“I can’t bear to see my sister hurting anymore Kimi,” Phil sighed, sitting on a stool across the counter as she wiped down the Java Lava counters.

Kimi looked up to meet his eyes sympathetically, “Then why are you? I know you told me that you couldn’t tell me why you’re siding with Tommy, and that you have your reasons or what not, but you’re really hurting Lil, Phil,” She admitted, throwing the towel out and washing her hands, “Half the time she’s so in disbelief that you would side with Tommy, especially having been there through all her grief,”

Phil sighed; it sucked not being able to at least share this with Kimi. She understood him better then anyone and always knew the right thing to say, and the advice to give. And he could REALLY use her advice right now, because he was so confused with everything and what was happening and what the right thing to do was.

“I wish I could say Kim,” He whispered.

Kimi sighed, coming around the counter to drape her arm around his tense shoulder, frowning at his frustrated face, “It’s okay babe. It’s just, I don’t hate Tommy, and I’m cool with you being friends with him, but I was there too when Lil cried herself to sleep for all those nights, I was there when she didn’t want to come to school because of all the gossip people were spreading about her, I was there during her heart break, and so were you, and it’s really hard to even think anything could justify what Tommy did,”

Phil could still see walking into Lil’s room to find her curled up in her bed crying, and then trying to stifle her sobs when she’d realize he was there, the memory still caused his hands to clench into fists. He hated seeing Lil hurt. And he didn’t want to anymore. But what could he do?

“I know Kimi, trust me, I know,”

Kimi sighed, watching him beat himself up over it was hard and her questioning him wasn’t helping, so she just slithered her way between his knees to put a hand on either shoulders, “Phil, I love you, and even though you can’t tell me, its okay, because I trust you and I know you’re doing the right thing,” She insisted sincerely.

He looked up at her, and with the first smile since sitting there, he wrapped his arms around her waist, and this is why he loved her, because even though he wasn’t telling her something so big, she loved him enough to understand, “I love you, did I tell you that?”

Kimi grinned, “Not today you haven’t,”

“Well I do, every day, more and more,” He told her, before pulling her against him, his cheek resting over her shoulder and his smile faded; he couldn’t bare Lil going through anymore pain, he had to do something for her, but what?

Phil’s grip on Kimi tightened and his jaw clenched in determination; He had to convince Tommy to stop hurting her and just tell her the truth… he had to.

Lil had a small smile on her lips as her head rested against his naked chest on her bed, they had her blanket thrown over them, snuggled close together and for once, after a long long time, she was finally at peace.

There was nothing going on in her mind, all bitter, angry, hurt thoughts were momentarily forgotten as she lay with the guy she irrevocably loved, and no matter what he had done to her, what he said to her, how he treated her, it all came down to this. She had just made love to Tommy.

A weird satisfaction lingered in her, she finally felt sort of complete. It was like she had been broken and torn for so long, that now he finally put her together again.

“I love you,” She whispered, closing her eyes as she could feel the rhythm of his heart against the side of her face. Her fingers trailed down the rest of his hard abs under her chin, relishing the feel of his naked skin on hers.

Finally… everything finally felt right.

“Huh?”

Lil wasn’t sure she heard right for a second, and when he didn’t continue, she lifted her head off his chest and looked up at him, to find him looking back at her, with a perverse smirk on his lips… and suddenly, Lil’s heart sank, “Tommy-…”

“Did you just say you love me?” He almost laughed, as he sat up, causing her to back away from him and pull the sheets up around her, “Lil seriously?”

Lil felt her heart clench in that familiar painful way, “Tommy, what’s wrong?” She asked, almost fearfully, he had to be joking; this had to be some stupid joke… didn’t it?

“Have you heard of one night stands? No strings attached?” He asked her, with a raise of his cocky brow.

Lil’s hands trembled as she leaned over to pull on one of Phil’s old hoodie’s that she always slept in, which had currently been hanging on her computer chair, and her eye brows furrowed together, “What the hell are you talking about Tommy; this wasn’t a one night stand?” She asked, almost pleaded, she knew she sounded desperate, but there was nothing she could do about that now, he had to be joking?

