I’d like to apologise for the rather lengthy delay in getting this chapter updated and online. I have been extremely lazy when it comes to writing lately (The West Wing has not helped me either… mmm Josh Lyman)

I still plan on finishing all of my outstanding fics (and I am even beginning to get ideas for new stories, so watch out…)

As usual, please review!!!

Baby Steps: Chapter Four

“Come on, Maddy. Give Daddy a high five.” Matt said, holding out his hand. He smiled when her little clammy hand met his. “Good girl.”

“Are you two having fun?” Harriet laughed, watching Madison and Matt repeatedly high five each other.

“Yeah, we are. Aren’t we, pumpkin?”

“Moreee Dada.”

“I think that means yes.” He laughed, picking her up and placing a soft kiss on her nose.

“Are we interrupting?” Olivia asked, as she and Sarah walked in, wheeling a black manual wheelchair.

“No, you guys are good.” Matt said. “Ohh, my ride is here.” He joked.

“Are you ready?” Olivia asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Okay, Harriet. Watch how we help him into the chair. Matt will do most of the work himself, but you need to help position the chair and sometimes, if he’s having a bad day, just give him a little help, like this.” Sarah told her, demonstrating how easy it was.

“Are you comfy?” Sarah asked once Matt was situated.

“Yeah, I am, actually.”

“Would you like to go for a ride with Daddy?” Olivia asked, as she crouched down to Madison’s eye level.

“Yeaaa.” Madison clapped excitedly.

Olivia carefully picked her up, sat her on Matt’s lap, and strapped her in. They quickly went over how the chair worked.

Olivia winked at Matt. “Go on. Go be the active Daddy you always dreamt about being.”

“Come on, Mommy. We’ll race ya.” Matt laughed, as he quickly wheeled himself out of his room and down the corridor.

XxXxX

Matt was looking forward to spending some quality time alone with Harriet. Danny could sense that the couple needed to talk, so he offered to take Madison out for the day with Jordan and the kids.

Since Matt’s accident, Harriet and Madison had spent all their free time with him at the hospital. Matt and Harriet hadn’t even spent an evening alone since the birth of their daughter 14 months ago.

Harriet busied herself by tidying Matt’s already immaculate hospital room.

Matt had been using the wheelchair for a little over a week, and each day his confidence was growing. He was now able to move himself in and out of the wheelchair by himself.

Matt tilted his head to the side, watching Harriet intensely as she folded some of his clean shirts that she had brought in.

“But why can’t I go to the studio?” Matt asked stubbornly, refusing to back down.

Harriet sighed. “I just don’t think you’re ready yet, that’s all.”

“Sarah and Olivia said it would be okay.” Matt grumbled.

“Well, if they said it would be okay, then I’m sure they’re right. “ Harriet replied sarcastically.

“Babe, don’t be like that.” Matt smiled, as he wheeled over, pulling her down onto his lap.

Harriet twisted her wedding ring nervously before turning to face him. “I just want you to take it easy.”

“‘Take it easy?’ Harri, all I’m doing is sitting in a chair, nothing will happen, I promise. I just need to get out of here for a bit. I’m going crazy.” He explained, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

Harriet leaned back, resting her head against his chest. “What if something happens?”

“Like what?” He asked, trying to reassure her that a trip to the studio would do him good.

Harriet laughed a little. “I don’t know…”

“You’re worrying over nothing… As usual.” He teased, wheeling them over to the window.

Harriet’s eyes wandered around the hospital’s beautifully kept garden. “Promise me you’re just visiting? I don’t want to find you hunched over your computer.” She warned.

“Harriet, I hurt my back; my brain is fine…”

“If you say so.” Harriet teased, before continuing. “It’s just they told you to relax and take it easy, so that is what you’re going to do.” She warned.

XxXxX

The following afternoon, George sat at his desk, closely studying the crossword in front of him. Sighing loudly, he put his pen down. He rubbed his temples, frustrated with himself that he couldn’t answer the last clue. As if on cue, the studio doors swung open and Matt wheeled himself in, followed closely by Harriet and Madison.

