Author: Ogehsim PM
Just me delving a bit into Shego and family's history and personalities as I see them. Forgot the disclaimer in the story so: Shego, Team Go, etc are not mine, Hink is mineRated: Fiction K+ - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Shego - Words: 3,281 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 5 - Published: 07-06-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3640227
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Shego flopped down on the small cot that served as her bed and sighed. She reached down to the pouch on her leg, almost down near her ankle, and pulled out a small handheld electronic device that looked sort of like a palm pilot. She didn't bother looking at the screen though. Instead, she simply held it, her arm laying listlessly by her side. "Why couldn't I do it?" she asked into the empty air.
If anyone had been watching or listening (which, of course, they wouldn't because Shego would have killed Drakken if he had bugged her room) they would have thought she was merely talking to herself, and therefore would have been very surprised when an answer made itself heard. "Couldn't have done what?"
"You know what I'm talking about," said Shego, annoyed, "I had Kim right there. Right in front of me. Helpless. Why couldn't I have finished her off? I would never have to deal with her again; she wouldn't be able to interfere with our plans ever again. It's everything I want. It didn't even count as beating her in a fair fight. You know she would never admit to being beat to me. So long as she gets away, she wins; the only way for her not to win is for me to finish her in the most complete sense of the term."
She raised the palm pilot to look at the screen. On it, a little 3D demon made of green flame fluttered about. Shego was smart, far above average even, but she wasn't a genius. It had taken her years to build this thing between stolen plans, research, and parts, and a great deal of trial and error. The upside was that the little electronics device served as a friend, and occasionally a mother or her conscience. The palm pilot had an AI system to rival some of the most advanced robots. It knew Shego inside and out, and mentally shared all of her experiences with her, and it was able to have a decent conversation with her, something few people ever got to experience. And for some reason, Shego had decided to name it Hink.
"So you're mad that you couldn't kill Kim Possible?" asked Hink, already knowing the answer. "But you've always prided yourself on never murdering anyone."
Shego pulled up her legs to form a sharp inverted V and propped Hink up against them so she could continue lounging and still see the screen without holding the device. "Well, yeah, I suppose. But suppose Drakken tells the other villains that I had Kim Possible at my mercy, and yet let her get away. My reputation will be ruined!"
"Hey, the other clowns have cornered Kim and failed. Besides, do you honestly think Drakken will tell anyone? He probably didn't even notice. And for all that he pretends, you know Drakken would never actually kill anyone. That's why he always does it 'indirectly', like tying them to the lightning pole. He knows they'll get away, at least subconsciously."
"Ugh, let's not get into that, please? You know I hate psychology." She moved to sit up a bit and winced. Kim hadn't been happy that Shego had temporarily gotten the better of her and had left several bruises to tell Shego as much.
"Ooh. That'll hang around for awhile. No blood though," commented Hink. Shego pressed her hand against her side as she pulled herself into a sitting position, Hink still propped against her legs. The little machine knew Shego liked to ignore her injuries and so dropped that subject and picked up where they had started, "Do you want to kill Kim Possible?"
"Yeah," said Shego, a little too quickly. "Well... I don't know. I suppose..."
"You just want to beat her in a fight, not kill her. Am I right?"
"Well... yeah. I just want to win once. To let her know that I'm a better fighter. She knows, what? Sixteen styles of kung-fu? 'Knows', not 'mastered', and yet she beats me every time. And every time she does, my standing goes down a bit. She's just so... so, so arrogant. I just want to let her know that she's not all that. I mean, everyone thinks Drakken's little parting shot is so stupid and dimwitted or conceited on his part, but it's true. Kim has an ego the size of Africa."
"Anything's possible for a Possible!" chirped Hink in a voice identical to Kim's father. Shego stared at the device in annoyance. Hink made an noise that sounded like a person clearing their throat. "Sorry. Anyway, you knew what you were getting into when you became a villain. Don't you think Aviarious and Electronique and the others felt the same about you five as you feel about Kim?"
"I could understand that," admitted Shego grudgingly. "Especially about Hego. I mean, 'Don't worry guys. The side of Goodness and Justice shall always prevail!' All he needed was a flag fluttering behind him," she muttered. "I am so glad I left them."
"But you didn't have to become a villain. Why didn't you go to some other city and go solo?"
"Because I was sick of it. Sick of all of it, not just them! I mean, after our parents died, it was up to me to take care of my brothers, even though two of them were older! And our aunt, whatever her name was, was no help at all. I had to rob Hego so he wouldn't spend money on comic books and I could afford to buy clothes for all of us!"
