A/N- Okay, this is not as bad as you would think. Half of you were thinking to yourselves, "EWWW Pedophillism!"

This is the result of summer craziness. DragonMage dared me to pull this off and I dared her to pull off DeiTema. Hahaha, don't we have interesting minds?

I do not own Naruto, Moegi, or Orochimaru.

-The Wrath of Little Girl Crushes-

There is something everyone in the world should know about little girls.

They are evil. The devil. sick, demented, twisted and vile creatures. As disgusting as your pathetic little mind can comprehend while you sit here and read this right now. Once upon a time your simple, basic, snake-man Orochimaru underestimated this devious force. It all started with a simple mission, and he had deemed his name-less followers, (Who also were not allowed to speak.) capable of handling a simple mission. When one tried to ask questions he would merely respond with the order to: "Shut-up, figure it out, get going, and do something useful for a change."

However perhaps he forgot that all members of the sound village are particularly more useless then most everyday folk. The word "useful" was pretty much banished from their vocabulary. They lacked coordination, intelligence, and possibly the ability to see color. They also never seemed to shower, bringing filth everywhere they trailed.

The mission?

Locate, beat, and capture Sasuke Uchiha. He sent Kabuto just to be safe. Sure they could pull this simple stunt off.

Well, even evil snake monsters can be wrong. After all was he not slightly human?

They came back with a huge burlap bag. Leading Orochi to believe they had actually succeeded for once. But when he opened the bag there she was. Some ten year old kid with bad hair and marker on her face. Orochimaru vaguely remembered frowning. However the rest from there till about an hour later was pretty dim in his memory.

So now there were several questions that should have been easy to understand.

How do three adults and a dorky teenager mix up a thirteen-year old dark-haired kid with a ten year old red headed girl with hair that probably took the assistance of five bottles of hair gel to propel?

What the hell were they doing over there to cue such a horrific failure?

Why the hell would this girl simply not scream, cry, and run away?

Or just go away?

She was just standing there. Staring all weird and wide-eyed. Standing and standing and standing and standing. He made a mental note to perhaps break her legs later if she didn't stop.

"Kabuto, take this little thing outside and leave it there." He ordered. However, unluckily a few minutes later upon walking to the kitchen there she was again, raiding his fridge. He paused.

"How did you get in here?"

"Your back door was unlocked."

"Uh humm."

-

"Hey, lemme go!" Kabuto got a kick to the face the next time he threw her out. (Making absolutely sure he locked the back door this time.) Sure the child would be fine on her walk back to the leaf village. After all it was only about two miles away.

"Is it gone?"

"Yes, Lord Orochimaru."

"Good, then."

-

"How the hell did you get in here this time?"

"Window!" Moegi pointed to the now shattered living room window. Orochimaru getting more and more pissed as the moments went by. Tayuya snickered from the Living room chair.

"Why don't you tell him about the words I taught you?" She laughed. Then continued watching the scene before her. It was admittedly better than watching the commercials at the moment.

"Miss Tayuya taught me how to say, Fuck, shit, ass, damn, and bitch!"

Tayuya gagged on a piece of popcorn. "It's so funny when someone says them so fucking cutely!"

Orochimaru glared over to her as she laughed. "Why don't you get off that chair and get yourself some deranged boyfriend or something?"

"Hah, like that's ever gonna happen." She chuckled as she chowed down more popcorn. Orochimaru sighed. He hated the sound village. He made it but he despised it with every fiber of his soul. Ironic, eh?

He faced the little red-markered face girl.

"You broke in the window." He muttered. "You snuck in my back door."

"Yep!"

"Why did you do this? Was this for any purpose at all?"

Moegi paused.

"What really is the reason you simply will not go away and walk home?"

She started to cry a bit.

"Hello?"

"Mister snake guy..."

"Yes?"

"I LOVE YOU!"

Tayuya almost exploded. She just couldn't stop laughing. She found this little girl's disturbing display of affection beyond amusing. Understanding the mind of the crazy snake Orochimaru was, would have no clue about what was going on and would begin his mental breakdown in about Five, four, three, two, one...

He didn't flip out loudly. He just sort of, stared blankly with a disgusted look and twitched for awhile.

Calm down, it's a little girl...just some utterly fatuous little brat who doesn't even know my name, just relax...be calm. Tayuya needs to quiet before she dies...

However she didn't intend to stop anytime soon. His eyes twitching still as he glanced down at this awestruck, and obnoxious window-breaking little girl.

"What do you mean, you little brat?"

"We're gonna be married!" She squealed with delight in a ear-splitting high pitched roar. "Then we'll have children and ride away on a white horse!"

This is seriously fucking disturbing. Tayuya thought as she kept gasping for air lost through never-ending laughter. Dear god, I wish I had a camcorder.

Confusion and more confusion.

-Ten Minutes Later-

"Will you get off me you little gnat!?" He roared, as she now was attached to his legs. Thus it was decided. She had to be evil. Orochimaru always thought he was evil but this was pure. Unimaginable terror.

He slunk back on the couch and she looked up from his leg. Seeing a twitch his brow. Giving those little vomit-worthy puppet eyes.

Just eight more years damn it.