“Reality check Lil, you have a boyfriend,” He threw at her, a look of disgust on his face like she was some whore coming onto him, “I didn’t know you were into cheating Lil; I’m glad I got out of the relationship when I did, who knows who you were fucking behind my back,”

Lil felt her whole face sting, as if he had just slapped her across the face. Lucas, Lil thought painfully, but she couldn’t think long, because the sight of his face was hurting her too much to make sense of anything.

“To be honest, for me this was just something I had just needed to do.” He explained, as he got out of bed and pulled on his boxers, before standing up to slip into his jeans, “I mean, I did invest almost three years in you, I kind of deserve this don’t you think?” He asked.

Lil followed him out of bed, “Tommy, what the fuck are you talking about, this isn’t funny and it isn’t a stupid game anymore,” She demanded, trying to keep her voice from cracking and giving away the fear inside.

He eyed her exposed legs with a smug smile, “But shit, I didn’t think you’d give in so easy, I guess my first instinct about you was right all those months ago, you did turn into a whore,” he said amused, “But then again, you probably were one back then too,”

Lil bit her bottom lips, as she quickly pulled on her discarded jeans from the night before, “Shut the fuck up Tommy, you know this was my first time having sex, so stop trying to make me out to be this whore, and you’re right, I hate myself for cheating on my boyfriend,” She admitted painfully, “But it only happened because I love you, Tommy!” She screamed, pulling at his arm when he tried to leave, tears flowing out of her eyes and down her cheeks uncontrollably.

Tommy snatched his arm out of her grasp, “It was a one night thing, get the fuck over it,” He snapped, turning again, but Lil grabbed his wrist.

“Tommy stop, please don’t leave now, please,” She begged vulnerably, “You have hurt me so much, but I know the guy I still love exists in there, and I saw him that day when you saved me, and you know you love me, you showed me you loved me that day, so why are you doing this” She asked, desperation in every word and pain clouding her eyes, “Please Tommy, just tell me, I want to be with you, I really and truly do, and I know you want me to, so please Tommy, please don’t do this, don’t walk out on me like this, please Tommy,” She begged, blocking his way and cupping his face with her hands as she looked up into his eyes.

His eyes remained hard and emotionless, “Get away from me. That day meant nothing to me; it was all a ploy to lead to this. I wanted to fuck you,” He stated with a cruel smirk, “Get some of that arrogance you’ve been flaunting around recently out of you, and maybe even get back at Lucas, because hey, what better way to hit him where it hurts then to take his precious girlfriends virginity, right?”

Lil shook her head in disbelief, as her whole body trembled now, blocking him from leaving her room, when he turned his face from her, her hand pulled it back to face her, “Tommy, I love you,” She whispered before leaning on her tiptoes and slowly pressing her wet lips against his, her arms wrapping around him to pull at his bare back. All she did was softy press her lips against his, a simple gesture to display her love and plea, before she pulled away and her teary eyes looked into his hard ones, “L-look me in the eye, and tell m-me th-that you d-don’t l-love me,” She managed between little sobs and on the brink of breaking down, “T-tell me th-this meant n-nothing to you,”

There was a long pause where her pleading eyes looked into his, and his emotion didn’t change, and in a way he knew that her heart was riding on his answer, her whole body was trembling against his.

This was it.

“I don’t love you, and this was nothing but a one night stand. And honestly, I wouldn’t care if I never saw you again,” He said simply, not moving an inch away from her, and his hard eyes never leaving her wet ones.

You've said goodbye and everything is over now it seems,

And all you left behind for me were dreams, just shattered dreams;

For you were all I had, the only happiness I knew,

You went away without a word; you proved your love untrue.