“Hi honey, I’m home.” He grinned, as he made his way over to George.

“Matt, it’s great to see you. Hey, what’s another word for mother of pearl?”

“Uh, I don’t care…” He laughed. “Have you missed me?” Matt asked smugly, watching George rush around his desk to greet him with the newspaper clenched firmly in his hand.

“Well, no one else makes Dunkin’ Donut runs around here except you, so yeah, I’ve missed you a little. My wife, on the other hand, is somewhat glad you’re not here.” He laughed, patting his slightly rounded tummy.

“That’s what I like to hear, that I’m truly appreciated.” Matt replied, winking at George so that he knew he was only kidding.

“So, how you getting on with your new set of wheels?” George asked seriously.

“Check out those bad boys.” He said, pulling his pant legs up a little and bending down to inspect the shiny alloy wheels that framed Matt’s wheelchair.

Matt spun around in his chair. “They’re cool, huh?”

“Very nice.”

“Apparently they provide maximum performance and physical comfort.” Matt told him excitedly.

“Okay, let’s go, before you start quoting the speed, pressure distribution, and the amazing four wheel independent suspension.” Harriet smiled, as she walked behind him with Madison skilfully balanced on her hip. She rubbed his shoulders gently, to let him know she was there.

“See you later, George.” He waved, turning the chair around to face Harriet. “Hop on, ladies.”

Harriet laughed as she climbed onto his lap, wrapping a secure arm around Madison. “Oh and, George. It’s nacre.” She told him.

“What is, sweetheart?” He asked, taking a seat at his desk.

“Another word for mother of pearl.” She called out to him, as Matt had already started making their way to the elevator.

XxXxX

“This elevator is so goddamn slow. Seriously, was it built in the fu…Fricken 1940s?”

“Matthew!” She scolded. “Don’t say that word in front of Madison.”

“Fwekin!” Madison squealed as she clapped her hands together excitedly with the help of Matt.

“Don’t encourage her!” Harriet scolded, crossing her arms and glaring at him, but was unable to stop the small smile playing on her lips as she watched the scene before her.

“But she said a brand new word, all by herself.” Matt grinned proudly.

“How about encouraging her to say Mama instead?” She suggested brightly.

“Daaaaa!”

“Seriously, what does this kid have against saying Mama?”

“Don’t worry babe, she’ll say it, just when she’s ready to.

Harriet leaned back against him, swinging her legs over the side of the chair. “Oh, and by the way, the elevator was built in the 1920s.” She informed him smugly. “How have you managed to avoid Tom’s history lesson of this place?” She teased.

The elevator doors eventually opened, and they made their way along the narrow corridor towards Danny’s office. They stopped suddenly when they ran in to Suzanne, who shrieked when they knocked a pile of papers out of her hands.

“Hey, Matthew. I’ve missed you!” She told him sincerely, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “You just here for a visit?”

Harriet raised an eyebrow. “You bet he is.”

Matt smiled at her. “Yeah, they’ve only let me out for the afternoon.”

“Ah.” Suzanne said slowly. She’d been working for Matt for the last four years, and knew it must be killing him not being able to write. “Well, it’s really good to see you.” She told him honestly. “Danny’s in his office.”

A small smile formed on his lips. “Thanks, Suzanne.”

Suzanne bent down to pick up the mass of papers that were now scattered all over the hallway. “Bye.” She called, as she hurried off to her desk.

They finally got to Danny’s office, and Harriet knocked on the door, using one of her feet.

“Come in.” They heard being yelled from inside the office.

Madison virtually threw herself into Danny’s arms as soon as they got through the door.

“Dannnnyyyyy!” She squealed excitedly, as she looked at Matt proudly.

“I don’t believe it.” Harriet muttered. “You got her to say hisname before she can even say Mama?”

“Hey, I can’t choose whose name she decides to say next.” He defended.

“Oh, so you’re saying she said it all by herself then, no encouraging from you?”

