Rated Mature:Language, Certain Situations, Abuse and Drugs

Author’s Notes:Happy Mothers Day! This is to all those who never really had a mom be there for them. Also to those who love their mother dearly. This is for you! Enjoy lovely readers!

Disclaimer: Obviously I don’t own Fruits Basket nor do I own any of the characters. Just using them for a little twist of my own. Just so you all know, this fic doesn’t follow the original storyline of Furuba. The characters are all OOC, just to warn you. The opening song is "The Rain Leaves a Scar" by L'arcenCiel, and the ending song is "Criminal" by Ayumi Hamasaki. The insert song "Memorial Address" is also by Ayumi Hamasaki.

Chapter Preview:The questions wouldn't stop. I was angry, I was happy, I was sad and I was hurt yet relieved she was okay. All of these emotions at once. All of them at once. It seems like it's all still a dream. And I can't even cry...

Fruits Basket

:XxInsomniaXx:

By Kaiya

Isuzu's Side

xXxXxXx

:XXIV:

“Memorial Address”

xxxxx

The short-lived bouquet burnt out

Withered by the cold flames that night

My beloved, where am I?

Covered in sediment, I can't break free

I feel ou in that flickering brightness

When I awoke in the morning, a warm rain

That had forgotten how to stop poured down

That gently erases the noise, but

Why doesn't it wash me away?

Ah, I felt you in that flickering brightness

You once overflowed in my hand

But now I can't see you

My voice is being shut off

I can't shout anything

Buried in the crowd

Tell me

Where I am now?

Why can't i get out here?

Why can't I get out here?

Ah, I felt you in that flickering brightness

But now I can't tie you down

Everything sways fleetingly

You once overflowed in my hand

But now I can't see you

Now knowing a way to escape

I can't even say goodbye

My voice is being shut off

I can't shout anything

Buried in the crowd

Tell me...

Where am I now?

xxxxx

"Thank you, Haru, for the wonderful dinner. I haven't eaten like that in forever." I smiled and bowed to him as he and I walked out of the resteraunt. Actually, I've never eaten like that. Ever. But I didn't want him knowing that. He gave a grin and ruffled his silver locks.

"Anytime, just ask." then he opened the car door for me. I slowly stepped in and sat down in the cold, leather seat. I shivered and Haru got in. There were obvious goose bumps on my legs, so I crossed them and hugged myself. I looked out the window. Haru turned to me.

"You cold?" he asked, starting the car.

"No..." I lied, pretending it was warm.

"I can smell a lie from a mile away. Here, you can wear this until the car warms up. The late show starts a nine. The movie theater is like, ten minutes from here. What would you like to see?" Haru smiled as he handed me his black, leather jacket. It was nice and warm. It smelled of cologne. To tell the truth, it smelled good.

"It doesn't matter. Whatever's good." I shrugged. Haru nodded and pulled out and drove forward. It was silent the first five minutes. Then Haru began to talk.

"So, how did you and Machi get along?" he stopped at a stop light. Cars illuminated the streets and lit up Haru's smooth face. His electric eyes glistened as the red light turned green.

"She was nice. Very nice. I can see why Yuki likes her. She has a soft heart..." Machi's tender eyes came to mind. I thought of Tohru again. That song, "Part of Me" replayed in my head. The slow and beautiful melody. I wish I had kept that CD with me. But I left it at the hospital after they took me to the asylum.

"Yeah, Yuki has a weakness for girls in need and stuff. He's just Yuki, you know? He's like the guy I admire most." Haru laughed. I thought about Haru's fight with those gang members on the night we met and the night he saved me.

"You admire Yuki, but you're so...Like, the rebellious type." I almost whispered.

"Heh, yeah, lots of people say that I guess. But it's funny, I am rebellious and yet, I admire a sophisticated, violet eyed nice guy, huh? Hm, I admire him because he's what I can never be." Haru sighed, squeezing the steering wheel.

"And what's that?" I curiously asked, blinking at the street lights. There was a small pause and he spoke again.

