Warnings: Occasional profanity and several references to sex. They are mild references, I think.

A/N at bottom.

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

L’s eyes did not waver from the screen of the laptop, and his fingers did not miss a beat in their rapid clicking against the keyboard as he answered, “A good thing my name is not Jack, then, Light-kun.”

“That’s not the point!” sighed Light, exasperated. He glanced over at the digital clock on their nightstand, where the screen glared a blood red 10:47. He had woken up ten minutes ago to L’s typing, and had not yet moved from his side of the bed. I didn’t think Light would be a late riser, either, but he is a normal teenager who goes to sleep at normal teenager times, you know, two or three in the morning. “Ryuuzaki, do you plan on working all day?”

“Crime does not rest. Kira does not rest. Therefore, I will not rest.”

“It’s Sunday, the day of rest!” Light had the sudden urge to strangle his strange companion with the chain that bound them together. “Even God took a coffee break. Let’s go out.”

“A date, Light-kun?” asked L, the corners of his mouth quirking up.

“If you want me to bring Misa along…”

“No, don’t do that!” The words came hastily, and Light bit back a smirk. Turning wide, insomnia-stricken eyes to his partner, the detective pleaded, “I don’t want to go out.”

Light scoffed, “This is getting ridiculous. You sound like a kid. Now, save whatever you’re working on and we’ll go to the beach.”

“The beach?”

“Yes, the beach, sand, sun, ocean, girls, even sugar cubes!”

L’s eyes lit up at the mention of sugar cubes. Who can blame him? Sugar cubes are manna from heaven!

“Have you saved it yet?” Light asked.

“No, I said I don’t want to go out!” whined L, his eyes plastered to the screen.

“What are you even reading?” Light leaned over to peer at the web page before L could stop him. “ ‘…He inserted a third, wet finger, thrusting harder and faster as he moaned…’ ” Light stopped reading abruptly. “This isn’t even stuff on the case, this is an erotic literature site, you sick bastard!”

“It is good writing.”

“Shut off the damn thing right now!”

---

Three hours, four banana split sundaes, and five verbal spars later, the two geniuses arrived at the beach. People stared at the handcuffs and chain, but Light was past the point of caring. He finally had a chance to stretch his legs! Boldly, purposefully, he strode across the sand to claim an umbrella space. Luckily, the beach was not crowded and Light proudly staked a good spot, not too far from the water, but not too close, with plenty of room.

L, on the other hand, looked like a wounded kitten crawling through a crowd of bloodthirsty mastiffs…an anorexic, deathly pale, insomniac kitten with poor nutritional sense, a defective wardrobe, and massive need of a haircut (though his hair is pretty sexy). But that’s beside the point.

“Here, Ryuuzaki,” said Light, holding out a bottle of sunscreen.

L took it delicately between his index finger and thumb, as he did all objects subject to further examination. “What is this, Light-kun?”

“Sunscreen. Put it on,” he instructed as he laid out two towels beneath the umbrella.

“Why?”

“Because if you don’t, you will get skin cancer and die,” answered Light simply.

L brought the bottle to his nose for closer inspection. “It smells funny.”

“Would you rather look like a peeling, blight-ridden tomato?” Sitting on the towels, he was frustrated now, and L had to suppress a proud grin. It was always fun pushing the anal-retentive young man over the edge.

“Yes.”

Light suddenly jerked the chain, causing L to crash beside him. “Stupid, stubborn ass,” he muttered under his breath, tearing L’s shirt off and squirting globs of sunscreen onto the ghostly white skin. “Make sure you rub a lot on your shoulders, and don’t forget your face.”

Surprisingly, L meekly obeyed, rubbing the thick liquid thoroughly into his body. Light marveled at how skinny the detective was, for all the sweets he ate. Each rib poked through alabaster skin, and his arms were so slim that Light was sure he could fit a hand around his biceps. He really needed to eat more, and Light vowed to begin enforcing a healthier diet once they returned to HQ.

“Is my body delicious to you, Light-kun?”

The question startled him. “N-No, what the hell are you talking about?”

“You are staring, the way I stare at a slice of strawberry shortcake, and I find strawberry shortcake delicious,” L said, not bothering to mask his amusement. He offered the bottle to Light. “Here.”

