A/N: As you can tell, it was slow on updating (I was hoping it would update itself X3). The inspiration for this lengthy and comical chapter? There's a nice list, but we'll go with the most prominent: Independent Web Design with the A+ students and Joe who is a nutball, Driver's Ed teacher, Russian and Pre Calculus. Why are these inspirations you ask? Just because I do/hear crazy/f'd up stuff all of these. Erhm! Continuing on! Did I mention that my buddies from drama sing really really good?

Thanky too: IzzyRizzy20, morte206, teriyakiskater, DeMoKa, potterhead0013, manticore-gurl071134, LitaDelacour, jcnrpoet, Ms. Geek, shaddowsong, Andy, Harry, anexandra, 2-Casey-6, ., Emeloo2, trou noir fou, Whitesaber, and chibichoco. Shini of course too, since you ya know, ish my slave driver... -ponders- oh yeah... spontaneous idea person... funny person... uh... what else? Oh yeah, general insane buddy.

Ginny knocked lightly on the 4th year girls dormitory door, "'monie, it's me."

"Come in..." She heard her friend sigh and the redhead opened the door quietly, slipping inside. Hermione was sitting on her four poster bed, Indian style, her school cloak laying on her trunk, shoes kicked off near her bed, "Hey Gin."

"Are you okay? Ron was way out of line..."

Hermione nodded, drawing her knees up to her chest, "He's a ponce." She muttered and Ginny sat next to her, rubbing her back.

"I know... I live with the git." Ginny smiled, wrapping her arms around her friend and hugging her tightly.

Downstairs

Fleur and Harry walked in through the portrait hole in comfortable silence, only to be bombarded by a loud burst of noise. Four sets of hands grabbed them and pulled them into the Gryffindor Common Room where a party had defiantly moved into full swing.

"Congrats, Harry! How'd ya do it? How'd ya fool the Goblet?" Fred, or George Harry wasn't quite sure, asked, clapping him on the back whilst Fleur was dragged off by a group of Beauxbaton students.

"I didn't." He winced as another hand clapped him on the back, his eyes training automatically on Ron who was nursing a bloody nose with a handkerchief, "What'd he do this time?"

"Pissed 'monie off, as usual. Ginny's talkin' with her. Now tell!"

Harry glared at them, "I didn't put my name in the Goblet!"

Fred grinned, "Awe, you can tell us, we're your best mates!"

"Actually... 'monie is. You two are runner up." He pushed passed them and made his way over to Ron, glowering, "What'd you do this time?"

Ron turned his head away from his fellow Gryffindor, "None of your damn business, Scarhead." The room quieted faster than a his Firebolt could move.

"What'd you call me?" Harry asked, seething.

Ron sat up, wiping the last of his blood from his nose, "Scar. Hea-umph." The youngest male Weasley was cut off by an uppercut to his jaw, sending him sprawling to the ground.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Ron! We used to be best mates, the three of us! Now you're acting like a damn Slytherin and calling Hermione a mudblood and me Scarhead! What the hell?"

Ron scrambled up, rubbing his very tender jaw, "How dare you, you little bastard! Why are you sticking up for her? She's a fucking..." He turned red in the face, "... a fucking homosexual!" He forced out and the muscles in Harry's jaw tensed.

"And your point, Ron?"

"She's unnatural! Not only is she a mudblood, which I got over, I mean she's smart, but she's a damn homosexual."

Harry's jaw tightened, "And you wonder why you always get hit now..." He glanced over at Fred and George who were in the process of attempting to hold Fleur back from Ron, "Guess what ickle-Ronnie-kins. You'd better get used to 'homosexuals'." He snapped, going so far as to use air quotes in his fit of rage, "Because half of the Quidditch players in the world are homosexual... the rest are either bi or very fucking open to new things. Hell... Fred and George are bi and I have a sneaking suspicion that Bill and Charlie are gay... so get used to it, you damn prick or I'll tell Fred 'n George to let go of Fleur's arms." Ron's eyes shifted to the angry quarter-Veela then back to Harry's, "You only have 30 seconds to decide. Are you going to be civil or are you going to be a homophobe with a broken prick?" Ron gulped and turned bright red around his ears before grinding his teeth.