"He's brave, yet soft hearted. He's sensitive yet strong. He can control his anger, his emotions, and his disipline. He notices the smallest of things and he's caring and loving. He has a knack for showing it too. When we were little kids, I always talked to him when I'd..." Haru stopped abruptly. His eyes began to tear. I swallowed, wishing I could take back what I'd asked about what he wasn't and what Yuki was. He shook his head.

"See? Here's a perfect example. Yuki can control his emotions...I can't..." he cleared his throat and continued. "I'd talk to Yuki when...I had a fight with my parents. He always knew what to say. He'd have an answer for everything. I felt so small. And I'd always lose a fight to Kyo, but Yuki would always win a fight with Kyo." Haru sighed as we pulled into the theater. He sniffled and got out to open my door.

"Sorry about that...You probably didn't want to hear me rambling on about some crappy past and my crappy admirations." he laughed as I got out.

"No, no, really...It wasn't that bad. I like to hear other's stories. They intrest me." I smiled and nodded. "So, let's go see a thriller, to get our minds off this emotional stuff huh?" I selfelessly said, slowly taking Haru's hand and leading him to the entrance. What was up with me? Why was I acting this way? I was acting as if I was best friends with Haru or something. It was strange. As we entered the theater, a girl in green and dark hair stood in the snack line. I couldn't see her face, but she looked somewhat...Familiar.

"I'd like a milk shake with some...Caramel in it..." she said to the cashier. Then it hit me...

No...It couldn't be. Haru paid for the tickets as I stared at the girl in green.

"Impossible..." I whispered. No...It definently wasn't...I could be...It was impossible...There was no way in hell it was...

Her...

Was it?

Could it be...her?

She slowly turned around, sipping her milk shake. Her big grey eyes shimmered in the florescent lights of the theater. Her dark hair was pulled back in a half pony tail, and her green skirt and jacket complimented her skin tone. I knew that face. It was definently her...

It was my sister...

Kagura...

I quickly turned away as she walked into one of the movie rooms.

"Ready to go in or do you want something?" Haru asked, handing me a ticket.

"Um...How about I get the seats and you get the snacks, fair?" I asked, wondering if this was all some kind of dream. The throbbing of my scars and scabs on my arms began to act up again. The pain was mild, but it was still pain. So this wasn't a dream. It was reality. I turned to Haru. He nodded and went to the snacks. I went into the same movie room as Kagura did. So she was seeing thriller too. She was always that type.

I haven't seen her in so long. Why here though? Why now? Was it fate that we were here? No, fate wasn't real. It couldn't be. It had to be mere couinsidence. It...couldn't be...Or maybe I was dead and seeing things. Ugh, what was going on?

As I entered the dark theater, the movie screen was flashing advertisements of food and popcorn. Then they advertised some DVDs and told us to keep our feet off the seats. I walked down the aisle and saw her sitting way in the front. I sat two rows behind her so I could get a good view of her. So this was reality. And there was no doubt in my mind it was Kagura. My only sister, here, in the same theater. Millions of thoughts raced through my head.

Did she know I ran away?

Did she know our step father was dead? Or better yet, murdered?

Did she miss me?

Did she even remember me?

Did she know that when she left, she took a huge piece of me with her?

Did she know I missed her?

Did she know I was angry with her for leaving me all alone to be abused and raped by our own step father?

The questions wouldn't stop. I was angry, I was happy, I was sad and I was hurt yet relieved she was okay. All of these emotions at once. All of them at once. A few minutes later, Haru came in with two sodas and a huge cup of popcorn. He sat next to me and handed me a soda.

"Thanks..." I barely managed to say, still dazed that Kagura was two rows in front of me.

"So, this movie is called 'Midnight Dangers'. Kind of a lame name if you ask me. Hey, have you ever noticed the thriller movies always have crappy names? And they're always cheesy or something. Same with horror movies. The names are even more stupid though. Like that one movie called 'Gory Zombies' or whatever. Crappy ass names! Have you seen that one before?" Haru was rambling on. But I was only half listening to him.

"Huh, oh yeah..." I said, only glancing breifly at him.