Light ripped off his T-shirt and it was L’s turn to stare. Light could easily overpower L in a match of strength, so L was lucky his kicks had great timing when they fought. It was clear that Light had been beautifully sculpted once, though the angles had softened after working nonstop on the Kira case. L watched in fascination as Light applied the sunscreen, muscles in his arms and back rippling as he stretched for hard-to-reach places.

“Ryuuzaki, will you get my back?”

L looked up suddenly at the bottle Light had dropped into his hands. “Of course,” he said, squeezing a small puddle onto his hand and watching Light turn around. Meticulously, slowly, carefully, he smeared the cream across the tanned back before him.

L had not lied when he’d told Light many days ago about his excellent masseuse skills. Light found himself drifting into an almost half-sleep as L’s therapeutic fingers traced circles down his spine and around his shoulder blades, activating a soothing pressure point here, easing tension over there. He felt a growing warmth and discomfort in his abdomen, and knew what it meant. Who knew a simple application of sunscreen could be so…arousing?

L’s soft voice broke into his reverie. “You have a birthmark.” The detective gently pressed a spot just below his neck, right where his back started.

“I know,” murmured Light.

“It has an interesting shape.”

“Really?”

Suddenly, Light felt warm pressure on that spot. It wasn’t L’s fingers. It was slightly wet, soft, and…was L kissing his birthmark?!

“A-Are you finished?” demanded Light. He felt the pressure pull away, and cool ocean air hit his skin again.

“Yes,” said L, returning the bottle. “Well, I have my swimming trunks on and I smell funny. Will Light-kun accompany me into the water?”

“You’ve got me handcuffed to you,” Light snorted. As they trudged down the beach across the warm, white sand, he couldn’t help but wonder aloud, “What is my birthmark shaped like?”

L’s raven-black eyes glanced sharply at him. “A scythe, such as one a Western Shinigami might hold,” he answered.

“I am not Kira!”

“Did I say you were?” chuckled L. “So quick to deny it, Light-kun.”

Growling something probably not very nice, Light suddenly took off sprinting for the waves, dragging poor L behind him (darn thing weighs, like, 50 pounds anyway).

“Light-kun, slow down!” wailed the detective as the two hit the water with an icy cold splash.

“Let’s go out deeper,” commanded Light, pulling his companion further and further away from shore, until they had to stand on their tiptoes to breathe. The water was very nice, not too cold, not too warm, though L, with his enormous sweet tooth, did not appreciate the salty taste too much.

And all of a sudden, L calculated that he would be completely submerged in exactly 7.93 seconds at the rate they were going.

“Light-kun…”

“What?” Light snapped.

“Perhaps I have not told Light-kun yet that I cannot swim…”

Light whipped around just as L’s mop of black hair disappeared beneath the surface. “Goddamn it, you could’ve told me earlier!” he shouted, taking a deep breath and plunging into the water as a monster wave approached. His eyes wide open in the stinging brine, he searched for his companion. Light couldn’t have appreciated the chain more when he grabbed L’s limp, frail body and squeezed his eyes shut when the aforementioned monster wave hauled them roughly across the sharp pebbles and sand on the bottom for what seemed like forever.

Clutching L to his body, Light fought for the surface, wishing he had not gone out so deep. Finally, he broke free, taking a much-needed breath of oxygen. L’s eyes, however, remained closed even as his face touched air.

“Shit, Ryuuzaki!” muttered Light as he struggled towards shore, not realizing that his statement sounded like he was telling L to do Number Two.

Anyway.

Light finally managed to drag L to shore, and L was still unconscious.

“Wake up, Ryuuzaki!” shouted Light, shaking the poor man by the shoulders.

Nothing happened. And so he had no choice but to force open L’s jaw, pinch his nose, and lean forward to press their open mouths together.

Then, he noticed something strange.

The corners of L’s lips were quirked upwards, so very slightly. Why the hell was L smiling in his unconsciousness?

“You motherfucking pervert!” screamed Light, leaping up and bitch-slapping the detective. Unfortunately for L, who had very, very pale skin, the slap left a perfect imprint of Light’s hand.