"FINE! I'll be civil, that doesn't mean I'll hang out with any of you anymore!" He snarled.

Harry rolled his eyes, "Like we'd want you around us in the first place."

"Yeah ickle-Ronnie-kins, you have a real negative aura." Katie stated seriously, Angelina and Alicia broke into a fit of giggles.

Ron forced his way through the crowd and stomped up the stairs to the Boy's Dormitory. Fred and George let Fleur's arms go and the blonde moved to follow him but Neville blocked her, sweating profusely, "Uh. Uh... well... you see... Fleur. Uh... uh... I... see... well... Hermione..." He pointed in the general direction of the Girl's Dormitory and Fleur redirected her body, hurrying up the steps.

Neville breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed on the staircase, fanning himself while Harry moved and sat next to him, "Nice one, Nev, McGonagall woulda given you 5 points for standing up to someone as scary as Fleur."

Neville gave him a sheepish grin, "Yeah... I was kinda brave, wasn't I?" He asked, grinning proudly.

"Hell yes you were..." Harry clapped Neville on the back and Jacob Macinzie, a Gryffindor Prefect, walked over to them, grinning.

"Neville Longbottom right?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna give you 5 points, and you Harry, you get 10 for putting Ron in his place. That was wicked, both of you!" He exclaimed and walked over to a group of 5th years, high fiving a girl.

4th Year Girl's Dormitory

Fleur knocked on the door to the girl's dormitory, greeting the 3rd year redhead who opened the door, "Hey Fleur." Ginny whispered, "She's already in bed. I'm gonna head down to what's left of the party." Ginny skipped out of the room and down the steps to the party that was quickly starting back up.

Fleur walked into the room and smiled to herself when she saw Hermione curled up and cuddling with the fluffy pillow hugged tightly to her middle. The French Champion made her way stealthily over and slid onto the bed, carefully attempting pulling the pillow away, "Ah, ma imbécile, 'ou're going to get me jealous of a pillow..." She muttered, glaring at the pillow.

Hermione opened one eye, focusing it on Fleur, "I'm not an imbecile thank you very much." She moved around and wrapped her arms around Fleur's waist, pressing her nose to Fleur's stomach.

Fleur chuckled and gently pried Hermione's arms from her waist, pulling her up and wrapping her own arms around Hermione's waist, "Oui. But zometimes 'ou are." She grinned and kissed Hermione lightly before maneuvering both of their bodies under the blankets and into a relatively comfy position.

"I beg to differ."

"'ou can beg all 'ou want, 'ermione." Fleur smirked, watching her Gryffindor's reactions closely.

Hermione blushed brightly and closed her eyes, resting her head against Fleur's chest, "You just like making me squirm."

"Oui." She gave Hermione a smug look before settling down and lightly ran her knuckles over Hermione's back.

Hermione yawned, lifting her head some to smile sweetly at Fleur, "You should read to me."

Fleur made a whining noise before reaching in the general direction of Hermione's nightstand and feeling around for the book she knew Hermione would have at the ready. Feeling a book cover at her fingertips she gripped it and lifted it to her face to read the title, a small grin forming on her lips.

"Zee Count of Monte Cristo?"

Hermione nodded and squirmed around to get comfortable again as Fleur sat up, leaning back against the pillows, "I haven't read it yet."

"Non? Eet is a very good book." She opened the cover and flipped to the first page, before clearing her throat, "On zee 24th of February, 1810, zee look ou t at Notre-dame de la Garde signaled zee three-mazter, the Pharaon from Smyrna, Trieste and Naples. As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding zee Chateau d'If, got on board zee vessle between Cape Morgion and Rion Island. Immediately, and according to custom, zee raparts of Fort Saint-Jean were covered wiz spectators; it iz always an event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, ezpecially when zis ship, like zee Pharaon, 'as been built, rigged and laden at zee old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner of zee city..." Fleur continued to read, stroking Hermione's back gently as she lulled her lover into a light sleep.