"Hey, you okay? You must really be into these pre-movie advertisements. They just continuously play you know? And those dumb trivia questions they ask. Like, 'who played L in Death Note?' and the answers would be 'L Lawliet himself', 'Kentaro Fuji', or 'Kenichi Matsuyama'. I mean, everyone knows L Lawliet isn't real! And Kentaro Fuji was a hard core criminal in Japan that got killed last year in a car accident! And Kenichi Matsuyama is the so called 'heart throb' of Japan, AND he's an actor. Anyone with common sense would know that! Duh!" Haru laughed and threw some popcorn at the screen. It nearly hit Kagura.

"Uh huh..." I said, still staring at the back of Kagura's head.

"Did I do something or are you more into girls, because you're staring at one right now." Haru said. That got my attention. I turned to him, glaring.

"What? No, I'm fine. And no, I wasn't staring at her. I was just wondering who that was." I stuipdly said, shaking myself out of my daze and back into reality.

"Oh, that girl? Hm, I think Shigure knows her. I thought she looked familiar when I came in. Shigure has a picture of her on his wall in the living room, above the TV. Don't know how he knows her though, but I think it's better not to question the women in Shigure's life. To tell the truth, she looks pretty young. Then again, Shigure is always writing about younger women and older men in his novels...What a perv." Haru laughed and took a gulp of his pop.

"Really now...Hm...Guess I'll have to ask him then." I whispered to myself.

"What? Did you say something?" Haru asked.

"No, it was nothing." I said, sighing. The movie started as more people piled into the late show. Huge letters appeared across the screen saying "Midnight Dangers". Then a girl appeared wearing a nightgown as a shadowy figure began to chase her with a knife. I rolled my eyes. A family of five sat in front of me, so Kagura was out of my vision.

A painful hour and a half later, the credits rolled on the screen. People got up and began to pour out. Haru and I were fully outside as most of the crowd left. No sign of Kagura. Haru yawned and led me to the car.

"So how'd you like that?" he asked. Heck, I couldn't even pay attention throughout half the movie due to my thoughts racing, and how I would ask Shigure about who Kagura was. It was silent most of the way back to Shigure's house. I got out and ran to the door. Haru slowly came and took out some keys.

"Hold your horses, you must be tired huh? Well, it was a crappy and tiring movie, so I don't blame you." Haru laughed and opened the door. I stepped in the dark entrance and into the living room. I switched on the light and on top of the TV was a picture of Kagura. Why didn't I notice it before? I didn't watch TV and guess I didn't bother to examine this house very much.

"Where's Shigure?" I rather rudly asked.

"Probably sleeping, why?" Haru asked, peeling off his leather jacket and throwing it on the couch. "Wanna ask him who that girl is?" Haru asked, noticing me staring at Kagura's picture. It was a more recent one. She was wearing a white long sleeved shirt and looked nice. She looked older too. She's changed since I last saw her. But it's been a while, would she remember me as the way I look now? Well, of course she would, but she'd probably reject me. That's why she probably left me, was because she hated me or something.

I had to talk to Kagura somehow. I had to find out more about why she's here, how she knows Shigure and somehow, meet up with her and get mad at her. Or hug her or question her about why the left. I turned to Haru.

"I'll talk to Shigure tomorrow. Can you tell him?" I asked.

"Um, sure. Do you know this girl or something?" Haru asked.

"Yeah...I guess you can say that. But I've come to know her as a stranger now, I guess. I just have a few questions for her. Nothing more." I shrugged, and before Haru could ask anything else, I ran upstairs and into Shigure's writing room and got ready for bed. I slipped out of Machi's clothes and into my old clothes. I laid down and stared at the cieling. I felt more anger rise and more sadness. I fell asleep, dreaming about my mother and Kagura. I dreamt about that day my mother told me she'd leave us if her life went wrong. And about her killing herself. And about Kagura leaving without a real goodbye.

I cried in my sleep and was awoken by the phone ringing. I sat up and rubbed my tear stained eyes. My throat hurt and that sadness remained in my heart, even through sleep. I opened the door and saw Shigure talking on the phone.

"Oh, don't worry! I've got the first chapter done already! I'll turn it in later today, if that's okay with you. I know...I know...I'm not lazy, I've just got a lot on my plate at the moment...No, I didn't sleep in, it's only eleven anyway! I have to go, the miso soup is burning!" Shigure laughed and hung up. He sighed and looked up to see me at the top of the stairs. My heart flipped over.