“Why are you screaming, Light-kun?” asked L innocently, sitting up and brushing off sand as if nothing had happened.

“Why are you sitting up and brushing off sand as if nothing had happened?” shouted Light. At least he wasn’t screaming any more. I hate it when guys scream, they sound ridiculously gay. Not that I don’t mind gays, of course. Why do you think I’m writing this oneshot?!

“I was obviously trying to get you to kiss me, but you noticed I was only faking unconsciousness, so there is no further point to fake unconsciousness, is there?” That was what L was dying to say, but being a very clever and very awkward man, he merely stated instead, “Because I am perfectly fine, breathing, and alive. Surely Light-kun is smart enough to figure that out?”

“Don’t mock me,” snarled Light, grabbing a fistful of sand, and throwing it back down to the ground.

“Was Light-kun worried for me?”

“Yes!” he hissed, infuriated at being asked such a stupid question.

L smiled brightly. “And why would Light-kun be worried for my well-being?”

“Because…”

L waited, the hopeful smile never leaving his face.

“Because…”

Light glared straight into his partner’s deep black eyes.

“Because if you died, everyone at headquarters would think I was Kira!”

Okay, that was not what L was hoping for.

An awkward silence ensued.

Did you know that everyone thinks of Abraham Lincoln during an awkward silence?

You don’t?

Well, you will now! (Cue evil laughter).

But I digress.

L looked up into Light’s eyes, a beautiful shade of amber tinted red. “You are on top of me.”

“Oh, sorry.” Blood rushed to Light’s cheeks as he immediately rolled onto the sand. “Don’t you dare scare me like that again,” he admonished.

L grinned, “Understood.”

“And…if you really wanted to kiss me that badly…”

Their gazes met, one startled, one smug.

“Just ask, don’t go and try to kill yourself.”

L smiled, “I will keep that in mind for future reference.”

Sighing, Light stood up and dusted sand off his arms and legs. “Seriously, though, don’t do that again.”

Unfazed, L stood up as well and asked, “At least may I have some sugar cubes?”

“What?”

“When you dragged me to the beach this morning,” explained L, “you listed the characteristics of the beach to entice me. I have seen the sand, the sun, the ocean, and the girls, but I would much rather see the sugar cubes that you mentioned.”

“I have no fucking sugar cubes,” Light growled, and jerked on the chain. “Come on, I’m hungry.” You see, before they had taken the bus to the beach, they had stopped at a grocery store and bought snacks for convenience. Rather, Light dashed aisle to aisle, grabbing everything from apples to zebras…I mean…uh…Zebra Cakes, yeah. And L had wandered around the bakery section, staring ravenously at the birthday cakes, cupcakes, muffins, and cookies, which is pretty much what I do when my mom drags me to grocery stores, so I completely sympathize.

“You promised sugar cubes,” whined L.

Light ignored the comment, tossing L a bag of marshmallows, which he calculated should keep the sweet-craving man occupied for seven minutes or so. Suddenly, he turned and demanded, “Do you actually know how to swim?”

L looked like a deer caught in headlights. He blinked, pressing his thumb thoughtfully to his marshmallow-smeared lips. “What if I said yes?”

“Then I would tackle you and smother you with this bag of chips,” said Light very grimly.

“Such violent tendencies, Light-kun, reminiscent of a mass murderer…”

“The hell, Ryuuzaki? I am not Kira!”

“…And I’d rather have sugar cubes shoved down my throat, you know. Brown sugar cubes, which are much better than refined white ones, are possibly my favorite sweets, and you know how much I like sweets…”

“I have no fucking sugar cubes! Brown or white!”

“…And you know what I’d like much more than sugar cubes down my throat?” he murmured, more to himself than to anyone else. L looked out at the ocean, at the waves rolling gently onto the dark sand, sand the color of brown sugar cubes. Your tongue, though it probably tastes like those disgusting salt-and-vinegar chips you are devouring now, he thought. But if I say such a thing as that, Light will assume I am a dirty old man who cannot keep his hands to himself (now, L, are you sure that’s not true?), and will most likely reject my affections. There is a 67 percent possibility for such a rejection. 28 percent says that he will brush it off but regard me strangely for the remainder of this outing, and the other four percent suggests that he will return my affections, most likely with a fervent kiss. L smiled happily at that thought. But that is only four percent.