Next Morning - Great Hall

Hermione looked over Harry's shoulder as he wrote on a piece of parchment, Hedwig sitting in front of his plate while taking deep gulps of pumpkin juice. She gave him a grin as she read the sentence he was in the process of writing, "... and then I gave him a sound talking to. Did I mention I'm officially a Champion of Hogwarts? All of Gryffindor's very happy. I didn't even put my name in the Goblet, for once something good has actually happened! Oh, and Neville stood up to Fleur when she went to go knock Ron's lights out..." Harry jumped when Hermione blew in his ear and turned his head to look at her, his eyes wide.

"'mione!" He exclaimed, staring at his fellow Gryffindor.

"So... Bill."

"Shut the hell up." Harry blushed and Hermione rolled her eyes, grinning at him, "Not a word, 'monie. Not a word."

Hermione opened her mouth to speak but Fleur sat strolled over and sat down, smiling at the two, "Mail's coming in soon." Hermione stated, smirking at Harry who glowered good naturedly at her.

Fred and George leaned forward from the other side of the table, "Did you ever send that letter?"

Hermione nodded, "He should be sending some fireworks up here..." Fleur wrapped her arms around Hermione's waist, planting a kiss on her neck, "Good morning to you to." Hermione smiled.

"Oui. It is a good morning." Fleur exclaimed, "I 'ave my good friend and fellow champion, 'arry 'ere, and I 'ave my girlfriend w'om I can kizz whenever I please." Harry and Hermione watched her with amused looks on their faces, "Alzough I cannot 'ave sex whenever I please..." Harry choked on his milk just as he had been taking a sip and Hermione's look of amusement turned to one of utter horror.

"'monie! You been stiffin' the lovely French Champion on se-ohhhh I see something with our names on it!" Fred exclaimed, staring at the three owls carrying a large box, flying straight for Hermione.

"Actually... it has my name on it." Hermione stated, clearing her throat loudly as attempted to get rid of the previous comment from Fleur.

She and the twins quickly worked on detaching the birds from the package and the letter. Hermione opened the letter first, grinning to herself as the twins glowered at her.

"Dear sis,

According to your lovely little letter, you've got two adorable twin friends who have a Jonesing for things that go boom. I've included a hefty supply of said items. I even threw in a bit of C4 and Liberty shots. Joking! Joking! I didn't include the C4, just the Liberty shots. Remind them to be careful, I don't want to get sued... or do Wizards sue Muggles? Granted I think that nice spot I live at in the states has more shootings as a way to solve problems-but hey! I'm rambling. Enjoy your week and those Tri-Wizard thingies. Get some sleep, don't stress yourself again.

Love,

Brian."

Fred and George gave her a hopeful look and she nodded, watching them take the package and scurry off to examine the fireworks.

"Shouldn't we be... afraid?" Harry asked as he tied his own letter to Hedwig's leg.

"Be afraid... be very afraid." Neville exclaimed and Hermione gave him a grin only to register in her brain that Fleur was now ranting about the pros and cons of sex.

Harry smirked at Hermione who blinked rapidly, unsure of what to do with Fleur, she turned and took a slice of buttered toast before kissing Fleur on the cheek, "Harry and I have to get to class." She stood and Harry shook his head rapidly, wanting to listen to the rest of Fleur's rant, "We have to go to Transfiguration Harry."

He glowered and stood up, grabbing his bookbag, "Seeya later, guys." He waved and set off with Hermione towards McGonagall's class, "I really wanted to listen in on that." Harry muttered under his breath and Hermione glowered at him.

"Har har. Don't make me ask William Wea-" He clamped a hand over her mouth as they made their way past a group of third year Slytherin girls.

"You're making me feel emotional." Harry huffed and Hermione blinked.

"I hate to break it to you Harry. You're always emotional."

He puffed his cheeks out, "Shut it."

She grinned evilly at him, "Harry the emo boy who lived."

"I am not emo!"

"You just said you were feeling emotional!"

"Not that emotional!"

"Emos are sensitive, shy, angsty and occasionally very introverted!"

"Only RECENTLY! That's just a stereotype!" Harry exclaimed, watching Hermione grin at him, "Oh I get it. You were trying to get me to be all... oh you... little..."

She gave him an innocent smile, "I didn't do a thing."