"Oh, were you there the whole time? Heh, sorry about that. My stobborn editor wants me to turn in my newest story to her so she can edit it. She says she has no work now that I'm procrastinating on my stories. She's so stubborn!" Shigure laughed and I came down the stairs.

"I see..." I said, looking at the picture of Kagura on the TV again.

"Oh, yeah, Hatsuharu said you wanted to talk to me about something. He left with Kyo this morning to get some take out. I lied to my editor about the miso soup burning. There is none! Ha! Anyway, now then, come, do sit and we'll talk." Shigure led me into the kitchen and we sat at the little dining table. I sighed and fiddled with my fingers.

"Well...Last night...Haru and I went to the movies and I saw that girl you have a picture of. And I was wondering...Who she was." I said out.

"Oh her? She's my editor! Ha, funny story, she needed a job really badly when she came here lots of months ago, almost a year actually, and she saw my sign all over town, so she came here asking to be my editor. She had to take an english grammar test of course, and she past. She is very good so I hired her to be my editor. That was her on the phone actually. Now she lives in Sunset Apartments a couple blocks away from here. She's helped me publish one book so far and she's very wonderful!" Shigure smiled.

"I see...What's her name?" I asked.

"Oh, Kagura. What a nice name, huh? She's very mature." Shigure stood up and took the picture off the TV and handed it to me. "This picture was taken at my book signing for my new novel debut. I took it and wanted to remember my very good editor! She is quite the lady actually. But she seems lonely..." Shigure's words caught my full attention.

"Oh...Lonely? Like, how? Where's her family?" I asked.

"Family? She said her mother abandoned her and her step father made her leave. She said she had no siblings to connect to, said she was an only child and left here. Poor thing, she's been lonely all her life..." Shigure sighed. Damn it. So that lying Kagura was only here because she lied about her life. I guess now I know how she feels about me. I don't exsist apparently and she was kicked out huh? She always had a knack for telling sad stories to get her way I guess.

"I see...I'd like to meet her..." I barely said, feeling even more angry. I had to confront her. I just had to...

"Really? Wow, that'd be nice. I'll invite her over for dinner tonight then. How does that sound? That way I can hand her my first chapter! I'd better work on that. You can sit here and wait for Haru to come back. I'll be in my room writing like mad!" Shigure ran to his room and shut the door. I sat thinking, and when Haru came home he gave me some rice and soy sauce. I ate quickly and sat waiting all day. Haru and Kyo were playing video games and Yuki came in with Machi.

"Oh, hello there." Machi said to me.

"Oh, hey...I have your clothes. Would you like me to get them?" I asked, standing up from the dining table.

"Sure..." Machi bowed as I ran upstairs and got her clothes. I gave them to her and she smiled. Yuki had his arm around her.

"Thanks again for letting me borrow these. And thanks for...um...making me look decent..." I shyly said.

"Don't be silly, you already look decent, no matter what." Machi smiled again. I gave a small smile and sat back down. There was an awkward pause and I turned to Yuki.

"Oh yeah, Kagura's coming for dinner tonight. Shigure's editor." I stupidly blurted out.

"Really? Hm, I've actually met her once. She seemed nice. I guess it'll be another chance for you to get some female company here again." Yuki smiled.

"No, it's fine. It's like having four brothers for me." I laughed.

"I'm glad you're warming up to us very quickly." Yuki looked at his girlfriend and grabbed her hand.

"Yeah, well you and Shigure sure know how to make a girl feel welcome." I smiled at him and Machi. Machi gave a warm smile and scooted closer to Yuki.

"Glad to hear it...So then, Machi, would you like to sit down?" Yuki let his girlfriend sit down at the dining table. As the day rushed by, evening came in a flash and I found myself in the shower. When I was done, I stepped out and stared at myself in the fogged mirror. I grabbed a towel, and all of a sudden, someone opened the door on me. I turned, dropping the towel. There stood Shigure.