Barely masking a hopeless sigh, he chanced a glance out of the corner of his eye at Light, who was gazing out at sea very contentedly.

“Uh, earth to Ryuuzaki?”

“Yes?” L snapped around to face his comrade. Ooh, “comrade” sounds so very communist.

“We have maybe an hour left on the beach,” Light said, glancing at his watch. The afternoon sun was halfway towards the horizon, and it would be dark soon. “Do you want to go back into the water?”

“No.”

Light bit back an exasperated snort. “Well, what do you want to do?”

Dare he? L’s thumb ran across the length of his bottom lip as he said falteringly, “Light-kun, I want…I want…you know what I want…”

Light had never seen L at a loss for words. It pleased him to no end. “I don’t know, Ryuuzaki, how about you clarify for me?”

“…Uh…sugar cubes.”

Shaking his head, Light chuckled, “Do you want to take a walk down the beach, then?” L nodded, and they both stood up.

The sun was just beginning to set, and L almost didn’t regret coming to the ocean that day. It was all so beautiful, the colors spilling over the horizon and across the ripples of the ocean. It reminded L of a puddle of melting rainbow sherbet ice cream.

Oh boy, did L love rainbow sherbet ice cream.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it, Ryuuzaki?” asked Light as they stopped to gaze at the scenery.

L could only nod, dumbfounded, as he turned to face his younger. Against the backdrop of the sunset, the colors haloing his form, Light’s face glowed with vitality.

No, he is not luminescent. Nor does he have a light bulb in his head. I never understood that expression, anyway. Surely you do, however.

Light, too, was looking at L. “You need a tan, you know,” said Light, moving closer and picking up L’s hand. He turned it so that the palm faced skyward, and examined the inside of the wrist.

L could only follow his movements with wide eyes.

“I can see all your veins, you’re so white,” Light smirked, watching L’s enraptured gaze. It was all Light could do not to break into a very evil smile. The power he had over the world famous detective! L, who had thrown Light off-guard many times during the investigation, who had given Light too many headaches to count, was now completely succumbed to his attentions.

It wasn’t as if Light hadn’t noticed L’s schoolgirl crush. I mean, heck, they were chained together 24/7! (Sometimes it made Light wonder why L had insisted they be chained together…) And L, who was very, very smart when it came to academics, and even more brilliant when it came to seemingly impossible murder cases, was, simply, socially retarded. Light was not. It was very simple for him to learn L’s body signals, almost like learning the rules of a simple board game. And it was very simple for him to perceive that…

L was hopelessly in love.

Light grew curious. What if he…?

Never breaking eye contact, he drew L’s wrist up to his lips and pressed them to the cold, velvet skin.

A tremor shivered its way up L’s arm and through his body.

“Did you enjoy that, Ryuuzaki?” smirked Light.

“If you are Kira, this would play very well to your advantage,” he muttered, staring at the sand.. Though he was pale, as Light had pointed out many times, he had never been one to blush. He was never more thankful for that, for he would’ve looked like a bloated Red Delicious apple. Ugh, I loathe Red Delicious apples, but they’re better than tomatoes.

“If I am Kira,” Light agreed. Suddenly, in one fluid movement, Light pulled L closer to him, so close that they were only a hair’s breadth apart. And a hair is very, very skinny, mind you.

L could barely hear Light’s next words, muttered so softly and so close that Light’s warm breath tickled his cheek.

“I can make you tremble with one butterfly kiss to the wrist. You are too easy, Ryuuzaki,” chuckled Light. “What would happen if I went further?”

L, fearing that his heart would explode at the rate it was beating, wanted to shout, “I don’t want to find out!” He found himself incapacitated to do so, however, because in the next second, Light’s mouth was crushed against his. And, um, well…

Okay, maybe I should tell you that I’m not very good at writing make out scenes.

