Author: sixbynine PM
Sasuke discovers true lonliness, this needs a warnign but the warnign will spoil the story so im just gonna say warning...don't say i didn't warn youRated: Fiction K+ - English - Angst - Sasuke U. & Naruto U. - Words: 2,201 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 06-30-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3627253
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
enjoyXdBut the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing
I stand in utter silence; it presses down on me; suffocating. It feels like I'm dead inside, like I've left this word but my body hasn't realised it yet. Tears have long since stopped but the dirty tracks they left on my cheek are still there, to broken and upset to clean them off I leave them there. The harsh wind blows around me lifting up the dead leaves and taking them far away. I wish it was me, I wish I could be that wind and just float away leave this behind, pretend it never happened.And the clouds above move closer Looking so dissatisfied
The sky darkened and rain began to fall, it was like even the elements were mourning for you. It soaked me to the bone, my black suit sticking to my skin and chilling me. I didn't care, the cold made me feel and it felt good, to shiver uncontrollably and to feel like you could die at any moment. I'm the only one standing here at your side, the only one left. Ironic really considering I was the only one to unreliable to count on. I used to feel I understood loneliness, like I knew what it was like to be alone. I never knew how wrong I was, even in my loneliest days I had people around me, people who cared. I would never admit it but they were there.
This is alone, the finality of knowing your never coming back. The emptiness inside as the realisation hits, and the gradual understanding that you life will never be the same. It feels like my heart has dropped out and has left a whole in my chest, and I hate it.
But the heartless wind kept
I used to be my own protection, but not now
The wind I longed to be annoys now; it pushes against me telling me to move on. I can't, I can't leave your side. It howls harder, angry I can't let go and I want to fall to my knees and beg forgiveness, but I don't because I am strong, and I don't do things like that. It softens for moments like it knows and understands before resuming the angry pushing hardness and I break. I fall to my knees on the dirty muddy ground and cry. I cry for you to come back, for you to never have gone, for me to never have gone. I cry for the lost moments and angry words, for the meaningful looks I missed or ignored, for all those times I could have moved closer but chose to move further away.
I used to have a wall, a barrier that protected me from the world, but you tear it down, you make me feel and it hurts. Out of all of you he was the worst for this, he made me feel the most, made me care. The tears won't stop they splash to the ground angrily, you should be here with me, and you should all be here. He especially needs to be here for me to tell him just once what I never knew till it was to late. Years of bickering and childish hate had hidden it from me, the emotion I so longed for, love, and now that opportunity has gone destroyed when you left.
Cause my path had lost direction,
A black wind took you away, from sight
And held the darkness over day, that night
I'm lost without you, it's like my life no longer has purpose, meaning. I wake up and I look outside and I wonder what to do, there is no reason for me to be awake anymore, nothing driving me. Since that day, when the blade pierced your skin and the explosion knocked you to far to come back, and then that terrible waiting for you to get better only for it to never happen. One by one this war took you from me, through fighting and hidden tricks and eventually illness and infection as our reserves grew lower. Ironic how I am the only one left the one who was thought to be lost a long time ago. I never saw the sun that day, it was like it knew what was going to happen and hid. The darkness spread across the sky as we walked out to face out enemy we fought and fought, so many were lost in the first moments but we survived. Him with his laughter still looking on the bright side after so much darkness, her with her sombre serious mood fixing those who could be fixed and sadly leaving behind those who could not. And him quiet before and throughout, knowing he could and would lose everything in this, quietly accepting his own fate with the silence of a man who has seen it all before and knows there is only one way it can end.
And the ground below grew
As they put you down inside
I stood and watched as one by one you were taken from me, and I was helpless to do anything, I am drawn back to that day, the day when it was final, I knew you were never coming back. They lowered you into the ground said the few words and the dirt was tipped back over you. I wanted desperately to leap in, to claw it out and yell and shout at you to stop being so stupid, to stop playing around. But I didn't I stood in silence the tears cascading down my cheeks, my hands clenched in silent anger.