"Oh my! I'm sorry! I hadn't realized anybody was in here!" He quickly shut the door. I felt my face flush and quickly grabbed the towel and placed it over my body. I sighed, my heart pounding like mad. What had just happened? I decided to shove the event away and get ready for dinner. I got dressed and brushed my hair and went downstairs to see Shigure alone in the kitchen, preparing dinner. I sat down, feeling a little embarrased.

Shigure was wearing glasses and had on a white long sleeved shirt and black pants on. His hair was shiny and ruffled a little. I could feel my heart pounding, as I examined Shigure's muscles through his thin, white shirt. He turned and was slightly startled by me sitting there.

"Oh, good evening, Rin. Look about earlier...I seriously didn't know you were in there. I thought you'd be in your upstairs bathroom..." Shigure smiled a little.

"It's fine, really. Nothing happened as far as I know." I gave a small smile too. I could feel myself blushing.

"Really, I should make it up to you. Extra ice cream sound good?" he laughed. I laughed along. Then Haru and Kyo walked in. Haru sat across from me and Kyo sat next to him. Shigure ended up sitting by me.

"Miss Kagura should be here any minute." Shigure smiled. Suddenly, the door bell rang. "That's her...Who wants to get it?" he asked.

"I will..." I sat up and ran to the door, not really realizing what I was getting myself into. I opened the door and there she was, in a black shirt and jeans.

"Good evening, Shi--" she bowed and when she looked up, she saw me. My heart was pounding.

"You're, Kagura, right?" I casually said, putting on a brave face. I clenched my fists together, wanting to slap her pretty, little face up. Wanting to yell at her all kinds of ways. Wanting to hurt her the way she's hurt me. She was speechless.

"You...Can't be...Can you?" Kagura asked, shocked.

"Oh, but I am...Hey big sis, miss me?" I said, glaring at her. She let herself in and I shut the door.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Kagura angrily whispered. "How is it even possible you're here?" she gave a glare.

"It's a small world, you know? But you wouldn't know that, since you don't stop to take a look around. You're too busy running away from your problems." I said, feeling hypocritical. I had run from my problems, but that was because I was being abused. She ran away because there was no other way out. She couldn't endure what I had endured for months on end.

"This isn't the place to argue. We'll talk later." Kagura glared and pushed her way past me and inside. I followed, feeling invincible. Once inside, she sat by Shigure. I sat by Haru.

"So I see you two have met! How is she? She behaved right?" Shigure asked me.

"She was great. She is nice actually." I lied, giving a phony smile. Kagura was fake smiling too. Problem was, when she did fake smile, her face turned red and she cleared her throat continuously. I tried not to roll my eyes and then we ate.

"So, how long have you known Shigure here?" I asked.

"Almost a year now. He gave me a job in my most vunerable time. And I don't believe I've met you two before." Kagura changed the subject, eyeing me then looking at Kyo then at Haru.

"Oh, sorry to be rude. I'm Hatsuharu. This is Kyo here. We're Shigure and Yuki's cousins." Haru explained.

"Speaking of which, were is Yuki anyway?" Kyo asked. Shigure spoke up.

"Oh, he went to dinner with Machi. Guess it slipped his mind to tell us earlier in the day. But hey, you can't pass up an opportunity with that precious little flower!" Shigure laughed. He stood up and took out some chocolate ice cream. He gave us all some and gave me an extra scoop. Haru kind of looked at me weird, but he didn't know about what had happend between Shigure and I earlier. But I'd rather not talk about that at the table.

Fifteen minutes later, everyone was done with their ice cream. I stood up.

"I'd like to get to know Kagura a lot better. How about a walk?" I asked, giving a phony smile at Kagura.

"That'd be nice." she barely said, and we excused ourselves.

"Be safe my little flowers!" Shigure said as we left the house. I looked at the stars as we walked away from the house in silence. Once we were a resonable ways away from the house, we stopped at a small park bench and released everything.

"How is it you're here? How do you even know him?" Kagura asked, glaring.

"Oh, just because I'm not all helpless and crap and need a job, I can't be there? They offered it to me because I was all alone and had nowhere else to go. And now that I realize it, you're probably only here because you want to seduce Shigure or something!" I yelled, not even knowing what I was saying.