So, uh, yeah, they kissed and stuff. The whole deal, you know, with all the “his warm tongue nudged his lips, begging for an entrance” and “he bit down gently on his lower lip, earning a hardly stifled moan” and “their tongues blissfully explored each other” and…you get the idea. It didn’t help that both of them were shirtless, so there was a lot of groping involved, I’m sure. Though I’d rather grope Light than L. L is an anorexic skeleton, but I think I’ve already mentioned that. And, wouldn’t it be awkward to make out with a chain? I mean, you’d reach up to entwine your fingers in the other’s hair, and accidentally whack him across the face with links of metal. Ouch.

Well, despite all their shortcomings, they enjoyed it. In fact, they enjoyed it for so long that when they finally broke apart, hair sexily mussed up (though you can’t really muss up L’s sexily mussed up hair more than it already is), it was early into the hours of twilight, and a spattering of stars winked at them overhead.

“We should go back, Ryuuzaki,” Light said, pushing himself up on his elbows in the sand. Somewhere, in the course of that make out scene that I kind of didn’t write, they had ended up on the ground, Light on top, of course. He’s not seme for nothing.

“Mm,” L murmured, dazed by what had just happened. He wiped some of Light’s saliva off his lips (ew!).

“I doubt Kira is as good a kisser as I am,” laughed Light. Arrogant prick.

L smiled as they both stood up, “I didn’t even have to ask you.”

“True.” They began their trek back to their umbrella. The beach was now deserted, except for late night strollers, and homophobes hidden nearby with sniper rifles.

Don’t worry—their aim sucks. Nobody dies.

“And…” L paused as he figured out how to word his next thought. “I think I’d like to do that again sometime, Light-kun.”

Light grinned. “Hell yeah.”

---

They boarded the bus that would take them back. It would be a nearly two-hour long ride. L had the window seat, so Light, who was tired, had no choice but to rest his head against L’s shoulder.

“I’m going to sleep. Wake me up when we get there,” he yawned.

L, being the awkward man that he is, awkwardly tilted his head to rest awkwardly upon Light’s head. “You know, Light-kun,” said L, after an awkward silence (Abraham Lincoln!), “I wouldn’t mind…what is the expression? Something about the second inning.”

“Rounding second base?” mumbled Light, only half-awake.

“Yes, that.” L waited tensely for Light’s answer.

“Well,” Light said slowly, “that’s why I am trying to get some sleep now, because I know I won’t be getting any sleep later tonight, but someone won’t shut up.”

L sighed, quite relieved. “Did you know that was my first kiss? Authoress-sama did tell you that I’m socially retarded, right? So with your powers of deduction, Light-kun, perhaps you can deduce that I’ve never…”

“Shut up!” groaned Light. “I’m trying to sleep. Here, this should occupy you for a while.” Light rummaged in his grocery bag (remember, they went grocery shopping earlier) for something, and withdrew a closed fist. “Open wide, Ryuuzaki,” he commanded.

L hesitantly obeyed, and something was crammed into his mouth.

“There,” said a very satisfied Light, wiping his hand on his swimming trunks. “Now let me sleep.”

L watched Light’s eyelids flutter shut, and he stayed stock-still until he felt his companion’s breathing fall into a quiet, ragged rhythm. Only then did he venture to swirl his tongue around the foreign objects Light had forced him to eat.

They were sweet.

They were crumbly.

They were crunchy.

They were delicious.

They were…

Brown sugar cubes.

A/N: Written because I was utterly bored and my muse had gone AWOL. When he comes back, I will shove this oneshot in his face and scream, “See what happens when you desert, soldier?! This is what happens! This is what I am reduced to!!!”

It’s really just a brain-dump, as my history teacher would say (may he be skinned alive with the edge of a sharpened history textbook and drowned in vinegar). It was going to be serious, at first, but really, a Light x L outing to the beach is hardly a serious matter. So I succumbed to my inner demon of humor, which does not exist, and rambled. I am very good at rambling. I am not very good at awkward, fluffy oneshots.

Regardless of my deficiencies, I hope you enjoyed! Much love goes to Pineapple-Sister, who entertained me as I was writing this. In fact, she entertained me so well that instead of writing like I was supposed to, I watched the interesting show her multiple personalities put on for me, and didn't actually get to finish the oneshot until the next day...aishiteru!