I remember with despair and anger the days I watched each of you taken from me, first was Kakashi-sensei, a blade from my brother through his chest, another thing he had taken from that I avenged when I took that same blade and plunged it into him. We mourned his death as best we could, the fight still going on, time too precious to waste on burial. Next was Sakura, illness taking her from us as she worked until exhausted to keep the Shinobi alive as long as possible. We cried in each other's arms over her, the closest we'd ever been, it was then I supposed I realised how much I loved you. Then finally when we thought it was finished, they tricked us with their chakra and blew away the centre of our village, taking you and so many others with it. The one bright light in my life was gone and it was so hard to believe that you, Naruto, the loudest, most annoying kid I'd ever met would be forever silent. His death left me the most empty I'd ever felt, perhaps because of how close we had become when mourning out team-mates or maybe just because of how present he were in everyone's lives. It was hard to imagine getting up and going about my life without him there.
So now you're gone, and I was
I never knew what it was like, to be alone
A year has passed since you died, and I still visit every month sometimes more, everytime I go on a mission I come and say goodbye, everytime I return I come and let you know I'm safe. The Hokage is worried about me, says it's not healthy. But I function, I eat and sleep, I keep myself clean and I do my job. But he's right to worry because I'm not Sasuke anymore, that person died along with Naruto and the others, bit by bit.
I spent my whole life believing I was alone; my family was dead and I had no good friends that really cared about me. It's now I realised how wrong I was, looking back I realise how completely surrounded I was, yes my family had been killed but I was not alone in that many children had lost parents and siblings, that was life in Konoha. But unlike some of them I did have friends and mentors to help me when I needed it, I was just too arrogant and stubborn to notice. When any of them tried to come closer I moved away 'protecting' my self, when really I just craved the loneliness I thought I deserved or wanted. But they were always there for me when I needed them, if I didn't ask them to be, when I left for Orochimaru, they didn't give up like the rest of the village they came after me, to rescue me. To think I thought them the weak ones.
This is loneliness, the feeling of complete emptiness as you slowly realise everyone you loved and cared for is gone, this is the feeling I thought I had but now realise was simply a lie to give my self a reason for being such a bastard. This is alone and it is frightening and everlasting and nothing will ever erase this memory of being so truly by myself that no one can save me.My insides all turned to ash, so slow
And blew away as I collapsed, so cold
A month passed and I found myself back here standing at your side, I went on a mission last month, it was only a small mission easy to carry out, but somehow my heart wasn't in it, I didn't care. I'm not crying this time a smile lights my face and I walk closer through the crowds of people who don't notice me,
"I didn't make it this time" I hear my self say and I sound curiously far away
"Yes, you did" she replies softly "Just in a different way"
I wrap myself in their warmth as she holds me close like I never thought she would do again
"Missed you teme" comes the annoying voice of someone I never thought I'd miss I turning smiling once again
"You to dobe" is say but with no harshness, only love. Later I will tell him but now I know I have all the time I will ever need
I turn to the last person and I receive a nod, it's all I expected, even here he is engrossed in his book.
Turning back we look to the crowd of crying people gathered around an open grave
"How could you ever think you were alone, Sasuke?" she asks her arms wrapped around my shoulders
"Because you were gone" I reply simply my arms loosely hanging over hers and Naruto's shoulders
We turn and walk slowly away, eternity together stretches out before us, and for the first time I am at peace, I am happy, turning back one last time I glance at the headstones one last time,
Died a hero fighting for his village
There was no body under this headstone, the battle to long and fierce for us to ever find it, laying next to him was,
Died a hero saving the Shinobi
Her grave held the flowers of friend and family still left with the grief of thinking she was truly gone, on her other side was,
Lived a hero, fulfilled his dream and was taken to early by traitors
I had written it for him I knew that if I left it up to village they would simply put his name on the stone and leave it, most of them still considered him evil. It showed by the lack of anything around his grave, only my flowers long since died. Finally next to Naruto was my headstone,
Hero and Survivor, died serving his village will always be remembered
My grave was the one people were clustered around, it's funny how much death brings out the nicety in people. When I was alive no one wanted to know me; they felt I was some how cursed, what with the Orochimaru thing and then my entire team dying.
It's also funny how headstones never mention the real reason you die; you just give up on living.
I had seen it in Kakashi's eyes, in Sakura's and surprisingly in Naruto's. And in my last minutes I felt it run through my blood; the will to live just fade away to nothing, the want to lay down and give up become stronger and eventually we all succumb to it, we all give up, lay down and wait for that fatal blow.
AN if you've not heard this song go listen to it, does it not deserve an emo!sasuke fic?? Can you not just see sasuke by a grave going 'omg everyone dead??'
So yeah I wrote this, and then I felt mean about having sasuke all alone so I killed him to so he'd not be alone.