Author: LaDyFiCtIoN PM
Kakashi has come to the end of everything the end his life. Or so he thinks. Can one's demise truly destroy another person in the process? Kakashi is dead. He is sure of it. And so is Iruka. There is no life without Iruka...so, he's dead. [Yaoi KakaIru]Rated: Fiction M - English - Angst/Romance - Kakashi H. & Iruka U. - Words: 1,565 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 2 - Published: 06-25-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3616646
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This is a submission to the LJ KakaIru challenge, Death Theme.
Kakashi opened his eyes suddenly and through frenzied blinking, he realized that he was crying. He did not understand why he was crying, but he could not stop himself. His head was spinning; he felt incredibly weak. The energy, ever flowing throughout his body had been drained. Nevertheless, his confounded rage, anger, and disdain caused his eyes to remain open and alert to his confusion.
The silver head slowly lifted and burning, teary eyes, glazed with anxiety, looked around the room. Nothing was familiar to him. He did not recognize anything. A sudden dose of delayed fear caused his breath to hitch. Where was he? How did he come to be in this unknown location? He could not piece together the preceding events; they were jumbled, hazy, and erratic.
The room was dark and barren. He was seated in the lone chair; his body slumped back against the hard wood, until his consciousness jolted him back into this foreign reality. His arms hung loosely at his sides; they were too weak to even form a simple seal for light. There was no pain; only exhaustion clung to him, as did his clothes, soaked in sweat and…blood.
Kakashi panted deeply, summoning only enough strength to rise. He stumbled, however, and crumbled once again to his knees. His eyes slid shut and only the right one opened anew. Slowly, and agonizingly, he crawled along the hardwood floors. It was cold but his body was still warm. He was alive but dazed, alone and drenched in the mix of life, his fear and death, scarlet blood.
A light unexpectedly illuminated above him. He raised his head and squinted to look up, under the intense brilliance. It revealed something ahead of him, dark, surrounded by what looked to be ceramic tiles. Despite his body's protests, quakes and fatigue, he stood on his feet. The light, clear and radiant, burned his eyes, but bathed the sight before him, in an ethereal glow.
He saw, from the higher view, a bath, fogged by steam.
The water, however, was not clear but…red.
Kakashi's mouth remained open; he was unable to speak.
There was…red, all around him and as he stood, bemused and frightened by the water, he noticed that someone was…
The thoughts spreading through his mind like wildfire could not be articulated with mere words. Nothing but tears could express the horror before him. Not even his hoarse, strangled yells were powerful enough to resonate the sudden rush of emotions.
Kakashi was drawn to the light.
His body staggered forward, and as it did, he began to peel away at his clothing. The last of his adrenaline was wearing thin, but nonetheless, compelled him to move. There was someone in the water and his heart ached from the worst possible thoughts. He needed to know who…who was in there.
His ANBU gloves dropped to the floor; he left them behind for good this time. He then pulled off his vest and bid farewell to the tales it contained of his past. Everything else, all the layers fell away from him, until he was naked and caked in blood.
Finally, Kakashi tore off his mask. There was nothing left to hide.
The beams from above were saturated with orange hues, as they reflected off the surface of the steaming bath. It was filled with blood, crimson darker than any he had spilt. There was no water, no rose petals, or incense, only a ruby pool.
It is a bloodbath; a thick massacre that had always stained his flesh and his timeline.
Kakashi doubted, as his tears crashed on the bloodied surface, that it would ever be washed away from his soul, no matter how many innocent drops he cried. The blood, however, was not nearly as shocking, as the other body, the one he feared, floating before him.
His fingers, gripping his hitae-ate finally let go and it sank to the bottom.
Alas, he had already forgotten about its importance.
Kakashi knew who awaited him in the blood, but he had to be sure and despite every urge to panic and collect the floating flesh he remained hesitant and unbelieving. But an incredible pain then settled itself in his heart; he now understood.
Kakashi felt his own heart break as he gathered the broken pieces into his arms.