Hink was quiet. It knew Shego needed to blow off steam. It also knew that Shego tried to ban all memories prior to her career in villainy; maybe some reflection would help her. Shego continued, "Then Hego's talking about being Captain America while I'm trying to stop the twins from duplicating in the middle of the supermarket! Then, while I'm trying to retain what nonexistent social life I had between having no free time because I was taking care of my brothers and every teacher calling me Snow White, Hego comes up with the idea that our powers were a gift and that we should use them to protect and serve humanity! I wasn't even ten yet, and now he wants me to be a superhero and care for the rest of the city while still being a student and serving as both parents?!"
"Do you think maybe he was trying to make up for your parents death?" asked Hink quietly. This stopped Shego dead in her tracks and she stared at Hink with her mouth slightly open. Hink continued, "Your parents died when the meteor hit-"
"Impaled by splinters," muttered Shego. She remembered all too well sobbing into her dead mother's bloody chest.
"And what was the only other thing that came out of that? You all got your powers. Now here's Hego, feeling awful because his parents died so that you could get your powers - in a sense. Don't you think that maybe then, he would see using your powers to become superheroes as a way to remember your parents, to make it up to them that they died?"
"I suppose," said Shego, subdued. But then the anger welled up again. "But why couldn't he see what it was doing to me? Our parents were dead! They wouldn't care if we became superheroes or not because they were dead. No feelings, no thoughts, dead! Why would two corpses matter more to him than his own living and breathing siblings? He was the oldest! He should have taken care of us! But no! Once our aunt had a heart attack, he's all like, 'Now we can become superheroes and no one will notice our disappearance!' Then we're writing the letters and packing the stuff and generally making a good show that we're moving to our grandparent's house in Montana, but instead we move into this crummy little house that's practically in ruins and no one cares about on the edge of the city, and since we're in 'Montana' we can't go to school, and the twins couldn't go to daycare or preschool. And then we have to get uniforms because no superhero would be caught without a stupid spandex disguise. Then we have to work our butts off, running about the city trying to find robberies to stop, and sucking up to the city officials so we can become official recognized heroes and Hego can have his little glory parade!"
By this point Shego was quite agitated and she gave a sharp gasp as her gestures wrenched her side more than the bruises appreciated. Yet she continued her rant unabated, "Hego kept priding himself on Go Tower and how he managed to get it for us," her tone was low and bitter. "He never knew how many times I went to their offices, how many 'accidental' meetings I had on street corners and bus stops, how much money it cost me from our precious reserve to grease the palms of those politicians. And all during that I couldn't go to the store as normal Rachel or as Shego. I had to sneak in stores at night, take what I need, ring up the purchase myself, then leave the receipt and cash on the counter and hope they couldn't trace me. It never occurred to Hego how I bought food and clothes or he would have stopped me, but he was just that clueless. By then he took my responsibility for those things for granted. I suppose that's how I got good at avoiding cops."
"But you never stole?"
"No, I never stole, not back then. I was only 11, stealing never occurred to me. Anyway, when we finally were granted Go Tower it was this old crummy dilapidated building, and who was responsible for fixing it up? Me. Of course I managed to force Hego and Mego to help, but still. If Hego wanted to be team leader at least he could have taken some initiative. I actually glad when he wanted to be leader though- it was a responsibility I wouldn't have to shoulder. At least the city provided all the technology for the tower. Although I think they provided us with some unorthodox prototypes. They seemed to think that since we had superpowers if something malfunctioned it either wouldn't hurt us like it would a normal person, or that we were expendable... probably that we were expendable."
Shego brooded silently for a moment. Hink, sensing that she wasn't quite finished yet, remained silent. Then Shego spoke again, "And then when all I wanted was to be normal- go shopping, go to the movies, maybe have a friend or two- Hego wouldn't let me. He and Mego had 'secret identities' for their jobs, but they had normal skin color. I was white, which they, well, Hego, claimed would be recognizable and would jeopardize our team's secrecy. And both refused to pick me up any normal clothes since I never left Go Tower except as a superhero, and I could barely wheedle my black lipstick and nail polish from Hego... of course, it was always funny when I needed new underwear and personal products... Anyway, I couldn't even threaten to cut off his comic book funds to get my way since I lost control of the money when he became team leader. I had no life. All it was was superheroing and an all-year-round tutor for our 'educational needs'. That was it."
Hink wouldn't voice it out loud, but it thought this was why Shego acted so juvenile with her hip-hop, magazines, nail-filing, and her problem with authority. Even though Shego had to grow up quicker than most children in one sense in that she had to take care of her four brothers from an early age, she also had almost no social experience and so hadn't matured in that area of interpersonal interactions. Her brothers had grown complacent with her attitude and so had made no serious attempts to correct it, and what rebuffs they did make were ultimately rejected by a Shego who was struggling to be independent from her brothers and not just another member of Team Go.