"Yeah, and living in a house with four men or whatever isn't slutty? You were always a whore, and needed male attention here and there. I'm only here because our stupid step father was getting on my nerves. I had nowhere else to go so I found a job with Shigure and he's quite the gentleman writer, and here you are messing around with him!" she yelled.

"What the hell are you getting at?! You fucking left us because you hated me! Admit it, you wanted our step dad to hurt me, you wanted to leave me behind because you couldn't stand to be around me! You left just because you knew you wouldn't be able to stand the pain I had to endure for months on end! You left just because Mom killed herself!" I yelled, tears streaming from my eyes.

"That's not true, Isuzu and you know it! You damn well know I didn't leave you behind on purpose. You damn well know that I left because I couldn't stand Mom's death. I left because seeing you reminded me too much of Mom..." Kagura's voice softened and tears ran down her cheeks. She turned away. I sniffled and glared at the ground. I wiped away the tears on my face and swallowed.

"Well...You could have at least wrote me. Or say a proper goodbye. Instead you left me to be raped and abused...Look! Look what I did to myself all this time just because I thought you hated me." I rolled up my sleeves as she turned around. All down my forearm up to my wrist were cuts and scars. Scabs and bruises.

"Oh...my...god...Isuzu...Why would you do this to yourself?" she came closer to examine my arm. She gently took my hands into hers. Tears landed on my cuts, stinging them. But I didn't care. "I'm sorry, Isuzu...If I had known you'd be hurting...This badly...Then I would have stayed..." she cried. I've never seen her cry this hard.

"You left me alone...At that house...I was all alone...Nobody to talk to. It hurts to know you forgotten about me." I said, my voice cracking.

"No, Isuzu...No...Don't you ever think I had forgotten about you. Do you know how many times I thought to go back home? But I was too afraid. I was afraid you'd have killed yourself. But look at you. You're a lot stronger than I am. A lot stronger than Mom was. A lot stronger than anybody I know. Isuzu...I'm...Sorry..." she embraced me and I hugged her back. I hugged hard. Suddenly, I felt nothing but happy. Happy I had my sister back. The anger had subsided that qucickly. She broke the hug and looked at me.

"I'm sorry for calling you a whore. It's just, I saw how that Hatsuharu guy was looking at you. And how Shigure was looking at you too. I guess I got jealous. You were always prettier than me, you know?" Kagura laughed.

"No, you're prettier. I was labled a slut at high school...And I ran far away and ended up here, I guess. Oh yeah...Nobuo...our dumbass step dad is dead..." I said, feeling relieved he could no longer hurt me or hunt me down.

"You serious?" Kagura asked, her face brightening up.

"Yeah...After I ran away, I guess he was killed. You have no idea what I've been through...And that Hatusharu guy, I call him Haru. He saved me from some gang members a few months back. I'll tell you everything..." I smiled and we took a walk in the park.

I told her everything. I told her about my cutting, about me taking a stand and running away. About the gang members and meeting Haru. I told her about the asylum, about Uotani, Hanajima, about Tohru, about everyone I met along the way. I told her about my obstacles and my run in with death, everything. Absolutely everything. She thought it was far fetched, but when I started to cry about how much I missed Tohru, she believed everything.

"It's strange...How all this can happen to you and yet...You're still hanging on to life. I'd probably would have killed myself by now." Kagura said, sighing. I was glad I had her back. I guess it was fate that I was here with her now. It wasn't a dream. Because you don't cry this hard in dreams. I thought about my mother. Then I looked at Kagura.

"Why did Mom kill herself?" I asked. Kagura stopped dead in her tracks. She turned to me.

"You should visit me tomorrow at the Sunset Apartments. I have a letter for you..." And from there, we walked back and she left. I fell asleep that night, still sad. I was awoken by the sound of the phone ringing, just like the morning before. It was for me though. It was Kagura.

"Hey there...So they have no idea I'm your sister right?" Kagura asked.

"Pretty much..." I told her.

"Okay, tell them you and I bonded so much you want to visit some more. Then have someone drive you here." she told me. I said okay and hung up. Haru drove me to the apartments.

"So then, you guys did get along fine?" Haru asked.