And slowly, Tommy felt Lil’s hands slide off his back, and he could see her heart breaking through her eyes as she placed her hands against his cheeks once again, before they slid down his face and her hands went to his broad shoulders as she slowly fell to her knees, her hands sliding down his arms until she was kneeling in front of him and her hands were holding his. His eyes never moved as he stared at where her face once was in front of him for a moment, before finally looking down at her when her hands fell from his hands to the ground in front of her, her face full of agony.

I see you as I saw you on the day we two first met,

You seemed as an angel from above your smile I can't forget;

The smiles that made me think, perhaps, some day for me you'll care,

The smile that promised untold joy, but left me in despair

Tommy watched her for a second, before stepping around her fallen body and opening the door, Lil didn’t even look up from the ground as he turned to look at her one last time, his hand almost shaking against the doorframe, before he closed the door behind.

Tommy paused… and his whole façade fell. And the feeling in his heart that he had just barely been able to hide in front of her finally pulled forward and Tommy clenched his fists; it was like someone had taken his insides and pulled them out through his chest.

Tommy leaned back against her room door and took a deep breath, he knew she was breaking inside; he knew he had caused her more pain than he though he was capable of. And she would never know that every second in there had just about killed him inside. Tommy wanted nothing more then to crawl into a whole and die; and a part of him was glad he didn’t have much time to live… now he deserved to die.

Tommy felt a tear sting his eye lid before involuntary sliding down his cheek. His fingers brushed his lips, which were still wet from Lil’s tears; I’m so sorry you ever even met me Lil; I’ll never forgive myself for today, never.

Tommy heard the front door open downstairs, and he quickly pushed away from her door and did his best to mask his heartbreak before walking towards the stairs to find Phil coming upstairs. Phil was startled to find Tommy at the top of the steps, “Tommy, I was looking all over for you, listen man, we really need to-…” But then it seem to have finally dawned on Phil, Tommy was standing in his hallway shirtless, and only Lil had been home almost all night.

“Tommy, what are you doing here?” Phil asked, taking a deep breath.

Tommy smirked back at him, “Let’s just say, mission accomplished,”

“What?”

“Face it, the only reason I came back was for my rents, but then that bitch started acting up with flaunting Lucas in my face and putting me down in front of the school and trying to get me beat up or some shit,” Tommy stated coolly, “I just had to bring the bitch back in line,”

Phil climbed up the rest of the stairs, “What the fuck are you talking about, what the fuck did you do to her?”

Tommy shrugged, and tried to make his way past Phil but Phil grabbed him by the arm roughly, “Tommy,” He growled.

Tommy just smirked, “I think your sister needs you right now,”

And Phil was torn between wiping that smirk off his face and finding Lil, and of course, his need to find Lil won and he shoved Tommy away and ran towards Lil’s door throwing it open, and instantly, Phil felt the wind rush out of him and he froze.

The sight in front of him left him speechless. Lil was lying curled up on the ground, his huge sweatshirt covering her whole frame and he couldn’t even see her face because it was facing the wall opposite of the door. She was barely moving, and he couldn’t hear a sound.

You never meant the kisses that you gave me,

I've paid with tears for every bit of joy,

Phil walked into her room slowly, every second it took to get to her caused the knot in his throat to get tighter and tighter, “Lil,” He whispered.

But he didn’t get any reply, as he kneeled to the ground beside her and tried again, his hand reaching out to her arm which was curled up against her chest, “Lil,”

Still nothing

“Lil please talk to me,” He begged, worry making it harder to breath.

When she wouldn’t say anything, he leaned over her to see her face; her eyes were wide open and her whole face was wet with tears. She just stared at the wall in front of her, her eyes blank was agony; her eyes displayed the torture of being burned at stake, but as if her mouth and body were taped so she couldn’t react.

You made a plaything of my heart, the heart I gave to you,

His heart beat faster in his chest, “Lil, what happened?” He asked softly.

What did Tommy do to her, what the fuck did Tommy do to his sister? What could he possibly have done to do this to her. He had never seen her like this, and that was saying a lot because he had thought he had seen her at her lowest. He has seen her cry her eyes out, he has seen her throw things in tears, she’s pushed him away and pulled him into a hug during her breakdowns, she had cussed, she had sworn, but every single time she had sobbed and been loud and just let her heart out in tears. She had never been like this… quiet, suffering, tortured, and in agony. He had seen it all, but never like this; never quiet and unresponsive.