Matt stuttered a little. “We urm, we may have practised a little last night, but not for long.” He explained “A couple of hours max.” He slowly backed his chair away from a snarling Harriet and watched as his daughter playfully contorted his best friend’s face into a variety of positions.

“Yeah, although I think she’s starting to get bored spending all of her time at the hospital.”

“Yeah? When’s she planning on coming back?” Danny asked, throwing Matt a bottle of water and sitting on the corner of his desk.

“I have no idea. I told her she could come back now, but she doesn’t seem too keen to leave me on my own.”

“Worried you might get up to no good?” Danny teased.

“Hey!” Matt said defensively, as he looked up from the label he was anxiously picking and noticed Danny looking concerned.

“So, what’s bothering you?”

Matt nervously wheeled himself around the room as he struggled with what to say. He always paced when he was nervous, it was something he’d always done. “It’s just… I just wonder if Harriet and Madison would be better off without me.”

Danny couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Are you listening to yourself?”

“It’s not like I’ve not been thinking about this since the accident, Danny. I am still struggling to do anything myself, what sort of life is that for Harriet?

“What sort of life is that for Harriet? The sort of life she signed up for when she married you.”

Matt let out a frustrated sigh. “But I was okay then, She didn’t sign up for this.” He said, banging his fists angrily on the armrests of his chair.

“Why would Harriet give up on you now? Especially after everything you two have been through together. What about when you forgot to tell her that we’d gone away on vacation?”

“That’s slightly different, Danny.” Matt sighed, leaning back heavily in his chair.

“Okay, well, what about when you were a total jackass to her, and everybody else for that matter when you were high on pills? She did nothing but stand by you completely. And what about when you were suffering from withdrawal symptoms? Remember how hard that was? That was so much harder than this, Matt.” Danny explained, tiredly rubbing the fresh stubble on his face.

“How the hell was that harder than this?” Matt hissed.

Danny walked over to his friend, who was now lost in thought. He debated to himself whether or not he should share what he was about to say. “Well, for starters, this isn’t your fault, Matt. What you did back then, you brought on entirely yourself; you had no say in this. Secondly, when you were on pills, they changed you, they turned you into somebody completely different; somebody none of us knew, or liked. It would have been a hell of a lot easier for Harriet to walk away back then. You put her through hell all those years ago, Matt. You now owe it to Harriet and Madison to stay and work through this.”

“Yeah.” Matt muttered quietly.

“I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but it’s the right thing to do. You’d hate yourself for doing anything else.”

“I know deep down you’re right, I just need to stop doubting myself.” Matt explained.

Danny walked over to Matt and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “You’ll be fine.”

“Thanks, Danny.” They sat in silence for a couple of minutes before he looked over uneasily at his best friend. “Okay, that was weird.”

“Yeah, we haven’t had one of those for a while.” Danny laughed. “You ready to go down?” He asked, pleased that he was able to change the subject to quickly. It was something that they’ve always been able to do, and it was something he was extremely grateful for right now.

“Yeah, sure.” Matt smiled, as he began to head for the door.

Danny wheeled Matt down to the stage, where Simon, Dylan, Jeannie, Sam, and Tom were rehearsing a sketch about a college whose fans set their couches on fire when their football team wins.

“That was hilarious!”

The cast spun around when they heard Matt’s voice.

“Oh my, God. It’s so great to see you.” Jeannie exclaimed as she ran over and squeezed his cheeks together with her hand.

“Thanks.” He smiled, as he removed her hand from his face.

“Matt, how are you doing?” Simon asked, as he patted his friend on the shoulder. “What did you think of the sketch?”

“It was great. How about trying it with Jeannie as one of the football players? No one will know it’s her until she takes off her helmet.”

Dylan let out a laugh. “That would be really funny.”

Matt looked across at Tom, who was standing awkwardly behind Simon. He’d noticed that ever since the accident, Tom had found it difficult to talk to him.

“What do you think, Tommy?” Matt asked, hoping to get more than a one-word answer out of him.