Harry glowered more as they climbed to the top of a moving staircase, "Don't you get all innocent with me."

"I'm not... getting innocent with you. I am innocent." Hermione waved her hand as they began to climb another staircase.

Harry rolled his eyes, "Until proven guilty." He added quietly.

3 Days Later

Harry and Hermione sighed happily as they walked into Potions, Ron hadn't bothered either of them since they had hurt his pride the night of the party in Gryffindor Tower. Harry sat next to Neville, Hermione on the boy's otherside as he waited patiently for Snape to come in. For once, he wasn't dreading Potions, and I probably won't anymore, either. Not with Fleur and 'monie helping me through homework!

40 Minutes into Class

The door opened and the Slytherin students paused in unison with many of the Gryffindors, turning to see who would be daft enough to enter Snape's class. Collin Creevy stood there, blushing slightly from the embarrassment as everyone looked at him, "Um... Professor Snape... I... need Harry Potter." As one the 4th year's heads all turned to Snape who's nostrils flared.

"Take him. Leave your things, Potter."

The heads turned back to Collin, "Well sir... see... Professor Dumbledore, sir... said for the Champions to take there things with them."

"VERY WELL! Leave Potter. Go!"

Harry quickly gathered his stuff, knowing Neville and Hermione would grab anything he missed and scrambled out of the classroom with Collin, "Thanks Collin, you're a life saver."

He grinned, "No problem, Harry." Collin exclaimed, "You're going to have a photo shoot or something like that."

Weighing of the Wands

Fleur looked up when Harry walked in, casting nervous glances around the room, she waved him over, smiling, "'arry."

"Fleur." He sat next to her and frowned when a woman with a crocodile skin handbag hurried up to him.

"Harry Potter. Harry Potter. Would you give me an interview?" She asked, "Good." She latched onto his wrist and dragged him away from the blonde Witch, his seat quickly taken up by Viktor Krum.

Harry attempted to get a glance at the things Rita was writing, "I do not have tears in my eyes!" He skimmed a few more notes as she continued writing away, asking questions, "Nor do I cry myself to sleep!"

"Is Fleur Delacour your sweetheart?" Harry blinked, taken off guard.

"No. Of course not."

"You two were defiantly lovey dove-"

"She's not my girlfriend!"

"How about Ms. Granger."

"She's like my sister! Gross! That's like incest!"

Rita wrote more things down and the cupboard door opened to reveal Dumbledore, "It must be offtly cramped in there. Shall we get these photos over with, hmm?" He motioned slightly with his eyes for Harry to leave the room which he did, quickly.

Harry made his way back to the main part of the room and gave Fleur an embarrassed grin, "She's a nutter." He breathed and she nodded quietly, pointing to the red mark on her cheek where someone had pinched it.

"Oui. 'er photographer pinched my cheek. I do not appreciate zis." She massaged the spot, glowering.

The door opened and Harry's eyes widened, "Mr. Ollivander!" He exclaimed quietly and Fleur looked up.

"Zat man is very creepy, non?"

Harry nodded and watched him take his place next to Dumbledore, "We will now begin the weighing of the wands."

"I don't vant my vand touched." Viktor grunted.

Ollivander smiled good naturedly, "Not to worry, it's just to assure everyone that your wands are in good working order. Now. Ms. Delacour, ladies first, yes?" Fleur smiled and walked up gracefully, placing her red hued wand into the old man's hand, "Ah! I remember this one. Red Oak. 12½ inches, dragon heartstring, quite unrelenting! Excellent for fire wielders. Very rare indeed. Had to go all the way to Redwood National Forest to get this piece." He sighed fondly, "Now..." He and everyone in the room watched as a flurry of flaming red birds shot from her wand and flew out of the window, "Excellent working condition! Now. Mr. Diggory, you next. You next." Cedric walked up, exchanging places with Fleur and handed his wand over to the man, "Wonderful! Ash, 12¼ inches. The unicorn who donated his hair nearly gored me to death. Very springy... excellent for transfiguration. Now... let's see... you polish it regularly?"

"Yes sir. Polished it just last night." He gripped the wand better produced several sparks of gold.

"Perfect! Now. Mr. Krum."