And this scared him more then anything.

When Lil remained silent, he gently put an arm under her back and another under her knees before lifting her onto his lap, but her posture didn’t change, now she was snuggled against his chest, still curled up into a ball and her arms against her chest and her fists under her chin; her eyes the same.

You broke me like a child would break a toy;

And it was her eyes that hurt him most; there was so much pain and anguish in her eyes that Phil could kill Tommy with his bare hands.

Phil wrapped his arms around her, and the tears that were still slowly spilling out of her eyes soaked through his shirt and one of his hands soothingly brushed the hair out of her face and he gently pressed his lips against her forehead; Lil I’m so sorry. I’m your brother, and I went against you to stand with Tommy, even though I know better then anyone what his disappearance did to you, I know better then anyone that you never recovered from what he did, how stupid was I, how could I have just left you?

How could I have deserted you when I knew you needed me?

Phil looked down at his twin’s face, and just by looking at her, he could almost feel the depths of pain she was in, like he always could by looking at her, and he knew that whatever Tommy did, it was horrible, and he had killed a part of Lil today, and it made Phil’s heart break for his sister and his blood boil and his hands ache for Tommy’s neck.

I promise you Lil, Tommy will pay for what he did to you, no matter what the circumstances, I promise to avenge your pain, I promise.

The love you gave was like a fading flower,

The kind of love that lives for just a day…

Tommy didn’t know how he managed to get to his room, his feet felt like they were a hundred pounds each, and every step hurt more than the last; Lil’s eyes.

“Tommy, you look like shiiiiit,” Dil commented, as Tommy walked into his room, Dil slapped Tommy in the back playfully, “Dude, you-…” But as Dil pulled Tommy around to face him, he trailed off and his smile fell. Tommy’s eyes were blood red.

“Tommy, what’s wrong?” Dil asked, concern growing in his voice, “Is everything alright, is anything hurting man, do you need to go to the hospital?” Dil asked worried, “Tell me, please Tommy tell me what’s wrong, is anything hurting?”

Tommy just pushed away from him, almost stumbling towards his window that faced Lil’s. He looked out towards her room, the blinds were closed but he didn’t need them to be open to see inside. He could still see Lil on the ground, the way he had left her there.

“Tommy, what happened?” Dil almost pleaded, “I’m going to call mom-…”

“No Dil,” Tommy managed in a whisper, “Nothing’s wrong, nothing that I need the hospital for,”

Dil almost deflated in relief, before standing next to his brother, who had both his hands on the window frame, his red eyes staring at Lil’s window. Dil followed his eyes and sighed, “What happened with Lil?” He asked in sympathy, Dil knew Tommy’s sacrifice, and regardless of how much Dil tried to change his mind, he understood why Tommy didn’t tell Lil. Seeing Tommy the way he had in the last two years, it was the worst two years of his life. Tommy’s illness had consumed Dil, he couldn’t do anything whole-heartedly anymore, nothing else seemed to matter when his brother was fighting for his life. And he knew that Tommy didn’t want to put Lil through that too. Lil wouldn’t have been able to take it.

“I completely broke her today,” He whispered in a strained voice, “I’ll never forgive myself for today,”

“Tommy-…” Dil began sympathetically.

“Please, I need to be left alone, please Dil,” He asked simply, and as much as Dil wanted to refuse and stay with Tommy right now, he knew that he had to go, Tommy needed this, he needed to be vulnerable alone, he never wanted anyone to see him weak, or see him cry, and Dil knew that. So Dil just sighed, before nodding.

“Tommy,” He began as he turned at the door, causing Tommy to look up at him, Dil had so much he wanted to say and do, so much helplessness, but in the end he just sighed, “I love you Bro,” He said strained, before closing the door behind him.