"I guess." I told him. I got out and waved at him. Then I came inside to the apartments. Kagura sat me down and handed me a letter.

"It's from Mom...her suicide letters..." Kagura sat next to me.

"So, she did write something to us..." I said.

"No, she wrote this all to you. When she killed herself, she thought about you. I guess you were her closest daughter. I could never connect with Mom. We always fought, remember? She always loved me, but this letter explains everything. I took it before I left home because I was jealous of you. I guess that's why I left because seeing you made me cry. It made me sad to think Mom loved you more than me..." Kagura's tears emerged. I looked at the letter and opened it.

"Mom loved you, Kagura...She just didn't know how to deal with emotional things. She didn't know how to bond with someone who she was always fighting with." I told her. Kagura just looked down. I looked at the letter and read it...

Isuzu,

I'm sorry to be writing this to you. I don't think you recall, but do you remember the day I took you and Kagura in the park and told you that marrying your step father felt like the wrong path? And I told you that if things got too hard for me, I'd leave you. Well, things are too hard and I never knew how to handle these kind of things. But I'll be watching you from above. I'll be the stars in the night sky, I'll be the wind stroking your face in the Spring. I'll be the raindrops in the summer showers, and I'll whisper goodnight to you before you go to sleep. I'm sorry for leaving you like this. But I'm sure you'll be able to deal, you're a strong girl, you always knew how to deal with hard obstacles. Do what I could never do. Be strong.

Mom

I closed the letter and found tears running down my face. I looked at Kagura. She was crying too. I put the letter on the coffee table and sighed. There was no words left. Just thougts racing through each one of our heads.

I fell asleep late at night with a bad feeling

I remember having a really sad dream

Breaking the morning silence, that premonition

Became reality with the ringing of the phone

Leaving wounds in my heart that will never heal

All alone, you became a star

My mother just left us with our pains. She killed herself because she couldn't handle the pain of life. The obstacles. And yet, Kagura and I were able to handle the lives we were given.

Goodbye

You've gone somewhere where I can never see you again

I can't accept the coldness of this eternal goodbye

I wanted you to tell me, even if you were lying

That you really did love me

Even just once

My mother never really told us she loved us. She just said it with no meaning in her voice. Now that I think about it, even if she did say it, she could have at least sounded like she meant it. Even if she was lying. True mothers do that. That's what real mothers do. They love their daughters and they tell them they love them.

The curtain closes on the sadness I thought would last forever

The seasons change and the coldness seeps into my bones

But that was the beginning of a summer I'll never forget

This year the sky wept in my place

It rained endlessly on my life. The thoughts of my mother ran through my head. And yet...Most daughters would probably have gone mad if their mothers killed themselves. And yet, I'm still here.

It seems like it's all still a dream

And I can't even cry

I can remember that day I ran away. I was outside of the school's building. My fists bloody. I can still remember the shattered shards so clearly now.

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME HERE ALONE!?" I had yelled to the sky, as if to my mother. I felt my tears dry. I stopped crying, thinking of my mother.

Goodbye

My final words won't reach you

Now I know more than I ever wanted to the coldness of goodbye

I wanted you to tell me, even if you were lying

That you didn't regret our days together

Even just once

Why at the very, very end

Do you leave behind only memories?

Goodbye

You've gone somewhere where I can never see you again

I can't accept the coldness of this eternal goodbye

I wanted you to tell me, even if you were lying

That you really did love me

Even just once

Tell me that this is just a bad dream

And that I've not woken up yet...

I looked at Kagura and slowly hugged her.

"Maybe this is a dream...A really long dream..." I whispered to her.

"Then tell me to wake up..." she whispered back.

To be continued...

xxxxx

The longer your silence continues

It's as if I can hear a voiceless scream

And my hear feels like it's being ripped in two

Why am I so powerless and foolish?

Thought I held your hand, I can't even protect you

I won't say that I want you to forgive me someday

If you're going to fight alone now

Then that's a sure signal to me

Wishing for strength, you hid something

With your tears, for my sake alone

I want to show you the extraordinary view

Of that place at which we'll someday arrive

That's the signal to tomorrow, to the future...

xxxxx