A/N:

Sigh...

I was meant to be writing a Death Note parody like this one for Raito, but then I'm like, "Fuck It." and didn't.

Instead, I bring you this.

It's... a little awkward, to say the least.

WARNING! Suicide May Result in ACTUAL Death

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Suicide appears to be the 'latest craze' around here, huh?

People are doing it left, right and center.

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Example:

"You there, emo kid with a gun. How may I help you?"

"By dying. (shoots up shopping mall)"

That guys suicide note said, "I went out with style."

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I mean, honestly.

It's been done so many times, you can barely call that amazing.

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"Someone I knew died in that shooting!"

"Dear Obviously-American Reader. I hope you now understand that suicides may result in ACTUAL death."

"Really? I thought it was just an attention-seeking device."

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You see, folks, suicide is actually a form of death.

It's not meant to be used to make friends, appear popular or to get sympathy from complete strangers.

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No, suicide is your way of telling Akito,

"YO BITCH! YOU CAN'T FIRE ME! I QUIT! QUIT, DAMN IT!"

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It's just like that, too.

Ask 3m0 pUnK-p0s3r kY0u, for example.

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"You there! 3m0 pUnK-p0s3r kY0u! What are you doing in my house?"

"I quit, damn it."

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Except, his cuts were for attention and barely scratched the skin, like that of Charmaine and Nikki from the Mighty Authoress' homegroup class.

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"HOW DARE YOU!"

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People are so easily offended by the littlest things.

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"Do I look good in this dress?"

"Well, apart from the fact I can see your Christmas Ham thighs, your chubby knee-caps and your sock-liner ankles, you're stunning."

"... (suicide)"

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Why ask?

WHY ASK.

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"I curse you to never ask again."

"Megumi, I don't think the point of cursing someone is telling them..."

-

Hatori wouldn't understand.

He shouldn't even be here.

In fact, Akito was going to say that until Mighty Authoress forgot her name for a second and couldn't be bothered to backspace and change it.

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"I thought I told you not to tell anyone my horrible secrets!"

"I thought I told you not to tell anyone about my very small penis!"

"... Megumi, your penis isn't small."

"Oh yeah. That's right. I must have been thinking about Kureno's. It crawls like a worm from a bird."

-

BAH-BOOM TISH!

Talk about humor.

-

"... I don't get it."

"Er, well, Kureno is a bird, right?"

"Right..."

"And is dick is small and worm-like, right?"

"Right..."

"So... his dick, the worm, crawls from the bird, which is himself."

"... I don't get it."

-

Gaaah.

Some people are so stupid.

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"Gerard Way is like Indian Curry; he's hot, foreign and if you get too much of him in your mouth, you'll choke."

"... Dear GOD. WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?"

-

Just remember, kids.

A note from your good pal Megumi.

SUICIDE MAY RESULT IN ACTUAL DEATH.

Do not try it at home.

SERIOUSLY!

I don't need to go back to jail for not leaving a warning.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO GUYS LIKE ME IN PRISON.

A/N:

Rape!

Okay... er... hope you enjoyed.