Just as the door closed, Tommy fell to his knees like Lil had earlier, and he let back fall against the wall beside his window, taking a huge gulp in attempts to untie the knot in his throat. His heart was thudding uncontrollably against his chest and his arm wrapped around his waist, his hand against his lone kidney, and his head leaned on the wall behind him, I’m so sorry Lil; I do love you, I love you so much, more then you’ll ever know. A tear trailed down his cheek and he let it as it dripped off his chin and to the hand covering his kidney.

I love you.

Chuckie could feel the phone vibrate against the back of his thigh, but he knew who it was and sighed, ignoring it. He had been avoiding Angelica all week, he couldn’t see her, because the second her eyes met his, she’d know he was hiding something, something that was eating him up. And he wanted to be loyal to Tommy, he really did, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep it from Angelica… so he avoided her instead.

Chuckie grabbed a can of coke from his fridge and made his way upstairs, a hand running through his hair in frustration, Angelica already knew though. He couldn’t avoid her at school, and every time she looked him in the eye, he knew she knew. But she couldn’t ask, because he made sure they were never alone together, and always stuck to their big group of friends when he was with her. Making excuses every time she tried to get him alone.

How long could he possibly avoid her? He thought to himself, as he swung open his room door, and his question was answered.

Not long

And there Angelica was, sitting cross legged on his bed, her eyebrows furrowed together, looking completely pissed.

“Angelica-…” Chuckie started startled.

“I let myself in,” She smiled sarcastically, “Alright, no where to hide now Chuckie, what the fuck is up?” She demanded, “Are you cheating on me?” She asked just as angrily, but now Chuckie could see the flicker of vulnerability in her eyes before they hardened again.

Chuckie was surprised with that question; she thought he was cheating on her? She thought that was what this was all about, “No Angelica, of course I’m not cheating on you,” He explained quickly, kneeling on the bed in front of her and putting a hand on her cheek, “I love you,”

He could see a second of relief in her eyes, as her face leaned against his hand, “Then why are you avoiding me Finster?” She asked, melting slightly.

Chuckie pressed his lips against hers, for one, because he had missed her this whole week, and two, to distract her from talking.

But she wasn’t having it, and a few brief seconds later, she pulled away, “Chuckie, tell me what’s going on?”

He sighed, sitting back on his heels, “Babe-…”

“No don’t babe me, don’t you trust me Chuckie?” She asked, her hands cupping his face affectionately, “You know you can tell me anything right?”

Chuckie couldn’t meet her eyes, this was even harder then he initially thought, “I know, but this isn’t my secret to tell,”

“Whose is it?” Angelica asked.

“I can’t say,”

“Does it involve or affect me? Does it affect you?” She asked, searching his eyes, but he refused to make eye contact.

Chuckie paused for a second, before finally admitting, “Yes, both,”

“Then don’t you think I deserve to know Chuckie?” She questioned, “It must be something huge that you’ve been avoiding me to make sure you hid it from me,”

“But Angelica, I don’t know if I could say, this person specified that I tell no one, and you know this is killing me right, I want to tell you so bad, but I just can’t,” He sighed defeated.

Angelica softened at the pain on his face, and she simply brought up his face to look at her, “Alright, I want you to make the decision wisely. Think with your heart, do you think I deserve to know, if I do, please tell me, and if I don’t, then its okay Chuckie, I won’t question you about this again, I promise,”

As much as Chuckie wasn’t sure if he should tell her, he couldn’t deny that she did deserve to know, that was her cousin! How could she not know? She did deserve to know, he would never be able to forgive himself if something happened to Tommy, and Chuckie knew that he hid this information from Angelica, and even robbed the chanced of her being able to help him from her. She would never forgive him.

“Alright Angelica…” He paused taking a deep breath, “You do deserve to know, it’s about Tommy, and this is the reason he left two years ago…” Chuckie began.

A/n a LOT of aghast in this chapter :\

Thanks to all the reviewed, this is for you guys!

Read and review!

The things I do when exams are right around the corner:O

Appreciate my stupidity! Lol