Tom shifted uncomfortably on the spot, thrusting his hands deep into his jean pockets. “Yeah, I like it.”

Harriet noticed the hurt look on Matt’s face. He was never good at hiding his feelings. Matt had mentioned to Harriet earlier that week that Tom had been uncomfortable talking to him at the hospital, and she had reassured him that Tom would be over whatever it was that was bothering him by now.

Tom could sense that people were looking at him. He turned around to face Matt, biting his nails nervously.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” He said, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t pretend that everything’s the same when I know it’s not. I don’t know what to say to you, Matt, and that upsets me.”

“Tom, I’m still me…” Matt began.

Tom sat down heavily on the side of the stage, flipping a coin he’d found on the floor. “Then how come I can’t look at you the same way anymore? Why do I find myself constantly staring at your legs like an idiot?”

“Tom, stop beating yourself up over this.” Matt told him gently. “I know you don’t mean anything by it.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better. You’re one of my best friends, Matt, and I can’t even look you in the eye at the moment. I feel like a piece of shit.”

Matt wheeled himself over to where Tom was sitting. “Come on, Jeter, we need to talk.” He said, nodding towards the door that led to the alley at the back of the studio. “Let’s go for a walk.”

Tom’s mouth opened slightly, but nothing came out, causing Matt to look at him somewhat confused.

“What? I can’t say walk?” He laughed, expecting Tom to join in.

“This is what I’m talking about.” Tom moaned as he rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know how to act around you anymore.

“Come on, let’s just go outside and talk about this. Maybe you’ll feel differently when it’s just the two of us.” Matt suggested, as he made his way towards the door.

XxXxX

Tom stood leaning against the wall, facing Matt. Neither of them had said anything, they were both waiting for the other to start.

Matt smiled when he caught Tom staring at his wheelchair.

“You know, it’s okay, Tom. I don’t mind you looking.”

“Sorry.” He muttered, when he realised how obvious he was being.

Matt wheeled over so that he was next to Tom. “Stop beating yourself up over this, Tommy. I said it’s okay; I don’t mind.”

Tom threw his head back against the cool bricks. “You shouldn’t have to mind, Matt. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. It’s like I can’t even look at you anymore.” He muttered indignantly.

“I know, it’s a lot to take in.” Matt told him, as he struggled to remove the tennis ball he’d been carrying around with him from his jacket pocket. Matt moved so that they were once again facing each other. “Catch.” He said, as he tossed the ball towards Tom.

Tom jumped back, slightly surprised as he caught the ball that was thrown at him.

“What are we doing?” Tom asked, as he threw the ball back to Matt.

“We’re chucking a ball around, like we always do.” Matt explained, as he threw the ball harder than before.

They threw the ball in silence for a couple of minutes, both beginning to feel comfortable in each other’s company.

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a jackass.” Tom told him. “It’s just…”

“What? Come on, you can tell me.”

“It’s just, I think of you like a brother, you know? I spend my whole time worrying about something like this happening to Mark in Afghanistan, and then this happens to you, right here and I just… I don’t know how to deal with it.” He explained, grinning shyly at Matt.

Matt went to crack a joke, but realised his mind was blank, he couldn’t think of anything funny to say.

“Tom, you’re an awesome guy, you know that?” Matt smiled, throwing the ball back to Tom, teasingly aiming it towards his head.

“Well, I don’t like to brag.” Tom laughed. “Seriously, Matty, thanks… You know, for this.”

Tom grinned, gesturing between the two of them, relieved that he finally felt at ease in the company of one of his best friends again.

Matt sat there, watching the ball fly towards him at full speed, yet everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. He leaned forward to catch the ball. Yes, he’d caught it; he smiled proudly to himself before he suddenly felt himself tumble forwards. Pain shot through Matt’s lower back and down his legs. He quickly clenched his eyes shut in pain.

“Fuck!” He cursed quietly under his breath, as Tom rushed to his side.

As usual, please review!!!