firm, "You forget we were all on the Leviathan with you. Carth. It was Avery who killed Saul. Not you. You were unsure and you hesitated."
"Maybe it was unconsciously done but Avery IS Revan. How she would have grown in a different situation, with a different past."
"How is it that you know so much about Revan, Jolee"
"What did you think I did on Dantooine, Captain Onasi," The old Jedi turned Carth's rank into an epithet. "I researched her, talked to the council and her mentors. I knew who she was, what I didn't know was how she had ended up on Kashyyk with no memory. So I found out. Bastila filled in the gaps with what she knew just before she was taken. I'm a damn expert on the subject." Thoroughly irritated he shook his head" It doesn't matter what you decide. They're merging. Tonight's proof of that. I'm not sure how far it's gone but there's no way of stopping it."
"Are you sure? Maybe you and Juhani could put Revan back to sleep, suppress her again."
"No!! She stays! I'm not giving her up." Canderous craggy face was set in resolute lines. Standing abruptly he stormed off to the medbay the hiss of the door shutting behind him the last sound they heard.
Juhani's quiet voice broke the silence, "When I told him that she had done injury to herself, he was devastated. He believed that she had suicided. I begin to think that of us all, it is the Mandalorian that understands Avery best."
"Revan, you mean" interjected Carth.
"Both of them, perhaps"
"It's time you faced facts, boy. You fell in love with the Dark Lord. And you're not the only one on this ship."
"I never!! Revan destroyed Telos, murdered my family!"
"..and loves you back"
Juhani stood, her voice caught slightly as she spoke, "I will leave. This conversation makes me uncomfortable. She is a Jedi. This should never have happened." The Cathar turned and paced off to the bunkroom she shared with Mission.
Jolee watched her leave then scrubbed at his face with his hands, exhausted, frustrated and not a little scared of what the night's revelations might mean for the future. He felt for the younger man sitting across from him, he truly did. "Carth, listen to me. I loved my wife, she was ambitious and stubborn and in the end she was wrong but I still loved her. You can't just switch this off and you do both yourself and Avery a disservice if you try. Don't make her hate you, boy. Because that is the only way she will stop loving you and I don't think you want to have to go through that.
Avery's had a second chance, and she's done good things with it. Yes, she's stubborn and rude and not a little greedy but she's also kind, generous and genuinely caring and sometimes if you're really lucky, her sense of humour will actually be funny." Carth snorted, "I'm sorry, lad but she is Revan. Just a Revan brought up by perfect parents, a Revan who was a farmgirl who went searching for adventure, a Revan who never became a prodigy among the Jedi. You know something? Revan's strong in the Force, very strong but nothing the Jedi haven't seen before. What makes her special is that it's instinctive. She's been manipulating the Force since she was born. To the people of her world it meant she was blessed, a true heir to her father, their Shaman.
The girl wasn't accepted into the order until she was eight. By that point a child's personality is fully developed, you're a father you know that. Imagine a kid that age, with that strength in the Force and an instinctive ability to use it."
Carth winced, "Precocious, to say the least. Probably a brat, actually probably a dangerous brat." He spoke slowly, clearly imagining Jolee's words.
"Exactly. And this brat had lost her mother very young and then been raised not by her grieving father, though I'm told he did love her but by the entire tribe. She was their nobility, the heir to the divine; she was the bridge between this life and the next. Do you understand?"
"I think so"
"Then, to top it off, the kid's eidetic, she remembers everything"
Carth buried his head in his hands, not sure whether to laugh or cry. "She's a monster, no wonder she became the Dark Lord."
Jolee did laugh, "Actually, apparently she was kind, caring and well-loved. Unfortunately she never had to work for anything, ever. Why study for an exam when you remember the lecture? The only one to challenge her was herself. Even in combat she never forgot a move and her use of the Force is so subtle, you can't counter it. If she was anything it was another Bastila. Petted, praised, congratulated at every turn."
"Didn't the Jedi know what they were doing?"
"What were they doing? Training and teaching a beloved student. One that learned quickly and progressed faster than most, true, but otherwise just a student."
"It just seems strange that no-one would realize what she would turn into"
"What did she turn onto, Carth? A great warrior, an intuitive commander and the woman who saved the Republic and restored the Outer Rim. Who knows what happened beyond the Rim? What changed her? Just understand some of what shaped her before that and begin to forgive."
More at peace than he been since the Leviathan Carth nodded and leant back in his chair, "I'll try. I don't know if I can but I will try."
"No, there is no try. Just a choice, a decision. Your decision. Yes or No. Remember Avery is a good person and Revan had a lot of good in her too, once. You don't need to forgive them, Carth. You need to forgive yourself…for being in love with her. Only you can do that" Jolee stood, "Do you realize that Canderous is going through the same thing?"
"He's in love with the person who broke the Mandalorian Clans, who killed the leader of his people and then scattered them. Revan was not only, the only person to defeat him but she did it twice. So …. I'm off to repeat myself." He clapped Carth on the shoulder in a friendly manner" Good Luck, son", and with that Jolee walked off, leaving Carth alone with his own tumultuous thoughts.
So what did you think?? Please REVIEW. It's much appreciated