He sat down on Iruka's waist, causing it to sink, but his arms hold his lover above the surface. He tried to comb his fingers through the brown locks but they were thick and clotted. The only thing he could do was pull the deceased to his chest and embrace him.
His body then began to naturally react, without the use of his mind, drowning in the red sea surrounding his hurting. He struggled to move his lover over to the edge, until he laid his head upon the edge. His eyes, undoubtedly, continued to cry and just as each drop rolled down his face, and landed on Iruka's, they trailed down the tanned visage as well.
Iruka's chest, as a silver head rested upon it, sobbing, began to rise and fall, breaths inhaled and released.
Iruka smiled tenderly as he witnessed the broken face, crying out to him.
His smile never faltered. Iruka raised his hands from the blood and encircled them around his lover.
''I'm here, Kakashi. It's okay…you don't have to cry. I'm right here.''
Kakashi wretched, sobbed, and broke down, clinging desperately to the brown tapestry, splayed with blood.
''I'm dead, Kakashi.''
Kakashi did not believe a word of it. Instead, he stole the regained breath of his lover and kissed him urgently and passionately. The touch was still warm, like it had always been. Kakashi found comfort in the taste of his lover and murmured against his lips, his unbelieving words.
''You're not dead…''
''I am. But I will never die within you.''
Iruka smiled again and kissed Kakashi soundly.
A silver head shook side to side then, despite the childish and stubborn appearance, for words escaped him. Each syllable would have echoed obstinately in denial, if he had had a voice. Kakashi's heart told him that Iruka was still alive.
''Why are you crying so much, my love? This really isn't like you…where's the strong, shinobi I married?''
The sharingan finally opened again and it too cried, as reality was cold, cruel, and villainous.
''I…I remembered but…I- I didn't cry then…now I- I just can't stop…you…you're not…''
''It's okay. I understand. I'm sure…that everything must have been so devastating.''
The men fell silent but either could enjoy it. The pitches of erratic breathing, and teary hiccups were deafening. Kakashi stared, a look so lost, but overwhelmed with unbridled emotions. Iruka lifted a hand to his ivory cheek and caressed it gently.
''What is this, Iruka…this blood. Is it yours?''
''No…it's the blood of everyone you killed this night, in our bedroom.''
Kakashi placed a hand atop Iruka's wound. He knew exactly where it was, ripped into his back shoulder, adjacent to the heart, which he only then noticed, had not resume its lively rhythm.
''I'm sorry…I couldn't…'' His tears choked him up, but Iruka hushed him.
''I told you not to fall in love with me…but you did – stubborn jounin.''
''How could I not, Iruka? You're so perfect…''
There was a sad smile. It too was broken.
''Even perfection is flawed. We were perfect…and they used it against us.''
The screams and dying gurgles, they resonated in Kakashi's ears. He remembered killing and being killed.
''We're dead now…aren't we?'' Kakashi murmured low, in a grave voice.
''Kakashi…you're still alive, but I'm dead.'' Iruka said sadly, as tears of his own welled up in the corners his dark eyes.
Kakashi violently trembled. He stared at Iruka, wide eyes, brimming with unending pain.
''No…no, I'm dead…I'm dead. I know I'm dead. I died in your arms…and woke up here.''
The shock of being alive was just too much to handle.
''No, I died in your arms, Kakashi.''
Tsunade stood solemnly by the hospital bed, ''I don't think he'll ever come out of it…the shock…''
Here are some tidbits…-About Iruka's characterization, I portrayed him as overly tender and loving because I wanted him to be impersonal towards the audience, but perfect for Kakashi's state of mind. This wasn't about his story, even if I did kill him.
Next, Kakashi is a big, crazy, crybaby. Where do you think Sasuke gets it from? I wanted him to be deliriously angsty and out of control.
Lastly, the choppy, straightforward denouement and abrupt ending are meant to demonstrate the way Kakashi received the news and how he is unable to handle it. Everything is raw and erratic, because that is exactly how he feels. And you know, I always throw in a one-liner, to end everything.