Viktor made his way up to Ollivander and Harry made a mental note of his duck-like stance, "Ah! A Gregorovich wand. Hmm..." He touched it curiously, "Hornbeam, 10¼ inches, dragon heartstring, yes? Thicker than my own... but... if it suits you..." He flicked the wand and there was a loud bang before a large flock of birds flew from the tip of Krum's wand. "Excellent. Excellent! Now! Mr. Potter!" Harry gulped and stepped forward, handing over his wand, "Aaaah, yes," Mr. Ollivander muttered, his pale eyes gleaming, "Yes, yes, yes. How well I remember."

They waited in an awkward silence while Ollivander took his time with Harry's wand, "Hmm..." He held the wand and watched as a fountain of water burst from his wand tip. "Wonderful. All wands are in working condition." He exclaimed.

Next Day

Hermione took a large gulp of her pumpkin juice, unrolling the Daily Prophet, her eyes widened and she choked on her drink. George slammed his palm on her back and she winced, stretching slightly to get comfortable again, staring at the paper as though it had bit her. Harry walked over and took a piece of bacon off of her plate, sitting down to look at Hermione's paper.

"Hermio-my God..." He breathed and stared at the paper.

Harry Potter - Tri Wizard Champion - Finds Love at Hogwarts

...Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived has confessed his undying
love to two lucky Witches: Hogwarts' own encyclopedia
Hermione Granger and the French Champion, Fleur Delacour.
I managed to get a very touching interview from the famous Wizard...

"Harry?" Hermione squeaked and Harry stared at it, his eyes wide with horror.

"She... that... bitch..." He ground out and Hermione cleared her throat, rolling the paper up only to have it plucked from her hands by Fleur.

"You don't want to read that!" Harry and Hermione exclaimed as one and Fleur opened the paper, her brows furrowing when she was faced with the image of herself, Harry and her girlfriend walking down the hall followed by a disturbing article.

She lifted her eyes to look at Hermione and Harry, both of whom were finding pieces of toast excessively entertaining. Fleur cleared her throat and sat down next to Hermione, scanning through the article.

"'arry? 'ow... exactly...?"

Harry turned pink, "Well... you see... hah... when she had me trapped in that nice little... broom closet... thing... you see... she was asking questions..." He trailed off and looked at Hermione for assistance.

"Well... uh... Harry and I and you... we aren't..."

Fleur's nostrils flared in indignation, "I know zat! I would never 'ave sex wiz 'ou! 'ou are not preety!" She snipped and Harry sighed with relief before her statement hit him fully.

"I wouldn't say pretty! I'd say... handsome."

"Non."

"Yes I am!"

The two glowered at each other and Hermione shook her head, rubbing her temples, "Oh! Food. Imagine that." She took a piece of toast and bit into it while her best friend and her girlfriend had a glaring contest.

1 Week Later

Harry ran towards Hermione, his eyes wide and cheeks red, "'monie! I know what the First Task is." He panted, "I need you to teach me that summoning charm."

She stared at him, "What is it?"

"Dragons. We have to get passed dragons. Tell Fleur when you see her. Now! Help me!" He grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards an empty classroom.

Hermione waved her free arm, "But Fleur needs to-" He yanked her into the classroom and threw things randomly.

"Teach! Teaching is good!" Harry exclaimed shaking Hermione frantically by her shoulders.

"Okay! Okay. I'll teach. Don't worry Harry."

Gryffindor Tower - 3 Hours Later

Hermione smiled gratefully when Fleur massaged her temples, "Zo zee task involves dragons, oui?"

"Yup."

"And 'arry is using a summoning charm, oui?" Hermione nodded and Fleur leaned back against the pillows, pondering on what to do, "I want 'ou to 'elp 'arry. 'e is younger and needs zee 'elp." She reached over and grabbed Hermione's bedside book to get their nightly reading in.

A/N: Remember, mesa notsa insa Frenchsa. So bear... or is it bare? I think it's bear... anyways! Bear with me on the French-i-ness. I'm hoping that ma imbécile means something along the lines of my goofball/imbecile... And that the genders of words are the same as in Russian... which they sound like they are. Ma for female, mon for male, right?