"Hink, bring up my old room," commanded Shego. Hink knew what her room in Go Tower looked like because it shared a large majority of Shego's memories. The green flame demon disappeared to be replaced by a slowly rotating room. The walls were painted lime green, "Hego painted our rooms in our colors. We didn't have a choice." The floor was tile, "Stupid Hego, wouldn't even spring for a carpet." The bed, dresser, closet door, curtains, and bedspread were a shade of dark, dark navy blue, almost black, that matched the floor. "Hego never understood why a girl might want a mirror." The walls were devoid of any posters or decoration that might personalize a room. "Hego nearly killed be when I painted those Gothic swirls in the corners with nail polish. Painted over them, of course." All in all, it was a room devoid of any personalization whatsoever. That was one way that Shego had rebelled, instead of covering the dresser top with family photos, she kept things as stark as possible.
"Not much has changed," she sighed as she looked around the room she was currently in. Drakken's lairs had a nasty habit of blowing up, mainly courtesy of Kim Possible and her sidekick, and Shego had learned not to put forth the effort of making the room hers. There was her cot, a lamp, a table, and a closet; nothing more, nothing less.
The rotating image of her room disappeared to show a sweet little kitten staring up at Shego sympathetically. "Thanks, Hink," she said quietly, stroking the screen with a gloved finger. She didn't say it in a sad tone, or any tone that might convey disappointment, loneliness, or any other weakness, but it was normal, instead of filled with anger, annoyance, or boredom. Maybe it sounded slightly indifferent, but this was Shego who was talking, so that was only to be expected.
"You know they would take you back if you returned," said the kitten quietly.
"I don't want to go back. When Kim blackmailed me into helping them, I said I was ready to claw my own eyes out. That was almost true. I remember one day I got so fed up with my brothers that I punched a window with my hand, without my powers. There was so much blood- I still have scars on my palm- I slapped it more than I punched it. And Hego didn't care. He just yelled at me for almost staining the floor. He's an idiot. Always was an idiot, and always will be. And I can't put up with Mego and his constant bid for leadership and his narcissism, and the twins are always so optimistic, and they can't be separated. It's a wonder they manage to go to the bathroom and take showers by themselves. I couldn't take it anymore, and I can't take it again."
"Hego feels guilty for your parents' death. He thinks that if he can be a hero, he can stop that from happening to other kids. He tries to loose himself in his comic book world of heroes so he can ignore the fact that no matter what he does, there will always be suffering somewhere. He's trying to escape from reality. Mego feels inadequate. You couldn't be expected to be there all the time, as most of your attention was turned to the twins and shopping, and you know how poor Hego is as a role model and a parental substitute. Mego needs to constantly reassert that he's there, and that he matters, and covers up his insecurities with arrogance. Wego never really got to know their parents. They have no memories. All they know is you, and you were too young to be expected to care for them all by yourself. You got frustrated, and impatient, and no one blames you for that, but they learned to rely on each other for comfort and support. They've never gone to a real school and had real friends; each other is all that they have. And you were left to try to take care of your entire family and yourself before you were a preteen. The constant pressure and frustrations and worry led to cynicism and a short temper, and you covered up shyness with sarcasm. You all had flaws and insecurities, but the situation you all were forced into brought out the worse in all five of you and magnified your flaws."
Shego stared at Hink in disbelief. She hated being introspective, it always made her feel so inadequate; but what Hink was saying made sense. It was all the comet's fault. The comet had stolen their parents, their normalcy, their childhood... it had stolen the bond that had made them siblings, turning them almost into strangers bound together by a shared set of circumstances, a loose alliance that she had broken out of. The team had fallen apart when she left. They were so used to her taking care of all of them, and keeping them on track, that without her, they were helpless, floundering about without purpose or direction. But would that ever make her go back? No. She enjoyed her life of freedom, her life of crime. Maybe she was a victim of her circumstances, but she would never admit that she was a victim.
Was blood thicker that water? She recalled her brothers, calling up each's personality and appearance clearly in her mind, and a deep nausea rose up inside of her. She couldn't stand her brothers. Hated her brothers. They were so helpless and moronic and the opposite of everything and anything that she might value in the slightest. She despised them. No, no matter what moment of weakness came over her, she would never return to her brothers.
"I'm going to the gym, Hink."
"But your side?"
"No pain, no gain, right? Now go to sleep. I'll wake you up when I'm done beating the stuffing out of Drakken's latest synthodrones." The green power around her hands flared.
"Very well." The cat morphed back into a green flame which curled up, almost like the cat it had just portrayed, and closed the black pools that were its eyes.
Shego tucked it back into her leg pouch, "Thanks, Hink," she said.